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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I want to get past him stripping for women online and for cheating on me 4 times,
Q. okay so i was with my boyfriend for 2 years, since january 2009, although in july we had a bit of a fallout for about 2 weeks. we got back together unofficially, although i was telling my friends, and then i found out about 2 weeks ago, that since ...
A. 19 December 2010: Oh lawd. He's cheated on you and shown not a scrap of respect or consideration for you all over the place and you're telling us you feel as if you could die without him, still in love with him and only want to be with him.
Now, PLEASE, with all... (read in full...)
I'm 17, pregnant and everything is weird with my boyfriend!
Q. Hi everyone! so here is the problem. my boyfriends and i relationship has been awfull! i am pregnant with his baby. our relationship was great untill i found i was pregnant. he tries to be happy with it but he is just scared! i am 17 and he i...
A. 18 December 2010: For goodness sake! (re first response): You're 16 or 17, he's 18 and you are going to have a baby! THAT would freak anybody out (particularly you) at your ages. You are both much too young to be going through all this.
If you have the baby... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask that we spend our time off together?
Q. Please let me know if I am being unreasonable. I have been dating this guy of 7 months and we have been living together for 3. During Thanksgiving break we visited some of his friends a few states away. Shortly after he told me they invited us to ...
A. 16 December 2010: He shouldn't be telling you you're selfish and calling you nasty names.
Having said that, I can think of one or two things: one being that presumably if they were not able to afford it, they wouldn't have offered to pay yours and your bf's way... (read in full...)
I think my relationship may be nearly over...
Q. Ok. I dont know if its me but i think my girlfriend is kinda very selfish. I'm an artist and I need to keep my skills up in all sections I deal with. When i'm drawing or doing something in general she feels to be all affectionate, shes not like this ...
A. 16 December 2010: In response to your questions:
1. YES
2. You certainly are, sorry to say
3. If she does care, she's doing an excellent job of
hiding it
4. In trouble - yes; over? not yet, but soon will be
if you know what's good for you.
Sorr... (read in full...)
Emotionally upset with boyfriend after anal sex and his past with prostitutes.
Q. I am feeling upset and insecure in my relationship of 10 months now. My partner is 53 and I am 38. He told me early on in the relationship that he went to prostitutes when he was in his 38 for about 3 months but stopped because he was wasting his ...
A. 16 December 2010: Yes, this is DEFINITELY abuse, no question about it.
If you have told him (and you have, repeatedly) that you don't like anal sex, and in fact he injured you in his pursuit of it, but he still insists on inflicting this in you, it demonstr... (read in full...)
I'm afraid giving her space means she's going to forget me
Q. If you have been a bad boyfriend but you know she still loves you and misses you do you give her space when you break up with her and realize you messed up? I went to counseling and all kinds of other stuff to change into a better person. I broke up ...
A. 13 December 2010: Well, we don't know in what sense you were a bad boyfriend, but she apparently still has feelings for you, while requesting time to herself - i.e., "space."
I expect she means she needs time to sort out her feelings and to evaluate the relation... (read in full...)
Help! Do you think it is possible for someone to be INCAPABLE of returning someone's love?
Q. Do you think it is possible for someone to be INCAPABLE of returning someone's love? I love a girl who suffers from severe mental and emotional problems, and I realise she has become dependent on me. She can't return my love, even if she felt i...
A. 12 December 2010: She may well not be capable of loving you in the way she might were she physically and mentally/emotionally strong and healthy. However, she most likely does appreciate and value your love and support.
You sound very understanding: you recogniz... (read in full...)
If he is genuinely interested in me, then why doesn't he ever call me?
Q. I met this guy online and have been talking to him for about 4 months now. We've gone on 1 date a few days ago, and it went pretty well: met up for a casual dinner. Then he pleaded with me to come back to my place which I agreed, and we made out ...
A. 9 December 2010: Look, the poster who said he may be interested but too scared in case it doesn't work out, has got it wrong.
If he WAS genuinely interested and wanted to see you again, you would have heard from him. When you asked if he is interested and he s... (read in full...)
I think my boss may have been making things up about me and a colleague, what should I do?
Q. Can someone give me some advice..... I was having trouble with my partner and there was this guy from work who also was having trouble. He split up with his girlfriend and we became very close helping each other. There was this initial attracti...
A. 7 December 2010: I suppose you mean your number was on his phone bill at work??
Anyway, maybe other coworkers noticed how much the two of you were talking, and started gossipping, so that it reached your boss' ears. Not uncommon in a work setting.
However... (read in full...)
It takes him a day to respond to my texts!
Q. so i met this guy on line, we hanged out and it was great he told me lots of things about his life. He even told me about his ex fiance, he told me your lucky im telling you this because i normaly never do. So after that night we made out and just ...
A. 7 December 2010: Not texting you every day? Why on earth SHOULD he?!
Look, presumably you've not known one another very long, right?
Anyhow, didn't you just say he texts you in the mornings? Maybe the most time he has is before he starts work. Another t... (read in full...)
Does he want me to be a part of his life?
Q. First we start as friends but now it more than that we talk all thru the day he call me and i call him he's married and i am married. He is older than me, but i care for him, and he let me know that he cares for me. But he said to me he want me to ...
A. 7 December 2010: Sorry, but whether or not he wants you to be part of his life, and no matter how much he cares for you - and you for him - is completely irrelevant, beside the point.
HE is married; YOU are married. This means that your FIRST priority - in fact ... (read in full...)
I cannot understand why my boyfriend spends time with these kind of people and its making me question his personality
Q. My boyfriend has a lot of different friends some I like some I don't but that is kind of normal - after all they are his friends - but a couple of them in particular have been very rude about me and yet my boyfriend continues to be friends with ...
A. 6 December 2010: No, you're not being too sensitive. Anyone (your bf) who spends time with a man like the one you describe, and who speaks ill of gays, and victims of pedophiles, is not worth keeping as a boyfriend......but you're starting to discover that for ... (read in full...)
I thought we were just dating and going to see what was happening, but now he wants a break?
Q. i have been seeing a guy for 3 weeks, we have had sex and he has stayed ove my house a lot. now he says he needs a break to figure things out and that he isnt in love with me and that we werent in a relationship. but he has said and texted "luv u" a ...
A. 6 December 2010: So you slept with him during those three weeks - a foolish thing to do even if you've started dating a single guy, to sleep with him so fast - but this one is not yet divorced.
You wanted to see what happened; well now you saw. Forget him and ... (read in full...)
We took a break for him to be sure I am the one, and he slept with so many women! Now we are back together he doesn't trust me, what do I do?
Q. We took a break for ten months just so that he was sure i am the one wants to spend the rest of his life with but now i have changed as i am pissed and hurt because he slept with so many women now we are together and he says he doesnt trust me.... ...
A. 6 December 2010: Dump him immediately! Dirtball is quite right in what he said to you.
This man is a stinker; you need him like you need a horrible headache.......I hope if you've slept with him since getting back together, that he hasn't passed on any STDs to ... (read in full...)
Unhealthy obsession with my boyfriend?
Q. i LOVE my guy and cant wait to see him or talk to him or anything like that everyday. and i get lonely and i mean really lonely without him... am i obsessed? and how can i change that?...
A. 6 December 2010: If you feel you absolutely HAVE to see or talk with him EVERY day, then yes, you are obsessed.
Look at it this way: the two of you may be in a relationship and dating, BUT you are not joined at the hip, as it were, like siamese twins...... (read in full...)
I don't know if I trust my inmate boyfriend!
Q. Hello' I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and dated for 7 months. He now is in Prison and i stuck around because i love him. Well he is due to be released in a couple of weeks, and he says he wants to marry me asap, move in, be a family, ...
A. 5 December 2010: Your solution is to dump him, you know!
He doesn't sound very trustworthy. What did he do to get sent to prison in the first place?
Whatever it was, he will have to find a job - not necessarily easy for an ex-offender, even if some potential e... (read in full...)
Should I continue with his game of evasiveness?
Q. so here's the deal: i've been dating this guy for two weeks, he's great and we've made each other very clear that we like each other a lot and that we would like to be a serious relationship but to take things slow and see what happens. we already ...
A. 5 December 2010: For one thing, having sex with him so soon was a big mistake. You normally should wait at least a month - preferably two - before taking that step.
After two weeks you barely know one another, and cannot possibly have any idea as to how well you... (read in full...)
I told her she was wrong to have this man spend the night! Was I right in what I said to her?
Q. A very close friend of mine is involved with a man for more than 3 yrs and in spite of the fact that she knows he has a live in GF she has continued to see him(is she right in doing this? of course she isn't BUT I guess the heart loves who it ...
A. 4 December 2010: I think what you told her was spot on. You told her the truth. She may not have wanted to hear it, but you were acting as a real friend.........
There will only be heartbreak for her down the road if she continues to date this man. Nor is he, o... (read in full...)
Is he playing hard to get or not? Should I just dump this guy?
Q. Hi So basically i have been going out with this boy for a few months now, but i feel that he doesnt really love me even tho he says he does. When i text him or chat to him on facebook he takes ages to reply and doesnt make much conversation and when...
A. 4 December 2010: Unfortunately, I don't think he's playing hard to get.
It sounds as if he no longer considers himself to be your bf. Sorry.
You are both very young, and its better not to have a steady bf-gf relationship with anyone at your age. You should... (read in full...)
I'm feeling more confident since we broke up. Do I contact her?
Q. Just about a month ago, she broke up with me, ending a two year long, healthy relationship for another guy. As unfair and broken as I felt, I was a bit too emotional to come out and tell her how badly she treated me, so instead I just ended things ...
A. 3 December 2010: If you were to write her a letter expressing your hurt and disappointment, what would you hope to accomplish? Do you want her to write back and say how sorry she is??
She'll probably read it, but not reply. How would you feel about that?
... (read in full...)
Is it too late to talk to my crush?
Q. there s that guy that i like for almost a year but the problem im too shy to talk to him and he likes me too and i didnt really give him any attention at the begining till i noticed that he was always following me around and looking at me so i ...
A. 3 December 2010: What have you got to lose?
Next time you're in the same class, go sit next to him......if someone else is already sitting there, go up to him when the class finishes and say "Hello, how are you?" with a nice smile. That should be enough to break... (read in full...)
He's so cold towards me! Why is this?
Q. Hi there, So I have been with my guy for about a year and four months. He's really changed. He doesn't want to speak to me anymore when I go home for 5days and he snaps at me when I try talking to him. Clearly he doesn't miss me. Does anybody know ...
A. 1 December 2010: What does it matter WHY he flirts with this other girl? the fact is that he DOES.
You've tried talking to him - but he responds with rudeness and refuses to discuss it. You then start crying and trying to cuddle up to him. Quite honestly... (read in full...)
Confused about all his "I loves you"..something just isn't right here!
Q. Basically I started dating this guy about 4 months ago offically. We were talking alot before he asked me. At first i wasnt really into him but i liked talking to him alot sometimes. I really felt he was more into me than i was into him and id blow ...
A. 1 December 2010: Bella, please! Stop it!
I know you said you tend to worry and are a bit insecure, but you SERIOUSLY need to curb those tendencies. You say you know he loves you, and has told you so, all well and good.
What would NOT be good - in fact it wou... (read in full...)
What went wrong? Why his change of heart? Can I get him back?
Q. I have recently had a breakup with a guy I dated for 2 months. It was a short relationship, but everything seemed from the first date and so on. We went out every single week since we met each other. In each one of the dates we felt we had so many ...
A. 1 December 2010: I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. Very disappointing.
But you know, dating is a process of exploration, essentially, to get to know one another, good qualities and not so good ones. This takes time, certainly a lot longer than two months. ... (read in full...)
Confused about all his "I loves you"..something just isn't right here!
Q. Basically I started dating this guy about 4 months ago offically. We were talking alot before he asked me. At first i wasnt really into him but i liked talking to him alot sometimes. I really felt he was more into me than i was into him and id blow ...
A. 30 November 2010: Yes, Cerberus Raphael has given you some good advice.
I want to recommend that you just drop it now. Seriously, you told him you love him, he said it back - and admitted he's shy, so let it go at that. ... (read in full...)
I want to surprise him with some risque photos...just worried he won't find me hot! Help!
Q. Ok so recently I have been seeing this guy..who I really like :) which is awesome and finally I think Im ready for the serious relationship, etc. He's more experienced then me, he's older.. expected. I have been taking it slow but the other night he ...
A. 30 November 2010: If you really want a serious relationship with this man, I'd advise against sending risque photos to him.....the thing is, he could be looking for a friendship where the main focus is sex, rather than a serious relationship.....is that what you ... (read in full...)
What does it mean if a married man sends me a early Christmas present and it is a piece of jewellery?
Q. What does it mean if a married man sends me a early Christmas present and it is a piece of jewellery? It is a beautiful necklace(not gold) but it is an antique that was his grandmothers. He has never expressed feelings for me but does text me and ...
A. 29 November 2010: Whatever his intentions are, the fact is he is married and this is WAY over the top as a gift to you - not that he should be sending you ANY gifts whatsoever, in fact.
It would be much more appropriate to give the necklace to his wife, or daughter... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he understand?
Q. I have been with my fiance for almost 7 years and known him for longer than that! We were also business partners and the best of friends suring our relationship. He cheated, I forgave him, then I found out he kept cheating on and off for 3 years! ...
A. 29 November 2010: Time to break off the engagement, perhaps?
Seven years engaged is a heck of a long time to INTEND to marry (which is what an engagement is) and not get around to tying the knot.
I agree with Aunty BimBim he acts this way because he can n... (read in full...)
How many texts/calls a day is considered too needy or clingy?
Q. What is considered too needy or clingy? How many phone calls/texts a day? And how much can we expect phone calls/texts/communication back from a person without expecting too much?...
A. 28 November 2010: This is something to use your common sense about.
Surely, if you keep sending texts every hour on the hour, so to speak, or you send one text in the morning, have not received a response by noon, and then you go ahead and dash off three or four ... (read in full...)
How many texts/calls a day is considered too needy or clingy?
Q. What is considered too needy or clingy? How many phone calls/texts a day? And how much can we expect phone calls/texts/communication back from a person without expecting too much?...
A. 28 November 2010: This is something to use your common sense about.
Surely, if you keep sending texts every hour on the hour, so to speak, or you send one text in the morning, have not received a response by noon, and then you go ahead and dash off three or four ... (read in full...)
He says he's not emotionally there but when it comes to the sexual part of a relationship then it's fine!
Q. I have known this guy now since i was 7 and now were both 17, we have always been really good friends but things started changing 2 years ago when he fell for me. i didnt feel the same towards him but just wanted a little fun so we kissed etc, he ...
A. 28 November 2010: You have known him since you were seven, right. He likes you and the prospect of having sex - I hope you have not slept with him yet - but you need to be dating others - lots of others so as to be able to begin to get some idea of who you are ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when my girlfriend said "she came"?
Q. What does it mean when a girl says she "comes". My gf said it during sex and I was wondering whether it just meant she had orgasmed? Also, how can I make her orgasm more during sex? It rarely happens. ...
A. 28 November 2010: Yes, it means she had an orgasm.......... (read in full...)
Does this sound like pre-proposal behavior?
Q. Hi everyone, so next week is my boyfriend and I's 1yr. anniversary. We get along so great and I've never been happier. We are going away for the weekend to a hotel. I'm just curious if any of his behaviours,words etc. could be indicative of him ...
A. 28 November 2010: Hard to tell. However, since its next week, why don't you just wait and see? You;ll soon find out, one way or the other......... (read in full...)
Has this worked for you?
Q. If you love something set it free if it comes back its yours if not it was never meant to be! Is there any truth in this? Will my Scorpian man come back? ...
A. 27 November 2010: That's very funny, Cerberus. Her boyfriend sounds like a very strange creature. No wonder the poster is confused.....
But seriously, anonymous poster, how on earth can we tell you whether he'll be back?? If you want to write again and let us k... (read in full...)
Tired of the games in this LDR
Q. how can i fix my relationship? i am in a LDR with a guy and he flirts a lot. i am tired of it and i am tempted to cheat to get rid of him. we love each other but i am tired of games. please help me do what is best for me...
A. 27 November 2010: Do you mean he flirts a lot with you, or with other women? (and if with others, how would you even know about since you two are LD).
There is no need to cheat to get rid of him. simply tell him you are tired of the games and mucking about an... (read in full...)
We split up for 4 hours and he's already emailing girls for sex!
Q. me and my boyfriend have had alot of breakups. usually he leaves me, and we only stay broke up for a day or so, yea i know..immmature of us. anyways, yesterday we had another fight and i broke up with him for a short 4 hours. i took my stuff with ...
A. 27 November 2010: I think you CAN trust your own judgment, but you really would rather not, because of the action it would lead you to take.... (read in full...)
We love each other but he won't commit!
Q. I met a boy during the summer of 2009 and there was an immediate attraction that was not something I usually feel with anyone. But he has some sort of obsession with girls.. for instance, he'll go places just to meet them and then see if he can take ...
A. 27 November 2010: For one thing, this man is not physically close enough to be able to spend much time with you, given how much he travels.
He tells you he "sometimes" pretends you're his girlfriend but in almost the next breath tells you he wants to have sex with... (read in full...)
3 Essential Tips When Moving In Together
Q. You both enjoy each others company so much that after the date, you are texting each other until the early hours of the morning, saying how much you enjoyed the date. You also blurt out that you are missing them badly. Hopelessly addicted to each ...
A. 26 November 2010: Very practical and sensible advice to consider if thinking of moving in together!... (read in full...)
How do you break up with someone you care about?
Q. I feel like now is the time to end my relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. I have had doubts for quite some time now, I feel unhappy, I feel like I've outgrown him and I'm just not that interested anymore. However, I do really care about him ...
A. 25 November 2010: You have been with him a long time and have not had any other relationships. This means you really don't have any basis or standard to measure whether or not he is "the one."
No, there is never a good time to initiate a breakup. However,... (read in full...)
He wont take his medication and it is ruining our relationship! Should I leave him for good?
Q. My boyfriend has bipolar disorder which makes him have over the top up and down moods. He refuses to take the tablets he should be taking. He loses his temper over the slightest thing. We get into huge arguments in which he throws stuff and blames ...
A. 25 November 2010: Maybe the first thing to do is talk to his doctor
While it IS your bf's responsibility o take his medication, other people with this illness do take their pills. Do you know of any reason he gives for not taking them?? This is why you should t... (read in full...)
How can I get past my girlfriend acting really out of character?
Q. Whilst travelling in Asia, I met and travelled with my now girlfriend for 2 months. Just recently, I have discovered that in between meeting me and hooking up, she had a one night stand with an 18 year old - she is 23. It has been exacerbated by t...
A. 24 November 2010: I suppose you have talked with her about this - guess you must have since she told you about it - what was her attitude? Did she indicate regret and something she'd never do again? Did you express shock, disappointment and tell her you couldn't ... (read in full...)
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