A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have dated for almost 3 years. We've never dated before so being in a relationship with eachother is our first. I have made a few mistakes in the past such as lying. When I first met my bf I lied to him about a few things such as getting drunk and being with a guy and was very close of getting taken advantaged of, but nothing ended up happening. I lied to him and kept this a secret only because I was worried what he would think of me. There were other situations that i have lied to him concerning about my past because I was worried what he would think, if he knew about it, and because i regretted what had happened in the past i didnt want him to know.Ive learned from what i've done to my bf, he had completely changed as a person. He told me the entire time he was with a liar. I felt really bad and apologized for not being honest. When i first lost my virginity to him, he questioned if i was truly a virgin. I was deeply hurt but felt that maybe i deserved it because i hurt him with my lack of dishonesty. Two years later into the relationship he still brings up the past and how i lied to him even though i have been honest with him throughout the years. He still feels like he can't trust me.I try to be a good gf but i just noticed that he isn't the same person anymore. we get into arguments sometimes and they don't always end up smoothly. I usually raise my voice and when im upset sometimes i go crazy and don't realize that i'm causing a scene in the parking lot (yelling at him in the car). He's never willing to compromise but is very hard headed and constantly blames his actions because of what i've done to him in the past (lying). He also doesnt make me feel loved anymore. There are things he doesnt do..anymore that makes me feel the way i do. Like not doing anything for me on valentines day, my birthday, and christmas. He never tells me i'm beautiful. Throughout the three years into our relationship he has never told me how he feels about me nor if i am pretty, cute or beautiful. i always feel insecure. I always tell him how i feel about him and that i find him very attractive. There is no feedback. I dont feel that "being loved in return" feeling. Even when i try to look nice for him, he doesn't acknowlegde it. When i do speak to him about my feelings he rubs it off and it becomes a cycleI feel insecure because he sometimes looks at other girls infront of me or tells me that he thinks the waiteress is good looking, but he also tells me when he sees a good looking guy . He tells me he looks at girls and what they wear not because he thinks they are attractive but because he likes to see what people wear because he cares about looking good.I love him but i feel like there is no spark anymore. I really have tried to get his atention, i want him to treat me like a real girlfriend, but he told me that i tried to late and that he doesnt know if he wants to be in a relationship because of the hell i put him through. I really don't think i'm a horrible girlfriend.I do a lot of things that he doesnt seem to appreciate. Just recently he called me to tell me that he doesnt want to be with me, but still wants to date exlusive and have intimacy. I didnt want to lose him in my life and so i accpeted this, but i realize that this isn't what i want. I will feel hurt inside. Sometimes i feel like we have too much expectations for each other and when we both don't reach up to it, we feel sad. I dont know what to do. my bf says he only wants intimacy when he thinks about how we were like in the past and how we were so close to eachother. im in a rut and i dont know what to do?i love him but i feel like being with him i'll most likely feel unhappy because he can't be the bf he used to be or how i'd want him to be.
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christmas, drunk, insecure, liar, lost my virginity, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2013):
 I have not read the whole post OP
It’s been 3 years and people change over time
In addition you lied to him at one point and once trust is broken it’s never EVER going to be totally the same. If you lied to him then you can’t take that back. If he continues after years to throw it in your face, then he’s not going to get over it.
If he’s never willing to compromise and you fight often, and you don’t feel loved then it’s probably time to end the relationship.
how do you not want to be with someone but still be exclusive and intimate
I'm telling you right now he's only staying till someone new catches his eye.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): Sweetheart,
It's only going to go downhill from here.
A man who values you will do everything in his power to make you happy. He is not a man who values or loves you...
Love yourself enough to walk away from this relationship to someone who will reciprocate your own feelings for them.
You take away the lesson that you should be open and honest with your next partner. You now know first hand that lying creates distrust which breaks relationships. Don't do it again.
Equally, your bf takes with him the lesson that if he can't get over something in a relationship, he should get out of a relationship instead of bringing it up as his trump card in every argument.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (24 April 2013):
There is no one prefect we all have our little problems to overcome.You did your best and opened up to this man and was not treated in a nice way. The problem now is with him as he has not built Trust with you over the years.If as you stated that the Spark has gone and he makes you unhappy You will have to decide if you really want to continue this relationship.As he stated he does not want to be with you this was very hurtful to you and it seems always what he wants.Have A LONG INDEPT think about this .Best Wishes. Nora B.
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