A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been getting into a lot of heated arguments lately....mostly about random girls calling him and texting him... this morning our fighting escalated to the point where it got physical...I got pissed and in his face yelling ...he picked me up by my neck kind of like choking me and threw me on the floor. He said it was over that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I guess although my gut is telling me that he has other relations with other girls, he physically hurt me, I still love him and want to be with him ... am I stupid?
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 I was going to try and give you some advice but after reading Dr Pete's advice there is nothing more to say, fantastic advice from him as always.
Take care.xx.
Hope you make the right choices.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (24 August 2007):
 You maybe harbouring feelings for this guy but it sounds like he did you a big favour. It doesn't matter how verbally heated the argument gets, no man should put his hands on you because it is just unacceptable behaviour. It is also a sign that in times of temper he would do it again to control you. You need to take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are willing to accept being beaten up...of course the answer should come back that no matter how much you think you love him, you should always put your personal respect and rights first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): No, you're not stupid. We don't choose who we fall in love with. It sounds like you have had quite a bad time with him recently, with the fights, abuse, arguments etc.
When you say you want to be with him, what about if he carries on violently hurting you? Can you see yourself taking beatings for the foreseeable future? Hiding bruises, covering for him? What about when you have children, and they grow up hearing you screaming and him hitting you? And what about when your children grow up and become abusive too? How will that feel, knowing you could have changed all that?
There is nothing wrong with loving someone who is violently abusive but you need to look in to the kind of future you are likely to have if you stay with this man.
If he told you it is over then it sounds like you have had a lucky escape. Be strong, keep reminding yourself of the painful future you have in-store for you if you go back to this man.
All breakups are painful, but that feeling of wanting to go back to him doesn't mean that the relationship was meant to be forever.
Realise you deserve more than this, get over this man and you'll soon discover you don't love nor need him like you think you do now. Love comes and goes, so don't waste all your love on this terrible wasteful relationship.
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