A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've met a new partner and everything is going amazing! He's kind, funny, everything I could ask for! Until we got in the bedroom! He's 54 and can't get it up! Well he can because I've felt it and in foreplay he's been hard! There's a bit of an age gap and I'm still very sexually active, well I was! We've spoke about it and he's been to the doctor for Viagra but "he's waiting for his results" this is two weeks later, still nothing! I feel like he doesn't want to do it! I've asked him and he says he does! I've asked if its physiological and he said no (I'm the first after his marriage ended) I just don't know what to do now! I feel like he's holding back even though he tells me he wants me etc I know sex isn't everything but I'm beginning to feel he's holding out on purpose!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I agree with both Eddie and Cerberus. I also believe that if you put any sort of pressure on him about this it will be worse than it already is. STOP asking about it as that puts pressure on him. Find other ways (and times) to make love and experience each other in other ways, there’s digital stimulation, there is oral stimulation and there’s affection and cuddling etc…
And I seriously doubt he’s holding out on purpose but if you believe that, even if you say nothing your subconscious will emit signals that are going to be picked up by him. His ego is probably already battered and bruised by his own feelings of incompetency and your questioning, demanding or feeling he’s doing it on purpose is not going to help.
If when the medication arrives it does not help, well then you have a decision to make. Personally for me, if I had a man who was willing to please me in other ways, who was everything perfect and the ONLY problem was an inability to achieve an erection, I would possible consider staying if he was aware that his sexual efforts had to include pleasing me in other ways, but then I’m one of those women that does not orgasm from penetration so it’s not that critical to me.
You may require a partner that can penetrate you for sexual satisfaction and if you find he is unable to sexually satisfy you, better to cut him loose now so he can find someone who he is sexually compatible with and so can you.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 April 2013):
 At his age, it wouldn't be too surprising to find out that he has ED. Many men, beginning in their 40's, begin to experience some form of this -- particularly if they are overweight and out of shape.
To make matters worse it eventually becomes a mental issue, where the fear of failing becomes so overwhelming that no amount of medication will help.
There are two potential scenarios going on here:
1) He is telling the truth and his prescription is in the works. If this is the case, the only thing you have to do is be patient -- it will happen.
2) He is embarrassed to see the doctor or knows that the pills won't work. I don't see why this is a viable solution for him, because he knows that the longer he holds out on you, the more likely you are going to call it quits.
You may eventually have to make a decision on your relationship. At his age his sex drive is declining and his ability to maintain an erection could further decline as he ages. This may be something that you are going to have to compromise on.
You may also want to consider altering your bedroom activities. Try having sex in the morning when his ability should be the highest or do "quickies" if his time limit is limited. Also if he is out of shape, encourage him to start exercising and eating right.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): OP for a woman your age you're not very knowledgeable about men or our erections. We can't just command it to stand to attention and he can't "hold out" either.
We can only do the things we know work to get it up or put it down but they're not guaranteed to work, it'll do what it wants and for whatever reason when it comes to getting hard when it matters it won't play ball for him. That's out of his control and what did you expect from a 54 year old?
OP I'm your age and guess what my penis doesn't react to a stiff breeze anymore like it did when I was a teenager and frankly OP our penises never really do what we want them to do anyway.
Got to stand up and give a public speech? Hello erection. Getting hot and heavy and finally get to have sex with your new partner? Time to sleep.
OP be patient with him. The fact you're reacting this way is only making things worse. Applying pressure on him when it's likely he is suffering performance anxiety is only going to make it worse.
And for god's sake woman, stop shouting!!!
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