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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Help me deal with girlfriends STD's!
Q. I have a very difficult situation that I have not been able to get any solid advice on. First, i will start out with some background on my relationship. I met her last summer, she was a mutual friend of a friend. We hit it off almost immediate...
A. 4 June 2010: In the four months since you and she parted company she went ahead and had unprotected sex with four other men with the result that you now could be infected. Have you got tested? If not, you need to do so right away.
Anyway, sorry this has been... (read in full...)
Girlfriend woke up one morning and told me she didn't love me any more...
Q. My gf of nearly 1 year, one day woke up an said i dont love you any more, i dont feel anything . i loss feelings for you. its hard letting her go i love her so much its very devastating and shocking to hear those words. were not the prefect couple ...
A. 3 June 2010: This is very rough on you. You put a lot of effort into making your relationship work.
Her sending Im's to other guys while with you was downright rude and inconsiderate. She was very unkind the way she told you it was over. Relation... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I were over before I knew what actually happened! And still don't!
Q. Now I accept that our relationship is over.. I'm hurt yes blah blah but I'm trying to move on as soon as I feel ready. More on that in a sec. But my backstory has me asking questions and would love to know if anyone has been through something ...
A. 31 May 2010: Well, sorry to hear your gf ended it with you.
Only thing is you were together very briefly; 6-8 weeks is really no time at all, and it got very intense real fast. Part of the trouble is that its better to go slowly when you first meet someone,... (read in full...)
I'm completely ready to give up my whole life for my online crush of 5years. Is this normal?
Q. I'm 16 years old and I'm convinced that I'm completely in love with someone I've never met. We've spoken to each other online for 5 years, the first time we spoke then and got to know each other we'd said we liked each other but then disregarded ...
A. 31 May 2010: I must admit I don't like the sound of him bringing another friend with him to meet you, even if a friend is going to London with you. Nor do I like you saying you'll do anything for him.....this is not smart! You should exercise caution, because ... (read in full...)
So how much contact is appropriate?
Q. I'm going overseas for a holiday for a month! I'm 16 with an 18 year old boyfriend. How often should I contact him while away? Skype is a viable communication method as is email. I don't want to ruin my relationship but I also don't want to spe...
A. 31 May 2010: I would say send a brief email every other day (if today is Monday, you'd send it Tuesday) telling him what sights you have seen; what you liked about places you've been, people you met, etc., - in other words, make it interesting and mention that ... (read in full...)
How do you best manage being friends after love?
Q. How do you best manage being friends after love? My bf and I broke up almost 4 months ago. It was his decision to break up, though things had been rough between us for a while---namely, he was dealing with a lot of stuff and the relationship see...
A. 31 May 2010: Basically, you don't.
Your relationship ultimately didn't work out, and it sounds as though you were much more invested than he was.......is there some part of you that secretly hopes that if you can be friends, the relationship might pick up ... (read in full...)
He says he never loved me and just wanted to have sex!
Q. Help! I broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago and I feel like im missing something. Its really strange because it always happens whenever i break-up with a boyfriend. also he keeps on texting me sayin that he never loved me and he just wa...
A. 31 May 2010: Honey, he isn't worth wasting your energy on! True, his hormones are all over the place at his age (teenage boy - which I suppose he is?)
He's frustrated and lashing out at you......best thing you can do is to totally ignore him, and as Auntie E... (read in full...)
17 & I have a foot fetish?
Q. is having a foot fetish weird im only 17?...
A. 31 May 2010: There is nothing wrong with your foot fetish. So long as the girl you date enjoys it, then go for it!... (read in full...)
Am I really that selfish?
Q. Hello! I am 48 years old, separated for 18 months, divorced for 2 months. My older daughters, 31 and 29 are both married and have children of their own. I was married twice. My daughters were from my first marriage, my second marriage lasted 20 ...
A. 30 May 2010: I agree with Cary Grant.
I will only add: don't let your daughters run your life when they visit! Unless they can act civil to your boyfriend they are welcome to stay away!... (read in full...)
I feel like it's ending and I've fallen so hard for her.
Q. I knew my current girlfriend in the beginning of this year, in February. She lives in the the countryside, in a city that i used to live and it's where my mum lives as well. So I go there almost every weekend or fortnightly.. after almost three ...
A. 29 May 2010: Sorry to hear this is so very upsetting for you.
You are what, 16 or 17? If she is the same age, you must know that girls around her age (and boys similarly) often change their minds about people they once were keen on. That's just the way life... (read in full...)
Should I attempt talk to him, even out of curiosity???
Q. Basically, I found out I was the "other woman" in about a two year affair. The kid was older and I kept my virginity, thankfully. He had always had a "mystery" to him - he disappeared for three months without a trace and reappeared wanting me ...
A. 29 May 2010: You told the other girl she could have him, so stick with that. Just get over it, turn your attention to other things (and people) you enjoy.
Life is short; why waste another minute of your time and energy on this man? ... (read in full...)
Should I just let the liar fly???
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I noticed he was acting strange. He stated that he had to have a meeting with his cousin for their new business in jersey. He tried to leave me to go to new jersey on my birthday... to have a "business ...
A. 29 May 2010: You tell us you love him and see a good future together? What on earth is there "good" about the way you describe this man and his behavior?
He is cheating on you but trying to hoodwink you into thinking they're just friends but clearly twice no... (read in full...)
He stresses me out 99 per cent of the time so why am I still in a relationship with him?
Q. Lately, I've been feeling drained with my boyfriend of 5yrs.. mind you a very crazy relationship from physical abuse in the past.. he is always complaining about me like for instance he does stuff that i do not approve of and he wanted me to hang ...
A. 29 May 2010: Well, why are you still with him? Could it be that he's become sort of a habit - "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know" sort of thing.
It sounds as if the two of you have basically very little in common, and he evidentl... (read in full...)
"When guys says he loves a girl so much....do they really mean it?"
Q. "OPs own title" when guys says he loves a girl so much ..... do they really mean it? when my boyfriend is saying me I love u more than you love me ...that's because (I don't allow him to kiss me or hug me) he says me I love him less? its going to b...
A. 28 May 2010: I'm glad we have been able to help you. We all wish you the best! Don't forget to keep, and maybe print, these emails so that you have evidence for your complaint.......
Let us know how it goes when you take action!... (read in full...)
How can I heal my broken heart?
Q. This is a long story so I apologize in advance… My heart is broken and I cannot stop crying. My boyfriend of four years, broke up with me out of the blue on Sunday. Things were going good between us and then all of sudden he was upset with me and w...
A. 27 May 2010: So while you were living together he started dating someone else which led to a break-up. Yet now he gets jealous (perhaps has a guilty conscience) when you received an email from your ex, after having taken steps to cut all other communication with ... (read in full...)
"When guys says he loves a girl so much....do they really mean it?"
Q. "OPs own title" when guys says he loves a girl so much ..... do they really mean it? when my boyfriend is saying me I love u more than you love me ...that's because (I don't allow him to kiss me or hug me) he says me I love him less? its going to b...
A. 26 May 2010: When he tells you that if you leave him he will never marry anyone else, you know what? That is nothing but a lot of nonsense. Don't pay it any attention. It's just one more example of the way he is trying to control you!
As Caring Guy said, wh... (read in full...)
"When guys says he loves a girl so much....do they really mean it?"
Q. "OPs own title" when guys says he loves a girl so much ..... do they really mean it? when my boyfriend is saying me I love u more than you love me ...that's because (I don't allow him to kiss me or hug me) he says me I love him less? its going to b...
A. 26 May 2010: You need to get this man out of your life. He is very controlling telling you you are not to speak to any stranger in the university. PERHAPS he is trying to protect you, BUT he is also trying hard to get you to give in to what he wants.
You s... (read in full...)
Our values differ and I feel like a "test". Have I compromised and settled here?
Q. I've been with my BF for 6 months now. Our concept of sex differ quite greatly, I'm coming to realize. I've never had sex and have always thought that i'd give myself to someone whom i really love to. He, on the other hand, has been with 3 girls ...
A. 25 May 2010: Sounds as if your and his experience are very different.
He can not go back and change what he's done with other women and appears to have what I might describe as a quite cavalier attitude toward sex (nonchalant, casual). I wonder about hi... (read in full...)
"When guys says he loves a girl so much....do they really mean it?"
Q. "OPs own title" when guys says he loves a girl so much ..... do they really mean it? when my boyfriend is saying me I love u more than you love me ...that's because (I don't allow him to kiss me or hug me) he says me I love him less? its going to b...
A. 24 May 2010: Look, if you are not comfortable with any sort of physical relationship - not even hugs or kisses - you should make it clear to him that getting physical is simpy not an option and you are not going to do so. It's something you need to say "NO" to ... (read in full...)
He's making subtle comments about commitment -- should I press him?
Q. Hi, I am 26 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together with for just under a year. We have discussed marriage once before in this time seriously about 3 months ago. At that time I wasn't ready and I didn't know how to express it so I got real...
A. 24 May 2010: First I want to ask you if you are absolutely sure you want to become Muslim? I don't want to scare you, but you should be aware (if you aren't already) that while some Muslims are more liberal (in fact, the Prophet himself regarded women as equal ... (read in full...)
Did God mean for us to be together despite his current relationship?
Q. I am curious if those of faith believe that God can make a mistake in bringing two people together? I have been getting to know a man for the past 10 weeks and we are becoming very close. We are both incredibly devout Christians and are sensing that ...
A. 24 May 2010: God MAY guide us to certain people who come into our lives, and we into their's, but we have to take responsiblity for making choices to approach this person or that, and if it's someone who is not available, such as this man, then even if he ... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship woes, please help?
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. We talk every morning, a couple times a day and every night before we lay our heads down. Last night he was out with friends until 3:30 in the morning.He never called me. I called as he just got home. This is ...
A. 23 May 2010: Oh for goodness sake!
PeanutButter's advice is very sound and while her experience is different to yours, she makes some excellent points.
I do realize you were upset but you do both have lives of your own, ya know? Seems to me he was being ... (read in full...)
Did God mean for us to be together despite his current relationship?
Q. I am curious if those of faith believe that God can make a mistake in bringing two people together? I have been getting to know a man for the past 10 weeks and we are becoming very close. We are both incredibly devout Christians and are sensing that ...
A. 23 May 2010: I can't believe you're asking this! You say you are a devout Christian and yet you know perfectly well (I HOPE you do) that getting into such a close relationship with someone who is married is out of bounds! It doesn't matter in the slightest if ... (read in full...)
I lost him for no reason, I want him back!
Q. Okay, ... So in march I had a boyfriend, called John. We lasted for two weeks, because of rumours going round saying I was cheating on him when I wasn't, the rumours took him away from me and sent him to my bestfriend, they finished two days ago...
A. 22 May 2010: gRaa,
I am sorry to hear this happened to you. Very upsetting that people spread rumors that just weren't true......and that John now doesn't trust you.
Go with what Samanthax has said and try to talk with him about this. Trust - on both ... (read in full...)
Is lending him money a good enough reason to get married
Q. Hi All, Here's the situation. My SO and I have been in a relationship for nearly a year and a half. We've lived together for a year now and are preparing to go off to grad school this fall. The thing is, he's asked me to cover his living expenses...
A. 21 May 2010: I completely agree with what the others have written.
NO, no way would I agree to lend him money, written contract or no, engaged or not. You feel he's not very trustworthy, and you should pay attention to that feeling. It's telling you somethin... (read in full...)
Inattentive Boyfriend...
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and I feel like our relationship is fading quickly. My boyfriend used to be so attentive, calling/texting daily, making time to see me, and generally doing all the right things in a normal ...
A. 21 May 2010: Should you make one last attempt to talk to him?
Well, he did tell you that its his new job taking up so much of his time, plus paying bills, getting things done, so evidently it's not about you (not wanting to see you).
You COULD see if he'... (read in full...)
Inattentive Boyfriend...
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and I feel like our relationship is fading quickly. My boyfriend used to be so attentive, calling/texting daily, making time to see me, and generally doing all the right things in a normal ...
A. 21 May 2010: As I see it, you have two choices: one is to send him an email (not a text)saying that you are wondering just what is going on, does he have concerns in addition to the pressure caused by taking on a second job, and that you miss him. Or, you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wont tell his family about me because I am white, and now he is becoming distant from me. What should I do?
Q. i've been in an relationship since October 2009. I'm white, and my boyfriend is from Bangladesh. I love him deeply, he's the most amazing person I have ever met, he always makes me laugh,he's so sweet and kind it's almost unbelievable. but i have ...
A. 20 May 2010: This is very difficult. It sounds as if your boyfriend's aunt and uncle probably do have some idea that you and he are dating.
It's also quite possible that his sister-in-law was talking to you about her concerns over her eldest son dating a... (read in full...)
My husband's family are putting me in a cage!
Q. My husband is in afganistan doing a dangerous job ! and ever since he has gone he and his family have put me on lock down, I cant go out for a drink with my neighbor, im not alowed to go and see my old best mate because shes a bad influenc...
A. 20 May 2010: Ask your Mother (IF you are living with his mother and can even call yours on the phone) to come WITH THE POLICE to get you out of there!
Or, try to slip out of the house sometime and go to your family; if you can't do that, phone the police o... (read in full...)
Why does my male friend claim we are "good friends" but wont ever treat me like our other friends? I'm sure there is an underlying reason behind his behaviour.....
Q. Hi i hope you can help me here. A friend of mine...hes a guy we;ve known each other a few years. He says to people he wants to be good friends with me, hes said to me before we're great friends, he'll never fall out with me and he loves me as a...
A. 20 May 2010: Well, from what you describe, right off-hand, I'd say he's not much of a friend at all.
In other words, he has told you he loves you "as a friend". Very mealy-mouthed.
Look: real friends - whether between two guys or two women - consists... (read in full...)
I'm at breaking point, I thought I was who he wanted!
Q. Im sorry for the length of this its going to be an absolute essay! But i need to get it off my chest and i need some serious help. I’m honestly wishing right now i could just curl up and die. And im sorry to say that is no exaggeration. I will try ...
A. 20 May 2010: This sounds like a real messy situation! You go out with him in a group of friends, and one of the girls starts flirting with him; but she tells you she has no real interest in him......some of them seem to think you and he are ideally suited; you ... (read in full...)
We've had five dates, there's serious chemistry, but he's still dating others
Q. Dating, met online dating and he still has an active profile.... hi, needs some unbiased opinions not from gf's but others. I'm no stranger to online dating just recently went back on again, after a short break. I've met great people, and horrible...
A. 19 May 2010: For goodness sake, lady! After FIVE dates you are wondering if he is seeing/dating others; you want to take it to the "next level"; you want sooooobad to sleep with him.....reminds me of someone chasing after a fire truck! Sorry for the analogy, ... (read in full...)
I love my enemy. Help me please...
Q. Hi everybody! I need your advice, friends. I have been chatting with this guy online for 4 months.I am 18, he is 27. We trust and respect each other very much. There is such impression that he is my soul mate. We like and dislike the same things ...
A. 18 May 2010: Good point, TimmD. I agree with you that two peple united (and many, many more) may help to change, in time, this kind of racism.
However, If this man does really like her, it would be very, very difficult for them to make a life together - let al... (read in full...)
I love my enemy. Help me please...
Q. Hi everybody! I need your advice, friends. I have been chatting with this guy online for 4 months.I am 18, he is 27. We trust and respect each other very much. There is such impression that he is my soul mate. We like and dislike the same things ...
A. 18 May 2010: If this man does not want his family and friends to know he is talking with you, then he is definitely NOT your soul mate!
You are putting so much into this "friendship" and he is putting so little. It's not worth it.
You are only 18, and hav... (read in full...)
I really want a second chance with my ex!
Q. if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? We were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the ...
A. 18 May 2010: I think the main thing here is whether or not the issues that lead to the break up in the first place can be resolved. If not, and you do get back together, sooner or later it will all fall apart once again.
He may well be thinking of this and... (read in full...)
Sending me mixed messages, what should I do?
Q. I have had a sort a here and there relationship with a friend at uni, we are both have admitted that we like eachother at the end of last year, and we are still attracted to eachother now and imo would work well as a couple, but everytime we have ...
A. 18 May 2010: First of all, DO NOT have him as your flat mate next year! If he is attracted to you now, but feels guilty whenever you've had sex he backs away - whether because he has been hurt in past relationships or not - just think how much worse it's likely ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with being dumped by my boyfriend??
Q. My boyfriend dumped me on saturday for another girl and I'm so hurt as we moved in together 6 months ago and I was starting to think about getting married. My mom passed away 4 months ago and my 13 yo brother was put in a group home. We were going ...
A. 18 May 2010: Oh boy! This is very hard and distressing for you. On top of your boyfriend's atrocious behavior, you are still (as is your brother) grieving the loss of your Mother... Let me ask: did you have any inkling whatsoever that things were not ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband for my brother-in-law?
Q. i have been with my husband for ten years and had a fantastic life together for a very long time untill one day he come onto my pregnant 17 year old sister who told his no! 2 years passed and i forgave him and married him ,after being marrid for a ...
A. 16 May 2010: Well, now. After you left your husband to be with your brother-in-law, what happened? Your b.i.l. lived with you exactly four weeks before moving out and telling you he has to be with his kids. (Some commitment, huh? Said he loved you, BUT you ... (read in full...)
Guy at work, is he interested or something?
Q. I'm interning at an insurance company, this is my second week. I'm a headhunter, this guy is an insurance agent so sometimes he's in the office, sometimes not. Anyway first time i met him was last week at the door. He was staring at me for quite ...
A. 14 May 2010: Would you like to strike up a conversation with him?
If so, then next time you see him just say smile and say something. "Hello, how are you?" Just to show you are interested (if in fact you are, but in any case, just out of sheer courtesy) and ... (read in full...)
I'm living in a fake happiness! I'm depressed and I cant get over him, help!
Q. I need help getting myself out the biggest mess/fantasy world of my life! Im truely in love with a friend of mine and i cant snap out of it. Im lost without him, the thought of him being with anyone else tares me apart. I can't be happy anymore, i ...
A. 14 May 2010: I'm sorry you are so unhappy and depressed. You say you and he were good friends and then you both developed feelings for each other. It's hard to know, but possibly he was scared of the intensity of his feelings for you, and that's why he's ... (read in full...)
Why did he blow me off?
Q. I asked him out and he said that he wanted to go out with me maybe next weekend. He said that he wanted to go on a real date with me maybe on a Friday or Saturday and that he would see me tomorrow at lunch. I sent him a txt a couple hours later. He ...
A. 14 May 2010: Who knows?! Maybe he was not feeling well; maybe he suddenly got busy, there could be a whole host of reasons.....anyway, as Danielpew says, why don't you post again and give us more background as to how long you've known him, where did you meet, ... (read in full...)
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