A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Next year my boyfriend and I are going to uni, different unis but not that far apart. I told him that he meant a lot to me and I'd like to try to stay together at uni because I didn't want to lose him, but after a lot of time of him thinking about it and changing his mind over and over he decided he didn't want to. He said that if uni were in the equation he'd still want to be with me no question, so we decided to just stay together for summer so that we could enjoy it together and have some great memories. I feel like I'm going to keep hoping he'll change his mind.. Is this a bad move? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, londonmiss +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Totally agree with 'So Very Confused'. I had a similar situation before I went to uni a couple years back, had been with boyfriend for couple of years and we were going to separate unis. Decided throughout the summer of constantly spending time together that we'd make it work then when uni came it ended really quickly. Yes there are people who make it work, but my university experience would not have been the same if we had stayed together, and i have friends who have broken up with their respective partners over the course of my last couple years at uni because they feel like they've missed out on a lot. You feel the easiest thing is to stay together over summer, but i would try and end it now rather than later. Especially because your boyfriend has made up his mind and I feel he may be using you to have his fun over the summer and as soon as he has to move, dump you and find someone else closer. Its harsh but university makes you who you are, you dont want to enter it tied down.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 you can stay and enjoy the summer but come fall and time for uni, it's going to be over.
and to be honest even if you don't end it when you both leave for your respective schools I will promise that it will be over and done by Christmas time anyway.
do not stay in the hopes that he will change his mind.
in fact, since you know it's going to be over, try to start weaning from each other slowly now...
and when you go to uni, you two can promise to be friends and for a while you will keep in touch but eventually it will be totally over and done.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Yes, bad idea. Either in or out. He wants to break up with you , and although the unis are not that far apart so distance would not necessarily be the kiss of death- but he wants to do it when it's more conevenient for him , so that he can move on seamlessy from a girlfriend to the next ?... Don't make things so easy for him.
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A
male
reader, xgod +, writes (24 April 2013):
 I assume you are intimate with him, so perhaps you could begin reducing the sexual activity (if there is any) and focus on just spending time together as friends with possible benefits. Certainly the connection exists, but by weening yourselves apart and focusing on companionship and doing things that are not intimate together, you could ease the transition away from one another.There is a very high probability - as with almost all college men - that he could meet someone new at his university. By defining the rules of your separation that you have no obligation to one another other than friendship, you increase the likelihood of remaining amicable to one another.Perhaps declare that if feelings for another happen for either of you, you will both have some time to deal with it and remain friends.
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A
female
reader, loony10 +, writes (24 April 2013):
yes, it is a horrible idea if you are hoping that he will change his mind. if you go into it knowing that there is a chance you guys will not be together, then so be it. but please don't give yourself false hope. your bf has been very, very clear. if his answer wasn't "of course we're staying together what a stupid question" from the get, he doesn't want it. on top of that, he took forever to decide and kept changing his mind, girl you got your answer. don't stay together just to end it in a few months. dump him and start making connections with people that aren't just using you until you aren't in the same area anymore. it's obvious he does not want to commit to you unless it's easy, and on top of that i'm sure he's excited about all the girls he'll meet with uni. at least he didn't lie to you. but honestly, i think you will get hurt. i mean come on, you obviously feel enough about it to come here and post a question. Trust me, the sooner you get it over with the better. Don't let him have his cake and eat it to. you're much more than that. you are not someone's fill in, or plan b.
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