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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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He hasn't said he loves me yet, am I just a fool?
Q. he hasn't said he loves me am I a fool? I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months going strong. Before that we met in January and went out 6-7 times and broke up for a month cos he was unsure if he wanted to commit to our relationship. He...
A. 12 July 2010: What to make of this? Good grief, you have forced him to tell you he loves you! You say he's very insecure - and he does seem to care for you even so, but don't you realize that with all the pressure you're putting on him and all the rows, you're ... (read in full...)
How do I break up with him?
Q. So I have decided to break up with my boyfriend of 8 years but I dont know how to go about it, i'm really scared as I know he will be really upset with me. But I have been really unhappy for some time. I try to pretend that the way we are living and ...
A. 12 July 2010: Arrange to meet him somewhere for lunch so that you won't be alone with him when you break the bad news - if you think he's going to perhaps cause trouble when you tell him.
You have to be kind, but honest. Presumably you have tried to work out... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is looking at videos of him and his ex having sex
Q. If my boyfriend is looking at videos of him and his ex having sex should I confront him or leave? ...
A. 12 July 2010: For heavens' sake, tell him to go back to his darn ex!!!
Everyone else is right: this is highly disrespectful toward you and not even worth discussing!
... (read in full...)
With a married man, is six months too soon?
Q. Ive just read the question i needed answering by someone else on here. Ive been seeing a married man for 6 months, we've had a fling before, but this time ive fallen hook line and sinker, he says he feels the same. In fact he said those three little ...
A. 12 July 2010: Yes, you are kidding yourself. Six months is not to soon to expect him to leave his wife and start divorce proceedings if he was going to - and it's very clear he is NOT going to.
Forget about "falling hook line & sinker" for this man. Ask your... (read in full...)
Do guys ever put women in "the friend zone"?
Q. I'm concerned I've been putting in some male form of the friend zone but don't know. I have been friends with this guy for 2 years. We talk everyday on the phone, he has told me very personal things he doesn't tell anyone else, he has rearrange...
A. 11 July 2010: Well, I'm glad you sat down and talked with him and got clear as to how things stand between you. A very good outcome!
Nobody here was trying to get you upset or hurt your feelings. Just giving guidance based on what you told us, and their ow... (read in full...)
Men, how do I get a guy to ask me out on Facebook, with subtlety??
Q. question for the guys - how do I get a guy I've known since I was little to ask me out on facebook, without being so obvious?...
A. 10 July 2010: Well, I'm not a guy, and I hope you'll hear from some of them.
I have a question for you: If you've known him since you were little, what's your hesitation about coming out and casually asking if he'd like to meet you sometime for coffee or lunch... (read in full...)
Big age difference, he has left wife with five kids, can this relationshio survive??
Q. What should one do when they have met a guy who is a lot older than themselves and married with five children but the marriage is not good. That guy then askes you out and this then causes major upset for their family. I mean real upset, parents ...
A. 10 July 2010: If you are in your mid-fifties and he is a lot older than you, then how old is he?? I should think - unless he was married late in life - that his children should be almost grown and ready to leave the nest by now?
Whose parents and sibling ... (read in full...)
How do you deal with the lonliness of a long distance relationship??
Q. Hey Guys. I've been in a long distance relationship for 4 months now, I am completely crazy about my boyfriend and he does make me very happy. My problem is that in the time we've been together we have only met for 2 weeknds. This long distan...
A. 9 July 2010: Yes, LDR's can be very difficult. You need to be able to "visit" - I strongly recommend Skype since it's free if you both have it on your computers, and you can "video visit" talking in real time as often as you like.
Only having met in person f... (read in full...)
Stay with a controlling man?
Q. My man and i are complete opposites. he is possessive, controlling,jealous and has a short temper. im a free spirit and love my freedom and independence. but when we are not fighting everything is absolutly amazing. the sex is great and when he's ...
A. 9 July 2010: It all depends. How long have you been dating?
How often do you fight? Would you say you have arguments more often than you have good times - including, but not only, great sex? In other words, which is more frequent: the fighting or the good... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong with girls?
Q. So, I'm 15 and I've never got anywhere with a girl. I'm really, really shy and self conscious. My social life, well I haven't got one and I'm home tutored. I desperately want to find someone, not for the sex or anything but for having a best ...
A. 9 July 2010: You aren't doing anything wrong! But this is hard for you to know how to proceed.....best thing would be to join a youth club where other boys and girls, and teens get together for organized social events such as playing softball, or a concert, or ... (read in full...)
Am I making too much of a lunch?
Q. My 3 year relationship ended 10 months ago with a woman I loved and still do. I had not heard one word from her since. I had heard 3 or 4 months after we split that she was engaged. I was stunned, but I never bothered her or tried to contact her. i ...
A. 9 July 2010: First of all, how did you learn that of her engagement? Can you be sure the person(s) who told you hadn't misinterpreted something they had heard?
It would be quite surprising if only a few months after you both broke up if she had met someone ... (read in full...)
What other options do I have re the dating scene?
Q. Last year I broke up with my partner of 10 years. This year, I felt ready to date again. I already have lots of hobbies and not really time for any new ones (or actually any interests I don't already follow). Unfortunately they don't seem to ...
A. 9 July 2010: I don't know what to tell you, except to suggest that you try more than one dating site - if you haven't already.
E-harmony, after you fill out a very detailed, lengthy questionnaire will match you with women you'd be compatible with.
Another... (read in full...)
I want to know how my best friend's husband feels about me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently married, and only have been for six months. My husband is loving and supportive, and we treat each other very well. Although we have a strong emotional relationship, I have never been interested in him sexually [we have sex, it's ...
A. 7 July 2010: Well, I'm certainly not saying the poster HAS done anything wrong at this point.
The thing is she's newly married and while she says she does not intend to have an affair, loves her husband and will not break up her friends' marriage, she is inves... (read in full...)
I want to know how my best friend's husband feels about me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently married, and only have been for six months. My husband is loving and supportive, and we treat each other very well. Although we have a strong emotional relationship, I have never been interested in him sexually [we have sex, it's ...
A. 6 July 2010: Chigirl,
It's true that in a marriage or long-term committed relationship, one or both partners will still notice other women/men and be attracted. Quite natural. BUT if they have any sense and value for the relationship they are committe... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about him, whats wrong with me?
Q. I was going out with this guy for a few weeks in January and I really loved him.One day though,he started ignoring me for no reason,so I went on his bebo page.When I looked at his friends,the first person was a girl with an arrow pointing to her ...
A. 6 July 2010: It would be good if you could say you keep thinking of him because you realize what you did by snooping and getting angry was wrong.
BUT I don't think that's the reason. Going out with him for a "few weeks" is no time at all in which to build a ... (read in full...)
I want to know how my best friend's husband feels about me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently married, and only have been for six months. My husband is loving and supportive, and we treat each other very well. Although we have a strong emotional relationship, I have never been interested in him sexually [we have sex, it's ...
A. 6 July 2010: NO, you don't "HAVE to know"!
You have no business even thinking about telling him you "love" him. He's married; you're married and finding your husband not very appealing sexually is no excuse. You say you don't believe in cheating, and are ... (read in full...)
I have been waiting 17 months for him to leave his partner and move in with me!
Q. Well I'm in great need of help and advise, I'm 23 I have a good job and my own place, here's where the problem starts.. I have been seein this guy now for 17 month he's 10 years older than me but he acts the same age we get on so well when we're ...
A. 5 July 2010: Oh lawd. He's NEVER, NEVER, NEVER gonna leave his partner.
He's been with her for 13 years now; he's 10 years older than you.
Please, don't let him make a fool out of you! Sorry to put it like that, but this man is USING YOU for sex, period.... (read in full...)
I miss my boyfriend and want help
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years we were sooo good until i stupidly ended it just before Christmas, we got back together in feb but found it hard as i struggled with trust, he finished me then because i was always on at him he has ...
A. 5 July 2010: He asked you for space for a week or two. Give him the time away from you he requested, first.
Then in another two or three weeks, contact him and see if you can have a frank talk with him......... (read in full...)
Hi neediness is becoming too much!
Q. my boyfriends always trying to make me feel bad when i dont give him attention, like call and text more or say romantic things. and I DO ! i make an effort, and one second he appreciates and the next he just says i dont do enough. its upsetting me ...
A. 5 July 2010: Its very simple. He's trying to control you. Wanting to know where you are and who you're talking to when you're not with him is not love, its manipulation.
My recommendation is that you end it now, before you get in any deeper.......... (read in full...)
My internet love broke up with me and now isn't returning my calls!
Q. i meet a guy 3 months ago in a internet, and we chatted for 1 week than we fall in love, i don't what happens he don't talk to me much or don't come online much i got so upset and i write to him asking why is he doing this to me he reply he said its ...
A. 5 July 2010: Weell.....you asked him why he stopped contacting you and he TOLD you - admittedly in a somewhat vague manner, but he did answer your question - and THEN, having told you to forget about him you called him FOUR times. One phone call is ... (read in full...)
I just need a little hope... me and my amnesia.
Q. I am already an agony aunt on here and i know this isnt a relationship question but i guess all i'm looking for is someone who understands. I have a rare form of amnesia which means i can only remember the last 6 weeks of my whole life, i'm dealing ...
A. 4 July 2010: Excellent idea, married lady!
Yes, those rude, inconsiderate, argumentative folk just are not worth bothering with........... (read in full...)
Partner getting divorced and I'm not sure how to help him through it.
Q. Approximately 10 weeks ago I starting seeing someone, he asked me out - we clicked immediately and both felt we had something special. Everything was pretty great up until 3 weeks ago. His wife had left him early this year and he had only been ap...
A. 4 July 2010: He is bound to have experienced a great deal of hurt - feelings of betrayal, perhaps doubts as to his own adequacy as a man (you know, "what does this other guy she left me for have that I don't" sort of thing). He must have been quite devastated ... (read in full...)
We fell head over heels for each other so what changed?
Q. So I'm really confused. I met this guy 6 months ago and we fell head over heels for each other straight away. We were crazy about each other, adored each other. He wanted to introduce me to his family and friends and I flew over to New Zealand ...
A. 3 July 2010: A couple of things stand out.
One is that six months is a very short period of time to be dating, and it sounds like things moved very fast. When a relationship starts off intense and fast, there's a danger that as you get to know one another ... (read in full...)
I have a major crush but he's head over heels for my best friend!
Q. What am I supposed to? I'm crushing majorly on one of my friends, but the problem is he's completely head over heels for my best friend. She doesn't like him, but he won't give up. It's kinda hard to get his attention. Then again, there are times ...
A. 3 July 2010: I think the solution lies in your question.
You said he's got a major crush on your best friend, and will not give up, despite her non-response.
You'd do better to turn your attention away from him and get on with other interests, date ... (read in full...)
How do you start an on line affair?
Q. Hi aunts, I need your advice. I am 27 yr old single guy. Recently after almost a year an old female friend, she is 22, got in touch with me. she got married a year ago and after her marriage she moved out and we kinda lost touch. I was attracte...
A. 3 July 2010: So you want to know how to participate in ruining her marriage, do you?
Because that's what it amounts to.
Well, for reasons that ought to be obvious, I'm not about to tell you.... (read in full...)
How do I ask him to get tested without offending him?
Q. My guy and I want to start having sex. He is a little older than me, so we're waiting two months until I turn 18, just to be safe with the law. I am a virgin; he has had a number of partners in the past. What is the best way to ask him to get tested ...
A. 3 July 2010: This is too important NOT to ask him to get tested.
Just say that while you're sure he probably is healthy, it would be a good idea to get tested just so as to be absolutely certain - and ask him if it would be alright if he shows you the doctor's... (read in full...)
Scared to say I love you!
Q. Dear cupid, I have this boyfriend we have been going out for about a 20 days we are both 14..i love him so so much but we havent told each other that we loved each other...i am to worried if i say it first in case he doesnt say it back to me? why ...
A. 2 July 2010: Please, listen to what celtic tiger has told you!
I remember what 14 was like too - even though it's long, long ago (ha ha!) and having a mad crush on a boy.......just relax in any case, 20 days is NOTHING........ (read in full...)
Never got together, married now but still care, any hope for us??
Q. Sorry this is so long but please bear with me. Some of the back story is very important for the question. Ok. My problem is I still have a thing for this guy after 7 years! I met him when we were both in the Army. We weren't close friends but we h...
A. 2 July 2010: Unfortunately, you are right in saying you lost your chance with this man from your past who you thought of as your soul mate. The fact is you didn't, and he didn't, take the opportunity years ago to see whether things might go further. Then was ... (read in full...)
I asked her for sex, she is shy and said no, what can I do??
Q. i m very much attracted to my cousin sister she was really close to me so i asked for sex but she refused and we both are not talking to each other now but we meet daliy eveen she is feeling shy to talk to me now so plz tell me wat should i do now ...
A. 2 July 2010: You asked her; she said "no." Shy or not, she told you no.
I will not tell you how to convince her to go to bed with you.
I WILL tell no woman worth her salt wants to be regarded as a sex object.
I'll also tell you what you should do n... (read in full...)
Have feelings for a taken coworker
Q. I have feelings for a coworker that I shouldn't be having. We talk and flirt all the time, it's all innocent. We are definitely interested in eachother but he has a girlfriend and I will NOT come between that and he won't do anything either. So ...
A. 2 July 2010: What do you do? You recognize that he does have a girlfriend and is therefore not available to form a relationship with you.
You say you will not come between the two of them, but it sounds to me as if deep down you'd like there to be more tha... (read in full...)
I gave him a love bite and now he's acting all weird
Q. Im so upset rite now, Im having problams with a guy im sort of seeing but where not in a relationship but sleeping together, anyway a few days ago i gave him a love bite and obviously he noticed it, it wasnt huge and could hardly notice it, ...
A. 30 June 2010: P.S. Don't know who said he's probably seeing another girl. It sounds like a wild guess to me. He's probably not; he's just very upset with you........sorry....... (read in full...)
I gave him a love bite and now he's acting all weird
Q. Im so upset rite now, Im having problams with a guy im sort of seeing but where not in a relationship but sleeping together, anyway a few days ago i gave him a love bite and obviously he noticed it, it wasnt huge and could hardly notice it, ...
A. 30 June 2010: I seriously doubt that he's feeling guity. The fact is, you did something he didn't like or want (even though you were not to know that) with the result that even though you apologized, he's basically had it.
You say you're not in a relation... (read in full...)
Wedding night tips for a frightened virgin needed, please!
Q. Hi everyone! I have a bit of a problem that's kind of pathetic but is really troubling me. I'm getting married to my fiancé, who I've been with for 4 years, and we both are virgins. I'm terrified of having sex for the first time with him, because ...
A. 30 June 2010: You don't HAVE to have sex on your wedding night, you know. It's true that most couples expect it and look forward to it, but if you are both feeling tired and a bit overwhelmed by your wedding celebrations, plus getting packed and ready to leave ... (read in full...)
Falling for a friend who is pushing me to be friends-with-benefits
Q. I'm in love with some one. They are someone who has been a very good friend for a while. I know that he doesn't feel the same way. But the problem is I need to adjust our friendship without ruining it by letting him know how strongly I feel. I ...
A. 30 June 2010: Sorry to have to tell you, but he clearly is not in love with you - even though he regards you as a friend.
He has told you (many times, apparently) that he doesn't want a relationship - that means with you, with anybody - but is just looking ... (read in full...)
Did he leave because I was disrespectful?
Q. This is a long one, but please bare with me. About two months ago, I 'gave myself away' to a strange guy I barely knew (for LESS than ONE day. Can you believe that ? :-/). I met him at the park around the corner from my house. My friend and I had we...
A. 29 June 2010: Oh lawd. Yes, OF COURSE he was just using you! He pressured you into agreeing to have sex with him, and once he got what he wanted - a conquest - he was "outta there."
The truth is that he MIGHT have respected you for saying "no" and sticking... (read in full...)
I am pregnant again.
Q. i have posted for help before about my twins i had at 14 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/struggling-to-cope-.html well me and my boyfriend have since got back together three weeks after i posted that question. I have the implant in, so i...
A. 29 June 2010: You might not WANT to give your unborn child up for adoption, but since you are in no position to adequately care for a new baby and nor is it fair to expect your parents to raise the new little one. They have already brought you up, after all.
... (read in full...)
He doesn't appear to respect the fact that I don't like anal sex!
Q. just recently me and my bf have been having an aguement concerning anal sex. he absolutely loves it which i appreciate, however its just not my thing. it makes me really uncomfortable and i dont enjoy it. on a couple of occasions when he has asked ...
A. 28 June 2010: You have tried to make him see you don't like anal, and he refuses to listen.
You ask if there is anything you can do. There is. end it.
... (read in full...)
I know that men look at porn so why does he claim not to? I'm not the jealous type.
Q. Why do guys lie about watching porn? My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and at the beginning of our relationship would look at it together quite a lot, usually just for fun (i.e. trying to find the weirdest stuff we could) but ...
A. 28 June 2010: You're not quick to anger or judge? You could have fooled me.
Look here: your mistrust of him will ultimately damage your relationship far more than if he does occasionally watch porn.
Anyway, what makes you think he's lying? Do you have roc... (read in full...)
Confused to what he means!
Q. my boyfriend ed broke up with me today he said he wasn`t ready for a relationship but he kissed me i`m so upset. I don`t know what he means. Does he still love me but don`t want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend just yet? ...
A. 28 June 2010: Yes, that's what he means. You are both very young and shouldn't be tying yourselves down just yet.
I'm sure he is fond of you, only he realizes he can't be your bf at this point.
In the next few years you'll meet lots of boys you date fo... (read in full...)
Is this a break or a Break Up? Help
Q. I’m still very confused about what happened…. We’ve been together for just about 6.5 years. He’s my first everything. While, I’m like his 8th girlfriend—but longest relationship. We both are crazy in love with each other, but the relationship has ...
A. 28 June 2010: I hope it works out for you. Sounds like you're serious about getting yourself into better shape.
Don't hesitate to write again if you feel the need for more support/feedback.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Even though I've been tormented I want him back
Q. My partner and i have been together a year and a half. things have been far from easy, i've let him control and manipulate me for as long as i can remember but he's got a way of making me think that everything's my fault. i've cut off a lot of ...
A. 28 June 2010: Please, don't be so foolish! I don't mean to be harsh, but there's nothing good in the way this man treats you.
Get help - as the other two responders have said - with your issues, and consider your own dignity. Nobody deserves - or should p... (read in full...)
Is this a break or a Break Up? Help
Q. I’m still very confused about what happened…. We’ve been together for just about 6.5 years. He’s my first everything. While, I’m like his 8th girlfriend—but longest relationship. We both are crazy in love with each other, but the relationship has ...
A. 28 June 2010: I hear that you are very confused and unhappy about this. Understandably so.
However, I must say I think your boyfriend is being very responsible in taking time out to get his issues sorted and start getting his life in order. He is to be appla... (read in full...)
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