A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Let's say you like a guy at work and have doubts whether he is gay or straight. Is it a good idea to ask another co-worker (declared gay) about the first one? Can it be that the second guy goes and tells the guy I like about my suspicion? What would you do to find out for sure? (except ask him directly, of course)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Simple, it is 2112 not the 1970s. Get to know him yourself rather then asking a friend. Invite him for a drink after work with other colleagues if that makes you more comfortable. Being scared to approach somebody really stimatizes the closet issue. Get out there and enjoy yourself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Your colleague's sexual preference is none of your concern unless he decides to disclose that to you. If it gets back to him that you've been asking, he will probably consider that highly offensive. I take it he's not asking you out to lunch or getting to know you beyond the professional level so the crush isn't reciprocated anyway.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Again, I agree with Tisha.
Regardless of your reason for wanting to know, his sexual orientation is still none of your business.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Is there some sort of issue that requires you to know the sexual orientation of a co-worker? Isn't that kind of private information? And wouldn't your trying to figure it out draw attention to this guy--who may or may not be gay, but it's none of your business--AND to you, indicating that you have some sort of issue with his sexual orientation?
Is this that 51 year old colleague who is a gentleman except when he's telling another co-worker to grow a mustache because of her Herpex simplex issue? If it's that guy, I'd stop trying to figure him out. He's 51, he no doubt has read your cues and he is not falling all over himself trying to ask you out.
He may be gay, he may not be but what he is not, is besotted by you, sorry.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Why do you want to know? You could accidentally start rumors about him if you're not careful. While some people do have pretty good "gaydar," just being gay doesn't mean he'd know about another person. If you want to know because you're interested in him, you can ask if he has a girlfriend and he'll either say it if he's open about it, or not.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (14 January 2012):
You make friends with him and tell him you'd love to hang out. Find out if he's single or ask why his last relationship failed. In talking about his past relATIONSHIP he will mention he or she for his x. I think you should just make friends first.
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