A
female
age
,
*ittens
writes:My husband has a lot of issues with his heart and lungs (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). He's only 66 but acts like 80! He does not want me to show him any interest in sex or anything and acts like he wants to give it all up. help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2013):
 with COPD I would imagine his primary goal is to BREATHE and getting aroused and having sex is hard on the heart and lungs.
If he's that concerned and you have spoken to his doctor together and he's been cleared for sex, and he's still not interested then you have a dilemma.
There is also a huge difference between SEX and affection and intimacy. Is it that he does not want any of it? That would be a deal breaker for me. I can go without sex but I cannot go without affection. I want hugs and kisses and cuddles even if we don't have sex or genital contact.
Personally if you are happily married other than the physical and his doctor has cleared him for sex you have to tell him that you can't live this way and ask him (to shake him up) would he prefer a divorce or should you just take a lover with his permission?
if his doctor has not cleared him for sex then find out if you can get him to cuddle and be affectionate knowing you would PROMISE it won't lead anywhere either physically or emotionally uncomfortable for him.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Hi
My father had this and was extremely debilitated. As the illness progressed he was less and less active which was extremely hard for him after a life 'doing' stuff all the time. He got very down about it.
Do what you can to learn more about the condition and as Euphoric29 suggested find local groups and get the support you both need
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (15 April 2013):
Dear OP,
I worked with COPD patients for a short time during an internship in a hospital.
From what I know of COPD, it's a very serious, progressive disease with no cure. The lungs get more and more obstructed, people lack energy, because they lack oxygene. People even die from it. I don't know in what phase of the disease he is. So I don't know if his disinterest in sex is just a natural cause of his physical condition. It might also be a symptom of psychological distress.
I can understand you want your partner back as he was, you want the life you had before he was ill. But things have changed and you can't turn back time.
I'm afraid he has more problems than just his sex life, he might be seriously depressed.
I understand you have your needs and they might not be met at the moment. But maybe you can both find ways how to get along with each other and be there for one another.
Since adapting to a partners chronic disease is a challenge I don't feel like I can give you any sound advice over the internet. I would recommend you join a group for people who go through a similar situation, or see a counsellor or couple therapy. I wish you and your husband all the best and that you find ways to enjoy your life and love together.
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