A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 8 months ago, I met a boy called Gareth. We instantly got on, and were going out within a month. We were together for about a month, I lost my virginity to him. He had pretty bad anger issues and that's why we split. He'd recently come out of a 10 month relationship too - he never really got over Sarah.Although we'd split up, we became best friends and saw each other most days. I never gave up wanting him, I just knew he wasn't ready, not being over his ex. Although he only saw me as a friend, as much as I wanted more, it wasn't clear cut.We started having sex again. But he started going to meet other girls, to get over Sarah, whilst I faithfully remained by him through everything, saying I'd wait around till he was ready (I realise this was a mistake.)Now, I feel like I should ask him what he wants. If he wants me, he can have me, but otherwise I'd like to try and meet other men, to get over him hopefully.But I'm really scared to. I'm scared he's going to say he doesn't want me, and everything i've done for the past 8 months has been for nothing. He really does mean the world to me. But if he wants Sarah, I'll be okay too, because I want him to be happy. But I can't lose out to anyone else, that would be the death of me. I'm also scared he'll go crazy and I'll lose him as a friend. Any help would be appreciated, especially on how to ask him what he wants? Thank you.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (5 January 2010):
 You are putting a LOT of weight on this guy you met eight months ago! He's having sex with you; having sex with other girls. Why on earth are you putting up with this? I know, I know: because he means the world to you.Your life was fine before you met him, correct? It will be fine again a year (or less) from now if you stop seeing him and meet someone else. Try taking the long view. Admittedly that's difficult to do right now when your emotions are so intense.The fact that he just came out of a long relationship and has "bad anger issues" is not good.You say you're scared of losing him. You can't let fear rule you! What about what YOU want? How about putting yourself and your own happiness first, quite apart from him. Seriously, try to distance yourself from all this emotional turmoil and attempting to do what HE wants, and think about what's best for you. And, he isn't the only fish in the sea, ya know!
A
female
reader, frecks +, writes (5 January 2010):
i think you've answered your own question, it's scary, but you may just have to be honest. And he wouldn't go crazy, not likely. But there is the chance that you two won't see eachother so much, or if the worst case appears, that he won't want to see you at al- for fear of leading you on. however, you know its been long enough, and any longer just makes it even harder for you. Maybe just hang out with him as usual, and just start with 'can I ask you something..?' I don't think a 'we need to talk come over' thing is necessarily needed. I really think just being honest, 'i've liked you for a while and i'm wondering if you feel the same... evidently if you don't something needs to change... i'm trying to save myself from falling further,.....' ra ra ragood luck sweets xx
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