A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMay be i'm blowing this out of proportion?I wanted to write here and check before i fight with my bf (of 3 yrs).My bf works in a different city, few days he stays with his friends and few days he stays here with me. I ask him to call me or text me atleast once a day whenever he stays with his friends. He forgets most of the time, whenever i ask he says he was busy even though he left work by 5 pm. He never says what makes him so busy to even call me for 5 mts or text me. If i ask he says he went to a bar and came back late.Is that too much to ask, that at least he spends 5 mts in a day for me. Whenever he is with his friends he ignores me and behave as if i dont exist. He never really introduced me to his friends, they know that he has a gf back here, but they never talked to me or seen me.Should i confront my bf, please help me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I don’t think you are blowing anything out of proportion. He stays with you for a few days and friends for a few days each week… where does his driver’s license say he lives?
IF he is just “crashing” at your place, I sense that he’s using you honey. IF he can’t manage to contact you when he’s away, even for a few minutes but you two are together 3 years and supposedly serious, well then yes it would be a problem for me too.
He does not FORGET to call you or text you, he chooses not to. Not knowing his friends in the city where he lives and works (I assume he’s there all week and comes to you on the weekends) is not ok in my book… if you call his friends will they know who you are? IF not, then you are not a girlfriend, but rather a place and penis holder. I’m sorry to be so blunt.
IF he ignores you when he is with his friends, that’s not good.
When my husband and I were dating and were 2 hours apart by car, in the beginning no one knew about me… and we did not have daily contact, once we got serious (about 3 months after we started seeing each other) his friends, knew about me, his job knew about me, and we had twice daily minimum contact. I called him to wake him every morning (at his request) and then I called him every night once I got into bed. There were times we had more contact during the day but some days just those two calls. Some days they were just 2 minutes total… other days the bedtime call could run two hours…it depends on how busy we were and what had to be said and accomplished.
How far is the city he works in?
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 April 2013):
Nope, it's not too much to ask for, but apparently I it's too much to expect from him.
You can't bully him into being someone he's not. Assuming that you've adequately explained to him how you feel and your sure he got the message you've done what you can.
Now you either accept it or leave. If you choose to leave there's a good chance that if he truly wants to be with you he'll "see the light" and realize his mistakes and honestly want to change to get you back.
If he isn't contacting you because he isn't very into you anymore than he'll probably do nothing to prevent you from leaving, or at least he'll not put in a great effort to keep you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): oh yeah. cuz to me if a guy is busy to see me it only means his no longer interested to me.
read this, it was an article i shared here last year:
this will help you clear your mind.
Seems like most of the questions or confusions of females from here are all about how to tell if their bf's loves them? or Does Their ex still Cares for them? Or how can you really tell when a relationship is really over? To Sum it all, Its all about How to Tell if your bf's no longer in love with you?
To help you end your confusion i have here a "Checklist or Winning signs to tell your bf is no longer in love with you"
or(Losing interest)
1. Time. If he cant spend the amount of time he used to spent with you, its a sure sign his pulling back a little. Its called break it to her gently sign..
2. He will tell you he loves you more often, but can't be with you.
He has some where else to go.(If you love someone you want to be with them more than anything unless its between life and death situation)
3. He cant call you or text you 'coz his busy or he forgot to do so.
I mean seriously?? Busy is another word for an asshole...
It takes a minute to text and call. Forget? really? you forgot the one whom you shared intimate moments with? Tell it to the marines...
4. His o.k disappointing your expectation.
Because if you mean the world to him he will always see to it that at least he meets your expectation. Not all the time but at least will consider your feelings.
5. If he don't contact you for a week, two, three or a month or so. 'Coz if he loves you and still have interest it would not take that long.. he'll be crazy Not to.. But since he can.. Time to face it his no longer in love and have lost his interest.
6. If you catch him looking for a female friend online or talking to his ex gf, girl your not good enough for him anymore so he starts looking for someone else.
So are you still in a dream land or my 6 signs have given you a more realistic answer to your confusion. Sometimes were just so blinded by baby i love you lines, your so pretty, ill marry you someday.. but is he really making an extra effort to those words he say?? Remember words without action is empty.
Any actor can deliver those lines even with tears. I hate guys who use tears to make their lies appears so real. But then their action doesn't support their words..
But on the other hand, its still our choice whether to buy those lies and continue to ask and confuse ourselves. The truth is men are so easy to read, there's no confusion about their actions.
You just have to learn to accept when they start to lose interest, Its really Over.
So if you were to choose between love or money. Be smart. Were living in a material world. Money can buy you anything where as love does have expiration date. Remember, Diamonds are girls best friend.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 It's a bit odd that you have been his girlfriend for 3 years and he has never introduced you to any of his friends. It's also not unreasonable to expect daily contact if you are that close, so maybe you need to examine all parts of the relationship and ask yourself if it is working for you?
What is he like when he is with you? Is he loving an attentive? Does he talk about the future with you?
Have you met eachothers families?
A healthy relationship lays down foundations and part of that is getting introduced into aspects of eachothers lives.
If you feel he is only 'with you' when he is sharing your bed, but forgets about you when he is sleeping somewhere else, it could mean he is not as invested in the relationship as you are.
People cling on to bad relationships because it's easier or more convienient than being alone. There should be other signs that he is happy...
like good contact and communication, listening to your concerns and showing consideration...from what you have described, it seems he isn't doing this!!
Talk to him, but be 100% sure that what you are going to say is not veiled in shallow threats (because women do this all the time and never follow through). You cannot make him contact you when he is away, but if he loved you, he should be doing this of his own volition.
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