A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a couple questions about my current relationship and hopefully somebody has a couple answers. I'm 22 and have been with my guy for going on 2 years now. I have an extremely high libido, pretty much up for sex whenever and where ever. We only live once right? And when I first got with my guy he seemed like he was up for it too. After about 6 months sex slowed down some (which I understand) but for the past 10 months he hasn't touched me. What you need to know though, is that I was diagnosed with very early stage cervical cancer and have been dealing with it, getting surgery next week actually. He has said that this is why he doesn't want to have sex, which I do understand to an extent, but I'm having extreme issues with the lack of sex or even the presence of any sexual stimulation. I've talked to him about my feelings, and his feelings, and he just gets really defensive and tells me that maybe I just need to go find somebody else that can please me. I tried letting it go for a few months because he kept promising me every week that we would have sex but after all of the broken promises decided to try other things (sex just isn't about penetration for me) but he won't let me perform oral sex for any reason, never has, and won't do it for me either. With him it has been his d*ck or nothing at all. No kissing, touching, you name it, its not there. I tried changing the environment (we've been to the Smokey Mts, DC, the beach.. numerous places) but it was always a promise of tomorrow. I realized that he had a scent fetish (very big one) so I tried creating a more desirable encounter through scent but that didn't work either. Its really affecting my self esteem now because my boyfriend just does not want to touch me. Occasionally he'll pretend like he is going to do something and then be like no and it ultimately turns into a fight. What do I do? Do I just assume that he will be like this forever? Is it really because of the health issues? Is there any way to entice him in to doing other sexual things? I'm so lost and confused and.. frustrated.. I just can't go on like this for much longer. Personal pleasure only goes so far and works for so long. Is our reationship doomed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*DENISE*
Thanks for the response. He does have good qualities. Great qualities actually. He's so loyal and like a best friend. He'll come dance with me for no reason and put everything on hold for me at the drop of a dime. He is very caring, just not sexual. We are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum; or so it seems right now. :-/
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 January 2010):
 Unfortunately, it may well be.
You have tried just about anything and everything you can possibly think of to resolve this, and basically it's gone nowhwere. He is hardly a caring boyfriend......
I wonder if possibly your boyfriend has talked to a professional counselor about his concerns? If it really IS because of your cancer diagnosis that is........
Unless you feel there is are other non-sexual qualities to your relationship that you enjoy and really value, the prospects don't sound good.
I wish you all the best with your surgery. That's where your focus needs to be right now, on your healing.
...............................
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