A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I just turned 22 the other week and something came to my realization... I've never EVER been in an actual relationship with a guy. I've flirted, I've had a little fun (nothing leading to sex, I am still a virgin...) but have never had someone I could call "boyfriend"... it sucks!I have had people ask me out, but none of them are what I would consider relationship material. Most have been what I would consider immature and for some reason they are almost always younger than me! I think it's because I don't look/dress my age. A year ago I had a lady ask me where my friends or parents were because I looked too young to be roaming the mall by myself. When I told her my age (then 21) she looked shocked an apologized because she thought I was 15! That was embarrassing... One guy I work with is constantly asking, though I cannot tell if he is serious or joking. I say no to him because we work very close together and, well, he quite younger than me (I think 18 or 19?). I think it started off as him asking seriously to take me out then turned into a goofy game of what he could do to take me out. Sweet guy but he's pretty immature and young.Two others have asked but has given up it seems, one beat around the bush and seemed to like to hang out and mess around but didn't want an actual relationship (I later found out he was cheating on someone else with me...)A constant trend I am seeing is that it is VERY easy for me to make male friends (almost all my friends are male) but I can't seem to find one suitable to be in a relationship with! One of those friends told me I was way too picky. Another said I should wear different clothes that show off my body... I am guilty of being a bit of a country girl/tomboy and RARELY wear heels or makeup (rarely as in, once a year for a very special occasion like a wedding). But don't feel like I should have to walk around parading by body around wearing makeup to earn the attention of a guy!Any tips on what I can do to look more attractive (and maybe a little older) or catch guy's attention? Not ever being in a relationship is bothering me when I see so many people around me, my age and younger, already married or in happy relationships.Any advice would be nice!
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flirt, I work with, immature, still a virgin, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): Join clubs / societies hobbies where you will meet men who share the same interests and as mature as y
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Discounting someone based just on his age is not a good thing.
being yourself is a good thing so don't think you need makeup and heels to "snare" a guy.
maybe you need to say yes to these guys who ask you out and go out on a date or two.. that's just a date or two they aren't asking you to go steady or be sexual or marry them, just go out and get to know them and see if maybe it could progress to more...
that's called DATING...
BTW for perspective on dating younger men... remember this
women on average live 8 years longer than men.... so if you are 38 and he's 30 you have a great chance of living a long happy life together. And I love telling folks this: When I was 22 my husband was NINE... not NINETEEN... NINE.
of course I did not meet him till he was 37....
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (24 April 2013):
Being the "only" single in a "sea of couples" can be anything from discouraging to devastating. I was there! Just a few weeks short of 22, I was sitting in my college graduation. I watched many friends step up to receive diplomas. As the stepped down, quite a few were met by a wife or girlfriend (or both?) who gave displays of affection bordering on sexual assault. I thought, "Hey! I must be the ONLY guy here who has never been laid!". I had gone through four years of college without dates, much less a girlfriend, and had no prospects. Of course, like you, I didn't want to simply "get laid" as much as I wanted a mutually committed relationship. A couple months after turning 23 I experienced the physical and emotional intensity of a double-virgin wedding night with the girl who has been my life partner for almost 39 years.
Start by reading the response from "Sageoldguy1465". Whatever you do, don't try to be somebody or something you're not. Most people can spot a phony, and will either steer clear of that person - or try to exploit them.
To be honest, it sounds like you are dismissing most possibilities for a serious relationship before it can develop. I understand you don't want an "immature" guy but being a year or two younger than you doesn't automatically make him immature. Interacting with you in casual, recreational, situations may not give these guys an opportunity to display the areas where they HAVE developed maturity. And, you have an opportunity to be with some of these guys for a year or two as they develop maturity - and help shape that development.
Looking younger than your actual age may be a contributing factor, but it's not the main cause. There are MANY people who would LOVE to have that "problem"! Looking younger than your age is part of what makes you, uniquely YOU.
There probably ARE things you can do with your dress and grooming to help you look older - but wearing clothes that "show off your body" probably isn't where you should start. (While some physical attractiveness is necessary, what's between your ears - and his - is more important to a long-term relationship.) Take a (female) friend whose judgement you trust, and $25, and visit a thrift store. You'll have an opportunity to try out a wide range of "looks" based on the clothing you'll find there - not just the styles that are currently fashionable, or the clothing that some store manager thinks his "target market" will buy.
Personally, I'm rather attracted to a "country girl/tomboy" and actually turned off by makeup. In my mind, a "tomboy" can be VERY attractive, feminine, and sexy! Of course, I married a farmer's daughter who spends most of her days in simple slacks and shirt outfits, no makeup, just small earrings, no bra (small breasted). And she is stunning when she DOES put on a dress and heels!
There is one thing I find especially attractive in what you wrote: You are a virgin at 22. That indicates you value your sexuality and aren't using it to attract guys. (Doing so is likely to attract the wrong kinds of guys, or attract them for the wrong reasons.) Please continue that attitude! When you find the right guy to be your sex partner I hope it's out of a mutual desire to be each other's life partners. There ARE guys who think the same way - certainly a minority, but a sizable minority.
Your question shows up from time to time on this Forum. You can read one of my responses in the thread "I'm 20 and never been kissed or had a bf! Any advice?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-20-and-never-been-kissed-or-had.html ] (my comments are way down by the bottom of the thread). Other threads you can look at include:
"30 year old guy has never dated.. how do I get started?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/30-year-old-guy-has-never-dated-how.html ]
"How does a "late bloomer" become emotionally and intimately close with a man? Any tips?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-does-a-late-bloomer-become-emotionally-and.html ]
"Can a shy man be attractive?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-a-shy-man-be-attractive.html ]
"He's shy -- So how can I let him know that I want him to ask me out?" at [http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-shy--so-how-can-i-let.html ]
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Hi
You have been asked out and flirted with but have chosen not to give them a chance. So obviously lads find you attractive, you just haven't met anyone who meets your standards.
The advice you were given when you asked was to change your appearance but you don't want to,fair enough. However,maybe altering your hairstyle would help you look more sophisticated and just a touch of make-up,you don't have to pile it on,some jewellery,nothing OTT just a feminine touch.
Some guy will come along that *you* see as more than a mate and he will see you as more than one of the lads, so just be patient, get on with life and let it happen naturally, you know your ready to date but there's no rush
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Appearance - whether breathtakingly gorgeous, or clock-stopping ugly - is NOT what gets a date/relationship for women..... It is APPROACHABILITY..... and, from your description, you are struggling with that.....
Rather than spend time and mental energy trying to manipulate your way to that first date/relationship.... I suggest that you just "be yourself." Sounds cliche, I know... BUT, it's really the only "way" that you know how to "be".....
Don't worry,... you're young... there's plenty of time... and "things" will happen ..... probably when you least expect it....
Good luck....
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