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female
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anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this guy since this past Christmas and we've just been sleeping together. We had an understanding that we would just be friends with benefits, but he seems to be taking things to another level, one that feels like we're actually in a relationship. I'm still in love with someone else, hence the FWB relationship, but I'm not 100% opposed to the idea of dating him because he is a nice guy, and he's very attractive. I just don't know if I'm ready to invest in another relationship, especially since I'm not over my ex (we broke up 3 months ago). My question is, if he asks me if I want to take things to the next level and I say yes, do you think we have the potential to have something meaningful after we've already been sleeping together? I fear of starting relationships once sex has been initiated early on. Your thoughts? Thanks guys!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Don't feel bad, but please don't cut and run without explanation. If he's been good to you and is a nice guy then he's done nothing to deserve that. He's only your FWB OP you don't have to feel guilty for ending it. He knew you were on the rebound and he agreed to keep it casual so he can't complain really if you end the arrangement.
A simple phone call telling him would be a nice thing to do and would give you closure too. Actually just cutting and running will probably just make you feel bad because he won't get closure and may think he's done something wrong.
Nothing bad happened here so you've no reason to be afraid to tell him what's up. He'll accept it because he knew the risks and he knew this might happen.
At the end of the day none of this is really that big of a deal, so you have nothing to lose by telling him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's 29, I'm 22. He knows I'm not over my ex. We were on the same page because he just got out of a 4 year relationship which has made him cynical and I thought he'd be the best FWB because I thought he DIDN"T want a relationship, but he's hinting that he does. We've only hooked up twice, even though we've been talking for 3 weeks. I'm having sex with someone else because I love sex and since I can't get it from the person I want to have it with, I'm stuck with seeking out a sexual relationship with someone else.I'm about to run the other way, I feel bad for just cutting off contact because he is a nice guy, but I just can't see myself with him and I don't want to have to explain why we can't be FWB's or whatever. I probably will end up telling him because he calls and texts me everyday, but right now I just can't. Thanks for the advice guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): "Seems to be" is the biggest mistake people make in FWB's. They get confused, see signs that aren't actually anything more than the person being sweet and they get that wrong and let themselves develop feelings. You're already considering this so whether you know it or not the feelings have started.
OP sex confuses friendships. Starting off with person you've only met as an FWB can be even more confusing because al the stuff that happens while dating usually happens then, the sweet talk, the gifts, the "friend" dates, the serious pillow talk. The best way to think of FWB's a no commitment contract where anything after that goes. Anything that's acceptable in any non-committed relationship, in other words the initial phases of dating are perfectly acceptable to do.
Seems to be is not enough and it's assumption based on all the romantic stuff that happens that gets people caught up in the wrong idea when all the person they've fallen for wanted was sex.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): "I'm still in love with someone else, hence the FWB relationship"
"I just don't know if I'm ready to invest in another relationship"
"I fear of starting relationships once sex has been initiated early on."
I'm admittedly old and out of touch, but if you are still in love with your ex and not ready for another relationship, exactly why are you sleeping with a total stranger in the meantime?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Why would he want to take things further if you are still not over your ex? Plus, if he was developing feelings for you he'd probably already be taking you to dinner and wanting to know everything about you instead of just getting in your pants. Proof is in a man's actions, not his words. Outside the bedroom!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Just be honest. There's no harm in saying, "I think I could be with you eventually, but right now I'm still hurting from my ex." You could start dating casually so long as he knows you're not fully over your ex, but let him bring up the idea of taking things to the next level.
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