A
female
age
30-35,
*rincesskatee
writes:A little background info first: my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. He always told me I was his first love and I'm the first girl he's even considered marriage with and so on. His family has even told me I'm the first girl he's ever brought home. (He's 31) and that there has to be some special feelings towards me. Now come to my issues with him. I've caught him 2 times responding to personal ads on craigslist. Both times I caught him because I snooped through his phone. I know it was wrong but hey look what I found out. Both times being caught he denied it until breaking up with him then he admitted it both times. He said both times were the last, he was only doing it because he was bored etc. and I forgave him both times. This past few days I decided to see if he had really stopped. This time I made a fake ad on craigslist and guess what, he responded to it! Now I don't know what to do. Respond back and see how at hell go? Or just confront him now? Any advice would be appreciated and thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 April 2013):
Can I ask how you made the ad so he would reply to it? I mean, for all you know some other guy could have taken an interested in it. The reason I'm asking is because it would be easy for him to turn the tables on you and say you're just as bad as he is for placing that ad, because it's just a coincidence he replied to it.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (23 April 2013):
OP I think your boyfriend has a feeling he needs to catch up on things he thinks hes missed. Have you told him your history? Did you have casual hookups? Something is driving him to do this but I am afraid I agree with the others. He is certainly not ready to settle down. If you really like him then split up amicably and see what happens.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): Hi, I would set a meeting and see if he goes through with it. This way he will not be able to talk himself out, that he was just having fun and had no intention of meeting the person.I personally would set a date, dress to kill and that will give him a shock when he pitch for the date and see its me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 If this was a game of Baseball; it’d be three strikes and you’re out! Good for you snoopy princesskatee… looks like you caught him out in centre field. Here’s how to deliver a little harmless sweet justice if you have the 'confidence' for - Game On...After your fake ad asks to meet him for drinks… You then, 2 days later make a date with him for that same night. Listen to how he makes excuses that something else has come up… watch as he gets ready for Ms. Fake Ad and once he leaves; your either out the door with all your belongings, you show up delivering his eviction message from the relationship or you watch him try to find the illusive fake ad and laugh at his stupidity – Game Over! Please note re: forgiving him; …if he disrespects you once and you allow it then he sees it as a blue print to continue that same bad behaviour. [Credit to DC Aunt/Uncle for this verse]Take Care – CAA
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Three strikes and you are out and that is what I would be doing with this guy.
A guy like that isn't going to change. Delete him out of your life on any social medias, delete him off your cell, don't take his calls anymore. He doesn't deserve you nor does he deserve an answer at this stage of the game.
I have to know everything about a guy that I am dating and I can be sneaky too. I do it for my own peace of mind and sometimes that is the "only" way you really find out about a person. I don't want to be dating some psycho guy. I prefer to play it safe. Even if I have to do a background check on a guy. So don't beat yourself up about it.
At least you found out and now you know what he really is, a player.
Move on and find yourself a decent man. I think they still exist? Or get out of the dating game for a while and give some time to yourself until you feel ready to get back into the scene again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): Listen princess Katie don't waste your time with this man. You set a trap and took the bait. Its over; lies , cheating and God only knows what else. You deserve a true night in shining armour. You have been more than accommodating in this relationship. Stop it. You started to hold him accountable but he wont change. Trust is out the window, now take time to heal and then move forward with your life. If every woman was like you I am convinced that the world would be a better place. Pat yourself on the back and don't blame yourself for anything that happened here. Your a great women I am deeply convinced about this. You are a breath of fresh air in a society that continually doesn't want to hold people accountable for their actions. You can see all this where ever you look around. I know there is a man out there for you that will want a monogamous relationship with only one women and who is capable of giving and sharing love that you deserve. Please move forward and hold your head high.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 April 2013):
Either accept it or leave.
The only other option is to stay with him and pretend he'll change.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 April 2013):
Dear OP,
End this relationship. You both don't trust each other. He obviously hasn't had much success with women so far and now that he's got a girlfriend, he's finally got some confidence.. which he uses to cheat on you. You're not meant for each other, no matter what his family says. He's 31 and quite unexperienced, so he's not ready to commit, I suppose. To most guys, experience somehow matters. They need to prove themselves that they are "real men" before they can commit and "lay back".
I hope that in your next relationship, you can build more trust and will respect your boyfriends privacy. Yes, in his case I can understand what you did, but don't make it a habit.. too much sneakiness can also ruin the trust in an otherwise healthy relationship.
Wish you good luck! And sageoldguy is right, keep the ad :)
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2013):
You do not trust him (with good reason)
but now you have done something that makes you not trustworthy either (a honey pot trap is not a trust making way to go)
Now that you know he's willing to peruse CL and find some girls for fun and games, what do you want to do about it?
you will never be able to make him stop finding other girls....
twice you have caught him
twice you have forgiven him... basically by doing that you have told him it's OK to do this, I think so little of myself that I"m willing to accept whatever crumbs you throw me.... and I'll forgive your cheating, emotional or otherwise.
It's all good till you catch a disease.
if you tell him you caught him again, you are suspect for setting the honey pot, if you don't leave him, he knows you will continue to forgive him his indiscretions.
It's not going to be easy to break up. He'll beg you to stay, especially if you give reasons like "you're on craigs list finding other women" and he'll make promises (FOR THE THIRD TIME) that he won't keep.
so if you want to stay, accept that he's never going to be trustworthy, he's probably never going to be faithful, and you will possibly get left in the dust eventually when he does meet someone he's willing to stop cheating on.
if you want to leave, just do it, go no contact, and be strong.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 April 2013):
 How many times are you going to play this game?
There's no reason to continue things with this guy. He's, obviously, a player..... and you are NOT his "number one" priority in his life.... so why frustrate yourself? You've "got the goods" on him.... so, sit him down.... tell him that it's over between you and him.... and walk away...
Good luck....
P.S. Keep the ad going, 'cuz you might get a reply from a real nice replacement!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I can easily see this back-fire and him claiming he KNEW this was you and that is why he answered.
Personally, I would just end it. You know that he has done this AT LEAST twice in the past, and even AFTER getting caught he did it again. So chances are he will NOT stop doing it.
Either you want to be with a guy who is still looking for something else, or you have had enough.
This is not something you can fix by catching him, not by issuing ultimatums. Only way to end it, is to end the relationship and move on. If he learns from it for future relationships, good, if not.. not your problem.
It's up to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (22 April 2013):
 You obviously cannot trust the man so I suggest you put an end to this farce once and for all. Having to monitor someone like this is no way to live.
You could send a brief note to him via Craigslist: 'Apparently you haven't stopped so I'm moving on.'
Then again, doing so would tell him that you had posted the ad and he (and his family) might spin this to make it look like you're the one trying to cheat.
You could simply end it without even mentioning the ad. You don't need a 'valid excuse' (even though he's given you one). You could say that you'd tried to overlook his past indiscretions, but found it isn't something you're prepared to live with after all.
...............................
|
