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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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We were trying to reconcile and I find out he 's dating another woman!
Q. My boyfriend who claimed to love me broke up with me just less than a year ago due to arguing too much. I didn't really think things were that bad (we were trying long-distance for a period of time he had to be away) but we went our own ways and I ...
A. 24 January 2010: I think you already have a good clue as to what sort of person he is.
Yes, once two people split they are both free to date others, but it was precipitate of him to sleep with a woman a day or so after you and he broke up........then all the wome... (read in full...)
Scared to get an HIV test because if I test positive, my new guy will dump me!
Q. I am scared of getting an hiv test. Me and my boyfriend broke up for eight months and then I got a new boyfriend and slept with with out protection. I broke up with him because he was annoying. We only dated for two months. He has never been checked ...
A. 24 January 2010: Yes, you MUST get tested to be responsible both to yourself and your current boyfriend. If he dumps you, then so be it. Your first priority absolutely has to be to find out so that IF you are infected you can begin treatment.......
No need for... (read in full...)
We met online, but he hasn't asked to meet in person. What's going on?
Q. I received an email from a very polite and good looking man from an online dating site. He said he was looking to expand his circle of friends to do more things...and emailed me to say hello. He also described himself as very laid back, and a bit of...
A. 24 January 2010: Well, its not possible to read his mind! Only receiving emails Monday to Thursday is something to wonder about......could he be working away from home and going back to a wife on weekends? Perhaps, but there might also be a perfectly innocent ... (read in full...)
How do you move on when your heart doesn't want to let go?
Q. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me recently. We were together for six years. We were high school and college sweethearts. I am now 24. He said he broke up with me because he felt that I was not the "right one", meaning he couldn't see himself ...
A. 13 January 2010: Well, you were together during high school and then through college. Six years is a long time at a formative period of your lives. You grow and learn new things, have new experiences and in a sense, are not the same people you were in the past.
... (read in full...)
40 Days and 40 nights... Only 8 times Worse. Help!
Q. I have a couple questions about my current relationship and hopefully somebody has a couple answers. I'm 22 and have been with my guy for going on 2 years now. I have an extremely high libido, pretty much up for sex whenever and where ever. We only ...
A. 12 January 2010: Unfortunately, it may well be.
You have tried just about anything and everything you can possibly think of to resolve this, and basically it's gone nowhwere. He is hardly a caring boyfriend......
I wonder if possibly your boyfriend has ta... (read in full...)
My relationship is on rocky ground and to top it all I've found out I'm pregnant! Now I don't know what to do.
Q. I have just found out im 6 weeks pregnant. I'm 23 and have only been with my boyfriend for a few months. The last few weeks we have been having a really bad patch, always arguing. He says he wants me to keep the baby but i dont know what to do about...
A. 12 January 2010: This is really very difficult for you. You need to sit down and have a good talk with your boyfriend at a time when you are both calm and can talk and listen honestly, without getting upset. But all things considered, that might not be so easy. ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to have a baby?
Q. Can I have some advice please. i'm 16 and with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I have thought this through 100 times and all the aspects that need to be covered. I am also a trainee hairdresser, but I really want a baby. so does my boyfriend, ...
A. 12 January 2010: Yes, you are far too young to have a baby, no matter how much you want one. Please listen to what Caringguy has written. His advice is spot-on.
You have your whole life ahead of you, you know. I hope you will choose to wait for a few more yea... (read in full...)
He's become unresponsive, should I confront him about his behaviour?
Q. This guy have been aggresively going after me but i rejected him. But after awhile I started to develop feelings for him. But he wasn't as responsive as before. He doesn't call me as much or asked me to hang out. So, I decided to be bold and tell ...
A. 10 January 2010: No, don't confront him about his behavior. Look: he pursued you but you say you rejected him. Do you mean you actually told him in so many words that you were not interested, or did you simply ignore his calls and messages, and tell him you wer... (read in full...)
Possibly dying...what would you do?
Q. I am a 49 yr old woman who reconnected with 2 men on Facebook. They are best friends. Have not seen both since High school. Both were interested back then I am still "attractive" and athletic. Sam is the guy of interest. John is his best friend. S ...
A. 10 January 2010: Yes, this all sounds very complicated. I just don't know about this business of being divorced but having his ex-wife live with him for insurance purposes. I'd be very, very suspicious of that story, in your place.
You tell us that J is very ill... (read in full...)
What are the realistic chances that I am pregnant?
Q. i had unprotected sex 7 days ago which was 11 or 12 days after my last period had stopped. i also had unprtected sex 3 days before that. he pulled out both times but he had visible cum on his fingers the last time and he fingered me with it. ...
A. 10 January 2010: There is a good chance that you may indeed be pregnant. The only way to know for certain is to take a home pregnancy test - though I'm not sure how early you can test and get an accurate result.
If in fact you are, what will you do? How would yo... (read in full...)
How do I convince my parents to let him visit for a few days?
Q. So I've been talking with this guy on the computer for a few weeks now. But I already feel like I've known him for so long already. I talk to him through IM, texting, and the website that I first met him on. I know that it's not maybe the smartest ...
A. 7 January 2010: I think the idea of getting a webcam and talking on it, plus him saying hello to your parents, and maybe your folks and his (if they're all willing to do so) is a very good idea. What is definitely NOT a good idea is to lie to your Mom and Dad... (read in full...)
Meet? Or just remain computer friends?
Q. I really like this guy...he's almost exsaty a year older and he's like the guy me...this may be wierd but i've never met him. his best friend was my very good friend when we were younger and it truns out the guy i like moved there the year i moved ...
A. 7 January 2010: Okay. First, have you actually talked on the phone, or just by text or email? See, you don't know this boy at all as yet, and at the very least having a phone conversation may give you some idea of what he's like - if when talking you start to ... (read in full...)
I want no strings sex - but only with him!
Q. Ok so here's the situation. I am recently seperated from my husband, and started talking to this guy at work. He told me he had a girlfriend. So i chalked it up to harmless flirting. After a while the flirting became more serious. I know that him ...
A. 5 January 2010: Yes, you did meet after work and had sex. Apparently he regretted it. Whether his girlfriend and he are having problems is, with all due respect, not any of your business. Anyway, he told you he is still with her and wants to marry her. By t... (read in full...)
Should I call him and arrange to meet up?
Q. I met this guy at a training course through my workplace. He walked me to the station everyday over the 2 weeks and I felt so comfortable being around him, he was so easy to talk to and we had a lot in common. Each day, when we were around other ...
A. 5 January 2010: Good heavens, just call him and tell him you'd love to have coffee! (or you'd enjoy meeting for coffee, if you want to dial it back a tad). He evidently likes you, and vice versa. So enjoy meeting him, take it slow and see how it goes after a few... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on online dating sites and I'm NOT happy about it!
Q. Hi there, My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me, I'm 28 and we love one another and we're living together but there are a few things I'm not happy about our relationship. He loves going out and barely asks me to go out together. Also I...
A. 5 January 2010: How about moving out? As in "yesterday" (if that were possible). Or if he is living in your home, you show him the door and tell him not to come back. How wonderful (not!!!) to have such a "boyfriend". You deserve a man who is willing to ... (read in full...)
Help! What does he want???
Q. About 8 months ago, I met a boy called Gareth. We instantly got on, and were going out within a month. We were together for about a month, I lost my virginity to him. He had pretty bad anger issues and that's why we split. He'd recently come out ...
A. 5 January 2010: You are putting a LOT of weight on this guy you met eight months ago! He's having sex with you; having sex with other girls. Why on earth are you putting up with this? I know, I know: because he means the world to you. Your life was fine be... (read in full...)
Any advice on breaking it off cleanly with my bf..who has anger issues, in his past
Q. Hello! I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I was truly in love with him but we had several problems during the relationship. He'd get incredibly angry for any reason, specially when he drank too much, and for 2 years he was addicted to cocai...
A. 5 January 2010: You are not responsible for his drinking too much, drug dependence and anger issues. You HAVE broken up with him and it's no use him telling you that being friends is not enough.
Just what does he expect from you if being friends only is not suff... (read in full...)
End the friendship so that I can get over him?
Q. How do you get over someone??? I dated someone for a few weeks he broke it off and its been over month now since and I still like him a lot and can't stop thinking about him. I have been on a few dates with other men but it really hasn't helped. He ...
A. 5 January 2010: No, don't go to the movies with him. The more you try to remain "friends" the more difficult it will be for you to get over him. You'll be rubbing salt in your wound.
All you need do is tell him it's over, no more contact. Don't permit him to a... (read in full...)
No mention of me or our relationship when we split
Q. My girlfriend of 2 yrs and I recently split with mutual agreement, due to arguing a lot As we both sobbed I said talk to me. She replied ' i can't believe i'm single again, I can't believe i have to start over again, nothing ever works for me' ...
A. 5 January 2010: Right off-hand, it certainly does sound as though she was just focusing on how she felt, rather than being upset over the two of you deciding to break up. It could very well be that in fact there is at least some regret and sadness but somehow she ... (read in full...)
Should I Meet With Him?
Q. About 4 months ago I started speaking to this guy who lives in the same city as me and is only a year older than me. Everytime we speak he asks when we are meeting up and i have told him before i would. the problem is i cant bring myself to go and ...
A. 5 January 2010: Why not meet him and see how it goes? If you feel nervous, you could meet for coffee or lunch, at a cafe or restaurant, a public place. Just make sure you get yourself there and then home again on your own.
If it's enjoyable, just take things s... (read in full...)
Sex on a first date, today he is quiet, will he show for our date tomorrow?!
Q. I slept with a guy on our first date! Now he seems distant.. We have only really known each other a month but the instant we met online he lived near, attractive it was like we was made for each other.. he instantly give me his number and got on...
A. 5 January 2010: Well, its never a good idea to sleep with a guy on the first date. It doesn't leave much incentive for him to pursue you if he "gets lucky" on the first date, with very little effort........but what's done is done. If you do go out with him again, ... (read in full...)
How do I tell fiance I want to wait a year now to marry?
Q. Hello: I have been engaged for 2 months now my fiance and I have dated 4months lived together a month okay there are things that he is doing that has started to bother me he is a very easy person and he lets people use his car I ...
A. 4 January 2010: You just have to sit down with him and talk about the things that are bothering you. If you don't he'll sense that something's wrong and most likely you will become increasingly bothered and frustrated by his behavior.
Don't be accusato... (read in full...)
Fishy situation... should I trust my long distance boyfriend?
Q. ok so im seeing this guy and its long distance..hes coming back to see me soon.. he lives in ireland .. on his facebook the other day it said he was in a relationship i was so mad i didnt speak to him for days and it ruined my new years.. he wasnt ...
A. 4 January 2010: I remember your first posting about this guy. You say "he's coming back soon to see me." He lives in Ireland and you are in Canada. From your original message I was under the impression you had not even met for the first time, but just ... (read in full...)
What gives? Why was my friend so mad at me?
Q. For Christmas, my friends and I try to get together to exchange presents. I hadn't heard from one of them, "Jenny," so I sent her an e-mail saying that we should meet up and exchange. In response, all she said was "absolutely" but she did not say ...
A. 4 January 2010: No, it doesn't make sense. In fact it sounds very one-sided.
Jenny was too busy and distracted preparing for Christmas and the arrival of her boyfriend to return your calls or make plans to get together with you and other friends. Well, fair eno... (read in full...)
Will he be disappointed if we don't have sex on our first date seeing as he's coming all this way to see me?
Q. I met a man online and we are meeting face to face within a few weeks. He lives out of town about five hours a way. My question is, I do not have sex with a man, unless I fall in love with him. When I am emailing him, I am telling him about myself. ...
A. 3 January 2010: You have been honest with him and let him know what your standards are. Of course it's okay that you were upfront with him!
If he still wants to come and visit you, he knows what (not) to expect. If he chooses not to come, or does and then doe... (read in full...)
Terrified of going ahead with this in case it leaves me in an emotional shambles again... Help!
Q. My bf and i had decided to get married in 2 years but later he put it on hold saying his parents wouldn't agree to the match. He suggested that we should just remain friends. I had stopped picking up his calls to try to get over it. But after a ...
A. 3 January 2010: You are right to be skeptical. It could indeed be very difficult to marry him knowing his parents would be opposed. Incidentally, have you met them in the two years you've been dating? If so, have they given any indication to you that they would ... (read in full...)
I cant sleep I'm so hurt,i want to stop this pain,please help
Q. Ive been talking to this guy from ireland on msn for about 7 months and im really in love with him. He told me he really wants to come see me and that hes saving up to see me. I never btw pushed him to come visit me it was all him and his idea. I ...
A. 1 January 2010: Sorry you are so upset about all this. No question but that you have had a shock and it will take a some getting over.
Only thing is, that's the problem when you meet someone online or on msn and don't have an actual face to face meeting after th... (read in full...)
I need to detox myself of my ex, and generally tidy up my life. Help me!
Q. Hello advice-givers of DearCupid! First off, I'd like to say, it's so ridiculous how this whole situation plays out and all because of my own stupidity. And trust me, there's a lot of stupidity in this situation. Extremely long story short: Ex ...
A. 1 January 2010: You say you have broken up with your ex twice, but continued to sleep together while he was dating someone else - yes, she does sound quite unsavory, I'll acknowledge that.
No wonder you feel sickened by all this. Why not resolve to make a comple... (read in full...)
Should I see him again?
Q. I am so confused! I just don't know whether I should go out on a date with this guy I saw over the summer. I didn't tell him that my mother died just two months shorter before I met him and he didn't tell me he broke up with his ex just two months ...
A. 30 December 2009: He sounds very confused and as though he doesn't really know his own mind (at least so far as dating is concerned).
If you think it would be in your best interests to relocate to the city, then that's your decision. You can't let him influenc... (read in full...)
How Can I Break Them Up?
Q. The guy I have like 4ever is dating some freshmen (we are juniors)that he only met a week ago, its obvious hes rebounding from his last gf cause they only broke up a month ago. I stayed out of his last relationship and let it take its course but ...
A. 30 December 2009: I was not trying to judge you either. I know it is very upsetting for you, but you really are investing an enormous amount of energy in thinking about this boy - and making yourself miserable.
Look: if he does break up of his own accord, ... (read in full...)
If its just a crush I don't want to act on it
Q. I'm a bit confused as to whether I like this girl or not, as I don't wish to follow suit if its just a crush. Theres at girl I work with who I've hung around with a lot more, we've even gone out with a couple a few times and the other day when I saw ...
A. 29 December 2009: Or, you could try going out with her two or three more times, and see how it goes. Maybe go bowling; to lunch then a movie or whatever else you think you might both enjoy.
That way you'll get to know something about what interests her (and vic... (read in full...)
How Can I Break Them Up?
Q. The guy I have like 4ever is dating some freshmen (we are juniors)that he only met a week ago, its obvious hes rebounding from his last gf cause they only broke up a month ago. I stayed out of his last relationship and let it take its course but ...
A. 29 December 2009: You'll get no suggestions from me on how to make your crush break up with the girl he's now seeing.
Try to accept the fact that if he wanted to date you, he would have - disappointing as it is to think he chose not to.
There are plenty of ot... (read in full...)
Am I living in a little world of my own? I want to have a baby...
Q. Hey Cupid, I just need some advice. I will put the picture together for you.. Im 20 years old and am from and living in the UK. My boyfriend who i have been with for just over a year, is in the US Navy and living in california with work. We fly to s...
A. 29 December 2009: I agree with everyone else's advice about waiting until you and your boyfriend can be together on a permanent basis. When he gets out of the Navy and knows what his career options are, and gets settled in a job, then you can both think seriously ... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend's faith break us apart?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and recently he is becoming religious and being distant. he is a muslim and recently started listening to a lecture (unknown) about their religion and i think it influences him a lot. he told me ...
A. 28 December 2009: unica hija, At this point, it would be better for your own peace of mind to just give him space. Don't send any more texts, emails or call him. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself mad thinking about how he's distancing himself. As for telling him ... (read in full...)
Husband having an affair I don't know what to do!
Q. I posted before but have added some more information. I'm not sure where to begin as I'm totally lost but to cut a long story short my husband and me have been having some problems over most of our marriage (we've been together for 22 years and got ...
A. 28 December 2009: I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a devastating experience with your husband having an affair, and wanting out of your marriage. Especially over the Christmas holiday........
Whatever the problems in your marriage, you have made eff... (read in full...)
I think I'm right not meeting him
Q. Hi 6 months ago i broke up with a lady she went back to her ex boyfriend, they have since split up , she had been seeing him behind my back, i was with her only a couple of months , i had dated her before 3 years ago for 5 months and she did the ...
A. 28 December 2009: You told this man that "it's all in the past, and that's where it's staying." You hit the nail on the head.
Much as this woman hurt and betrayed you numerous times, she's history so far as you are concerned.
What could meeting him poss... (read in full...)
I am afraid that if I say no to giving him loans, it will hurt our relationship!?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 months now,before we met there was this gal he has been in love with for 3 years and told me he got over her just before we met, they still talk alot and he still acts like i do not exist in his life while ...
A. 28 December 2009: Please, please don't give him any more money!! Why on earth should you do that? He's just using you.
You told us he already owes you $650 and makes his plans based on YOUR salary! That's sickening.
Please, dump him. He's not worth it. Y... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my brother's friend and he has fallen for me...What should I do?
Q. I have a dilemma..I am falling for one of my brother's really good friends. We realized that we had a mutual attraction to one another over two years ago but we did not know it then. We both decided not to say anything to one another about it ...
A. 28 December 2009: That sounds rough. Do you know why your brother reacted the way he did? What does he have against you and his friend being in relationship?
One thing: what do you mean when you say you know they hang out and what they are capable of?
Can you... (read in full...)
Should I apologize to him, and when?
Q. How long should i wait to aplolise to him? Theres a guy i meet about 4 months ago and we spoke every night, i went to see him last weekend on the train. and stayed over (we did other stuff but didnt have sex) it was great though, we couldnt stop ...
A. 28 December 2009: What do you have to apologize to him for? You spent last weekend with him after which he didn't contact you for what, eight days was it? And the two of you had been talking every night before that.
As it was, you had to get in touch with him... (read in full...)
I lost my gf to a drunk driver 3 years ago..and it still haunts me! How do I cope?
Q. im having a bit of a problem here. About two years, gonna be three Jan 5th, my ex was murdered by a drunk driver. Last year wasn't as bad but this year I keep seeing her everywhere and each time it happens I feel like someone punched me in the ...
A. 28 December 2009: Here is an article about coping with a death due to violence.
The link is: www.beliefnet.com/love-family/2000/05/surviving-A-violent-Death.aspx
Hope it will be helpful. ... (read in full...)
I lost my gf to a drunk driver 3 years ago..and it still haunts me! How do I cope?
Q. im having a bit of a problem here. About two years, gonna be three Jan 5th, my ex was murdered by a drunk driver. Last year wasn't as bad but this year I keep seeing her everywhere and each time it happens I feel like someone punched me in the ...
A. 28 December 2009: I am so sorry to hear of the tragic death of your girlfriend. Its sad enough when someone we are close to dies, but for you her death due to the criminal negligence of a drunk driver hit that much harder.
I guess you were in close contact ... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend's faith break us apart?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and recently he is becoming religious and being distant. he is a muslim and recently started listening to a lecture (unknown) about their religion and i think it influences him a lot. he told me ...
A. 26 December 2009: Well, it sounds as if he does love you, but while he has always been a Muslim, clearly he has undergone a deeper shift - or conversion - in his faith. You already recognize that you may lose him because of his devotion to God, and it does appear ... (read in full...)
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