A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Three days ago, I wrote on my Facebook Wall that "If you can't change the girl, change the girl!" .My girlfriend (for two years) didn't like it and called me jerk when she met me later. She is talking to me but can see some change in her attitude. I wrote that just for fun you know! Don't you guys think she is being little immature and instead should have appreciated my good sense humor ? I'm 30, she is 28. What should I do to make her happy again?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (23 April 2013):
In my life, I have somehow found a way to eliminate all of the strife that seems to ubiquitously follow FB and Twitter posts.
I dont have an account for either, and I can say without fear of contradiction that my life is all the better for it.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 Here’s a joke you shouldn’t take offence to then…
What does an Immature Irish man’s brain sound like?
Whoosh… Like flushing toilet water!
…to be sure, you’re not that funny mate! Although as mentioned by Expat Girl, you publicly apologise to her on Facebook
:) – CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): As yet another female, If I read that I would think...it was hinted at me! Yeah you may have thought it was a foolish funny quote to post on FB. If I read that from another girl's bf I would think "wow poor girl with such an ars* for a bf".
If I was you I would talk to her in person, and tell her you were foolish, and did not understand her. Heck I would show her thiss question and tell her, you now realize that you were in the wrong and you had no perpective of how much it could hurt.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Why in the world did you think writing that would be FUN? did you not think about who would take it the wrong way or how it would be interpreted?
WHAT in fact WERE YOU THINKING?
I don't see it as humorous if anyone was being immature you were.
how's that for words hurting? did they hurt? REALLY, they are just words... and words from a stranger.
ME, i would have assumed you were hinting at wanting to break up...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2013):
 As you can see by most of the females who answered your post, it wasn't perceived as funny at all.
I don't see the fun it it either, to be honest and I would have assumed (if I read the post on a friends wall ( I don't do FB) I would have thought :"Oh my what a lame guy - must suck to have a BF who appreciate his GF THAT much". Like AuntieEm wrote, women read between the lines (whether there IS a deeper meaning or not) YOU ought to know that by now.
As far as your "good" sense of humor, it makes me think you find fart jokes hilarious still... and at any situation.
Honey, grow up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): You thought you were being cute and funny, like referring to a women as a "ball and chain" around the guys... not really all that funny... actually YOU were a bit disrepectful and immature. It might have been funny if it was in reference to someone you just broke up with because that would fit the joke. I would have laughed too. If you had seen one of those signs that had that quote and you simply "liked" it, you probably would not have receieved the same reaction at all. But because you wrote it, in light fun or not, it still means something and "the girl" responded accordingly.That was a slap in the face to your girlfriend of two years...she is not overreacting or being immature about it. I am curious how many responses you got to that one....ya you were being a jerk and didn't think that one through. You need to own it and seriously apologize to her her for this.
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A
female
reader, Expat Girl +, writes (22 April 2013):
Post another message on facebook. Say, "If you can't change the girl, then change the stupid boyfriend". Apologize to her publicly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): that's the kind of lad banter that you keep between you and your mates.
you might not have really meant it - but the fact that you find it funny means you see women (including your gf since she's technically a woman) as nothing more than a source of entertainment.
I don't blame her for questioning whether you're mature in your view of relationships and indeed your commitment to her if you can joke about swapping her for a more obedient model if she doesn't agree with everything you say.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I'd feel really humiliated if my boyfriend wrote something like that on Facebook, it sounds like you're saying she's done something wrong. If I read that on someone else's facebook I wouldn't think it was a joke, I would think you were having a fight. I think you should apologize.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): If I was your girlfriend I would have responded with " if you can't get off in his penis, change the penis" - how would that make you feel if she had done something similar.
If you only have contacts on Facebook that you both know as a couple and all know that this was light hearted fun then there's not too much of an issue. However, I highly doubt this is the case and insinuating there is an issue with your relationship to lots of friends and family really is a no go... Why even touch a point like that?!
I suggest you update your status to something very loving towards her without mentioning it if you want to make her feel better about the situation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Maybe your gf does not have a great sense of humour, but the joke was actually a bit lame , and anyway it's not the kind of thing that a man in love would shout from the rooftops ( i.e. post on Facebook ).
I think that if you had cracked the joke in person, she would not have minded or she would have even laughed, but the fact of posting it for all the world to see made her feel as if you were officially criticing her or, worse , making fun of her and your relationship.
Conclusion : is she overreacting ? yes, a little, - it's only Facebook, after all. But, for the future, when you want to make people laugh, stick to your repertory of " There's a priest and a rabbi ....."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Personally, if my boyfriend had posted somethnig like that then I'd think I'd done something that had really upset him because it's kind of a mean or insensitive thing to say, even if you didn't mean it that way. It's kind of like publicly saying that you're not happy with your girlfriend, so I can understand why she got upset. If you can't understand it, you might need to look a little closer at your sense of humour, it's a bit off.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Girls read between the lines...Boys do not!!
Of course she was going to react, it was a dumb thing to write and it was insendiary.
Was she being immature...nope
Were you?...yup!
If she posted something similar questioning your manhood, would you feel affronted?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): If my partner wrote that on Facebook I'd be really embarrassed, firstly because it sounds thoughtless and secondly because the joke wasnt funny.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): When you write something like that it means when you find yourself facing an obstacle in your relationship (like you need her to change for the better because she's doing things that are hurting her, or that she needs a change in attitude etc), you will run away instead of facing it together with her. After all, all you have to do is to find a new person and wash your hands off her when she might really need your help (to change). You might take it as a joke but your girlfriend sees it as a reflection on how you view relationships. And tbh, it does sound a little douchebaggy. Furthermore unless its something drastic, a girl would want you to love her for the way she is, because she does so towards you. Hope this point from a girl's perspective helps!
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