A
female
age
30-35,
*n.love.with.him
writes:I am positive my boyfriend is an alcoholic.I just put the pieces together and it all adds up every time he goes on these binges, I don't hear from him. I thought he didn't want me anymore but it wasn't that, I know he loves me. It is the drinking. I even remember when we were just friends he'd go missing for months at a time. He'd tell me how his parents wanted him to go to AA meetings but he wouldn't go through with it. Then at the beginning of our relationship I wouldn't hear from him for the night or he'd call me drunk and he'll be mad at himself cause he stopped replying to me cause he decided to go drink. Now it's 3 weeks almost and I haven't heard from him because he goes on these binges. I once asked him to calm down and he got defensive, that's when I can tell he is wrong or in denial about something, he wasn't being mean to me he just said what am I suppose to do with my existence :S. Another time I brought it up he told me he's an alcoholic I guess almost to the point where he can realize or say he was but he wasn't there yet. He doesn't drink heavily in front of me he will only drink if I want to but if I don't want to he wont plus he won't get really drunk only buzzed. My boyfriend told me he was depressed and I'm sure drinking suppresses the feeling and makes it worse later on. I don't think any of his drinking buddies know he's depressed because I've been around some of them and it's only joking around and goofing off there is nothing else in the friendship besides that and drinking. How can you be real with someone then or even consider them your friend especially when they all talk behind each others backs and some of his male friends hit on me while my boyfriend is right there or in the next room (my bf knows about it all of that and he got mad at one of them)Do alcoholics tend to avoid loved ones whom are concerned about them and hang around with their "drinking buddies"?Also what are some things I can do to help myself and help him if he wants it cause I cannot change somebody else. Should I tell him how it makes me feels?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Alcoholics are addicts. No one can change him, he has to want to change BADLY and change himself. There is nothing you can do except to not enable him.
If you plan to stay with him, you will benefit from going to al-anon meetings. They are free and are located all over the country. They teach you things like that you will drive yourself crazy trying to change someone else because you can't. The only thing you can change is how you react and how you deal with it. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 January 2012):
 You cannot help him. He has to help himself.
If you cannot manage to leave him (the best thing for you) then you should go to AlAnon meetings... http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting
I am engaged to an alcoholic. There is NOTHING you can do... all you can do is NOT enable him and take care of yourself... IF YOU are not in too deep RUN NOW!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Alcoholics tend to avoid anyone who interferes with their ability to indulge in alcohol, be they friend or loved one.
You knew this man had a serious drinking problem before you began dating him. He's been incommunicado for the past three weeks (for that reason alone I would consider the relationship over). Despite this you are unwilling to take the necesssary action for your own well being. I say this not to judge, but to point out that if you won't do what is best, how can you expect him to?
You cannot help him. He has to seek help. That is part of the recovery process.
What you can do is decide whether or not to continue in this toxic relationship knowing that he may never get help.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 I'm afraid that you can't help your boyfriend, that's something only he can do with the help of professionals. You can be there for him and support him; if and when he chooses to get help. In Australia, there is a support network for families of alcoholics which is related to AA, which is called Al-Anon. There probably is something similar in the US. This is where YOU can get the support you will need, if you decide to hang in there. And yes, you are right, the 'friends' that your boyfriend has chosen are the perfect ones required by an alcoholic. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him how it makes you feel, and that it is not how you want to continue, and that if he doesn't get the help that he needs, that you will have to end your relationship. But, if he decides to get help, that you will be there for him, whatever it takes (if that is how you feel). If you continue your relationship with him, it will be a long hard road, so seek out a group, for the simple fact that they will be understanding of what you are going through. Good luck.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): U need to leave this toxic relationship before u get pregnant. It is difficult if not impossible to change someone. They need to hit rock bottom, before they'll change on their own.
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