A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This has been making me feel depressed for a long time. EVERYWHERE I go i hear people call me ugly even at school too. I hear it almost everyday. No one even notices me or even look at me. My sister, and parentsthink i'm not that pretty either. Especially my dad and sister says negative things about me. I would like to look like those girls in the movies.I don't know what should i do. Please help me agony aunt.
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (7 May 2008):
It's never right for a parent to disparage their child. It's poor form for a sister, but that can be forgiven eventually. The woman I loved the most was told she was ugly by many, yet she was, and is, the most beautiful woman I have ever been with! She now works as a model, and has an Ivy League degree.
Self-respect is different from self-esteem. The former is real and you can have it in spades even when you know full well your shortcomings. Self-esteem is a fraud - you either need to be near perfect, or pretend you are. Claim your self-respect, change the things you can to help yourself, minimize those you can't, and get on with your life. Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): hi i have the same problem kind of. everyone at school thinks i'm ugly, everywhere i go people say im ugly. my family dont they say i'm beautiful and i think i'm not bad im quite chubby so that dont help but i dont think im that ugly i feel like im average and if i was slimmer i'd probably look better but i dont feel im UGLY like most people think??? ( i'm not being bigheaded here or nothing!!! i'm not gorgeous just not as bad as they say lol) but its makin me really depressed aswell i hate it and i hate school because of it as whenever i'm at school someone is always laughing or whispering about me i hate it no one thinks i'm cute ( apart from family but they kind of have to think im good looking!) i feel soooo depressed over these not ONE person apart from family thinks i'm cute it's horrible i' getting upset right now because of it
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): I have the same problem, im ugly and theres no way out of it, i dont know what to do? My popularity is declining rapidly and im worried that soon iil become a loner with no friends. Im a great believer in first impressions, and that looks count for alot. Just remember, your'e not on your own.
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A
male
reader, Charlie84 +, writes (20 August 2007):
You need to respect yourself before others will respect you. If you feel like you want to look different then do it for yourself and not someone else. When you feel confident about yourself that part of you will shine brighter than you'd ever imagine and THAT will turn people on to you. Everyone has their flaws and the people who feel the need to point out the flaws of others are just not secure enough with themselves. Don't pay attention to people who degrade you because their opinions should mean NOTHING.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 The same thing happened to me. I was called names my whole childhood and throughout high school. As it turned out, I was a "late-bloomer". I turned out pretty presentable! I can still turn a head or two, (even if they are older...) and I gave birth to two really attractive kids. I have had a really successful life. I gave far too much credit to the mean, stupid loudmouths and I let them rob me of my self-esteem. Please don't let the same thing happen to you. They all have their own insecurities and they are using you as some twisted dart-board for their frustrations. Bemused is right, there are so many stories about how models and movie stars thought that they were ugly and they were teased too. There is no excuse for your Dad and Sis, but I suspect he might not want you to grow up and date and that she's just jealous. Kids are just plain cruel and will tear a strip off you if they can, and if you let them. It's like they say about animals, they can smell fear. SO, what do you do? Don't let them get you down. Just let their words bounce off of you like you could care less. Just think of how frustrated that they are going to be when you are Oblivious to their poison. Spend lots of time with positive influences in your life, find like minded friends and mentors. Throw yourself into your passion, develop all of your skills and become the wonderful person that you are meant to be. The best revenge is living well!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): Personally i think you have a very low self-esteem.You should talk to your family about them upsetting you like this.Because knowone should be insulted like that, especially by their own family.You shouldn't think of yourself as 'ugly' because i bet your a really pretty girl really.Looks aren't everything, it's the person who's inside of you that really matters.Take no notice of what other people say about you.They need to grow up, seriously.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): you seriously need to talk with your family about that. family members shouldnt make you feel bad about yourself. NO ONE should.
it takes good genes to look pretty. but it takes a good heart to be beautiful. whatever you may or maynot lack in physical apperiance, i'm sure you make up for in personality and what people call "inner beauty". which, believe it or not, actually exsists.
you should go out and get your hair done or have a spa day and just do something to make yourself feel pretty. because i'm sure that you really are.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (19 August 2007):
The only thing I can add is that this is emotional abuse. Perhaps a social worker or counselor would be of help to you at school.
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A
female
reader, bemused +, writes (19 August 2007):
 Hi hun.
I read your post a couple of times and what struck me was how hard you are on yourself. I agree with some of the other posts that somewhere....someone has really put you down and it is like those words have stayed in your heart and head and you keep replaying it and you have come to believe it too.It is also interesting to hear that a lot of those actresses that you wish you looked like have said that they felt like they were outsiders and ugly ducklings when they were growing up too and now look at them. Have you confronted your dad and sister and said something like' you are family and your words hurt.' They need to stop this immediately. Is there someone else in the family who would side with you when you tell them this? What about a new hairstyle or outfit...it would give you a boost. You are not alone sweetie...I hear kind of comment from the teenagers I work with all the time. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, ...cat...  +, writes (19 August 2007):
i think because ppl comment on d way you look its jealousy, they must see something i u that they dont have themselves & think theyl never will have!!! it mayb a great personality or sense of humour!! sum ppl just have an air about them, sumthing that u cant describe but its very attractive & every1 can feel it & eve1 wants it, u probly have this!!!! the other writer is right 2. u still have 2 grow in2 your body & features!!
make jokes when people comment on your looks but dont put yourself down & do u really care about what somebody thinks if they have 2 hurt sum1 & put them down 2 feel better about themsleves? ur not ugly, ugly comes from d inside, d people who put u down, sumday theyl get d faces they deserve. thers allway goin 2 b sum1 whos more pretty than u & sum1 less pretty!! & thrs allways goin 2 b someone who thinks ur d most beautiful person theyeve ever seen!!
dont mind d ppl who say bad things about you!!
u should tell ur dad how it makes u feel when he says negative things, he probly doesnt realise hes doing it r its effect on u!!
hope u feel better soon hunni xxx
once u feel good about yourself it doesnt make a diffence what ne1 else says & ppl will start 2 see u as u see yourself xxxxx thrs nothing more attractive than confidence!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): Oh sweetie, I bet not everyone thinks you're ugly.
I remember when I was your age I had very little confidence and always hid in the shadow of my friends and sister. It was when I turned 18 and left school and started to meet more people that I realised everybody is different, we come in all shapes and sizes.
Yeah wouldnt it be great if we looked like movie stars, but how boring life would be!!
Why dont you ask your mom or a friend for some help on how to style your hair, makeup etc. to help give you some confidence?
Learn to hold your head up high and ignore all those people who call you names. I bet they are jealous and insecure and just get a kick out of making you feel bad.
Dont worry, I promise you things will get better and one day you will look at yourself and see how beautiful you really are.
Ignore the bullies and try to be happy with yourself, a smile goes a long way xx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 August 2007):
 You need to read that story about the ugly duckling who turned into the beautiful swan! You are still young and your body/ looks will change as you become an adult. You will also have more money to buy nice clothing and a good hair cut which works wonders on us ladies. I think it is very bad that your family put your looks down but you need to develop a sense of humour about it and tell them it must be in the genes ;-). It sounds cheesy but inner beauty matters and some of the most beautiful people in the world are dull as dishwater as they have gotten by on looks alone. My point is that if you are a nice and interesting person then people will be drawn to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): I think you generally have a low self esteem. And its mostly not your fault because your lamily tells you you are not pretty. Usually we look for approval from our loved ones and if they let us down then we feel really bad. If your mother thinks you're ugly tell her you got the genes from her and tha if she feels that way aboyt you then that means she gave birth to an ugly baby and see how she feels about that. Tell her the apple doesn't fall far from the tree . and then seek therapy. everyone is beautiful, one way or another.
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