A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am just wondering, most of us know what makes a girl hot to guys, but what makes a guy hot to girls? Does a guy basically have to be better than a girl he likes, in ways that she feels is important, for her to perceive him as hot? E.g. taller, more confident, smarter, stronger, more money, etc.If that's the case, does he also need to be better than all the other guys who approach her? If that's true, how is any guy meant to be confident when there's always a better guy? I guess I should ask, what is confidence?If you're a girl, have you ever come across a guy who you didn't know at all, who wasn't your type physically, yet you were super attracted to him for no apparent reason? If a guy needs to be better, then how was he better than you?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Well since all the smart guys have answered you, it’s time for a woman to chime in. First things first, Cerberus hit the nail on the head when he pointed out that what is hot for him is not what’s hot for all men. For example, my husband finds me beautiful and sexy and he loves and wants me more than anyone else in the world, but his friend thinks I’m “old and not that attractive” go figure.
Finding a person physically attractive is very different than being attracted to them as a person and you may find that the most attractive women are not the sexiest or the prettiest… but their BRAINS are gorgeous and that tends to color your world.
Given my perfect man I would want around 6 feet tall (my husband is about 5’7” now but my last husband was 6’4”) Eyes would be green given my option. Hair, thin, thick, brown, black , blonde or red does not matter, long or short does not matter as long as it’s well groomed. Clean and neat is way more important than length or color. So if you prefer long hair, please have it trimmed regularly and if you are thinning or balding at all CUT IT SHORT… never try to cover a bald spot. Please dress nicely and appropriately for the activity. Clean well pressed jeans and a golf or polo shirt is fine for most things… SHOWER regularly and if you do not have facial hair, be clean shaven or at most one day’s growth no more. Sloppy appearance is a HUGE turn off. Keep your teeth in good order, brushed and clean. Nails trimmed and short and NO dirt under them. And keep your feet nice too.
So now that what you look like is out of the way let’s talk about the important stuff…. You do not have to be better than other guys. YOU HAVE TO BE YOURSELF. That’s the key. Be open, be honest, be truthful. My last husband was a great lover and tall with blue eyes, but what lost me was that he had no self-esteem. He had no self-confidence. He did not like himself and that was a HUGE turn off.
What is confidence? It’s knowing you are worth being treated well. It’s knowing you are attractive and smart and are a catch. It’s not putting yourself down or apologizing for things that don’t need an apology. Don’t be a wimp. Stand up tall, make eye contact, smile, and interject your thoughts in a conversation. KNOW you are worth being treated properly. THAT is sexy. Do not confuse confidence with arrogance or being overbearing. Part of being confident is knowing when to sit back and let it all just happen without effort.
You ask “have you ever come across a guy who you didn’t know at all, who wasn’t your type physically and yet you were super attracted to him…” yeah I have. I married him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): Being better is not the key to being hot. Not all girls think alike, infact none of them do. For girls to be attracted to someone just involves many other factors rather than the ones you listed such as stronger, smarter, etc. Yes all girls have this fairy tale image of a guy but honestly, if a girl likes you for you, then you fit all those categories for her. It just depends on the girl. Me and my boyfriend are insanely in love with each other and never would I have thought I would have these types of feelings for him. So in my opinion you are just confused, you don't need to think of getting a girl as a competition between other men, you need to think of it more as a competition with yourself. Confidence is all about being happy with who you are and accepting yourself. If you accept yourself than so will others.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): "most of us know what makes a girl hot to guys"
Oh really now? What's that then, big boobs? No thanks. Thin? Not for me. Tall? I don't mind but generally not. Makeup? Nope. Can't be fat? Nope, I like a bit of extra weight. Can't have small boobs? Nope, I love them. Stick legs? God no, keep your 14 year old heroin addict look to yourself thanks.
My point OP is whatever you think makes a girl hot is not what we all think, and if you're going to go for societies version and think someone like Kim Kardashian or Kate Upton are the pinnacle of beauty then you can piss off.
The hottest thing about my fiancée to me? Her sarcastic sense of humour, I mean that woman is a vicious genius. Can cut me down in one word and have me laughing for ages. I also love it when we're with other people and she makes a comment that she immediately regrets, I can see it a mile away and know exactly how she's thinking. I have the same inappropriate sense of humour and I get to be a knight in shining armour when that happens by saying something even more inappropriate and deflecting away the attention from her.
OP my fiancée is beautiful, but I never cared what she looked for in a man and because that became me. She's told me all the stuff she loves about me lots of times, it's nice to hear of course but I don't need to know it.
OP who cares? I don't give a damn what women want, what they like, or who they're attracted to. As long as I know how to treat them well then that's all that matters. OP I'm short and I'm bald and guess what, women want me because I know how to get them and frankly I love being the guy I am.
A guy just needs to be sure of himself, know what he has to offer and how to display that.
"Better" is a relative term you're using wrong. There is no place for that type of ego in a relationship, it's supposed to be a partnership not a competition.
As the other two lads before me said, just be you. Enjoy your life, do things that interest you, take risks, be good to people have stories to tell. Live a fun life OP and be who you are and that's what women want because there' 3.5 billion of them and none of them want the same thing in any deep and meaningful way.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (24 April 2013):
Yes, it is a constant competition but you are over-analyzing it and turning it into something destructive.
As CMMP said, be the best you can be and everything else will fall into place.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 April 2013):
You're so lost here, that it's making me think that you should stop thinking about it and simply focus on being the best 'you' that you can be.
You also need to get used to the idea that men typically are pursuing women, so you're going to have to start doing so. The fact that you have the confidence to approach them is enough for some women.
Also, it's not a competition between you and the woman, and not even you and other guys in all circumstances.
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