A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:I have a supervisor at my job who always seems like he is flirting, I mean he will come stand me and starts singing songs, asking me dumb questions, and trying to joke with me like guys normally would do if they are trying to get a girls attention. I know that he has gotten my full attention, he has so much charm and he knows I will do what ever job he asks. Here is the thing, I just found out he is gay. My jaw dropped I did not hear it straight from his lips. One of my employees told me. He has 100% no gay tendency in my book. I only say that because my brother is gay and I know many gay men, and nothing has showmen me that this man is gay. He still currently flirts with me and even did it today. He makes it a point to always say hi, and have little conversations with me, he always makes me laugh. He even has stood next to me just staring at me for a while real obvious like. Idk what to think. Sorry I'm rambling so much. I just need some answers on how to look at this. My company by the way does not care if we have relationships with employees. I know some of you may be wondering that. LoL
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Maybe he's just friendly and you find him attractive enough that you would date him so you interpret his "moves" as flirting but they are merely friendly overtures?
A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (12 April 2013):
Could it be that the person who told you your sv is gay, may have a little agenda? Is it a she? Could she have an interest in him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Just look at it as a dude who finds it fun to be flirty. That's it, nothing else. It's just a bit of banter and fun. It doesn't offend you, it doesn't put you out, so just enjoy the banter but be careful not to overstep the boundaries of professionalism.
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A
female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (12 April 2013):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don't talk to anyone at work about how I feel. Heck no. Just the roommates I live with and that's one person. I was told he was gay so I'm not sure i believe it just because what I have experienced. I don't mind that he seems to flirt with me. I am using the word right. I know he is. The only other way I could ?discursive? it if he is not flirting any my perception is of, is he is using a lot of charm. I like him. I know he is a good person. He has talked about his struggles in life from when he was younger and did not understand an honest living. He says he used to be rich and spent money like no tomorrow. He shaped up and chose to live in America and get a job. I respect the guy for becoming a responsible person. How could I not be more interested. I think if I did not hear him tell me. I'm not going to believe it.
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A
female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (12 April 2013):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do to talk to anyone at work about how I feel. Heck no. Just the roommates I live with and that's one person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): This is a very delicate situation. First of all, you shouldn't place too much faith in on the job rumors. I hope you aren't participating in the spreading of rumors. That may come back to bite you.Second of all, "flirting" is a word that could cost him his job. He sounds like he is only being very nice to you, and giving you positive reinforcement for being a good employee, and a fine person. He likes you because you're nice to him, and you are willing to do a good job. Gay men like pretty girls too, I might add. He sounds like a great boss, gay or not. In any case, he is being nice to you. Hopefully, he hasn't exhibited any inappropriate behavior. From what you have described, they don't sound like overt passes or inappropriate advances."Flirting" means he is coming on to you, and I really hope you are using the word in the right context. As long as he is subtle and doesn't cross the line, it's okay. Gay men "flirt" with pretty girls with no sexual context intended. Bisexual men may be sexually attracted, and can still be undetectable. If your boss is either, he may be aware of the gay rumor, and doing his best to dispel rumors; so not to blow his cover. You're his beard; so to speak. So it's up in the air. What I like about you, is you jumped to his defense. The buck stops with you.I truly hope he is behaving properly and professionally. If it's a small business, little harm may come of it. If it's a store chain, or a corporate office; such fraternizing may be frowned upon.If such a description of his behavior (flirting) reaches his superiors, it could be cause for dismissal. Obviously rumors flow on your job, and telling people he is "flirting" with you, might not be doing him any favors; if that isn't exactly what he is doing. You mean him no harm.A slip of the tongue could mean his job.Some gay men hide in the closet at work; because there is still phobic behavior exhibited by the people with the power to hire, promote,and fire. They could use the excuse of inappropriate "flirtation" with female employees; when being gay is the real reason for firing him. It's up to him to come out if he pleases. They can't fire him for that.All gay men are not effeminate flamboyant stereotypes. They are men just like any other men. The difference being they are emotionally and sexually attracted to other men. You of all people should know that. Not to question your expertise on detecting gay men.He may be flying beneath your gaydar. He isn't gay unless he tells you he is, as far as professional protocol is concerned. Not that it should make any difference. He is still your boss, and he is still a man.No conclusions can be drawn from the information you provide here regarding his sexuality. My only concern is the appropriateness of his behavior toward you; which could possibly be totally misinterpreted on your part. As long as he treats you appropriately; continue to be the loyal and dependable employee that you are. If he comes out to you, but no one else. Allow him the privilege, and respect his privacy. It's nice to have a "girlfriend"*wink* to watch your back. If his current behavior is fine with you; please don't use the word "flirting" around the gossips and rumor mongers!
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