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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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She said she loves me but I think she doesn't understand me and I m thinking to leave
Q. I'm in a relationship with a gf i really love from 3 years. At the beginning everything was amazing,now i'm having real troubles. I m not working for 4 months,i have bills to pay and not enough money (unfortunately my dad passed away last year and i ...
A. 18 April 2013: IF you are the only one giving and feel that she's sucking the life out of you, then it's not a relationship that you will be able to sustain no matter how hard you try or how much you want. do not stay because of who you WANT her to be or wh... (read in full...)
I can't handle the competition he puts me through! How can I make him let me be the only one he dates?
Q. I lost my husband of 35 years in 2009. I stayed home without dating for 2 years and when ready, I decided to go online. I met a man 6 years older than I and was very impressed. In fact, I fell in love with him, but was not quite ready to jump ...
A. 18 April 2013: Thanks for the UPDATE OP! Since you like guy #2 maybe he will be happy with just dating casually for now.
Best of luck to you.... (read in full...)
In love with an older family friend
Q. Hi everyone, i'm in a bit of a sticky situation hopefully you guys have some good advice for me. Okay so here the deal, i'm in love with this guy (not puppy love), but he is a close family friend. He is the son of my dad's best friend, but even...
A. 18 April 2013: I understand that his age is not what’s attractive to you… I am NOT at all attracted to my husband’s age.
Your concern that he will ‘meet someone else in the meantime” makes no sense. What do you mean? Do you think when you are 25 and he i... (read in full...)
I don't want to move in with my mom and my step father but they need my income!
Q. Hi. I don't know what to do. My mom is getting married and before that we had plans to buy a house. I don't want to live with her and her husband I like him ok but living with them where we are aggravates me. At our place theres constant noise, c...
A. 17 April 2013: IF she can't afford a house without you, then sadly she can't afford a house.
Tell her that now that she's getting married the terms of your agreement have changed and you will not live with her and her husband. Tell her they need their p... (read in full...)
Me versus Drugs? is this the wrong way to look at it?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 1 year and six months now but we keep having a big issue:her smoking weed. She's been smoking well before she met me so it's not something rather recent. We've discussed it and I've told her I don't ...
A. 17 April 2013: IF she was doing it before she was with you and you just don’t like her smoking marijuana, then I fear you will either have to leave her or accept her behavior as you already have.
She is right, she was doing it before she met you and you knew thi... (read in full...)
How Come My Boyfriend Won't Talk to Me on His Own Anymore?
Q. First off, my bf and I have been together for nearly 2 years now and I am 21 and he will be in June 6th. Well, you know how in relationships, as well as any other relatio ship for that matter, that you once in a while communicate with the person ...
A. 17 April 2013: Why? because after 6 months the newness wore off and he went back to being his true self. He's even said he's like this with everyone else.
so you see him daily and still want him to text you or call you or email you with "I miss you"? ... (read in full...)
I've done nothing to encourage him because my friend liked him first
Q. Dear Cupid, Currently my friend has a crush on a guy. I met the guy during a coffeehouse event but he didn't approach my table until my friend left. We got talking and joked around a lot but I know he's territory I shouldn't be trespassing in b...
A. 17 April 2013: well there's girl code and there's girl code.
he is NOT her territory he is not interested in her.
YOU are not "stealing him" from her in any way shape or form.
I think you need to let her know you are not trying to "steal him" or d... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time trying to save this marriage?
Q. My husband of 13 years had affair that went on for 6 months. She didnt know he was married and he never told her. Didnt. Take long for me to figure out what he was doing and i never left our home all info i learned thru different things. Its been 6 ...
A. 17 April 2013: If he refuses to talk about it
If he refuses to own his behavior
If he refuses to try to work on it
If he refuses to stop having contact with other women
If he refuses to be sexual with you
then he's refusing to make the marriage work.
y... (read in full...)
When you moved into your fiance's home did he call it "our" home?
Q. When I moved into my fiance's house, he asked me to move in with him, he called it "our" home, although he owns the home. No mortgage on the property. I started my own business and have been very busy with that. I've been organizing the r...
A. 17 April 2013: I own the home my husband and I live in. I’m in the process of refinancing it and he asked to be on the mortgage and that’s fine with me. I consider it OUR home totally but I often refer to it as “my house” Husband wants me to sell home and ... (read in full...)
My ex is being nice and I' m missing him. How do I get some self control?
Q. Help! I love this site, you're always so helpful. I'm feeling weak because my ex is being nice and I'm missing him. I know I don't want to get back with him tho he keeps trying. Help me please to have some self control. Why do I still miss him every ...
A. 17 April 2013: stop having contact with him and giving him hope and belief that he can win you back.
if you don't want to get back with him and you have no children with him you have no need to have any contact.
... (read in full...)
I can't handle the competition he puts me through! How can I make him let me be the only one he dates?
Q. I lost my husband of 35 years in 2009. I stayed home without dating for 2 years and when ready, I decided to go online. I met a man 6 years older than I and was very impressed. In fact, I fell in love with him, but was not quite ready to jump ...
A. 17 April 2013: Dear Patellen,
He lies.
He has 5 marriages behind him (the reasons are irrelevant) I myself have just married my 4th husband and I thought him NUTS to take me on with my track record but could NOT dissuade him from wanting to marry me.
H... (read in full...)
My ex is moving away and I want her to know I'd go too but I've called 20 times and she doesn't answer!
Q. I really hope you can help. My girlfriend dumped me at Christmas and I've been hoping beyond hope that we would eventually get back together. I've kept in touch with her throughout this time even though she's made it very difficult and has ...
A. 17 April 2013: OP,
I’m sorry you are in so much pain and hurting so badly over a break up that happened nearly 4 months ago. Clearly your ex-girlfriend is not interested in getting back together with you but you can’t or won’t listen to her words AND her acti... (read in full...)
I'm serious about him, but wondering about his female friend?
Q. I have been dating someone for a little over a year. It's pretty serious, and we've moved in together. I love him, and I enjoy spending time with him, but he has a very close woman friend, and that's the problem. They became close when they were ...
A. 17 April 2013: Wow hard call. My gut tells me there is nothing going on sexually between them at this time 0either. Maybe in the past there was but they have gotten past that.
I think that they have a long history and you having been with him only about a ... (read in full...)
How important is it to date your type (physical preference)?
Q. How important is it to date someone your type? I've always liked guys with softer features and slender eyes, seemingly shy but with a bright smile. My first ex was exactly that and I've never been more attracted to anyone else. He was cute more...
A. 17 April 2013: I do believe that some folks are just naturally attracted to a particular type of woman. I know a man who you can barely tell his new girl friend from his old wife in pictures... he has that much of a "type"
on the other hand I go more for per... (read in full...)
I told him about the dreams that kept me from sleeping and he reacted harshly
Q. I've been having reoccurring dreams lately about discovering that my husband cheated before we got married. These dreams have been vivid enough to wake me in the middle of the night and upset me enough to the point of not falling back asleep. ...
A. 17 April 2013: Dreams are our subconscious working out issues we are not confronting in real life. IF you keep having the same dream over and over, I’m going to encourage you to seek out a therapist to help you work out the issues.
I sense based on you... (read in full...)
She's never been with anyone else and want to try a new relationship
Q. hi i have been with my gf for about 6 years now we have two kids and and im 20 she is going to be 21 in a couple months. Well recently everything is fine she was my first i was her first and up till now i love her so much i dont want to leave he...
A. 17 April 2013: Dear Lonewolf,
you can't make her stay with you if she really does not want to.
What you can do is tell her if she leaves now, then THERE IS NO COMING BACK... but you will have to stick to it if she leaves, because if you let her back aft... (read in full...)
Our marriage is on the brink. How can I understand my husband and his actions?
Q. A year and a half ago I would have said I had the best marriage ever. Three great kids, a devoted husband and good father for our kids. So much so much can change so quickly. It started with a move. Husband took a job transfer and the...
A. 17 April 2013: Sounds to me like he's emotionally checking out of your marriage and life together.
I think it's a great idea for you to get counseling
I also think that you have grounds for abandonment charges in your divorce proceedings should you o... (read in full...)
Slept with him before I discovered he was in a LDR
Q. My problem is that I slept with a guy a few times before he told me he has been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He keeps telling me he really likes me though. The problem is I really like him too. I know I wouldn't ever be able to ...
A. 17 April 2013: the easiest way to lose your feelings for him is to have no contact with him. Deleting his number is not enough. IF you can block it, do so. If you are not sure how call your phone provider to ask.
Also make sure he's blocked on email and soci... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get back with your ex if you are still on talking terms
Q. My boyfriend has broken up with me after living together for one year. In this time some was good some bad plenty of verbal abuse near the end. He is 32 I am 44 I understand it is a big age difference but it just happened. He is a party hard person ...
A. 17 April 2013: why does he want to catch up?
because he knows you love him and will give him sex.
if he asked if you are seeing others, then he probably is seeing other women.
try and be strong and not see him or contact him. the sooner you can go no ... (read in full...)
She said she loves me but I think she doesn't understand me and I m thinking to leave
Q. I'm in a relationship with a gf i really love from 3 years. At the beginning everything was amazing,now i'm having real troubles. I m not working for 4 months,i have bills to pay and not enough money (unfortunately my dad passed away last year and i ...
A. 17 April 2013: Spacekrust, thank you for your post and your updates. I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad to cancer. I lost my mom to cancer in 1995 and it’s still one of the most painful times of my life. While we expect to lose our parents, we don’t ... (read in full...)
In love with an older family friend
Q. Hi everyone, i'm in a bit of a sticky situation hopefully you guys have some good advice for me. Okay so here the deal, i'm in love with this guy (not puppy love), but he is a close family friend. He is the son of my dad's best friend, but even...
A. 17 April 2013: What opinions do you want? You are 18 to his 31 and have known him pretty much you’re whole life huh? And now, after a two week vacation you are in love with him. But it’s not puppy love, and it’s neither infatuation nor limerence right? It’s ... (read in full...)
GF brother is becoming a problem in our relationship
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about six months now. Everything is great we have plans on having kids and getting married in the near future except I dont like her brother. He's 2 years younger than her. He doesn't have a job but goes to ...
A. 17 April 2013: If she is the "head of the household" and yet won't take the master suite, then again I say there is something odd about the relationship.
IF she won't talk about it or explain why her brother is so deferred to I would proceed with GREAT cauti... (read in full...)
how did you move on and past the sense of potentially great relationship ended prematurely?
Q. The girl I was dating ended our relationship about two weeks ago. It was short-lived, the beginning was intense, and then it seems she hit a plateau (I learned later), while I was on cloud 9 and so happy to finally find somebody like her. Sometime ...
A. 17 April 2013: OP Thank you for the follow up!
The only thing that changed from my scenario was an additional two weeks or so… and that is still WAY TOO SOON for declarations of love.
Many people have the problem of catch crash and burn…. They fall in... (read in full...)
I learned my lesson, take your own car ladies! Don't depend on a guy to take you home from a party!
Q. So I went to a party with my boyfriend.... He was eyeballing a girl right in front of me. So I got upset. But I didn't say anything and held it in. I got over it by going into the bathroom and telling myself that I'm pretty too. People started ge...
A. 16 April 2013: Well here I go thinking like a man again. I get accused all the time at this site of being a man because I tend to side with the men more… I think you over reacted based on what you wrote. And I doubt the OP will like my information much…. ... (read in full...)
Can I kiss a girl on the first date?
Q. Hi...First I really want to tell u who i love this website I really like it...It's really cool Isn't it? lol...Okay! I'm going this Saturday on a date with a girl...It will be the first And I want to know if I can kiss this girl during the first da...
A. 16 April 2013: IF she wants to be kissed then yes you can kiss her... but only if she wants it...
I think that maybe a kiss on the cheek when you walk her to the door to say goodnight would be perfectly fine as long as she's ok with it.
the truth is, y... (read in full...)
B/f lied to me and said he wasn't a virgin when he was. Will he want to date others since I'm his first?
Q. Hi everyone and thanks in advance for your responses. I have a boyfriend whom I dearly love and I believe he feels the same way. We have been together for almost 3 years and we often discuss a future together - marriage, kids, where to live et...
A. 16 April 2013: My mother met my dad on a blind date at age 16 and married him at age 19....
he was her one and only forever till she died.
he was with her for 25 years married and three years dating before he had a faithfulness blip.... it was worked o... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's mom might have cancer, and she threatens to break up?
Q. My girlfriend is having a major crisis and it's deeply affecting our relationship. First of all, we've been dating over 2 years. We have discussed serious matters - possible marriage, living together, etc. She just found out that her mom may ...
A. 16 April 2013: I lost my mom to cancer when I was 35. I was told then that I was too young to lose my mom and I did not get it. Now at 53 I sure do get it. Your GF is in her early 20s and is entirely too young to lose her mother.
I was not married when my ... (read in full...)
how did you move on and past the sense of potentially great relationship ended prematurely?
Q. The girl I was dating ended our relationship about two weeks ago. It was short-lived, the beginning was intense, and then it seems she hit a plateau (I learned later), while I was on cloud 9 and so happy to finally find somebody like her. Sometime ...
A. 16 April 2013: IF I am reading this correctly, you met ONLINE (on paper) and connected that way. Then you met in person.
“about a week later” so let’s say you met online and then met in real life and for about a week it was WONDERFUL and INTENSE and then... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I love my boyfriend anymore. Should I leave him?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and recently I feel as if I do not love him anymore. He has been all of my firsts. The only guy i have ever dated. Lately it seems that I am wanting more, like maybe for him to surprise me ...
A. 16 April 2013: The minute someone new catches your eye and you think you want to date him your dilemma will be over and you will leave the current boyfriend.
Better to leave now and be alone on your own a bit so that when you find a new guy you don't have t... (read in full...)
Are there danger signs in this relationship or am I just insecure?
Q. I have a boyfriend I love very much. He understands me more than anyone I've ever met and loves me for who I am, even my bad qualities. I care about him so much and can't keep him off my mind, which is something I definitely never thought I'd ever ...
A. 16 April 2013: Your concerns about him:
1.He left someone for you valid concern in that he could leave you for the next new girlfriend)
2.He’s friends with his ex and while you say you can be friends with your ex I disagree. I think you can be FRIENDLY and ... (read in full...)
I can't decide who I want more: my FWB or my ex boyfriend
Q. Hi everyone, i was in a fwb arrangement then i met my boyfriend who is now my ex. i am drawn completely to my fwb he is also the same with me. when were together the sex is amazing but the problem is i still love my ex boyfriend but i cant get e...
A. 16 April 2013: well if I was interested in having a relationship with someone I would NOT want someone who was already involved with someone else. So my take on this is as long as you are with your "fwb" (and I'm not sure he really is a pure FWB) then NO I do ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have a relationship without having sex?
Q. I'm a 24 year old guy. I met this girl, who's a couple of years younger than me, about a year ago. She's verbally impaired (mute, I don't like to call her by this name). We have been very good friends. I don't mind her disability at all. She's ve...
A. 16 April 2013: Is she an selective mute (formerly called elective mutism) or is she physically mute? Is she mute due to hearing impairment?
The proper medical term is MUTE so you are not calling her names or being “politically incorrect” by saying she is MUTE... (read in full...)
How to seduce a man in his early thirties?
Q. I'm nineteen and I have a huge crush on a man who's thirty one.. Whenever we're together it just feels right but I can tell we both keep questioning the age difference and it's kept us from moving forward. How can I seduce him and get the ...
A. 16 April 2013: Well how would you progress it with a 19 year old man?
do the same with the 31 yr old. there is no difference due to age.. men are men... if what you have now as charms does not work for him, then it's not his age, it's him.... (read in full...)
I've been waiting 8 years for him to ask me out. How do I get him to do so?
Q. There is a guy on my swim team that i really like and he's really cute, we barely ever talk and i'm not sure if he even notices me even though we have been on the same team since i was eight and he was ten. I wan't to get him to notice me more and ...
A. 16 April 2013: Keep waiting. He's not the right guy.
if you are 16 and he is 18 and you have known each other 8 years and are not even friends, then he sees you as a casual team mate nothing more...
if you really can't bear to not have an answer, why ... (read in full...)
Should I consider an open relationship or break with my boyfriend even though I love him?
Q. I've posted on here before and found the answers to be helpful, so I'm back. My boyfriend of about seven months and I are in love with each other despite our differences, which I don't mind since I actually like him as a person. He doesn't believe ...
A. 16 April 2013: Breaks do not make relationships stronger. He just wants permission to sleep around. I would personally NOT open the relationship… rather I would END it.
I had (past tense) an open marriage. IT did not survive being open. Men seem... (read in full...)
Girls: Do you say no sex to your boyfriend often?
Q. Hi Just like to know if this is normal behaviour for men or in relationships. Last night in bed with my boyfriend I wasn't feeling too well (have a bad headcold) and told him I didn't want to have sex with him, to just cuddle and sleep. He kep...
A. 16 April 2013: When my husband says no I just walk away or leave him alone
when I say no he just laughs and rolls over and leaves me alone
Rape (what your "boyfriend" attempted) is not allowed and not acceptable and his behavior is NOT normal.
I have ha... (read in full...)
My bridesmaid bought a shoe a size too big. I'm worried about how she's going to wear it for a couple of hours???
Q. I'm getting married in May. I'm having a bit of an issue. I told my bridesmaids they could pick out whatever shoe they wanted. One of my bridesmaids bought a shoe that is a size too big. I know you can stuff a shoe to make it fit correctly. However ...
A. 16 April 2013: Well if they are open toed and slip ons then one size bigger will not be noticeable. Why are you so micro managing adult women that you know what shoes they bought and did you ask why she got it a size too big?
In addition, while it's nic... (read in full...)
How to tell if she's interested or just friendly?
Q. I hope someone can give me some advice. I know I sound pretty inept about it, but it's been about 5 years since I've really dated someone. There's a girl who started working where I do recently, our work is such that we only see each other every...
A. 16 April 2013: IF you are interested in getting to know her better and there is no problem with dating co-workers, then the best thing to do is ask her to join you for lunch or something and get to know her better.
The worst thing you will find out is that ... (read in full...)
GF brother is becoming a problem in our relationship
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about six months now. Everything is great we have plans on having kids and getting married in the near future except I dont like her brother. He's 2 years younger than her. He doesn't have a job but goes to ...
A. 16 April 2013: um... something is wrong
so she wants you to move in and not with her in her room but rather into the sister's room?
I would not move in
I would not even consider dating her much longer if she's so attached to her brother that she still s... (read in full...)
BF wants me to improve on my appearance, I feel hurt!
Q. I have a very good looking boyfriend . . . He loves me a lot . . . But he constantly asks me to change my hair style , to use cosmetics . . . But i like to be simple . . . He also gives examples of the girls who look beautiful . . . . This hurts me ...
A. 16 April 2013: You can't tell him that him wanting you to be something you are not hurts you? why not?
if you can't talk to him about how you feel, then I'm afraid the relationship is not a good one.
a general rule is do not make changes to plea... (read in full...)
Gave my GF herpes, She now wants nothing to do with me!
Q. okay last October, i met a female photographer (39y.o) at a venue while i was out by myself supporting a friends band. I was married at the time and was at the venue to see my friends band and also take photo's of the band as i had begun a new ...
A. 16 April 2013: 1. You really think that NOT telling someone that you are sexual with that you have HERPES (whether or not it’s under control) was fair or right? It wasn’t. 2. “Pisceas is correct even when ON medication and having NO symptoms you can... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get back with your ex if you are still on talking terms
Q. My boyfriend has broken up with me after living together for one year. In this time some was good some bad plenty of verbal abuse near the end. He is 32 I am 44 I understand it is a big age difference but it just happened. He is a party hard person ...
A. 16 April 2013: My husband and I have about the same gap , just slightly larger. He is 39 and I am 53. My husband is a night owl and we are rarely together on weekends as I go to bed early and he stays up all night to play on the computer and drink. So I get ... (read in full...)
How to seduce a man in his early thirties?
Q. I'm nineteen and I have a huge crush on a man who's thirty one.. Whenever we're together it just feels right but I can tell we both keep questioning the age difference and it's kept us from moving forward. How can I seduce him and get the ...
A. 16 April 2013: So you want to seduce him and have sex with him thinking this will move the relationship forward? Is that the plan? Not a very good plan to be honest. Men will take sex (especially from young ladies who offer it freely) and not have a relationship ... (read in full...)
Valid reasons to leave your partner after less than 2 years marriage.
Q. Some of you may remember my posts in the past. Well the good news is that we have been getting along well and building our future together. Bit there are two big pressures that I face on a continual basis. The first is the fact that I am expect...
A. 15 April 2013: She wants she wants she WANTS
what Do you want other than to continue to be shackled to this abusive woman?
I think YOU should stop taking her threats to divorce you and call her bluff and kick her out and divorce her.
how's that for st... (read in full...)
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