A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I were discussing our pasts with each other and we can't seem to agree on whether or not I am still a true virgin. Right before my ex and me broke up we did try and have sex, however he is quite large and after getting just a little in, like 2 or 3 inches the pain was too much to take and i asked him to stop, which he did. I never considered it sex, but my new guy says it was, and he is fine with it. I don't want the ex to be my first however, but now im not so sure..
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male
reader, mrvhappy  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Hi there,
Any penetration by a penis into a vagina even if its half an inch is still penetrative sex.
Therefore by that defintion you are not a virgin. so sorry.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Well, you consented to what was happening at the time. You did enough to expose yourself and every future boyfriend you have to STDs. You did enough to risk a potential pregnancy from his pre-cum. And you would have called it rape if a stranger did that much to you in a dark alley against your will.
Sorry hun, but that qualifies as "sex" by any measure.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 The legal issues are mind boggling. Flynn's comment sent me looking. I see that there actually is a legal definition. I also see that my definition of a "sexual relation" is not widely accepted. My definition of virginity is very flexible. I must admit that much of it comes from Dr. Alex Comfort (author, The Joy of Sex). He said that virginity was more a state of mind than a physical condition. By his definition a woman could be a virgin many times. I know that to many men that idea just doesn't make sense. I also know that people like to claim territory. (I don't like that either but let's not go there). There are some advantages to my definition.
The case of rape. If the victim was not a willing participant then they should not suffer the consequences of the act. In other words virginity can not be taken bout only given. That doesn't necessarily help our O P's case as the ex boyfriend event was consensual.
The case of intoxication. If a person is unable to make a clear headed decision should they be held accountable for it. In other words if you would forgive them for the stupid things they said while drunk couldn't you forgive them for the stupid things they did. Also if you can't remember it how can you be held accountable for it. Don't get me wrong I don't agree with getting intoxicated to the point of losing control, but that is a separate issue.
The Christian case. As a Christian I believe that if a person is forgiven of their sins it is as if they never happened. Therefore a return to virginity should be possible.
Any way back to the case of our O P. She had intended to have sex with her ex. They had a misadventure. She was not satisfied, and didn't give him a second chance. She didn't get what she came for. So she doesn't want to count it.
IMO there is a lot more to sex than penetration. I agree that she should get more in exchange for giving away her virginity.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): Sorry. By the definition of the word, yes you are no longer a virgin.
Even if he penetrated for a few seconds, and a few inches. It still lawfully, and morally counts as sex. Terrible, unenjoyable sex, of course, but sex.
Any attempt to consider it otherwise is wishful think and denial.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 the hymen is located at the entrance of the vagina, so if he penetrated you by 2 or three inches, then its unlikely you are still a virgin.
but its up to you really, if you think you are, then thats ok.
what your new b/f thinks is his problem.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 October 2010):
It's your virginity you define it. I don't have a problem with your definition. Sometimes we get all hung up on the definition. While you did have a sexual relation (Two people touching each other for sexual pleasure). You didn't have sexual intercourse (even if that had been the plan). So your boyfriend is going by the Chinese proverb definition. (virginity is like balloon, one prick all gone) The good news is that he doesn't feel jealousy over it, most likely because you were unsuccessful.
FA
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Yeah, 99% of guys would say that counts, and consider it dishonest if you did not agree.
Women will tend to prevaricate and claim something doesn't count for one reason or another, i.e. he didn't finish, or get all the way in.
You could say it only counts if the hymen was broken, but that happens to many girls long before their first time when they are playing sports or masturbating, so it's unreliable.
The important point is that your boyfriend doesn't hold it against you. Nearly everyone's first time is awkward, messy, and weird anyway, so it's not that big a deal. Be happy with what you have.
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A
male
reader, Koolade +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Yes it was your first time, it doesn't matter how far he went. He still put it in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): IMO he didnt thrust or penetrate much so yes youre still a virgin. Id be careful about discussing pasts tho as retroactive jealousy can happen. Best to you.
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