A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am almost 100% positive that i have fallen in love. But it is wrong on so many levels.First of all, it is one of my teachers, and second of all she is the same sex as me. That has disapproval written all over it. I am a senior in high school, 18 years old and she is 28 so we're only 10 years apart which really isn't that much, It's the same age difference as my parents. This has been my first year having her as a teacher and i felt like there was something special about her from the very first day of class. I don't know what it is but something drew me towards her. I got closer to her when staying after school for extra help. That quickly grew into a stronger relationship and before you know it I was trusting her with my whole life, she knows more about me than almost everyone and she has become my mentor. I've gone to her for so much and she always knows just the right things to say and she has helped me so much. And just 2 weeks ago, i got kicked out of my house and i was having a bad day and i didn't know what to do so i went back to the school and i went straight to her and i totally broke down on her and she was there for me and she even started crying with me. She just cares so much, you can just tell. I can see it in her eyes, some people care with such intensity that you can tell by just looking at them and i can definitely see it burning in her eyes and it means a lot to me since she also means so much to me. She was there for me when nobody else was.I just absolutely love everything about her. She has the prettiest eyes in the whole world and she is so beautiful. She is so kind and caring and funny and she's just wonderful. And the amount of times she's been there for me lately really adds to it.And I really think i've fallen in love with her over the course of the year. She's all i can think about. Throughout all my classes and at home, she's on my mind. I look forward to seeing her the whole school day and when i actually see her, it's the highlight of my day, even the smallest amount of time. Sometimes i go out of my way to just run into her or come up with excuses to go see her. She's the best part of my life and i don't know what i'd do without her. It just hurts so much knowing that i can't even tell her, not now at least while she's still my teacher. I haven't been able to tell anyone, i don't know anyone that would understand this and it's not like i can tell her right now, things might go wrong and make class awkward and she might even start avoiding me but i can't have that. I feel like i need her. And knowing that i'm graduating in June scares me, because what if i lose contact with her? Thinking of graduation hurts so much that it makes it hard to breathe, it like literally hurts. And she's not the kind of teacher that adds some students on facebook after they graduate like a lot of other teachers at my school. I saw this coming from the very beginning and i tried to stop it but the feelings still came. And it just hurts so much. I don't want to lose her but what can i do? Should i wait until after graduation to tell her how i've been feeling or even that i just don't want to lose her? Should I say something now? I just don't know what to do! :( I'm already in too deep to totally let go of her for good. I think that just might kill me.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 January 2012):
 No, you shouldn't. I'm telling you it will not go well for you or her. Are you sure your feelings for her are sexual in nature? I ask because it's not totally uncommon for students to develop these sorts of incredibly intense feelings towards a teacher that are less sexual and more like close family, almost always when during childhood there was some kind of absence by one or both parents (neglect, abuse, alcoholism are common ones). Basically you're looking to fill in that gap with your teacher. This is all my assumption, but based on the way you describe her (mentor, there for you) and your family (being kicked out of your house) it's just what it sounds like.
The only way to deal with it is NOT to tell your teacher how strong your feelings are for her. Trust me, she already knows. I worked at a camp for a bit and one of the campers developed a similar relationship with me, and believe me I noticed, I simply felt that not acknowledging it was the most I could help her. Though everyone's different, the way I felt about it was that I cared about her a lot (and I'm SURE your teacher cares deeply about you), but I couldn't give her what she needed and to encourage her obsession was not helpful to her in the long run.
The best thing you can do is force yourself to have some distance from your teacher. I know that sounds painful and hard and the last thing you want, but you have to get away from her. Graduation will force this to happen and you just need to have the willpower not to act on any of your feelings before then. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I'm guessing you already know this is what you have to do or you wouldn't be asking for help. Take up some hobbies, hang out with friends, do anything you can until after graduation to give yourself some distance. The closer you get to her the harder you're making this on yourself.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Your feelings for this teacher is really unhealthy. Okay so I am sure you are right I am sure she does care deeply about you, just like she does with the rest of her students. It sounds like she is passionate about her job and she loves to help people and to be there for people, she does sound like a truly wonderful person to be around.
Okay now here comes the difficult part. Sure you can tell her how you feel about her, but honey I am telling you now it will not end well. From the sounds of things her career is way to important to her to allow her to give that up just to be with you. You know yourself it is not allowed for a teacher and a student to have a relationship, even after you graduate it is still frowned upon.
I am sorry but I do believe your feelings are all one sided here. Am sure she cares about you but not in a romantic way. I know right now you will feel like you will die when you leave school and you have no contact with her any more, but believe me it will get easier in time. It is common for a student to feel these feelings for teachers at school, but it will get easier.
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