A
male
age
,
*ondrake
writes:I've always gotten solid reliable from you guys, I expect nothing less. I work in a very small office..38-43 folks. I'm mid 50s, blessed with good genes, high metabolism, very active, bikes to work everyday rain, shine, snow, etc., you get the picture. The type younger women are drawn to..for whatever their reason(s). 1 1/2 years ago new female employee comes in and is steered towards me to get help with institutional issues. We hit it off...maybe too much as I heard two older females say outside my office, "there won't be any older man younger female relationships here." (Funny thing is there is, but that not the point of my post.) Many of the females in the office are obese..just fact..and carry a bitter attitude towards life in general. Since young woman started hanging out with them her attitude towards me has changed very noticeably dramatically. She's now leaving and a 'inside group' private dinner party was thrown for her. I was not invited. Now, an office luncheon is being thrown. My question plain and simple: Should I go? I certainly don't feel wanted. She has not spoken 10 words or two complete sentences over the past 2-3 months. I don't feel I should go. Thoughts, comments, please.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2013):
 If there is a general farewell luncheon being thrown for a co-worker and the entire office is invited, if you normally attend such functions, then yes you should go.
If the only reason you would not attend is her age, then that's rather stupid on your part if age does not matter to you.
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Are you still crushing on the young woman?Honestly, I don't see the point of going. If everyone else in the office goes, then it'd be awkward for you not to go. Otherwise, why go someplace that you're not wanted? The young woman is moving on to another job and the two of you will just be memories to each other in a few months. I don't see a need for closure or anything when it sounds like you and this woman didn't have much more than a basic office relationship (the flirting didn't go anywhere, right?).Beyond that, however, I agree that you should work on your relationships with your coworkers. There's no need to be part of the clique with the older women, but you clearly need to change things around enough that women don't feel the need to shield one another from you. The fact that you felt the need to mention how unattractive the other women are compared to the young one makes me wonder if you don't exhibit an attitude towards these women in real life. If that's the case, lose your attitude and, in time, they'll lower their guards.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 You need to push back a little because it seems those women are walking all over you. Forget the girl, she's leaving anyway but you are not and now is the time to assert your place at work.
Show up, be pleasant and engaging, enjoy yourself!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Misery wants company. Don't let them get you down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): The question is why would you not go? I mean if you're worried about awkwardness then screw that OP, you're no teenager, you can handle that kind of stuff. I mean if she's the only reason you want to go and she's not going to talk to you then maybe you shouldn't.
But personally it seems as if you're becoming a bit of an outcast at work and the clique of obese women have separated you from that. I'd go to there and try to break into that crowd in a more friendly way. To be on better terms with the group as whole. Use every opportunity I could to be on less cold a level with them.
OP forget this new one, if you have something of a romantic interest then you really shouldn't bother, work colleagues are not the best idea in general but in the type of office politics you find yourself in the last thing you need is to add another layer of complication, instead you should just simplify things and try to become more friendly with that group as whole. Not friends, not buddies or anything just a bit more comfortable.
When I was in my teens I didn't get the whole office politics thing at all, I never went to staff events, I never became friendly with the different cliques and it didn't work out too well, even new people that came in would be nice to me at the start but the they set their social stance opposed to me, as the loner kind. Every social group needs to have an "other", someone outside that they can bitch and moan about etc. Well I decided it was best never to be that again, to prevent things like this happening.
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