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anonymous
writes: hi there my ex partner assulted me 2 weeks ago and when i mean assulted he has been admitted to crown court for abh charges. its just that i feel like he is haunting me, he has already put me on that many sites and filled in profiles on me. im on swinging sites, dating sites, gay sites, you name it. not only do i have no control of these things (ive already spoke to the police and victim support)i feel helpless. now i dont know where to turn i feel afraid at home and have had to move out. ive been stoppping at a mates house and although he doesnt mind me being there at all, im really worried as he has a partner and i dont want things to go bad for them. the idea of a hostel is horrifyin.g i want to go home but strangely enough i can cope with the hall where it all took place. i just cant cope with the dinning room where it all kicked off which was the first photograph that the police let me see, and the hair that was on the floor. although according to him i had only fell into the wall. i feel so afraid to go home and so awulf in myself for this to happen. he had been beating me for a while but never to this situation and i did post thing,s but maybe not clearly enough, thats my fault i need to feel stronger, but i dont know how to. maybe i will always feel like this i have tried reading boks to get my confidence back and ive tried going out with a black eye, i have tried to hate him, ive tried to stop being a victim. i dont know where to turn or what to do any more. i still have a black eye and am going to get my false tooth fitted on wednesday next week i dont feel attractive i dont feel worth anyone i hate the way i look i hate me please help me
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male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (29 September 2007):
You say he is putting your details on these sites.
Print them off and collect them - they are evidence - I would even go as far as collecting any replies they attract too.
This guy sounds seriously disturbed and the more evidence that can be collected against him the longer he would be locked away for and the easier it would be for you to take out a successful injunction against him in the longer term.
If you can handle the publicity - publicising what he has done with a nice big photo of him in a range of the local and national newspapers would hit him back where it hurts.
This guy is a bully and bullys hate being exposed for what they are. If he could be known in your area as a woman beater then he might find out what it would be like to be on the receiving end of the odd attack too.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 September 2007):
 You are a very brave and strong women who needs to go through with prosecuting your ex-boyfriend. He needs to be sent a clear message that beating women is unacceptable - you have to think of yourself as doing a great service for womankind more generally and not just yourself; if he beats you, he will beat other women and needs specialist treatment. It will take you a while to get over this and you should seek specialist counselling - go to your GP who can refer you to an NHS counsellor who can work through your feelings about this. I am not sure a brief chat with victim support is enough! If you have a crime report from the police then you can take it to your local housing department at the council and request a transfer if you are in a local authority tenancy at the moment. However, if that is not the case then you should look into moving to another accommodation by picking up the local newspaper as a new start somewhere else maybe very therapeutic in the circumstances. Call Women's Aid and ask them for help to get over this experience - they have some fabulous community counselling and welfare services. You should also make the police aware of his continued harrassment in the form of fake posting on websites - it adds to the case against him. You can request that the internet website providers stop broadcasting this information as they are obliged to do so by law.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Do not go to the police with this, they deal with criminal type behaviors. Do you have any higher offices than the police there. I would check your laws. Here there is something called libel which is publishing false information in writing which can cause a detriment to another person. A new one has been introduced called internet libel. The fines for that have doubled because it's open to the public for their viewing everywhere instead of a small area.
You need to realize what he did was not your fault. Don't blame yourself for something someone else does by their hand. You're an important person, and all though this happens your just as important as before it happened. I would seek counseling, or join a support group with people going through the same thing. Set up a plan to start building yourself back up. Go with the attitude that you will NOT allow this person to take away who you are. You are stronger than the abuse, and will prove to yourself that you can still be whoever you choose to be, and his actions don't determine that.
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