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Did she cheat when we were first starting out?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 October 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 October 2010)
A age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend has had a series of FWB relationships before me. Most of them overlapped considerably. When I started out with her, we were FWB, but it quickly evolved into a serious, committed relationship after a few months. I found out later on she had planned a hookup or 2 with ex FWB early in our relationship, but I'm 99% sure she didn't follow through with them. She has become 100% committed to me since, and has given me no indication she has ever cheated, but I have a nagging suspicion about these clues I found early on. Because of the non-committal nature of our relationship early on, I can't really hold it against her, but because we are now VERY committed and in love, I would like the truth. When I've asked her about it, she denies, but my gut tells me otherwise. She obviously had feelings for them yet at that point. Should I care, or let it go?

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A male reader, Viajante Brazil +, writes (8 October 2010):

Let it go, man, or it will eat you up from the inside out.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (8 October 2010):

Odds agony auntShe probably did not cheat - in her own mind. To her, it doesn't "count" if you weren't "official," so she'll be able to say with a straight face that she never cheated. She did, however, almost certinaly sleep with some other guy while sleeping with you.

Sad truth is, one price of casual hookups and friends with benefits is that you really can't hold it against her. So, while it may hurt, it's not something you can rationally hold against her. I'd advise you to put it out of your mind, and take comfort in the fact that she probably never cheated after you were official.

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A male reader, Boy Blue United States +, writes (8 October 2010):

You should let it go because you can't change things nor should it make a difference to you whether you know or not. If you are as committed and in love as you claim you shouldn't be trying to pick at her past just because you had some slight man-intuition about her.

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A female reader, maid_of_stone United Kingdom +, writes (7 October 2010):

I think honestly you need to let it go hun, your obviously in a meaningful relationship now but as u said started as friends with benefits so even if she did hook up with someone she wouldnt have been cheating. Also if you've asked her outright n she's saying no then maybe u should trust her, you shouldnt hold your relationship back over whether or not something happened one night years ago. Hope this helps and u both have a great future x

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