A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend broke up with me recently. We were together for six years. We were high school and college sweethearts. I am now 24. He said he broke up with me because he felt that I was not the "right one", meaning he couldn't see himself marrying me. I asked how come and he couldn't give me an answer except that there was a nagging suspicion he had in the back of his mind that it wasn't right to marry me. When I asked if he was still attracted to me and still like hanging out with me, he said yes. Right now, we are not talking anymore, but I still miss and love him very much. Each time I think I am getting better (over him), I see someting that triggers my memory of him or dream about him (were together) that stops me from moving on. I don't know what to do. My heart is telling me to wait for him to realize that I am the right one, but the realistic side of me is telling me to move on. I am so confused. I just want to be happy. How do I move on when my heart don't want to? Any kind of help is much apprecitated.
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (14 January 2010):
 I want to add something else, as going through it the same time you are, I cant really do anything but relate, you are losing something important in your life, it's okay, to treat it like that, you know, I cant think of a time ive felt worse in my life, it's almost like a jail cell, I mean even death, which I have a hard time with, was not as gruelling on me, as I except there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, I dont know how I could feel the same amount of love I feel for my ex, and alot of it is guilt, what i could or should have done, but it's to late, and ive been out with other girls as well, I even did something thinking maybe it would make me feel better, and it was absolutely humiliating, I just was not emotionally ready to be with another girl, it takes a toll on you, I think if I could just totally make her go away it wouldnt drag out so bad, but as I mentioned if I want anything to do with my little girl, her moms got to be in the fold, so I have to learn how to deal with it, but you sound very "up" considering the situation, and I have to say, theres nothing more patronizing then being told all your good points, and what a good boy\girlfriend you are, as you are being dumped, but you are a strong person, and it sounds like you will do just fine, all I can add, is don't go out looking for something to fill the void, as in a person, because it's just going to hurt 2 people, just do like your doing and if it's anything like me, things will feel better, slowly, im lucky as I dont really have a trigger by seeing stuff that reminds me of her, but instead I have a hard time with the companionship part, I have to remember, I had good times being single, I just got used to not being single, im starting to embrace the me time I forgot all about, and do some things I never would have done with her, you couldnt tell me that a month ago, but staty strong, your doing fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for your advices. To elaborate on the story, we broke up in October, but I just recently cut off all ties in December (no texting, e-mailing, etc). I guess I just thought he still loved me because I didn't see the break up coming back in October. He still took me out (went out to movies, hiking, dinner, etc) and acted really happy throughout the whole time. His actions told me that he still loved me. Throughout the years, I say that we were pretty much happy with each other. He even said I was the "one" for most part of the relationship. It was just recently last year (2009) that he had doubts. During our last talk, he told me that he doesn't want to care about me so much anymore. He also said that he sees marriage with me in the future would be fine and that our relationship is just fine, but he just can't shake the nagging feeling. Lol, he said I was a great gf, but he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I understand what is best (move on and concentrate on myself) and you guys are probably right in that he isn't the right one because we are broke up. lol I just feel that I am losing something important and that i might not be able to feel like this with another person. I have went out with other guys (not dates per se, but more like just hanging out) and it just doesn't feel right. I don't feel the connection or "chemistry" with other people. But yeah, I know what is best now, to move on and just remember that my ex have taught me many things and did a lot of wonderful things for me in the past. All I can do is remember the joy that he bought into my life and let him go. Like what else can I do? I do want him to be happy, so not being with me makes him happy, I am willing to do it and not hate him for it. I'm just trying to move on...
I have already put away all the things that he has given me. They are in a box in the closet. Things that trigger my thoughts about him are more like places (stores, restaurants, etc). We went to a lot of places together over the past years, so even simple things like grocery store would trigger my memory (we would go together to buy food to make lunches together). I guess I am missing that routine. (I'll get a new routine soon)
In all, thank you guys so much for your advices. They helped me out tremendously. As hard as some of your advices were to swallow, I understand they are for the better. :)
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (13 January 2010):
I know exactly what your going through, as im going through the exact same thing myself, my girlfriend of 8 years and me recently went our seperate ways, the first couple weeks are almost like a dream, they seemed surreal, every night it seems I wake up dreaming about her, and about the time reality hits, is about the time I rollover and bust into tears, it takes me about a half hour every morning to pull myself together, and get out of bed, it's hard to not think of all the special beautiful and high times we shared together, that chemical reaction that makes your body feel like it's floating, they were the greatest times in my life, but you know what, it blocks out the fact that the last 3 years have been worse then going to work, everything felt forced, nothing felt natural, oh I was in love with her, as a person, but she obviously checked out and was just waiting to jump off, it's even harder to get over someone when you have a child with them,. because you cant literally use no contact, but I feel for you, and if you need to chat, you know where im at!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
Break ups are hard, it just takes time and absolutely no contact of any kind, be it text or ....
Box up anything he gave you or that reminds you of him so you won't be triggered, put it away or toss it.
Follow the steps in the above article and you will be on your way.
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A
male
reader, thebookoflove +, writes (13 January 2010):
Now idk how long you have broken up for but if its a few months and he hasn't tryed to make any contact with you chances are he's not going to figure that out trust me I know my own kind most men are stupid blind and have no idea what they want if you still have something he gave you or things like that throw them away they are just going to remind you of him again anything of him now if you can't throw them away you can store them some where but you must make sure not to open that box if you start missing him cz that will just mess up your so far getting over :) now if he does realize that it wouldn't matter because most guys would rather go through out their entire life asking what if than actually swallowing there pride and going back to the girl they broke up with remembering him and missing him are not bad for getting over someone those are actually what helps you get over that person because eventually you get used to those memories coming and going and you learn to just get over them if I knew how long you were appart I would have loved to help you out more but I can't but what I can tell you if in fact he is the one and you two were ment to be than everything else but only time can tell you that one so just do your best to get over him because trust me you do not want to w8 for someone that might not happen :) yours truly thebookoflove
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (13 January 2010):
 Well, you were together during high school and then through college. Six years is a long time at a formative period of your lives. You grow and learn new things, have new experiences and in a sense, are not the same people you were in the past.
He has come to realize that what used to be a very good relationship with you, and one that he no doubt placed a high value on, is no longer a good "fit." Sorry to say, it's part of life. Part of the process of growing and becoming more mature, and preparation for getting out in the world earning a living and being independent.
I know you are unhappy and confused. It doesn't sound as if he wants to hurt you, let alone blame you. He's being honest as to where things stand. Try to accept this for what it is, even not take it too personally (difficult as that might be right now). You are still a good person, attractive, inteligent and with many great qualities. This is one of those situations where it really isn't you; it's him.
I do hope you will be able to turn your attention to the goals you want to accomplish, and the way you want to live your life. Perhaps you have more studies to do? a job? Maybe there are good and worthwhile causes you are attracted to and would like to get involved in? Or, do a bit of traveling? Fun activities you already enjoy, or new ones you think you'd like to try? How about your relationships with family and friends? One more: is there someone you trust with whom you can "spill the beans" regarding your feelings about your ex, and maybe get to a place where you can be at peace, and eventually in a good position to meet a guy who will love you for who you are (and you he) and who will want to make a lasting commitment.
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female
reader, lioness32 +, writes (13 January 2010):
 Ok let me start by saying break ups are never easy, because they're hardly ever mutual. If he said you're not the right one for him, then he's not the right one for you.I think anybody you plan on spending you life with should adore you. There should be no doubt about it, a man in love can not be stopped. And its pretty obvious how he feels, after six years he doesn't seem to be in love. Move on and whatever it is that triggers memories get rid of it. i know you can't help what you dream about but try to get very busy and keep your mind on you and off him. I've had my heart broken so i know how you feel. And don't wait for him, any man who chooses to leave you had his reasons. Don't spend time thinking of him or the good times. Trust me he's not thinking of you,and don't accept pity calls, you know, the let me check on her to make sure shes ok calls. He left you let it stay that way. The pain will leave and you'll be happy again looking back on this and laughing.take care you can do it!! God Bless!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): The answer I have for you is, unfortunately, unsatisfying. But I feel it is the best advice to offer.
The one and only thing that is going to make this better is time.
There are so many things that could happen. But, a person can't waste their time wondering "what if" all day long. The only way to figure out what's going to happen is to live your life and discover it along the way. I think that right now you should focus on yourself. After being with someone for six years, they become a part of your identity. But, there are steps you can take to feel complete again. Try new hobbies and activities that are seperate from the relationship. Not only will this help distract you, but it will also allow you to fill the void.
I hope this helps. Good luck with everything.
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