A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me: 24 y/o gay male, ended a 2 year relationship last August. Law school student.I started dating my new boyfriend Feb. 27 of this year.Boyfriend: 23 y/o gay male. This is his first serious relationship. Graduated from ******** University. Teacher.Before I started dating my current boyfriend, I had concerns about his age (I usually date older men), and the fact that I'm the first guy that he has seriously pursued.About 2 weeks ago, we had a fabulous 5 day trip in Washington, D.C. We had an argument in the beginning that almost ended our relationship, however it brought us a lot closer. I simply felt the "fireworks," and connection. I've noticed that my boyfriend checks other guys out in front of me. I've repeatedly told him how that makes me nervous (my last boyfriend cheated on me). I understand that admiring other beautiful men is normal, but I feel that it is disrespectful for him to be so bold when doing it in front of me.Lately, I've been annoyed when it comes to my boyfriend's hygiene habits. He doesn't always shower daily nor does he brush his teeth at least 2x a day. He has gorgeous, straight, pearly white teeth, but I contiguously have to ask him to brush his teeth because his breath stinks. This is where his age comes in. I feel like I'm his Mother at times. I confronted him about it, yet he still continues to exhibit poor dental and hygiene care. This is a huge turn off for me.My boyfriend has already told me that he loves me and that he would want to have a kid with me if we stay together long term. While walking in Dupont Circle in D.C., I honestly had the same desires. Yet, I'm afraid that my boyfriend was just "caught up in the moment." I've been spending the night with my boyfriend for over a month now, per his request. Is this too much, too soon? How can I be sure that my boyfriend truly loves me?How do I know if he's "the one?"Any advice/suggestions? Please be completely frank.Thanks!
View related questions:
cheated on me, older men, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2013):
 You have been dating 6 weeks or so not very long…
Checking out other guys, eh, my hubby looks at other women and it makes me laugh. He has no chance with them even if he was single. Eye candy is eye candy so to speak. So unless he’s really blatant and rude about it, I would let that go.
A 5 day trip in such a short time after starting a relationship is scary to me… I mean if things got bad on the trip you were stuck…. Glad it went well I love DC did you see the Cherry Blossoms?
IF his hygiene now bothers you , it will ONLY get worse as the relationship progresses. I don’t think it’s age… by 23 he knows what needs to be done and how to do it… If his hygiene is a turnoff at 6 weeks.. think how it will be in 6 months… and consider discussing with him that it’s a deal breaker. If he showers every other day and is not stinky, then that’s not unacceptable… we Americans shower daily and it’s not good for our skin esp in the winter. I shower more in the warmer months than I do in the winter. And in the winter if I do hit a shower daily I just do the creases so to speak… A DAILY shower is not needed if he is not working out sweating etc….
TEETH… well that’s another issue… and you can say “hon brush your teeth or something your breath stinks” we don’t’ always realize it. My hubby does this to me and I feel crummy, but I’d rather get up and brush up to get a kiss than not…. And I brush 3 times a day…
NOTE that if it’s a deal breaker for you, then it’s a deal breaker for you and there is no crime in that.
Now on to your questions
1.I think he can be FALLING in love with you but I myself am the type of person to fall in love pretty quickly and I still need 3 months to know for sure….
2.Spending the night every night… are you happy with it? If you are then it’s fine… don’t give up your place too fast.. if you are not happy there every night.. tell him you need to go down to maybe 3 or 4 nights per week as stuff has to get done at home
3.You can’t be sure if he truly loves you yet… only time and behavior will tell this… once you know you won’t have to ask. My husband loves me as truly and as purely as any man ever has. I know this. He does not say it but I know it. His actions tell me so.
4.If you have to ask if he’s the one, he’s not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Your relationship is in its infancy and even you aren't certain whether you are actually in "love." Young gay relationships tend to have a short life-span, because they are usually laden with superficial attraction, and unrealistic expectations. Throw in jealousy and insecurities and you have the formula for disaster.If his oral hygiene is an issue and you "dog" him about it, he is only resistant; because you have taken the "motherly" position in the relationship. Once you assume that role, it's yours for the keeping. So twinkie doesn't take baths, and he has a roving eye. Invite him into the shower with you, and buy him a pair of Dulce Gilbana designer shades. Then you can't see where his eyes are focused.There is that special shared experience on a vacation or cruise that we're caught up in a moment, and feel we're head over heels. That's normal, it's a rush of endorphins. Like that moment just after you cum. While you point out several flaws in his personal habits; you tend to be petty, critical, and bossy. You "confronted" him about his habits, instead of addressing the issue delicately and with consideration for his feelings. You want him to wear blinders in public to appease your self-image insecurities. Look at the over-all picture and then step back a moment.Yes, you are moving too fast and you hardly know each other. There is always a trial period we must go through to learn things about each other before using the "L" word.Now I'll come to my final point. I rest my case on my theory why young gay relationships have a short life-span.Learn to be tolerant and considerate. When you approach others regarding sensitive or personal imperfections, please use tact and diplomacy. You'll get more positive results when you don't clobber them over the head with criticism. Allow yourself time to learn each others habits and personalities before gushing out the "L" word. Don't "mother" anyone. That's a turn off.If it's not working out for you, let him know now. It's early on and easier to walk away without hard feelings.
...............................
|
