A
female
age
30-35,
*ella.mia
writes:Ive been talking to this guy from ireland on msn for about 7 months and im really in love with him. He told me he really wants to come see me and that hes saving up to see me. I never btw pushed him to come visit me it was all him and his idea. I thought he was serious because he really liked me and told me this all the time. He just made me feel amazing, but as great i feel when i talk to him,when he goes offline i feel like someone has shot me in the heart. Of course he has to go offline but its just that im so in love with him that i could talk to him all day.I even sometimes would cry over this,i know its nuts but i cant explain it. Hes everything i ever wanted in a guy.. tall,Irish,dark hair,piercings,guitarist,great personality,funny,sexy as hell.. Now i know some of the comments im going to get back are 'how do you know he says what he is' well firstly ive seen what he looks like on webcam and as for him being a musician i see pics all the time on his facebook with his band so yeah hes a musician.I've never liked a guy so much as i like him. So my problem lays here, last night i went on his facebook and out of my knowledge it says on the side of he screen that hes in a relationship with this girl. ive been on his facebook before and it never said this, so i know it must be recent. I am so annoyed that its not even funny. He could have told me that hes got a girlfriend now, since he tells me he thinks about me all the time and that he cant wait to see me and that im everything hes ever wanted.I looked at the girls pics and she ugly as hell but i guess shes a singer from the looks of things in her pics, so i cant compare with that because im not a musician. I feel like an idiot. I cant stop crying over this. Now, i know that its not real and that it was just an internet thing. But i honestly thought that in the future it was going to be more than that. I thought that when he came to see me our feelings for one another were goin to be so much stronger and then eventually maybe we would be together someway somehow id move to his country or he'd move here. I know its really far fetched but that's how i felt because hes everything i ever wanted. Ive never met anyone like him before and when i say that i mean in real life.. And its not like im some ugly girl that can only talk to guys from the internet, no that's not true im actually attractive and i have guys after me all the time. But i want nothing to do with them because i just end up comparing them to this guy because i feel we will be together someday.Im just going to say in my defense that i know its crazy im crying over a man that ive never met before but we talk everyday about everything and anything. When im having a bad day from work or whatever, i talk to him and he makes me feel much better. I think about him all the time, and i don't know how to stop this feeling? why am i so wrapped up in this guy when now i can see the light and that he's not the man i thought he was who lied to me. I want to delete him because i know its unhealthy but i always think about him..what is wrong with me ive never even met him in person i feel nuts. Should i confront him about this? or should i just delete him? I just saw this last night so im still really hurt. i woke up this morning and the first thing i thought of was this whole situation, i dont want to think about it . it just makes me sick,im hurting so much and i feel like im never going to meet a guy like him in real life. That's why i like him so much too because as much as my life is shitty sometimes i know that i have him,and that i feel better talking to him.we even go on web chat sometimes. Im just feeling so sick and im 20 and feel like im never going to find a guy, honestly im really shy and have a hard time going to the next level with guys.. how can i get over him and stop thinking so much? hes not been onilne today and im going crazy because i want closure and than delete him but yeah i cant because hes not online. should i just delte without a word or what?
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female
reader, Aida  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I think you should have a talk with him about this since he's obviously hurt you. After you talk things through maybe you'll have a sense of closure. After that you really should get off the computer for a while and do something more productive. That might help you get over him. Stay busy doing other things and you won't think about him as much. Sounds easier said than done but i've been in a similar situation and trust me you'll get over him.
A
female
reader, mini cupid xxxx  +, writes (1 January 2010):
 i think that you should tell him how you feel about it because you will start to feel better
but you will find someone better everyone does
dont worry about it because maybe one day he may relise what a stupid mistake he made .
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 January 2010):
 Sorry you are so upset about all this. No question but that you have had a shock and it will take a some getting over.
Only thing is, that's the problem when you meet someone online or on msn and don't have an actual face to face meeting after three or four weeks of exchanging emails, texts and then phone calls. It's all too easy to create a a fantasy picture of who he is, and what might be. Building castles in the air. And until you do meet and go on dates together and start a relationship, unless you have become sexual, there is nothing to say he or you can't date others.
I know this is difficult, because he lives in Ireland and you're in Canada so that dating is not really possible (unless he were to move to your part of the country, or you go to Ireland. But before that could happen you'd need to have met numerous times). Unfortunately, in terms of getting to know one another in reality you have not even gotten to first base.......
He probably is sincere in telling you he likes you and wants to see you, but he is aware of the obstacles.
You have a choice: you COULD next time you're on webcam let him know how disappointed you are, and how you had hoped it would be possible to meet. I have to warn you about taking this approach because you could come across as desperate. The only thing would be if you decide to cut off all contact after such a conversation. Because then, who cares what he thinks? Again, please think very very carefully if you confront him as to how you're going to go about it!
Otherwise, maybe as you said, just delete him. If he does not hear from you POSSIBLY he'll get serious about seeing you in person.
If you don't hear from him however, there is an issue that is really important to consider: you say your life is sometimes shitty and and you have little self-confidence about meeting guys. Now THAT is worth paying attention to! Working on your self-image and your confidence, and why you feel the way you do! Do yourself a real favor and make that a priority!
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