A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've lied so much, about stupid things (pregnancy, boyfriends that don't exist) but I don't know why I do it. I sort of black out and I just say things I don't mean, but I can't tell the truth because people will think I'm doing it on purpose and just being an attention seeking liar. I don't know what's happening to me when this happens, or how I can deal with it, what do I do?I hate lying normally, so when I can't control what I say, it's even worse. Please help me :(
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female
reader, Tapir  +, writes (17 August 2008):
This of course a year later and I googled this because i am curious about the Casey/Caylee Anthony case. Casey being the pathological lier that she is is quite a spectacle for the public. If I were in her shoes I would be extremly embarrased. But in observing the family interactions it seems the grandmother Cindy is also more than willing to lie and more mthan willing to dismiss accountability and to take the public for a fool...as if we cant see her, and then all reality is blamed for being a lie so that what is true becomes false and vice versa.
If I were a family with a child with this condition I would set definite limits and enforce them. Sometimes a mother over-mothers and it cripples her child. Your son who is 38 is old enough to no longer come home. He should not be allowed to come home. Isnt it obvious how he could care less about your feelings. It is time to let go be strong and have some self respect and some faith.
As a lier, that is to find help I would not bother with psychologists who explain reasons. I would seek spiritual guidance that allows you to help yourself. I would read books like "Tje Course in Miracles" or "the Power of Now". I would also advise doing yoga mand meditation and breathing exercise and martial arts such as Tai Chi or Akido in order to bring the world and your own center back into focus. A pathological lier is misjudging reality and focusing on everything outside of his/her self. There is only one person that can verify true or false and that is your very own self. So learn to take time to be still and ask yourself. Learn to recognize your own state of fear and learn how to calm yourself and find genuineness. Remember no one is perfect and people are willing to help if you tell them the truth. If you write a bad check immediately apologize and work out a payment plan.
Another good book is about "Momism". Moms who do too much and worry too much. One can see in Cindy Anthony that she has a pathological need to give and spoil and smother...and while it looks to many it can ruin a child. The mother overly identifies with the child as well mand so differentiation is almost impossible. And in the above post is is easy for the son to manipulate the overcaring mother who is going agans her own will and better judgement to allow him back in. So that is courting disaster and misery. She is lying to herself. So you see the pattern. Take care of yourself first...be selfish..it really is just having self respect and setting boundaries.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): I feel like I realy understand were your comming from.I've also turned 14 and I'm in the top percentage of mensa. I used to lie about myself to seem more attractive to people who looked down on me because of my disabilities. I did it to boost my confedance about myself and make me appear more excitting. Because I said them so often, eventualy I believed theese lies to be true! Once you start lyng about yourself you have to keep lying to cover up the previous lie. It's like a chain reaction, and it can be adictive. Liers can even get trapped in their own fantasy world.The important thing to do is to forgive and acept yourself and move on. If people really love you and know you they will be able to tell your lying so there is no point confessing. Try and think about why you lie. Is it to escape missery? Is it to boost confidence? Is it for the drama? Or are your lies just sudden uncontrolable blurts? When you realise why your a pathological lier it will become much easier to stop.hope i helped! ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): I am 14 years old and I am also a pathological liar. No one knows it and I mean no one. I know when I am about to lie and I even tell my friends and family members things that I know are not true. I feel awful when they believe me because it really makes me feel like scum. I have always felt different and very wise considering my age, and I really feel like I have a one of a kind brain. I remember a lot of things and I understand ALOT. I want to stop lying but I just can't seem to stop. I don't want to be a meticulous person or anything, I just wish someone could help me. I don't know how to tell the people I love. I have told so many lies to my friends that they believe every word I say, like someone talked about them to I did or said something. Please someone out there, anyone please help me............................................
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I am the mother of a pathological lier. She is the oldest of my 3 girls, and I love her no more and no less than her sisters. I have been thru many bad times and am still today going thru hell with her. She has a beautiful 7 month old daughter and I will admit that there are times when I am concerned for the babys welfare. I should cut all ties to her is what most people tell me, but I can't.
I don't know why she is this way but I am sure it is because mental problems run in the family and that this is
an off branching from that.
When I have tried to make her see what she is doing, it always ends up as "everybodies always jumping on me".
I have tried to get her to get help but she told the therapist that she was fucking stupid and she didn't have to listen to this. I don't know what to do! I can offer no advice! All I can do is be there for her when nobody is, and try everyday over and over again to reach her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): It was observed by scanning that Pathological lairs' brain structure is different and they go to conclusion too quickly. They are mostly positive thinkers and want to ignore the reality and feel good in imagination. This is a self-protection mechanism, otherwise they get really depressed if they saw the reality as it it--they lier to feel good and be away from depression. One who have this should try hard to face the fact and be strong and deal with it, and people who love this person should understand and encourage and help this person to keep happy and have a safe recovery process. This is a kind of illness just like other kinds, just love them like love people who have other disease, which is harder on you, but once you understand, the results can be extraordinary--make a difference! A researcher
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): hi :] i'm a patholigical lier too. its hard to get and keep friends that will stick with you, i know but you'll find some.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I have a problem with lying too.I do it to cover up my sins.Mostly I lie about smoking and drinking alcohol.I want to stop because the bible says GOD hates a lying tongue.I will pray for you.
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A
female
reader, chiaki0324  +, writes (14 October 2007):
im japanese female and im also pathological lier.
never realize that im pathological lier,but after my fiance who is american cought my lies so many times,i admit and begin to go to couseling.
some counceller says it came from my parents violence but some says he put the seed but i deceided to grow up.
i never plan to lie or mean to lie but i dont know why i do lie...
its so hard to find good counceller in japan and i dont know what i should do anymore.i dont want hurt anybody,want to be honest even myself.i almost lose myself and am suffered from myself everyday.
sorry my brain is mixed up and poor english but i really dont know what i shoud to do... give me some advices and want to know what other people thinks about...
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A
female
reader, tina1696 +, writes (5 September 2007):
 I think my son is a pathalogical liar, he is the oldest of 4 and has a different father from my other son and 2 daughters. My husband took him on when we married ,he was 9 months old,and we have always told him he was special because his Dad "picked " him rather than having to have "whatever came" as with the other 3.If anything, his Dad has over compensated all his life to make sure he never felt different, but still he has grown up to be a continuous liar.His siblings have suffered all through school life with people coming to them and repeating things he had told them and we all covered up for him for many years by not exposing his lies ,but questioning him later on about why he had said what he said.some examples of his lies are that his uncle was crushed to death in the hilsborough football accident (because we originate from Liverpool)My youngest daughter was once in a night club at the same time as him and was congratulated by hundreds of people in there about his lottery win ( she just smiled outwardly while she cringed inside)there are so so many cringe moments I could write about , all very unbelieveable and all quite obviously would be found out to be lies within a very short time, but it just doesn`t seem to bother him nor does he show any remorse for the way his family have had to endure the ridicule of people he has fanasised to, he has had to leave one job after another because he has been found out to be what he is.He was married at 23 (he`s now 38! ) but inevitably the marriage failed ,leaving a son (now 15). He has gone through many relationships which have ended through the same reasons and he has been back home to our house at the end of each one. Not only does he lie, but he runs debts up that are never paid ( its as if he actually believes they will stop bothering him after a time)Recently ( and why i have found this site through looking up pathological liars ) he has split yet another relationship. he had everything going for him, good job, own house ,beautiful twin boys now aged 5 and a partner who in the begining realy doted on him.He`s lost the lot, but not only that, I am his mother and i cant look at him, i was sickened when he once again turned up on my doorstep ,bags in hand to move back in again. It all flooded back what I had lived with over and over again, the debt letters starting to come through the post box, the lies, not being able to believe even the slightest thing he says, but worst of all the attitude that its not his fault and that somehow we are the ones to blame ( he`s good at turning it back onto you )I love all my children, but this oldest one has worn me down so much that I dont want him living in my home spoiling things again, causing untold rows, and blacklisting my address, so I sat down and tried to talk to him. I told him that he could stay only on my terms.That he should go with his father to seek help from his doctor, I also, for the first time, told him exactly how I feel and what he`s put me through, adding that I dont want to close the door on him but telling him honestly that i am so close to doing just that. He sat quietly while i spoke and never looked up from his mobile phone, nor stop texting and playing tetris while I spoke very emotionaly to him,obviously not at all bothered nor listenimng to a word i said, then got up and asked what bedroom he was having! Can I help you? I`m afraid not, I have tried everything in the book to try to make him realise, over 25 years, and nothing has scraped the surface. I have already lost 1 grandson and now probably will loose his twins, 2 little boys i love dearly and spend a lot of time with because of his lies and am at my wits end about what to do. I picture him ending up sleeping in shop doorways when he has exausted all avenues and everyone has turned their backs on him, he has very few left except us his parents, but we wont be here forever.
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A
female
reader, tina1696 +, writes (5 September 2007):
I think my son is a pathalogical liar, he is the oldest of 4 and has a different father from my other son and 2 daughters. My husband took him on when we married ,he was 9 months old,and we have always told him he was special because his Dad "picked " him rather than having to have "whatever came" as with the other 3.If anything, his Dad has over compensated all his life to make sure he never felt different, but still he has grown up to be a continuous liar.His siblings have suffered all through school life with people coming to them and repeating things he had told them and we all covered up for him for many years by not exposing his lies ,but questioning him later on about why he had said what he said.some examples of his lies are that his uncle was crushed to death in the hilsborough football accident (because we originate from Liverpool)My youngest daughter was once in a night club at the same time as him and was congratulated by hundreds of people in there about his lottery win ( she just smiled outwardly while she cringed inside)there are so so many cringe moments I could write about , all very unbelieveable and all quite obviously would be found out to be lies within a very short time, but it just doesn`t seem to bother him nor does he show any remorse for the way his family have had to endure the ridicule of people he has fanasised to, he has had to leave one job after another because he has been found out to be what he is.He was married at 23 (he`s now 38! ) but inevitably the marriage failed ,leaving a son (now 15). He has gone through many relationships which have ended through the same reasons and he has been back home to our house at the end of each one. Not only does he lie, but he runs debts up that are never paid ( its as if he actually believes they will stop bothering him after a time)Recently ( and why i have found this site through looking up pathological liars ) he has split yet another relationship. he had everything going for him, good job, own house ,beautiful twin boys now aged 5 and a partner who in the begining realy doted on him.He`s lost the lot, but not only that, I am his mother and i cant look at him, i was sickened when he once again turned up on my doorstep ,bags in hand to move back in again. It all flooded back what I had lived with over and over again, the debt letters starting to come through the post box, the lies, not being able to believe even the slightest thing he says, but worst of all the attitude that its not his fault and that somehow we are the ones to blame ( he`s good at turning it back onto you )I love all my children, but this oldest one has worn me down so much that I dont want him living in my home spoiling things again, causing untold rows, and blacklisting my address, so I sat down and tried to talk to him. I told him that he could stay only on my terms.That he should go with his father to seek help from his doctor, I also, for the first time, told him exactly how I feel and what he`s put me through, adding that I dont want to close the door on him but telling him honestly that i am so close to doing just that. He sat quietly while i spoke and never looked up from his mobile phone, nor stop texting and playing tetris while I spoke very emotionaly to him,obviously not at all bothered nor listenimng to a word i said, then got up and asked what bedroom he was having! Can I help you? I`m afraid not, I have tried everything in the book to try to make him realise, over 25 years, and nothing has scraped the surface. I have already lost 1 grandson and now probably will loose his twins, 2 little boys i love dearly and spend a lot of time with because of his lies and am at my wits end about what to do. I picture him ending up sleeping in shop doorways when he has exausted all avenues and everyone has turned their backs on him, he has very few left except us his parents, but we wont be here forever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I am a pathological liar too, and know exactly what you're going through.. I have no memory of lying, and I was deep in thought tonight and suddenly all this little shit that wasnt even worth lying about I suddenly rememebered...I hate not being in control of my life, and I hate being vilified for it. I was googling for "help im a pathological liar," and all the suggestions involved never talking to people like me again... I can't control myself. I tried wearing a rubber band and snapping it when I lied, and it had no effect..Some people just have more white matter in their brain, and uncontrollably lie... God I want a lobotomy.. I don't care if I end up retarded.. I hate my life. I hate myself.......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"My ex best friend was doing this all of a sudden, just lying pathologically. I knew when she was lying, I caught her in lies all the time. I stopped being her friend. No one likes pathological liars that they can not trust. So if you think you're making people like you, you aren't"I am well aware of this. I don't want people to like me, concidering I was liked before my random out bursts of lies. Now everyone hates me because it's obvious, but I'm still afraid to tell them that I don't honestly know why I do it. I hate lying. I've always grown up saying liers were bad people, but now... I don't know what to do.Thank you DrPsych, brooke5426, Huzi9mm and anonymous. I think I'll go with what DrPsych said, and get some professional help. I've really ruined my life with this, and I just want to get back to doing things normally, instead of worrying when my next random lie is going to be.I'll keep you updating on what's going on.Also... it's such a relief to finally tell the truth about my lies and not be called an attention seeking cow... wow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): My ex best friend was doing this all of a sudden, just lying pathologically. I knew when she was lying, I caught her in lies all the time. I stopped being her friend. No one likes pathological liars that they can not trust. So if you think you're making people like you, you aren't.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (30 August 2007):
 This obviously worries you and there could be a host of reasons why you behave this way. One explanation is that you don't think much of you for being you and feel the need to compete for people's attention. However, there are also specific mental health disorders where being a compulsive liar is a component. We all embellish from time to time but if this is ruining your life then it is time to seek some professional help.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (30 August 2007):
 you are making up these stories to get attention and to make your life seem really interesting to other people, but the chances are people know you are lying (i mean you can only fake a pregnancy for so long cant you?) so rather than making yourself more popular you are distancing yourself from people.im sure it is something you will grow out of but try to make a conscious decision not to make things up. the next time you feel a tall tale coming on, take a deep breath count to ten and think about who you want to be - because you obviously dont want to be a liar or you would not have written in here. it is a dangerous game and you can hurt people (im not sure if you faked a pregnancy to your friends, or if you meant you told a boy you were dating you were pregnant) you dont want to get a reputation so if you think your life is not interesting enough join a club, take up a new hobby or fill your life with real things. good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): I'm not sure exactly how to help you stop lying, but try to think about why you are lying. Is it to give you something interesting to say? Get attention? Try to think about the affect your lies will have on other people. I dated a guy who was a pathological liar for a few months (his parents got divored, he got cancer, family went bankrupt, friend committed suicide... all lies). The lies broke my trust in him and tore apart our relationship. Even his friends pulled me aside when we started dating and warned me about his lying problem. He only lied to them about "stupid shit," not life threatening illnesses, but they still disdained him for it. Before you say something, take a second to think about it. Is it the truth? If it's not, why do you want to say it? Everyone tells little white lies, or liven up anecdotes with exagerations, but i think you'll find that you don't need to lie to make yourself a person that other people want to spend time with. In fact, if you're not careful, the opposite will be true!
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A
male
reader, Huzi9mm +, writes (30 August 2007):
I understand what you mean. you think if you say somthing wrong, they will laugh at you. If they laugh, laugh it off and then everyone will stop laughing. Don't freak out. just go with the flow.
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