A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do guys feel put off if a girl is a virgin at 24? I'm pretty shy and lacking in confidence because of being mentally and physically (not sexually) abused when I was younger. I've never told anyone that I'm a virgin because I find it really embarrassing, most of my friends are in relationships and it seems like everyone around me is having sex. I don't want everyone to know my business or to be laughed at but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone about this. I nearly lost it a year ago to a male friend who didn't know, but freaked out and ran out the room at the last minute. He was nice about it and wanted to know why but I couldn't bring myself to tell him because he isn't the most discreet person.This is really getting me down.
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female
reader, blackdelihla  +, writes (16 October 2010):
I def understand how you feel. I'm a 23 year old virgin and I be feeling the same ways sometimes. I'm proud to still be a virgin but people do treat you different, iggnorant people that is. I use to be afriad to tell people I am a virgin but you know what, if the guy really likes you, he'll respect you for it, and should be understanding a supportive. If he isn't then he isn't the one for you. As for being abused, I was too, and yeah I makes trusting men sexually a lot harder, it helps when you talk to someone about it. I can be a ear if you need, my best friend helped me face my fears.
A
male
reader, november_rain +, writes (11 October 2010):
Hello there,
Having read your post, I feel I need to reply and express my opinion. This wouldn't put me off in the slightest! If you look at my previous posts you will notice that I am in the same boat as yourself, except that I am a 25 year old man! I guess that puts me into the "weird" category some people mention here!
Yes, I do find it is a problem and yes people do consider it weird for a guy. However, as other people have said, it's fine if you're a girl. The general consensus seems to be that men are weird if they are virgins past a certain (young) age, but women are considered sluts if they have several sexual partners.
I would say most guys won't care!
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (10 October 2010):
Rather than getting you down, being a virgin should remind you that you have the integrity to keep your personal standards and live up to your convictions.
Take a look at the question "Guys, would you be reluctant to marry a virgin?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/guys-would-you-be-reluctant-to-marry-a.html . Also the thread "Is it weird to be a virgin at 24?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-weird-to-be-a-virgin-at.html .
This question, or something very similar, gets asked every few weeks around here. There's some interesting statistical information in the thread "What age do most people lose their virginity?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-age-do-most-people-lose-their-virginity.html .
And when you DO get to the point where you're ready for a sexual relationship with a guy, MAKE SURE he knows that you're a virgin, and some of the reasons why. See the thread "Want to have sex, but don't want to tell him I'm a virgin!" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/want-to-have-sex-but-dont-want-to.html .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): As a male, I would be extremely happy if the right girl for me was a virgin, just make sure you don't lose your virginity to the wrong person because you feel you have to. When you find the right person, he'll be really happy that your a virgin.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): Being a virgin past at any age after 19 is only weird if you are a guy.
Socially men are expected to be bloody gynacologists by that age.
For us men however, our standards are not so high. Virgin at any age, you should have no trouble finding a man to sleep with you. If you have a working vagina, thats all it takes.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (10 October 2010):
If a guy is put off by this, then hes not right for you, this makes a good screening process.
This will put off some and not others. You need to ascertain how sensitive guys are by speaking them and analysing them. Then make a judgement about whether he is the type of guy to be put off by this.
Overall its not a problem, just a technicality, but if you let it get you down then it will go on for longer.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 you need to relax and just be yourself. the fact that your'e still a virgin is a sign that you have high standards and didnt jump into the sack with the first guy that tried.
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A
female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Guys like different things, some will like that your a virgin others might freak out. But as long as you just throw your self into places and maybe, and I know this is hard, just try to be outgoing and confident on a night out just to try it out!!
I'm fairly unconfident and I can say now that my posture is awful, if yours is the same it can be really unattractive so just try stand up straighter!!
This will work out for you. Don't worry or let it control you because then it will be much more of a problem than it is (although it's not really a problem except to you and immature guys)
Why not try joining stuff where you can meet new guys and see if you feel any of them are worthy?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Oh darling most guys would love this, its far better than knowing you have slept around with loads of different men, alot of guys would really respect this, you just have to find the right one, and believe me once you have got to know someone and trust them you will be able to open up to them, dont just give your virginity away wait until it is with someone that you completely trust. Have you ever concidered talking to a councellor about your past?? I think you should it would really benefit you and help you a lot and you dont need to worry about anyone finding out your business as they are professional and confidential so i would advice you to make an appointment for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): don't tell the guy your having sex with...hell think you lost it and than you really would....or be catholic and say ur waiting til you get marrried.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): You should not feel embarassed about being a virgin. You are only 24 and just haven't met the right guy yet. Believe it or not, some girls still stay virgins until they are at least engaged or even until their wedding night. When you meet the right guy and you are at the right point in your life it will happen. Don't force it. Sex has a way of changing relationships in unpredictable ways that you could later regret.
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Hopefully they wouldn't be put off, just a bit surprised. Some would even find it appealing. You're lucky you're a 24-year-old FEMALE virgin and not a guy, that would be so much worse (trust me, I'd know). Yes, it does feel like everyone around is having sex and you're left out. Some in this situation even feel as though they're not part of the human race. But in other ways you've also saved yourself some aggravation and complications by abstaining for this long.
I think it's dreadful that something like virginity, which used to be seen as virtuous, is today regarded as shameful and embarrassing. Seems like whenever you're not doing what everyone else is doing (drinking, drugs, sex, etc.), it isolates you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): There does seem to be a stigma about losing your virginity late these days but you shouldn't let it worry you. I don't know any blokes that it would bother, in fact they would probably be pleased your first time was with them. What you musn't do is rush into just because it playing on your mind. Your first time should be a special experience with someone you care about and feel comfortable with.
Anyway good luck and feel free to get in touch if you want to discuss more in confidence.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (9 October 2010):
Hi,
Real men go for the woman, the personm the indivdaul....not her sexual status.. or a "piece of meat"....unless they are paying for her services!!
Just relax and find someone that you love n wanna b with and not just to loose yr sexual status
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Hey!
Im 25 and still holding the v card too. However, next week I hope to lose it as Ive planned it.
Anyway, I hear you: Pressure. Esp from friends and relationships. The girl I almost lost it too was a horrible woman...an alcoholic bipolar psycho GF. I was literally centimeters away from let me say inserting vaginally but pulled away at the last second and ran out as it didnt feel right. I know exactly why i backed out however. In your case, it seems different and i must apologize for ur rough childhood experiences. I can imagine those have an effect on you. have u had counseling? This is something I did to cope as I was very depressed, angry, and extremely down as I was embarrassed and humiliated esp after seeing how casual sex is and "how its no big deal" around us. I HATE that. I'll advise counseling for sure and even refer you to one i know in email and chat contact. shes excellent. Perhaps u need to wait for someone real special and not just a friend? what felt off? Message me if u wish. Best to ya.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Viriginty is nothing to be ashamed of.
For women, virginity makes guys see you more as long-term relationship material, or even a potential wife. It will put off most decent guys for flings, but if they are looking for a girlfriend, it's points in your favor.
So, whether or not virginity is going to be an issue depends on how short- or long-term you are planning to be with a guy.
However, fleeing the room *will* put guys off, regardless of the reason. Better to just say "stop," and stay there.
"...it seems like everyone around me is having sex."
Everyone gets this feeling when they're not getting any. The truth is, a substantial portion of the population does not get as much sex as they'd like, and most of them feel like they are the only ones. They're not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Hi
Bieng a virgin at 24 isnt wierd its just that uve waited 4 the ryt person 2 come along. Im 16 and a boy im a virgin planing on keeping that status til i meet the ryt girl. So its really nothing 2 be put down by. You have 2 also be careful 2 the friend u tell and make sure they dont go and tell the world. Keep ur head up.
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A
male
reader, Koolade +, writes (9 October 2010):
 First of all there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. You don't need to be jumping in bed with anybody if you don't want to. Guys aren't turned off if they find out, most actually prefer it. Just start a steady relationship with someone that you like and take it from there. No guy that really cares about you will care if you're a virgin or not.
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