A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I divorced my husband with whom I had an almost ten year relationship due to the fact that I could no longer take his jealousy and accusations. I had never been unfaithful to him. Part of the accusations were my bruises, I am clumsy and bump into things pretty much everyday, and bruise easily. I think Im slightly anemic, and have weak circulation, inherited condition. Now I've been seeing this other guy regularly for over four month now. I've declined to be labeled his exclusive girlfriend because I don't want to be overly possessed, accused and used materially, anymore like in the past. He seems like he could be abusive, too dominant. But I love the sex and we see each other like 4-5 times a week. After I came back from a physically active camping and biking trip last weekend with friends, I bruised on my arm and on my hip and legs, in addition to running into a coat hook on the restroom stall door, at work, with my other arm. So yeah, I had some bruises. So now I'm getting accused of having sex with someone while camping. And he wouldn't let up and just kept badgering me about it, again and again, not believing when I said it wasn't sexual bruises.Bottom line, I am left with a hopeless feeling inside that I may never be able to have trustful interactions with men for the rest of my life, seeing this pattern of them always accusing me of my bruises. Am I doomed to just have one night stands forever? My question is, are many women's relationships with men seriously affected by their innocent bruises, like mine have been? Or is it just something unique to me, because maybe I'm clumsy and bruise easily? Do I just always pick the wrong types of men, jealous types? Any advice for me? Are there any products out there that work to clear up bruises faster? Anything anyone can tell me would be appreciated. I've almost reached my wits end about this issue. Thank you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I bruise often especially on my right side as I have no depth perception and i hit walls and doors and table tops... so always have bruises on my thighs... I have NEVER been accused of cheating due to bruises.
I do think that you should discuss the bruising with a medical professional... low K or Low C could also be causes of bruising... anemia is one option but it could be something more serious as well. DO not chalk it up to hereditary. Speak with a doctor about it. Besides if you have medical corroboration then their arguments about cheating fly out the window.
My concern however is that it's not ONE man that is saying this but now you have a second.... either there is something you are doing that leads them to suspect cheating or it's the type of man you are picking.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): I bruise easily too and I have only once been accused of cheating because of my bruising.
Personally, I think it is your unwillingness to define your current relationship that has led to the man accusing you of cheating whilst away.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 April 2013):
Arnica oil is very good for bruises.
But that really isn’t the issue, it’s that you seem to have had relationships with jealous types, with possible abusive tendencies and evident trust issues. Unfortunately if you refuse to describe yourself as exclusive, a lot of people will interpret that as you wanting to leave the door open for sexual relationships with other people in addition, and that might cause trust issues for a guy who would actually love and respect you, and would allow you your independence and freedom within an exclusive relationship. I suppose the saying “don’t cut off your nose to spite your face” springs to mind here. Think really carefully about the kind of men you pick, don’t fall in to the trap of a perpetual cycle of picking unsuitable types and blaming bruises for your problems. As for this guy, break it off.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (22 April 2013):
Try to date guys who are more reasonable, perhaps less dominant and less possessive. Preferably one who is more secure and down to earth.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Looks like this guy will be another ex. You only mentioned two men so you can't say you always pick these jealous men. The problem is that you have sex before knowing him too well, you don't really want to commit to him, and then you justify staying in the relationship by saying the sex is good. I don't think being clumsy and getting bruises are legit reasons to be accused of cheating. At the camp no one would be having wild loud sex. It would be secretive and quiet.
If he was using your bruises as a reason to accuse you and you continue with him, you would see that anything at any time could be used against you. Like your hole got looser, your clit looked different, you were dryer or wetter, you seemed happier or sadder, you got a text, you looked away, you looked at another man, anything.
That's why you don't need to live in fear around men. A lot of men out there are compassionate, understanding and have no insecurity issues. You need to be patient and look for only good men.
I am sure there are products that clear up bruises faster, methods to help your coordination, and food that increases your iron levels. That's something you do to improve your life, and not to avoid interrogation. A man should be supportive of you, and not bring you down. Your situation is not something unique to you. No woman, regardless of age, race, and how beautiful she is, is immune to meeting a jerk. The only thing you can do is be more discriminating with your choice of man. If he isn't right, then cut him off, not like months or 10 years later.
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