A
female
age
30-35,
*ver..worried.
writes:Me and my boyfriend have started to have sex. Yes we use protection, but there is always a chance of pregnancy, and I believe it is the right thing if we talk about what we would do in that situation now then if it might happen. I want to know his views on it. How would I even try to like start a conversation like that. And what would I say? Does anyone have any ideas? If he is against abortion how do I get him to understand why at our age I'm not.
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female
reader, Over..worried. +, writes (17 October 2010):
Over..worried. is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh turns out parenting class helped me out with this :P
We had to figure out what like certain people would say if you told them you were pregnant. Me him and his best friend started talking like seriously what we would do. Yea his bestfriend there prob makes it sound weird but it isn't, when he asked what we'd do at the same time we said abortion, that answers that question.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): I just want to start off by saying, I am not against abortion. But I also want to tell you that even though you may think it will be ok and what not. This is what they do you go in they give you a lot of paper work. They do an ultra sound so you see your baby, they put you under and then they do what they do you wake up and depending on who you are you have this weird feeling. I got one at the age of 17, it was not my choice. I was so depressed. I am now 20 and I still cry everytime i hear someone talking about abortions and their story. I wasnt ready to be a mom but four months later fate told me other wise. I got pregnant with my son caden. I never wanted kids. I even thought about giving the baby up, but after going through the abortion with the first preg, i new i wouldn't be able to handle it. Good luck with everything. I hope you do whats right for you.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 The anon below is seriously wrong. You need a plan for when something happens. You can only risk a 1% chance of failure so many times before your number comes up. Besides, if you have a plan to deal with a problem, for some reason (karma?) the problem never comes up.
Aunt Honesty has the right of it. If you were to get pregnant, it would be his kid, too. Additionally, you may have to carry the baby for nine months, but he'd have to pay for it for 18 years - or, he could be religiously against it, and not want to be party to what he considers a murder. Whatever the law says, to anyone with a shred of decency, he has just as much a say in the matter as you do.
I don't know if he'd hate you without having talked to him, but you can't let that keep you from talking about it. Just pick a slow afternoon when nothing is happening and talk to him then.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): This really isn't something you need ot worry about.
If you are using protection properly I.e. Implanon and condoms then it is extremely unlikely you would get pregnant. You can't get pregnant if you don't ovulate or if there is no sperm in the vagina. Even if the condom splits and you forget to take your pill or you implant runs out, you can still get the morning after pill.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 i disagree with person 12345 at the end of the day you need to sit down now and ask him his views on abortion as yes it is your body but am sorry he has a say aswell as it would be his child also that you would be carrying and if he is against abortion this could really affect him badly, so before having sex again just sit down and ask him in a conversation casually what he thinks of abortion. At the end of the day always wear protection and go on the pill and if the condom splits at least you have a back up because abortion shouldnt be treated lightly.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 October 2010):
 You can't know unless you talk to him about it. Also he has no right to judge a woman for what she chooses to do with her body. It is YOUR body, your choice. If he is someone who would leave you based on your decision to get an abortion, something he contributed to causing, then you are incompatible anyways. You could remind him that he's not the one who would have to physically carry the baby to term (dealing with being a teen pregnant mother) and wouldn't have to physically give birth and also wouldn't have to deal with the emotional trauma of giving up a baby. My guess is unless he's mentioned it in the past or has strong religious views that would make him feel that strongly about the issue, you'd know by now. In a way not relating to you, just ask what his opinion on the issue is. You know, from a political perspective.
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A
female
reader, Over..worried. +, writes (10 October 2010):
Over..worried. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh believe me I am comfortable talking about it, just how to start it Im never sure. And we have kindda talked about it, like we were joking around about how I am in parenting class and I am paired up with my Best guy friend. And I was like what would you do if I ever found out I was pregnant for real. And he said i wouldn't leave you if that's what you mean. But ... my thing is would he hate me for wanting an abortion?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 October 2010):
You just need to start talking about it sometime, in a non-sexual way. If you feel comfortable enough to actually have sex, you need to be comfortable to talk about sex and/or its possible consequences. This is a very important conversation to have, as pregnancy is definitely possible from sex.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (10 October 2010):
Ask him straight up, with no hinting or probing, in a time and place of low pressure. Not right after sex, or out in public, just a quiet moment when you two are alone.
Be completely honest with him. He'll be nervous at first, and probably wonder what the "right" answer is, assuming this is a test. But it's a conversation you need to have.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): I think it's a great idea to talk about this, it's very important. Men are also like puppies so tell him "I want to talk to you about something, and it's important, but after we talk, I want to have sex." (or something like that, dangle a treat in front of him) and then he will listen to what you have to say and talk to you because he knows he's going to get sex after. I know this seems counter-productive, but guys are dumb and we are more eager to listen when we know there is a reward.
Don't be afraid to talk to your partner, if you're comfortable enough to have sex, then you should feel comfortable talking about pregnancy and abortion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): You should have had this talk before sex. But, you most certainly sit with him and talk about these things. If you're shy to start : Pick a movie about teen pregnancy (Juno, Riding in Cars With Boys, Wal-Mart Baby, etc.), watch it alone or with him. Then, bring it up in conversation. "Oh wow, can you believe how the father acted? What would you have done in his place?" Or after you guys make love, wait a minute and simply ask.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 October 2010):
Ok you need to stop worrying about all this stuff. At the end of the day nobody knows how they are going to react until a situation like this occurs and if you are against abortion then nobody can make you abort a baby, if you dont feel comfortable talking to your boyfriend about this situation then maybe you arent ready to be having sex with this man, as if you were you would feel comfortable talking to him about what could happen.
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