A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I just recently found out that my husband's first-love contacted him. I also now know that he was the one making the attempts to find her He says he is still in love with her and never got over her. He also wants to continue contact with her to carry out a 'friendship'. I've tried to be supportive and understanding. I asked him where I stood in our marriage and if there was a possibility that they may rekindle the relationship if they stayed in touch. He said he would move back to KY to be with her if she wanted to have a relationship with him. He was also talking about putting in a 2 week notice at work and letting his kids (3 kids from previous marriage) finish out the school year and then head out to Kentucky. A day and half later I asked him what was going on with him and if he had an answer for me as to when he was going to leave. He told me he had no answer for me yet because he NEEDED to call her to make sure this is what she wants. I got so angry that I packed all of his stuff up and loaded his car. I told him I would call for the kids' mom to arrange a way to transport them to her in Idaho but I would NOT let him take the kids with him. I told him I was no ones plan b and the simple fact he considered going after her was enough for me to know where I stood in this marriage. He has not left, I slept in the room with him but not in the same bed last night. Did I over react? Am I being unfair? Where do I go from here?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 April 2013):
 You did not over react. You are not being unfair.
Where you go from here is to contact an attorney. When he moves out, you have abandonment grounds for your divorce. DO NOT tell him this. Keep this to yourself.
I think your telling him to go and not take his children from his first marriage is wise.
The problem is she may have been toying with him to stroke her ego and when he admits to actually being packed and ready to leave she may no longer actually want him. Then what? I would NOT take him back so quickly.
If he lives his life based on what others want, he’s not very wise or mature. But clearly HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER so I would give him that chance. I would free him from the “bonds of holy matrimony” regardless of what SHE wants.
I would not let him sleep in your room. Put him on the couch or in the guest room.
I would also get a good therapist for yourself so you can be told rightfully so that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. HIS bad behavior is not about you being a good person or a good wife or anything. His stupidity is not a reflection on you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): Beg him to leave you. He is grimey, putrid, toxic trash. Ew, where`s the lysol?
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A
female
reader, queenadelaide  +, writes (25 April 2013):
Your husband is a selfish, immature and delusional man.
He does not deserve you.
Get a divorce lawyer already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): Did you overreact - are you serious. No, of course you didn't. You are married to a jerk, I'm mad just reading this.
Contact a lawyer, do what you can to get him out of your life. Let him go be with her, you are too good for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): You didnt over react. I would of thrown all his belongings in the garden, minus black bags cos hes worse than garbage. Get on to a divorce lawyer asap and DONT take him back. Love your self more than him and if your resolve starts weakening tell your self NO . You hunny deserve far better than this sorry excuse for a man.
I wish you all the luck in the world cos you deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): You didn't over react, you did what any respectable woman would do. If it was me he would be gone. He is seeing you as a plan b - if he cant have her, he might 'settle' for you. You obviously deserve so much better than this, if I was you i would call it quits, no second chances (and I usually believe in forgiveness and second chances - not in this case). I agree with CMMP
God bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): You have started the right process. what kind of bullshit story is this? Let the lowlife go. At least he had enough sense to tell you what he was doing. You are to be admired for your convictions. You tried and this nut job is running back to some hoe in Kentucky. That's fine let him go. Start a new life knowing that your convictions and resolve never waivered. Never let this moron back into your life. Move ahead...
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A
female
reader, Lola333 +, writes (24 April 2013):
You so did not over react!!! Your husband needs counseling. You don't deserve this. Most people have someone who got away but the fact that he is willing to jeopardize his marriage to you on the OFF CHANCE that she might want him means you should run. He is fantasing about a relationship that does not exist anymore. The fact that he would tell you that he would go there if she wanted him back shoudl tell you everything. I wish you look because he is telling you so much about himslef that is not good. You also might want to seek out counseling so you can deal with what is ahead. Don't put up with this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question^^^ Thank you so much for your words. I double doubted my actions because I felt I was blinded by all the anger
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 April 2013):
HELL NO YOU DIDN'T OVERREACT! What a jerk! I'm sorry, but no matter what your husband chooses, this relationship has to end. The mere fact that he would put you in this position tells you so much about who he is that, if I was you, would be enough to tell me I married the wrong man.
First of all, your husband has issues. He thinks he's in love with this lady, but he really just craves her acceptance because she rejected him.
Second, his decision making is so poor that he's willing to throw EVERYTHING away for a chance. I'm reasonably sure that in a couple of months when his hallucinations have worn off, he'll come crawling back to you, telling you he made the biggest mistake of his life.
But at that point, knowing who he is, you'd be crazy to take him back. It's a good opportunity for a little payback anyways.
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