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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 23 April 2013: OP your follow up is most helpful Thank you for sharing it.
He's beyond ogling... he's got other issues and inappropriate behavior.
As for your friend... well if i was your friend I would not leave you or invite folks to join us but my ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to pursue a relationship with me?
Q. I used to be "building a relationship" with this game named "James". I liked him a lot in the beginning, but over a few months of me waiting to be in a relationship, I found him less and less attractive with everything he did. He always asks me for ...
A. 23 April 2013: Just because JAMES said something does not make it true. Why are you giving this loser such power? YOU do not have a THING with James and if TED thinks you do, then it’s incumbent on you to set him straight. Saying “my thing with James isn’t ... (read in full...)
Is this friendship, mind games or more?
Q. Is this friendly behaviour or more? Mr A mids 40s, i am mid 20s. Both single work together. He does not do this with any one else. He throws things at me then will tease i assault him e.g hoola hoops, my sweet bag, paper clip , soft things an...
A. 22 April 2013: well here's the rub... you work together and there is very little chance of a relationship working out with him long term due to the age difference.
IF you jump his bones you will start to care more than you do (it's human nature) and if it do... (read in full...)
Is my man ignoring me because he doesn't want to be with me?
Q. About 3 days ago I was texting my boyfriend from Florida, where I was on vacation. We have been together just about a month now but fell in love immediately, he has introduced me to his family and his daughter and I as planning on having him meet my ...
A. 22 April 2013: it was moving fast and you got snarky on the phone about his baby's momma... who maybe he does not want to have much to do with but he has to make nice with her and you being jealous of her is probably not worth the effort for him.
I know if my hu... (read in full...)
How can I get him to pursue a relationship with me?
Q. I used to be "building a relationship" with this game named "James". I liked him a lot in the beginning, but over a few months of me waiting to be in a relationship, I found him less and less attractive with everything he did. He always asks me for ...
A. 22 April 2013: If the only reason Ted is not dating you is because of James then just tell James NO the next time he comes looking for free stuff. He may get mad but OH WELL.... he's not your boyfriend, you are not dating him or having a relationship with ... (read in full...)
I think I'm gay because I'm crushing on a female teacher
Q. Hello, I think I'm gay. I have had three boyfriends and broke up with all of them because I just didn't have any feelings for them (more than friendly feelings). I have had a few minor crushes on a some of my friends and one bigger one for this ...
A. 22 April 2013: you may or may not be gay.. having a crush on the same sex teacher is so normal and common and has happened for years and years and years... even before it was "cool" to be gay and folks kept that hidden.
and yes you are very normal.... (read in full...)
I'm being accused of cheating because I bruise easy. Men don't trust me!
Q. I divorced my husband with whom I had an almost ten year relationship due to the fact that I could no longer take his jealousy and accusations. I had never been unfaithful to him. Part of the accusations were my bruises, I am clumsy and bump into ...
A. 22 April 2013: I bruise often especially on my right side as I have no depth perception and i hit walls and doors and table tops... so always have bruises on my thighs... I have NEVER been accused of cheating due to bruises.
I do think that you should discu... (read in full...)
My 12 year old daughter told me she is bisexual. I don't know how to handle this?
Q. HEllo,i have an 12yr old daughter who told me over this. Weekend she is bisexual she told me she have had these type of feelings since last yr.Iam totally Shock and concerned i don't know what to do or say i'd ask her have she ever been with a girl ...
A. 22 April 2013: I think it's GREAT that your 12 year old came to you with this. That says a lot about what a great parent you are that your kid feels she can trust you with something so important to her!
Be proud of how you have raised her so far.
AND REL... (read in full...)
Is my significant other micromanaging me and is he also needy and clingy?
Q. My significant other saw me organizing my workspace at home (I work out of the home). I needed to get it in order to take pictures for the tax file. He told me I should be working at my drafting table. He told me I have too much stuff in my curi...
A. 22 April 2013: OH wow… this is a hard one. He’s trying to be helpful. He really thinks he is. Sadly since it’s opinion only it’s going to be hard to prove him wrong. He may not be wrong for himself but it’s clearly wrong for you.
HE TELLS you a lot of thing... (read in full...)
So do I still have to wait? In spite of the fact that he has now reached his marrying age?
Q. we broke up recently because when we were together, we couldn't control ourselves of being so intimate. As much as possible, we don't want to have sex without getting married.. He was asking me for marriage but i refused because he's still takin...
A. 22 April 2013: If you love him and he loves you and you want to marry him then I would marry him now.
I would not make him wait. You can help your family and finish school while married.
I know many folks here will disagree with me but I do not think 22 is... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying or is it time to throw in the towel?
Q. So I've been in a relationship with "A" for almost 3 years now. In the past 6 months or so I've been "dumped" 3 times by him. It's always the same situation. He is feeling depressed and unsuccessful in his life and things aren't going his way, h...
A. 22 April 2013: he's dumped you in the past 6 months 3 times?
for how long?
personally I think you are taking a lot of "abuse" from him in the name of love.
good relationships have spats... disagreements but they don't have regularly scheduled break... (read in full...)
Should I keep that little place in my heart for him and move on?
Q. I used to date O years ago he was sweet and we had known each other since we were just 6. We lost contact and I met M who messed me about constantly but I was young and in love. He dumped me for someone else. O asked me out again I said yes bu...
A. 22 April 2013: yep he gets a spot on the shelf in your heart as a fond memory and life goes on....
Clearly he's committed to his new GF who either has asked him to end contact with all ex partners or he did it on his own because he's now over and done....... (read in full...)
Is he still interested in me?
Q. Do you think he is still interested in me? So on Friday night i met up with a guy friend i haven't seen in years. We went to highschool together and recently started talking. Before we met up, we had been texting each other everyday through...
A. 22 April 2013: He's not upset that you added a guy.
YOu did not want to be sexual with him but you did it anyway.
Sadly, if you don't hear from him for whatever reason you will assume it's because you were sexual with him. that may or may not be the ca... (read in full...)
My controlling Aunt wants us to change the date of our wedding. How can I deal with her reaction?
Q. Recent events have upset me and dare say ruined my wedding ...Please read... My aunt (my dad’s sister) has always been a bit controlling. I remember when I was a child she'd always have tantrums and cause arguments if things didn't go her wa...
A. 22 April 2013: Your aunt is behaving like a spoiled rotten child.
DO not move the wedding date, do not let her bad behavior upset you, IN fact, use this as a way to excise her from your life fully.
She's not local. she's selfish, she's childish ... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 22 April 2013: My husband looks. BFD I think. My husband is 39 and looks younger. I am 53 and while I don’t look bad for 53 I think I look 53 although most folks are surprised when I tell them how old I am. I am very secure with myself and my marriage so I ... (read in full...)
I feel as if I set myself up for failure. Are men just not interested in pregnant woman?
Q. So I am 3 months pregnant but I am not now with the father because things weren't working out. I did things I shouldn't have done when I was mad. I didn’t Like the person I was when I was with him. But anyway, we aren’t together, and I’m not lo...
A. 22 April 2013: I seriously doubt he forgot you were pregnant... that's a pretty important thing... he just wasn't mentioning it as while it's all you think about now... he may have wanted to try to see you as a woman and not just a pregnant woman.
to be hon... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was annoyed by my FB post. Did she over-react? Was her reaction immature? I thought the post was light fun.
Q. Three days ago, I wrote on my Facebook Wall that "If you can't change the girl, change the girl!" . My girlfriend (for two years) didn't like it and called me jerk when she met me later. She is talking to me but can see some change in her at...
A. 22 April 2013: Why in the world did you think writing that would be FUN? did you not think about who would take it the wrong way or how it would be interpreted?
WHAT in fact WERE YOU THINKING?
I don't see it as humorous if anyone was being immature you w... (read in full...)
He seems to be overreacting -- could there be more to the story?
Q. i met this man online almost two weeks ago and after exchanging phone numbers we clicked instantly. We were both smitten by each other texting all day calling every night telling each other how much we missed each other it was crazy we had such good ...
A. 22 April 2013: for future reference just because he's a police officer does not make him safe or a nice guy. Police officers often break the law because their buddies on the force will protect them.
As for this particular guy... he came over and wanted ... (read in full...)
Do you think anyone would be upset by his actions? I'm doubting myself and I feel like I'm in the wrong all the time.
Q. My boyfriend seems to have 2 personalities. He said he come to dinner with my parents earlier but then changed his mind, my mother went to the effort of cooking for him so I told him he was being rude. He went out and I have no idea where he is and ...
A. 22 April 2013: He said he would come to dinner and your mother went to all the trouble to prepare it and hten he canceled at the last minute. Unless he was in the hospital or his parent was dying or he had to work an emergency shift, there would be no excuse for ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling paranoid about his roving eye!
Q. I have just met a divorced guy with a teenage son. He seems lovely and genuine. We have been going out a lot these past few months and I can't help but notice how visual he is towards attractive women. I asked him if he knew the prety barmaid last ...
A. 22 April 2013: If he still looks at women in a way that makes you uncomfortable it may be that he does not know he's doing it. He may know he's doing it and not care.
My husband is like this. Or he was. I haven't seen him do it in a while, but when he sees ... (read in full...)
I created a fake ad on Craigslist to see if my boyfriend would make contact. He did, now what do I do?
Q. A little background info first: my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. He always told me I was his first love and I'm the first girl he's even considered marriage with and so on. His family has even told me I'm the first ...
A. 22 April 2013:
You do not trust him (with good reason)
but now you have done something that makes you not trustworthy either (a honey pot trap is not a trust making way to go)
Now that you know he's willing to peruse CL and find some girls for fun and g... (read in full...)
I love him still and want him in my life but have come to the realization that for now I have to let him hit rock bottom and pray that he finds his way back to my heart..hopefully soon enough.
Q. The man I love with who Ive been off and on (not because we argued all the time, just because he has not been ready for a relationship because of many aspects of his life). 1- When I say he's not ready for a relationship is because he isn't...
A. 22 April 2013: Dear OP,
I have read your original post and the answers and your follow up. I am far from bitter. I am one of those people that keeps trying no matter what. I’m not prize myself. I am currently married to my fourth husband. I am his first wi... (read in full...)
When will I feel ready to go out?
Q. Hi. My and my girlfriend of three years recently broke up about 3 weeks ago. For the past two weeks, we've had no contact. She was one of my best friends (my bestfriend before the relationship even started) who I confided in about everything. B/c of ...
A. 22 April 2013: While all relationships have issues and fights, the “breaking up” and going “no contact” for weeks on end is NOT typical or normal or healthy for any relationship.
You no longer trust her (with good reason) and you sent her an email saying y... (read in full...)
I pushed her away in the past, but now we've rekindled the spark, but we are both married and not sure how to proceed.
Q. This is hard to share. I met the love of my life (I'll call her Jane) in High School. It sounds typical, but it's true. We dated for three years, and it was love from the very first moment. Those three years were the best of my life. The feelings...
A. 22 April 2013: The first thing you both must do if you truly want to be together is end your marriages.
THEN you can be together. It's really a no brainer if you both feel this way.
If you say you can't break up "happy homes" well then you must both ce... (read in full...)
Am I blowing this out of proportion? Should I confront him? He's my LDR and claims he forgets to text as he's "busy". But never explains what that means.
Q. Dear Cupid May be i'm blowing this out of proportion? I wanted to write here and check before i fight with my bf (of 3 yrs). My bf works in a different city, few days he stays with his friends and few days he stays here with me. I ask him t...
A. 22 April 2013: I don’t think you are blowing anything out of proportion. He stays with you for a few days and friends for a few days each week… where does his driver’s license say he lives?
IF he is just “crashing” at your place, I sense that he’s using yo... (read in full...)
The relationship was impossible, how do I move on?
Q. How can I get over an impossible relationship? I met a guy during a trip a couple years ago. We added each other on Facebook. We sometimes chatted, and got along well, but it didn't go past that because of the distance. However, a few months ago...
A. 22 April 2013: Is there a reason you can't make it work?
how far apart are you?
how long would you two have to be apart?
if you like him
if he likes you
if the chemistry is good
distance can be over come
is there another reason you are n... (read in full...)
Is this strange for a FWB hook up?
Q. I have been hanging out with my guy friend a lot more lately, and we have become 'friends with benefits', I think, can't really think of a better term right now (I usually don't have casual sex like that so it's kind of throwing me off). Anyway, I ...
A. 22 April 2013: When my husband and I first started out as FWB, it was more abut cuddling and kissing than sex.
yes men will wake you for sex... some will wake you WITH sex.
and men who are just FWB will cuddle and kiss... FWB does not mean get in stick ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if it was just a hook up or if he wanted something more?
Q. Okay I have known this friend of my male cousin (who is very protective of me and everyone knows this) for about three years, he's not a player and has had a serious relationship since I met him. Recently I have started to become attracted to him a...
A. 22 April 2013: You really like him, that's the key. The thing is if he was really interested in pursuing anything with you, you would know by now.
there is really NOTHING to rescue here. ... (read in full...)
How do I ask him to hang out? I'm quite inexperienced and also are there any excuses I could use to touch his hand or something next time we're together, to gauge his interest?
Q. Just need some quick advice :) So there's this guy, he's lovely, a couple of years older, and we get on quite well. I'm never sure if he's flirting over FB but in person he uses a few excuses to touch my hand, like when it was snowing and he gave ...
A. 22 April 2013: OP while YOU are 17 how old is this "older man" you say a few years... if he's 19/20... then maybe it would be ok... older than 20 to your 17... at this point the gap is too much.
touching his hand will not gauge his interest. he may smile, h... (read in full...)
My parents don't like my Bf who's older. They're suffocating me with their over protection and treating me like I'm still a child. What to do?
Q. I live at home still because I am in post secondary and cannot afford to live on my own and I am fortunate enough to be able to live a home for free. But my parents are extremely over protective of me. I have tried sooo many times reasonin...
A. 22 April 2013: Well basically OP since you are 20 you are "legally" an adult and you live in your parents home because they are good folks and allow it.
IF you are not paying fair market value for room and board, you live there in their good graces and therefor... (read in full...)
Is he holding out on me? He's kind and funny. But it seems he might also has Erectile dysfunction.
Q. So I've met a new partner and everything is going amazing! He's kind, funny, everything I could ask for! Until we got in the bedroom! He's 54 and can't get it up! Well he can because I've felt it and in foreplay he's been hard! There's a bi...
A. 22 April 2013: I agree with both Eddie and Cerberus. I also believe that if you put any sort of pressure on him about this it will be worse than it already is. STOP asking about it as that puts pressure on him. Find other ways (and times) to make love and ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this crush? Met him at AA meeting, but he's way older than me
Q. Have a crush on a guy at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting! I'm 18 and recently got out of rehab about a months ago and started going to the local AA meeting. AA meetings is the last place I thought I'd devolp a crush on someone. But for the past 3 ...
A. 22 April 2013: Eddie is 100% correct.
Part of recovery is learning to stand on your own two feet and not be embroiled with someone else. It's STRONGLY recommended that you not have any personal (read romantic) relationships for the first full year of recovery... (read in full...)
40 something year old girlfriend embarrassed by 24 year old boyfriend- How do I fix this?
Q. My girlfriend and I have a bit of an age gap. I'm 24. She just turned 40. I went to hang out with some of her grad student friends (we're both in grad school) and she introduced me as her roommate. We do live with each other; but, we're ...
A. 22 April 2013: Hello pclaw,
I am 53 to my husband’s 39 and I am loathe to admit how much younger than me he is. It’s kind of embarrassing for me. I HATE the term cougar and one of the reasons I do not tell folks my husband’s age is because they will call me ... (read in full...)
I feel we should be communicating more. What can I do to change that?
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. We've been dating for almost four months. He is my first sexual partner. It's all so new to me so I just want sex almost all the time. He doesn't mind...most of the time. ;) But I feel like we're not talking enough. ...
A. 22 April 2013: Will the need for WHAT ever decrease? The need to have sex all the time? Yeah it will. Familiarity breeds contempt as they say. In other words, once the newness wears off, and you realize you can have it at any time, it no longer becomes the ... (read in full...)
I'm the first guy he has seriously pursued -- how can I be sure about him?
Q. Me: 24 y/o gay male, ended a 2 year relationship last August. Law school student. I started dating my new boyfriend Feb. 27 of this year. Boyfriend: 23 y/o gay male. This is his first serious relationship. Graduated from ******** Universi...
A. 19 April 2013: You have been dating 6 weeks or so not very long…
Checking out other guys, eh, my hubby looks at other women and it makes me laugh. He has no chance with them even if he was single. Eye candy is eye candy so to speak. So unless he’s real... (read in full...)
Is what my sister charges for babysitting unreasonable?
Q. I've got a bit of a dilemma around family and babysitting. I have four children. When I go for a night out I ask my 19 year old sister to look after them. She said ok and I used to give her £20-30 for sitting them. Sometimes it would be at night ...
A. 19 April 2013: I don't know what baby sitters get any more but I was always paid hourly and always paid above minimum wage once I was over 18 BUT the fact that you pay her to watch your kids but have to watch hers for free is wrong.
whatever is being paid h... (read in full...)
A 22 year old marriage over due to my disabilies?
Q. Please help, Iam a 45 year old man , I have had type1 diabetes since age 3 this plays a huge part in what I need advice with , I have been married to the same super beautiful wife for 22+years . I met my wife when I was 22 and she was 17 at the time...
A. 19 April 2013: I have the disabling condition in our marriage. my husband loves me but is afraid to hurt me during sex so as I said to him yesterday we make lousy newlyweds but are a great old married couple...
maybe she's concerned about your health... e... (read in full...)
Why, if we have no contact, does my BF show up as number one in my "people you know" on my FB? Does it mean that my ex-Boyfriend has been recently viewing my profile?
Q. Why is my ex-boyfriend consistently the number one person in my "people you may know" on Facebook? i haven't viewed his profile in a long time, and recently he has been the top person on the list every time I log on. We've never been facebook fr...
A. 19 April 2013: if you block him you won't see it and it won't bother or worry you.
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend sexting and texting nude photos to other men
Q. hi my girlfriend and i have been seeing each other for nine months.i just found out she has been sexting and sending nude pics to other guys. im crushed but i love her. trust is an issue now.i was given a really lame excuse about it all. its been a ...
A. 19 April 2013: when my now ex husband was my boyfriend and husband I found he had many online female friends that he texted inappropriately with. I ignored it.
I was never enough for him. He swore he loved me but he needed that ego stroke of other wo... (read in full...)
I know the relationship is over but I'm mad that he didn't even have the decency to end it. He just stopped contacting me
Q. I was dating this guy for a month, and we were sleeping together. We both went away over the Easter break and he said before we left that'd we'd see each other afterwards. Then when we both got back I texted him to ask if he wanted to meet ...
A. 19 April 2013: he'll contact you when he's horny and you can say no thanks then...
... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend now claims he wants to be friends but I don't
Q. my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago but at school he always stares at me and i'm trying to get over him but it's impossible bcoz he told me that he lied to me so many times and i dont rlly know how to handle it. what should i do? he said we ...
A. 19 April 2013: just because HE wants something does not mean you have to give it to him.
That applies to EVERYTHING in life... you have choices...
so you say "no I'm sorry we broke up and I don't want to talk to you any more" and you delete and block... (read in full...)
Advice on the pullout method
Q. I have been with a guy for over a year now and we have been having sex the entire time we came together on the pretext of just sex on both parts it obviously escalated more due to our time together, well we have been using the pullout method and one ...
A. 19 April 2013: Do you know what we call folks who rely on withdrawal (the pullout method) for birth control?
We call them: PARENTS.
if he has started to ejaculate inside of you then he might as well stay in you and finish..
you are VERY lucky you ... (read in full...)
Being cheated on and the other girl getting pregnant I don't know what to feel?
Q. I've been in a relationship with the love of my life, but with every relationship there is a problem, he kept me a secret for 3 years and always had time for his ex he would never contact me when she was around and told me that she was just really ...
A. 19 April 2013: you can move forward by NOT making it work.
he is a liar and a cheater and if you take him back he will know he can lie to you forever and you will forgive him and he can cheat and you will forgive him.
So you get back with him knowing he... (read in full...)
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