A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me stating she wasnt happy anymore, we were apart for 2 weeks and got back together again for a night and hooked up and she told me she was still in love with me. But then again less than a week later she broke it off again, then 3 weeks after that she started sleeping with a guy she always told me was like a brother to her. This went on for a month or so and I had no contact with her, now she wants to try and work things out. I really truly love her but I need to know if it is ok to ask her to no longer be friends with this guy and if I can get take her back with no second guesses, we werent together when she started sleeping with him so she never cheated but I dont really want her hanging out with him anymore if we get back together. If she refuses to lose him as a friend does that mean she doesnt care about me as much as she says or did she break up with me because she wanted to sleep with others seems how she only waited 2-3 weeks from the time we were last together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): If she broke up with you becasue she "wasnt happy" anymore then nothing will change if you do get back together. But she probably broke up with you not because she wasnt happy but because she knew she was going to sleep with the other guy and didn't want to cheat. Its werid that she slep with this guy who was "like her brother." Obivously this guy wasn't like a brother if she was sleeping with him. My advice is move on, she is confused about what she wants. You don't want to get stuck in the middle of a realtionship where the other person doesn't feel the same. If you are going to get back together it is completely acceptable for you to demand her not to talk to this guy. If she has a problem with that then obviously she isn't ready for a relationship with you. If this guy was a close FRIEND in the first place she never would have slept with him, but she did so there is something more there then friendship.If you do get back together and she still continues to talk to him its going to just cause problems. You don't want to have that shadow around you of what she did and be constantly reminded. Plus you will probably always feel insecure about her talking to him and constantly feel like you have to check texts, emails, and call logs. You don't want that in a relationship, you want to be able to trust eachother.Overall I would say try to move on but if you do get back together that guy has got to go.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 October 2010):
 It's not going to work out anyway, as CaringGuy explains quite well below.
In the future, if you date a girl who is still close to an ex of hers, then I would consider it reasonable to insist she not associate with him anymore - obviously that means cutting your own ex-girlfriends out of your life, too. Be certain not to ask in an insecure way, though, as that would just lead to a fight. State it simply as a sensible rule you follow for everyone's benefit.
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A
female
reader, samismiles  +, writes (1 October 2010):
As I see it...you've been in a serious relationship and the other half has completely messed you about and in her confusion really really hurt you without reason. You're the victim here so don't just pander to her needs. If she wants to work things out she has to agree to what you need in return. Even if you love her whats to stop it happening again somewhere along the line when she gets confused again? Without choosing between you and this other guy there will always be a level to which you simply won't trust her or the other guy to be just friends. I hope you're ok...I know breaking up and pretty much any relationship issue is really tough but keep yourself busy with other things so you don't get lonely...maybe take some time out just for yourself so that you're not constantly thinking about this. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2010):
I really don't think this is going to work out anyway. There is no trust at all between you, and she has been cruel in dumping you twice. I think you might just as well move on to someone who is ready to commit. It may well be that she just split with you to have sex with him. Don't let her dent your pride again. She didn't cheat, but she was ready to dump you twice and sleep with him pretty quickly.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 At the end of the day if this guy is a close friend of hers then no its not ok to tell her to lose him, you cant make her do that if they were close friends. her head may have just been all over the place after the break up as she obviously didnt no what she wanted and she may regret sleeping with her friend. but if you trust her then there is no reason to tell her not to be friends with him, and if you dont trust her then there is no point gettin back in to a relationship.
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