A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Today I visited my bf in his house. We don't live together yet. It was a little mess, so I started to clean his place a little. Then I founf this, a sex toy, quite like a simple hole cup. Maybe it was there before, I just didn't noticed? Close his PC, even not hidden. Looked like opened, maybe used. Of course I pretended didn't saw it. But, what to think!?Oh maybe it's important, we are together 2 years over, didn't had sex yet. We are still waiting, he is a little shy and cold sometimes, but completely never made me to do anything sexual, when we sleep together he only hug me, always say that it's because respecting and no need to hurry. We both have very little experience before. About this we didn't talk a lot. But, in fact maybe I should tell I already wanna do it.It changed my imagination about him, I always thought he don't need this. Of course I know he masturbate, but well, it's little disgusting that he need a cup for that. What do think? It's normal? We live in UK, it's easy to buy that toys here,it's so different than my home country. Is it a reason to be worry?Please someone, what you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): Tkanks for answers, you made me a little relief.As for me it's a new situation. Of course I thought maybe it's a stupid gift or just he bought to check it. It's nothing anatomical, just simple cup, I saw once in my friend b-day party, as a stupid gift. Anyway now I thought a little, and it's ok. It's true, he don't do anything to hurt me, but man feel sexual things different. Yesterday we met, and we talked just usual. I felt him as always. I only think too much when I'm alone.Anyway I think I will tell him about my feelings about starting intimacy. It's not because I wanna he stop use cup. But many times we change topic accidentally, so maybe he don't really know I want. I think he want too, maybe don't know how to start. I think we have big problem with communication yet. But in fact, we are adult, so should start being adult.Thank you for your comments. In my country forum I had only negative comments, but in my area that things are like a taboo. It was good to ask here:) thanks everybody:)
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (24 April 2013):
Dear OP,
Don't worry. 95% of men masturbate and the other 5% are lying :)
To use a sex toy for that is nothing special. Maybe it's time to get a little more intimate now, you both trust each other and you are very close. If you don't feel ready for sex, there are other ways to be intimate with each other, kissing, petting, massage.. maybe you can start to talk about these things and try them out before you decide whether to move on to real sex or not.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 no reason to worry at all... I have a whole drawer full of sex toys and so does my hubby.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 This is totally normal and nothing to worry about, but your reaction to it (it's a little disgusting - why is it disgusting?) and the fact that you are in your mid-to-late twenties and haven't done anything sexual together yet indicate some sort of issue around sex. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with waiting that long and I respect people who do, but I also think sex is important in a relationship. Are you waiting until marriage or just until you feel ready? Because if it's the former, fine, but if it's the latter and after more than two years you still don't feel ready, maybe you never will.Maybe this would be a good time to talk to your boyfriend about sex and what you can both expect from the future because he obviously has needs that he's not discussing with you, but try to be open-minded and do it without embarrassing him, i.e. not "I found your sex toy and it's gross."
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 No reason to worry at all :) whether its his hand or a cup doesn't really matter so much. Think of it this way, it's still doing the same thing right? Plenty of girls have sex toys.
And the way men masturbate seems to be different to women, more like a sneeze (they feel like doing it, so they do it, whereas women are more intimate and sensual about it. So I wouldn't read into it too much :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): He shouldn't be embarrassed and you shouldn't make him feel that way (if you ask him about it). Leave it alone, and there is nothing really to say. He's respectful of you and waiting until the two of you are ready, but he still is going to have sexual urges, so he's taking care of it himself. For whatever reason that is his aid of choice or he tried it out, did nothing for him and forgot about it. There could be a number of explanations, but none of them matter because what he does in private, as long as it does not hurt you or disrespect you, it's his business.If you are ready to have sex with him, it should be because you want to. Not because you found a sexual aid that he uses. He is likely to continue using it even when the two of you become sexually active. Not because he likes it better but because he may have a sexual urge when you are not with him, so don't be surprised or shocked or feel like he doesn't want to be with you.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Why are you worried? Of course he is going to have sexual urges! Maybe it is time you two had sex, you can't wait for ever!
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