A
female
age
51-59,
*loeVera
writes:Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his eyes on the ground" - I never actually said I expected that at all, but these are some of the things he has done, not necessarily in chronological order:- Once we were out with his small daughter (from previous relationship) and we were on the train coming back from a day out. His daughter kept asking him questions, I was busy reading my book but I wondered why he wasn't answering. I looked up and he was fixated on some blonde girl, who admittedly was stunningly beautiful. I said excuse me your daughter is talking to you. This isn't the first time he ignored her because of ogling someone either, I always felt very sorry for her and then realised why his second wife left him...- We had split up, had a terrible fight and he was trying to fix it. We went out to a pub and as we were talking things through, I looked down at my hands, thinking over something before continuing. When I looked up, he was doing that horrible lecherous staring up and down up and down of two girls who had just walked into the bar. When I looked at him, he looked so guilty.- Our first WEEK together, a woman came around the corner, and almost walked into us and we all laughed about it. He stopped, turned around and walked part of the way up the street after her, complimenting her "wonderful skin". (WHY DID I NOT LEAVE HIM THEN?) He denied he even did it....p /- On holiday, a very attractive woman got into the bus. He had a few looks over in her direction, normal, phew so did I.. but all through the journey I could see he was very uncomfortable and whenever I looked out of the window (which was in her direction), he changed where he was looking to make it seem as if he wasn't looking at her. In some ways it was actually funny. He didn't notice when she got off, must have looked away for a second, when he moved his eyes to check her out again and realised she wasn't there, he twisted around and banged his head up against the bus window, hands splayed out on the glass, for one last look. I said nothing but when I finally ditched him I told him I had never felt so insulted in my entire life. It was as if I didn't exist. Our final holiday together an attractive woman went by and he didn't see her as he was in the loo. We were sitting outside a cafe... funny because she went into the cafe directly opposite and his eyes were better than a snipers. You could hardly make her out but he strained to get a view of her and tracked her every step through the cafe going to find her friends. - Out in a nightclub, he just could not keep his eyes off the barmaid. She actually looked like a Chinese schoolgirl but his eyes followed her up and down the bar, up and down... he was in a lustful daze. Once in a supermarket a girl apologised for dropping some tins in front of us and the look on his face, the sloooooooooow look up and down at her bottom, face, breasts, over and over again, the daze in the eyes. - He would never hold my hand in daylight/at night in public places, only where no people were around. He sometimes made digs at me about my body, how I put something away in the kitchen, little digs out of nowhere after in the same breath saying how much he loved me and "only had eyes for me". He would also say stuff like "you should think yourself lucky someone loves you at your age" I am in my mid-forties, intelligent, attractive, physically fit and only yesterday had a teenager wolf-whistle at me and two young lads try to chat me up while I was siting in the sun reading my book. So I know I am attractive, am not insecure, and I think he knows it and I did used to excuse the behaviour as his insecurity and make excuses FOR him, not anymore.He was a massive hypocrite as I could not so much as comment or glance at anyone else. He would be livid and say "it's rude to stare". He hated me to have male friends and if any man so much as complimented me he would freak out in a jealous rage and ignore me literally for days and then start calling me a slut or a whore. I couldn't talk to REAL male friends on FB or he would go into a rage but he would accept random women's requests he didn't even know just to ogle their pictures and then delete them - and delete all evidence from his wall.My advice to you girls and women on here. I called him out on it and he eventually apologised. But he just got cleverer with his disrespect. He became more subtle. Thing is, I KNOW I am gorgeous and that's not egotistical, and I didn't feel jealous of the women, I felt angry that his "energy" was somewhere else. I felt alone. I could be talking to him and he would be staring and not even present. The rest of the relationship had its other issues so in the end I just gave up and took a few healthy steps back and asked myself why I was even remaining in it. You can't just stay with someone for good sex and great food and the sex stopped being so good and when he started cooking with resentment, there wasn't much "love" left to go on.Any other women out there had this and how did YOU handle it?
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (20 May 2013):
 I know this is an old post but I've just found some brilliant advice on "Psychology Today". According to them, ogling is NOT acceptable for the following reasons, and dare I say it, there is a suggestion that a man who ogles has sociopathic tendencies. "I understand that insecurity is a big problem today, especially for women. And I'm a self-deluded victim who looks at everyone else as better-looking even when I have a loving husband who regularly reminds me of my beauty and his love for me. I know my husband loves me as I love him. But when I see him look another woman up and down, my blood boils. If I say something, he rants and raves about my insecurities. Everyone tells me to just let it go, that it's "just human nature." I just can't bring myself to accept that, but should I?"RESPONSE - "You're right to keep the matter alive—not because it takes a big emotional toll on you but because the real issue is not your husband's looking at other women in a very obvious way. It's his contempt for your feelings. There's nothing natural about that. And it's a very destructive force in any relationship.By definition, a marriage requires that two people be sensitive to each other's emotional needs and set some ground rules, working out behavior patterns that don't constantly grate on each other. Yes, obviously ogling other women when he's with you is a little too blatant and comes across as an implicit put-down of you and the relationship. It doesn't take a whole lot of insecurity to dislike it. In fact, there are far better reasons than insecurity for why it's problematic: It's just downright disrespectful of the company he's with. It's an indirect display of contempt.It's troubling that his response is to rant and rave about your insecurities. That is simply compounding the diss to you. Far from mustering any sympathy for your distress, he's taking your vulnerability and using it as a weapon against you. And then he's blaming you, making it your problem, not a consequence of his indulgent behavior. I'm not sure what you consider a "loving husband," but this is not anyone's definition of loving behavior.You simply can't keep accepting the victim stance and expect the relationship to improve. For starters, you have to break the pattern of hot reactivity around his ogling behavior. Try not saying anything at all the next time, and the next. Sure, your blood will still boil, but prepare in advance to distract yourself from the inner turmoil. Don't offer up what he deems your insecurities as fodder for an attack on you. Your husband is bound to notice eventually that you're not reacting. When he does, that's the time to have a calm conversation about the situation. Find a place to talk.You need to say something along these lines, in your own words: I don't like you looking at other women when we're out together, because it is very disrespectful to me and our relationship and it makes you look foolish. But I don't have the power to stop you, and I won't even try. What I do need you to do is stop attacking me if I voice discomfort. How should we handle this situation the next time it comes up? If he is unwilling to negotiate new ground rules, then tell him the personal attacks are unacceptable and you just simply have to avoid going out with him until he can come up with a better way. Then stick to the plan"Hope this helps x
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 It's not abusive behaviour to look at other women. If you refer to him hitting you or verbally abusing you by calling you names, putting you down, yelling at you etc, then ok. But ignoring you, taking you for granted, or looking at other women is not abusive towards you.
Just had to point that out. It'd be wrong to call it abuse when it's just a case of wandering eyes, and it takes away the meaning of the word. Of course, if you genuinely feel he abused you then I'm sure you have your reasons. But I do not see abuse in the things you've written about him. I just see ignorance and neglect. Which is reason good enough to leave him.
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female
reader, AloeVera +, writes (23 April 2013):
AloeVera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again everyone, you all confirm that I made the right decision. I think if it had just been a bit of admiring the opposite sex it might have been fixable. Shame in so many ways as - bizarrely - there was chemistry between us, but eventually that would have ended up gone with his continued abusive behaviour. One thing he said to me which I also HAVE to share, is this: "I can do anything I like and I know you will always love me".
Wow, I must have been asleep for quite some time!
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (23 April 2013):
Looks like I just missed your follow up. Wow, what an asshole. I'm surprised you put up with that for so long because you deserve so much better. The whole mock saying about how guys follow their dicks around is absolutely true when it comes to him. I feel sorry for his kid. His daughter is going to grow up seeing her dad putting everything with tits and an ass before her. And when she's an adult, she's probably going to have to deal with him ogling her pretty friends. Seriously, him staring at and following schoolgirls (which I presume are teenagers) borders on creepy, if you ask me.
Look forward to a future with a guy who appreciates you for you, because it can't get much worse than your ex.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2013):
 OP your follow up is most helpful Thank you for sharing it.
He's beyond ogling... he's got other issues and inappropriate behavior.
As for your friend... well if i was your friend I would not leave you or invite folks to join us but my attention might wander now and again as my ADHD kicks in...
I'm sorry for your diagnosis and your friend's lack of support.
As for ex boyfriend.... no if my man abandoned me to follow some girl and watch her, that would be over the top. My hubby may look, he may swivel his head, he may make comments under his breath but he's not following them or insulting me afterwards.
IF he had lifted my breasts and said that I would have grabbed his limp dick and said yeah and when you were young your hard-ons were firm and useful.
He's a jerk totally on so many levels I can't even begin to tell you. the ogling is just the biggest manifestation of it.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 April 2013):
I just wrote a whole reply about how I deal with ogling boyfriends, but then I read your post again, and this sentence stood out:
[He would also say stuff like "you should think yourself lucky someone loves you at your age"]
That would bother me much more than the whole ogling thing. Seriously? He's basically telling you that you should just accept whatever shit he dumps on you because you can't find someone better. If my boyfriend would say something like this to me, he'd be lucky to have teeth left in his mouth. I'd dump him just for that alone. Good you got rid of the douche.
As for ogling, I have a rule of the thumb: if my guy pays more attention to other women than me when I'm with him, he's crossing the line. Sure, we all appreciate beauty. I myself am known to compliment other people when they have beautiful hair, cool style, etc. But when I'm with my boyfriend and he's telling me something, I'm focused on him and no-one else. I may glance at a pretty guy who walks past, but I won't stare and I certainly won't turn around and follow him with my eyes until I walk into a brick wall. That kind of behavior is embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful.
I once dated a guy who snapped pictures of pretty girls in bikini's when we were at the beach--without their consent. I grabbed his phone, deleted all the pictures and dumped his ass immediately. That kind of stuff just creeps me out.
Basically, a guy can enjoy the scenery, but he shouldn't focus on it so much that he's ignoring the pleasant company.
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female
reader, AloeVera +, writes (23 April 2013):
AloeVera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your replies. So Very Confused, you brought up some interesting points and it made me laugh when I read your comment about me reading a book - it was because I had an important exam the following day and I was trying to cram in some last minute facts in the old brain, while he "supposedly" answered all his daughter's curious questions about our zoo trip. I also made sure I never got too involved in him and his daughter's relationship, although she was very affectionate towards me bless her and once told me she loved me. Very often when we were out together with her, until his visiting rights were stopped, he would walk so quickly and sometimes ahead, that her poor tiny legs couldn't keep up, so I would carry her to keep up with him, in the end we would let him walk ahead, and that's how the bond was formed. I really got the feeling he didn't want to be seen with us and one of his ex-wife's complaints was that "he is not interested in his child and spends too much time out of the home despite not having a job". I think one of my biggest issues with the ogling was that it seemed to be every other woman and that he just stopped listening or being present to what we were sharing "as a couple". I actually have a female friend, correction, HAD, who did this too, endlessly on the look out for men. In fact the day I was diagnosed with early stage cancer I rang her and we met for a coffee. She gave me a lovely bunch of flowers and I started talking about what would happen next, the surgery, my fears.... I lose her completely.. she is gawping at a business man in a suit who has come in for his lunch, sits down, back to us, he has barely acknowledged our presence, but she loses all self-control like a 13 year old, not a 47 year old woman. And I am trying to share my concerns with her. We would go for an evening out and I would literally physically lose her to any old bloke who paid her attention and then he would be tagging along ... see what I am getting at? It's downright rude, on an energetic level it's literally an energy leak.Also the criticisms of my body sometimes followed the gawping. In fact, the day out at the zoo, after he had gawped and done the up and down lechy look of some guy's wife while Zoe tugged at his sleeve and demanded an answer about the giraffes which he didn't give because he had walked off to get a closer look of how her hips moved and I was left to do it, shortly afterwards he stared at my face and said "Looks like you didn't sleep very well, it shows". And on another occasion, after gazing longingly at a schoolgirl as we walked past their end of term fair, as soon as we got back home, he put one hand under one of my breasts, lifted it up (I am 32 E so kinda big!!) and said "When you were younger your breasts were so much higher".So the abuse was coupled with the ogling, he compared me with other woman. Now he can't and he is begging to get me back but I know I am worth more than this slut of a man :0)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): I happen to be in a successful one and one relationship with this fantastic women. When we officially became committed to only seeing each other about two years ago we talked and agreed on proper behaviour when we are out in public together. The first rule was never to stare at other people. Men and women that is. That wasn't really a problem but I can understand how it might happen. I was out with my sweetheart just last week in a restaurant and I noticed a man ogling my girlfriend. I let it go for a bit then I got pissed and bent over the table and cracked my knuckles at him and gave him a real mean and dirty look. He quickly got the message and it stopped. I am just saying he is lucky there wasn't a jealous boyfriend or lover around or he could of got some of his teeth knocked out. If I did what your man did I would not have my girlfriend anymore. Because we made a agreement about this when we first started dating. You should of done something similar also.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Yes, I had that problem with a guy I dated when I was in my late teens. How did I handle it? I turned it into a game. Whenever he would stare at someone, I would just quietly walk away. If we were in a store, I would go browse the video game isle, or something else I was interested in. Basically, if he wanted to ogle someone, I made it inconvenient for him. He had to look for me when he was done staring at whoever caught his eye. It actually began to get irritating for him, and he let me know it. He asked me why I always disappeared when we're out together. I told him I wouldn't be able to disappear on him if he was paying attention to me to start with. I know it was a rather smart ass-ed thing for me to say, but I felt he deserved it. Just like your ex, he was being ridiculous about it. Only he also took it a step further than your ex. He would stick his hand deep in his pocket while he stared at a woman, and I could actually see him touching himself. I told him to stop many times, but he just got angry at me, and denied that's what he was doing. I was losing patience with him fast, and one day I showed up at his house to end things. Only I made sure I looked extra nice that day. I wore my nicest clothes, my hair looked amazing, and I unbuttoned the top buttons on my shirt so that my boobs were partially exposed. I normally kept them covered. I wanted him to see what he would be missing out on, (we'd never slept together). It worked, too. He was devastated, and tried for months to get back with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Not to want your guy to ogle is a legittimate wish only because these girls and women notice also, and it becomes really awkward and weird socially. I feel uncomfortable when a guy looks at me, and then a woman who is with him turns around and looks at me also, only because she noticed his glance. I feel uncomfortable when a guy looks at me while I go out with my husband.
That's what happened few days ago. We were sitting closely to another table with 1 guy and 2 girls. And a guy started looking at me and even smiling. I felt very uncomfortable, and I m sure all these women that he is ogling feel the same, seeing that he is with you. Some women might not care while others become jealous, and i don't know how this woman feels now. All I now that her guy is staring at me. It's just I think innapropriate behavour.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
My husband looks. BFD I think. My husband is 39 and looks younger. I am 53 and while I don’t look bad for 53 I think I look 53 although most folks are surprised when I tell them how old I am. I am very secure with myself and my marriage so I see things a bit differently than most women. At least that’s what I keep being told. He’s looking he’s not cheating. That’s my idea.
Let’s start with he looks at porn. And that does not bother me. I do not look like the porn stars he likes and he does not want me to. He also looks at very young usually Asian women. I’m not young, I’m not Asian. And yet he loves me and he thinks me beautiful. I think the issue is that he holds my hand in public, he treats me with respect, he helps me on with my coat, he holds the chair for me, he helps me up, he walks with his arm around me, he introduces me to everyone as “my wife” and he is PROUD to be with me. He does NOT disrespect me in any way and his looking at women and admiring them does not reflect on me.
Yes, I’ve seen him be blatant about it, and I’ve called him on it ‘don’t break your neck honey!” and kept going…. I’ve heard him tell women “gorgeous legs” as he walked by them while talking on the phone to me…. how in the world a man complimenting one woman disrespects another I do NOT understand. I’m not the only pretty thing in the world… He’s married, not dead. He’s not trying to pick them up or get their attention. It’s no reflection ON ME that he does this.
Now there are men that don’t ogle. I seriously doubt there are men that don’t’ look… but looking and ogling are two different things.
You were on a train with your man and his child and YOU WERE READING A BOOK? Why weren’ t YOU in the moment enjoying the train ride and the company? Why were you ignoring them and reading a book? He could complain about your rude behavior here as much as you can complain about his.
You say “when I looked at him he looked so guilty” but that’s YOUR interpretation of his look.
Complimenting a woman on her wonderful skin seems well nice… I’d love to be told I was pretty, or had nice legs, or nice skin or lovely hair… doesn’t matter if it’s my man or a stranger…compliments are nice and they don’t have to mean that someone is hitting on you, maybe she did have wonderful skin and it’s an issue for him.
I have developed a lovely ability to stare AT my husband without actually seeing him or actually looking at him…. He THINKS I’m looking at him but I’m not, I’m not even actually paying any attention to him at all and he thinks I’m staring straight at him. From across a table maybe 3 feet or less apart…. And yet you think you know EXACTLY where your ex was looking every time you moved your head…. Umm you really are making some serious assumptions here. But I can see why. It wasn’t just his staring but rather the entire package of him and his behavior.
Now the hands splayed on the glass for one last look seems almost comical to me… a caricature of what real life is like, if my guy did that I would have said “don’t drool on the glass honey”. I’ve discovered that many times, guys do stuff that they KNOW pisses us off to see if we react the way they expect. My husband, amazingly enough has really stopped ogling. I wonder if it’s cause I point out the cute ones for him to look at in case he doesn’t see them or I just laugh it off and he realizes I’m not threatened by his bad behavior and it’s not going to cause a fight or any other altercation. I’m just going to tease him about it… and poof, I can’t remember the last time he looked at porn or another woman. Hmmm….
The fact that he won’t hold your hand in public, only when others are not around is very telling, the fact that he makes digs to you about your body… that is not acceptable. My husband never tells me he loves me but he sure shows me. I know he loves me. I do not for a second question it. IN fact, this man loves me more than any man ever has in my entire life. He would not tell me to “consider myself lucky that someone loves me at my age” even if I am 13 years older than he is. He thinks he’s lucky to have me not the other way around. These are the things that are the issue, not his looking at other women… but rather the whole package of disrespect and hypocrisy he has.
IF my hubby can admire a pretty girl, I can look at handsome boys or girls (I’m bi) and there is no double standard in our home. The fact that he would “freak out in a jealous rage” shows just how insecure he is. Jealousy is an emotion that is based on insecurity not love. He was insecure with how you felt about him and your relationship (with good reason as he was not nurturing it properly). Hence his need to be controlling of you.
My husband loves it when other men find me attractive; it’s a testament to his good taste in women. I manage to have lunch with an ex-husband once in a while and my husband is just fine with it. NO jealousy, no anger, no accusations, no name calling… just “so how is the ex?” when I get home.
There is “calling them out” on it… letting them know it bothers you and there is “calling them out on it” in a way that lets them know, you are on to them but you are not threatened by it and you find their behavior childish and juvenile without actually saying that to them. I find letting them come to the realization that they are behaving badly and the consequences of the bad behavior being mortification work very well.
I am not with my man for great sex, or good food, or money, or companionship. He’s a jerk he’s a total jerk. I’m with him because I love him and he loves me. If there is no love, there is no sense in staying in a relationship that is not making you happy. We can stay in a relationship without love, if there is respect on both ends and our needs are being met. We can stay in a love relationship where some things are wrong, because the love helps overlook the bad parts. But to stay in a bad relationship that is not meeting your needs where there is no love makes no sense.
I would have left too, but not because of the ogling.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 April 2013):
I haven't had one guy who was ogling other women. Not even back when I was dating junkies. If anything, they only had eyes for their dope. So I know your ex is wrong and just making excuses for himself. You definitely CAN find men who aren't ogling.
How would I handle it? I think I'd dump him, to be honest. It might take me a while if I was completely smitten with him, but eventually it gets old, as you have experienced. There just comes a point when enough is enough and you know there's better fish in the sea...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): My first husband would watch porn all the time. I didn't care because I didn't really love him. My second husband doesn't look at women, however I'm jealous of his previous wife. It's like there is no perfect guy.
personally, i would prefer him to ogle then to reminisce about the past.
i've heard that it doesn't matter where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Sigh...I've been dealing with the same thing with my fiance for a few years now, except for the abusive name calling. It is like he has an addiction.
I have ranted and raved on Dear Cupid under this post here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-is-sweet-and-caring-but-he-really-ogles-other-women.html
You really can't change them. I haven't found the courage to leave yet. Taking a vacation or trip together or going out in public is a nightmare with his constant ogling.
My self-esteem has hit an all time low because of it. I feel worthless. I am tired of feeling like I have to compete with other women for his attention.
Deep down I know the best thing to do is leave a man like this and to get my self-respect back.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 April 2013):
 There's occasionally checking someone out and then there's just being disgusting. Your ex falls into the latter. That would make anyone feel terrible and insecure, I don't blame you. That's incredibly disrespectful and frankly, makes him sound like a pervert. Sounds like you made a good choice breaking up.
I'm sure I could find some advice for how to deal with it, but frankly, that behavior is so bad I'm wondering why you'd want to! Yuck! Sure my boyfriend will very occasionally glance at someone in super tight clothes, but it's brief, hard to notice, and frankly pretty rare. It doesn't bother me because it's discreet and not a common occurrence, which I think is how most women "deal" with it.
Yes everyone looks, but a quick glance versus sustaining neck injuries from all the staring are completely different situations.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): 'he twisted around and banged his head up against the bus window, hands splayed out on the glass, for one last look.'
'He would never hold my hand in daylight/at night in public places, only where no people were around.'
'He sometimes made digs at me about my body, how I put something away in the kitchen, little digs out of nowhere after in the same breath saying how much he loved me'
Sweetheart, he was not loving towards you. He was making you feel bad, treating you like crap and then comforting / placating you with sweet words. He was breaking you down and making you doubt your own judgement so that he could have you in his complete control.
Good on you for breaking away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Hi, I started pointing out all the goodlooking woman and to embarass him when I caught him looking, I asked him if he liked what he was looking at whiich use to embarass him, I also mentioned it jokingly to family and friends and guess what he stopped. Atleast not in front of me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): It's just plain rude and disrespectful. I realize there are many beautiful women out there and it's natural to notice and admire, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, when the man you are with continues to stare, and they make eye contact and hold it, now it's gone too far. When they actually turn themselves around to continue looking as they are walking, I could just crawl in a hole it's so embarrassing and makes me feel less than desirable to him at that moment.What I have done is simply said, it's not okay. It's rude, it's disrespectful and if it continues, I am gone. At first, I would say nothing, I was just floored what my man was doing right in front of my face, right beside me. Then I got obnoxious about it. One time, I told him I was going to go get her number for him since he was far more interested in her then me, then I walked right up to the women who he made a long eye contact with and said, I think he's interested in you and I notice you continue to stare at him too (she was equally in the wrong, seeing we were holding hands)...she gave me a dirty look and took off and he stood there stunned. He never did it again around me, at least that I could see.I think the problem some women have is that they don't *require* the respect from their man and they tolerate it. Understandably at one level, because it makes us come across as insecure and no self confidence. But in reality, a guy doing this to us, even the most secure and confident of them...this one disrespectful act, can shatter all of it in an instant.I will also go a step further and if I see a guy who is with a girl, staring at me, I will walk right up to him and tell him what I think. It's time these guys get put in there place and called out. It's basic manners, maturity, and makes for one classy guy when you have respect for your woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): I don't have this issue, but we have couple of single friends that do that ogling, and to say the truth it drives me nuts. With one of them I already told my husband I don't want to go out anymore if heis alone without A girl, because he gets on my nerves starring at every girl passing by. So, see its not that you were jealous of him, I m not jealous of a friend obviously, and I don't even find that these girls, all of them are super attractive, but the behavour I think it's just simply annoying.It wold be the same if I talked to someone and he/ she turn his/ her head every second to look at someone not even listening to what I m saying. I took my time to spend time with a friend and all he does is not even being present there but in his own world ogling girls. Once I even suggested him to goout by himself, there is no use to hang out together if he is like thatI think it's kind of an addiction if it goes beyond limits like your ex did. One thing to give a glance, but completely different to stare like that. These women notice it also. I remember one guy with two small sons kept staring at my 15 year old then daughter in such a close proximity with me and my husband standing right there. My husband noticed and got really mad at this guy, so he stood in front our daughter blocking her from that guy view and stared at this guy. It took that guy awhile to even understand what's going on. He even made a step to a side to keep on looking at our daughter. I was affraid that one more minte and my husband will beat him up. That's how bad it can get with some guys. .I don't know what someone can do about it. It's an ugly behavour, and it's up to you if you want to deal with it. Also when he told you that you are lucky that someone can love you in your age, it's just plain insulting and sorry, he doesn't sound like a smart man at all, actually quite stupid. Those jealousy fits, it's just shows low class dude that is not worth your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Well, I am glad you got rid of the guy. Well done you. My husband had this terrible habit when we met and initially I used to think it was me, noticing too much and not sure of what I was seeing. We were once in a local shop buying groceries, when I saw him give the lady in front the up and down look. I asked him, once we were outside, whether he was aware he had done this. He was and he apologised. This is when I went to town on him and told him if he ever did that again, he was history. I said he was an intelligent guy, and this was the one issue we argued over, so if he wanted to be stupid enough to continue, then I was gone!! And since that day, he has really tried hard not to do this. A quick glance I have learned is acceptable, but ogling and looking someone up and down is not. He blamed his habit on working with other males who did this sort of thing all the time. No excuse though in my book. On the other hand however, my hubbie is a bit of a looker and I have seen women ogle him despite him walking with me and holding my hand. They do the big flashy eyes at him or the coy under the eyes look. I now laugh about this. Even my Mother, who is nearly 80, gets a bit hot under the collar around him. She's just had her knee operated on but can't wait till it's better so she "can have a jive with him".
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I guess there is oogling!! and downright blatant OOGLING!!!.
Most men will look at other wome because it is carved into their DNA. Most, if they catch themselves, will stop and look elsewhere, but some other guys are permanently looking and I guess it depends how strong your relationship is and how much you can stand it!!
If he is ignoring his child because his eyes are down some woman's cleavage, then he probably has a bit of a problem. If he is also calling you a slut and a whore and finding fault with your body then that is abuse...and he has a much bigger problem than Oogling!!
Since you called him out, he's now hiding his behaviour but still it goes on...it's official...he's a douchebag!!
I think the change lies with you!
Can you put up with this forever? or should you be taking your gorgeous lovely self off in a different directon and find yourself someone who isn't an 'abusive Oogling douche'?
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