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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Why did he blow me off?
Q. I asked him out and he said that he wanted to go out with me maybe next weekend. He said that he wanted to go on a real date with me maybe on a Friday or Saturday and that he would see me tomorrow at lunch. I sent him a txt a couple hours later. He ...
A. 14 May 2010: Who knows?! Maybe he was not feeling well; maybe he suddenly got busy, there could be a whole host of reasons.....anyway, as Danielpew says, why don't you post again and give us more background as to how long you've known him, where did you meet, ... (read in full...)
Is it safe to have sex during periods without using a condom?
Q. hi is it safe to have sex during periods without using a condoms...
A. 14 May 2010: Danielpew is right! You always want to use a condom when having sex........... (read in full...)
We broke up because of this sticky situation but we still love each other, help!
Q. So I have a bit of a problem... 2 weeks ago me and my boyfriend broke up :( we broke up because he is going to work away soon and I wouldn't see him for upto a month or two at a time or even be able to talk to him because he won't have any phone ...
A. 13 May 2010: It's very hard, and you want to keep him as you boyfriend - indeed, it sounds as if HE wants to keep YOU as his girlfriend - but if he is going to have no internet access and no phone reception where he will be working, makes communication extremely ... (read in full...)
His ex's texts are making it hard for me to trust him
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and have been at university since September last year. I started going out with a boy I met here in October, the whole thing has been so intense from the start and now he practically lives with me. I have serious trust issues with him ...
A. 6 May 2010: Well, you did say that when you met him in October it became very intense very quickly, and he ended up living with you. That's only been seven months. It points up just why it is worthwhile to take your time in getting to know someone before ... (read in full...)
My family doesn't like this boy but I do!
Q. im 14 and i really like this boy and hes 17 my sister knows him and my mam dont know i like him and he likes me allot but my mam dont think its right for a 14 year old to be with a 17 year old i really dont know what todo hes lovely and wou...
A. 5 May 2010: Advice? Yes. You ARE only 14; he's 17, three years older which at your age is quite a lot. Even if you feel he "wouldn't do nothing" (wouldn't do anything, that is) "with me", the fact is that for a boy to have sex with a fourteen year old is ... (read in full...)
I lost my best male friend 5 years ago but I still miss him!
Q. Me and my male best friend haven't spoke to each other in about 4 to 5 years. We were very close for almost 12 years, and I loved him so much. We would tell each other everything. We had even kissed a couple of times but we never had sex. We had ...
A. 5 May 2010: In your mind this is still unresolved. Because you feel you have unfinished business with him, it still hurts you. Even more, not only do you have "unfinished business" but it's "business" that didn't have the outcome you wanted. He, it would s... (read in full...)
My married lover wants to end the relationship, what can I do to stop this?
Q. some days back i had asked a question on relationship with a married christian lady with whom i have been working for the last 12 years. now i would like to ask another question in this context. 28th april was my birthday and i offered the christian ...
A. 3 May 2010: Let it go! This woman is married and is cheating on her husband. Supposing she were to leave him and get separated and divorced to be with you: what guarantee would you have that she wouldn't at some point down the road, have an affair with ... (read in full...)
Should I explain my actions by telling my new boyfriend about my ex?
Q. Hello, I have asked for help a lot over the last almost year. I was the one who dated a guy who dumped me due to his ED problem and blamed it on me (he gained 20+ lbs while we were dating). He was over 350 lbs at the time and told me that we ...
A. 3 May 2010: I'm with askoldersister. No need to tell your new guy what happened with your ex. It's enough that you let him know that you were in a past relationship in which you got hurt. Details are not necessary!
Also, we don't know how long you've b... (read in full...)
He's offering to fly me over to meet him but I'm afraid to do it!
Q. Hello, I'm a 20-year-old student from the UK and I'm currently nearing the end of my first year at University. For the past three years I've become close friends with a guy from the US via an online videogame that I've been playing since th...
A. 3 May 2010: You have good reason for your insecurities and doubts. For one thing, he IS only 17, so quite a bit younger than you. Does he have a job? How can he afford to pay your airfare? You would be well advised (and I can't sress it strongly enough) NOT ... (read in full...)
Are we friends or lovers?
Q. hello everyone,i need ur advice plz ! 2 months back i ended a short relation with a guy who lied to me about having a girlfriend and i decided to give a chance to a man who seemes really nice at start, he got in touch with me first through ...
A. 3 May 2010: He might or might not have a girlfriend, it's hard to tell.
You, at any rate, did the right thing by ending it with your ex before starting to date this new man. However, it is a very good idea NOT to get involved with someone when you have jus... (read in full...)
Interpreting 1st date communication!
Q. So, I need an interpretation of post-first date communication, please! I went on my first date in 9 years today (split with my bf of 8 1/2 years 6 months ago, took a long time to feel better and get the confidence to date again). I think it went ...
A. 2 May 2010: I think its very clear that this man enjoyed your company and WOULD like to see you again. Congratulations!
Just send an email to say you enjoyed your time together and you look forward to your next meeting. It shouldn't take him too long to ... (read in full...)
I really like her but I'm not attracted to her
Q. I was introduced to someone that I felt no real cemistry for and tried to see if anything would develop as far as feelings go. We hve had sex but I just don't think she is my type at all and I try to see if feelings can develop but I don't think ...
A. 2 May 2010: The fact that you had sex with her even though you say you are not attracted to her makes things more complicated.
She may well have thought that because you slept with her you found her desirable physically - and possibly emotionally too. In... (read in full...)
Should I really have a baby with this kind of man?
Q. am having a problem with my boyfriend,we are for ever arguing even if its a small mistake that comes up. he just got rude with me since he found out that i cheated on him. sometimes he even just want to beat me while he also cheats with other ...
A. 22 April 2010: NO! Absolutely not. No way should you bring a poor baby into this mess. He cheated on you; you cheated on him. He beats you. Both of you are behaving badly - you should not have cheated, he should not have cheated either, but it by no means e... (read in full...)
He likes me but he won't make any moves! Ugh!
Q. The guy I like at school is pissin me off! He likes me but he won't make any moves. I guess I've been complaining to my friends too much because now they're on his case. It's so awkward around him now because he used to txt or call me everyday...in ...
A. 22 April 2010: you're what, 13 or even 15 years old? At your age you shouldn't be focussing all your attention on one boy, let alone even thinking about getting him to make a commitment. Yes, it's very easy to have crushes on boys and quite normal as part of ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone like that?
Q. my boyfriend has a high school diploma ad he does not know if he wants to go back to school, while i am getting my bachelors. he does not have a bank account, he is not that intelligent meaning he can not really read or spell that great. ...
A. 22 April 2010: He doesn't sound very responsible, from what you have written, but it is up to him how he chooses to live his life, you know. I really think you have answered your own question. ... (read in full...)
Will any man love an ashamed ex-prostitute?
Q. I am from an abusive family and at the age of 16 I ran away from home. I am ashamed to admit this but I turned to prostitution. I did this for a few months. It is a dark depressing period in my life. I eventually moved in with a friend from ...
A. 21 April 2010: Your past is exactly that: PAST. Your few months of prostitution will undoubtedly have left you with some bad experiences and memories, but if you didn't "do" prostitution to feed a drug habit (as I understand many do) and are in good health, it ... (read in full...)
It bothers me that he is not bothered by our recent lack of contact.
Q. I havnt been talking to my best friend. This week we haqve no school. I'm busy and he's been going to red sox games and bruins. It bothers me that he is not bothered by me not talking to him. I dont know what to do? I think about him without trying ...
A. 21 April 2010: Quiet-Echo and Laura:
Hurrah for your comments! Right on target. I can understand her feeling hurt (physically as well as emotionally), but I had the sense the poster was making rather more of not hearing from him for a week(!) than was warrant... (read in full...)
My boyfriend moved to another country and I have to initiate all the contact. Should I try to let go?
Q. Hello guys . I was in a relationship with a guy .i met him last year .but 4 months ago he left to usa with his family . when he left at first he was so kinder .and used to call me and he used to say that i wanna come back there and be with you . bu...
A. 20 April 2010: Well, it takes two to maintain any relationship, be it a boyfriend-girlfriend one, or just two friends. Perhaps next time you call him you could make one more attempt to let him know you would like for HIM to get in touch with YOU, and that yo... (read in full...)
The woman I am cheating with is cheating on me.
Q. I went to china over 3 years ago. Met a married woman who hasnt slept with husband for over 6 years but still live in same house(big house)and yes I know that part is true. Ive been lied to since I first met her and yet wouldnt walk away. Now I know ...
A. 20 April 2010: Oh lawd. It sounds more like you're addicted to this woman. How much contact have you had with her since meeting her three years ago in China? Becoming borderline homeless because of this; feeling empty inside and having been cheated on many ... (read in full...)
I know I am number 1, ..but it is hard knowing there have been so many other number 1 women throughout his life.
Q. i'm in an age gap relationship, and there's one thing that has been an annoyance in that. everythings great, but i keep bumping into small things that make me realize our 19 year difference, and how much he has been through in love. im 18, hes 37. ...
A. 20 April 2010: I'm sorry, but facts are facts, after all. He IS a lot older than you, and it would be quite surprising if he hadn't been married at one time, and had a number of different girlfriends since being divorced. It's something you'll just have to learn ... (read in full...)
It bothers me that he is not bothered by our recent lack of contact.
Q. I havnt been talking to my best friend. This week we haqve no school. I'm busy and he's been going to red sox games and bruins. It bothers me that he is not bothered by me not talking to him. I dont know what to do? I think about him without trying ...
A. 20 April 2010: When your arm was hurt and you went to hospital, did your friend ask you how it happened? Did he even know? Perhaps not, since you say he doesn't care.
I'm sorry you are hurt by his behavior. However, as you said, there's no school at present,... (read in full...)
How can I fall 'back' in love?
Q. What's the best way to fall back in-love with a boy you really like? I had asked this boy earlier to blatantly be my boyfriend and he didn't think twice to say no..... But I know I don't like him as much as he likes me...And I feel really guil...
A. 20 April 2010: Not-my-Name is quite right in saying you can't manufacture feelings for someone when they the feelings) just aren't there.
I don't see that you have anything to feel guilty about, you know. Try to forgive yourself and just enjoy his company ... (read in full...)
Did he go back to his ex because its what he had known for so long?
Q. I meat this guy who is not my exactly my type but after the first date we hit up very quick and we been seen each other for 2 months but him ex was constantly calling and texting and on my question what is going on he promised that is nothing till ...
A. 16 April 2010: It sounds as if he wanted to get back with his ex all the time. In fact, he never did really accept their break-up, because as you say, she was constantly calling and texting.
He may well like you - as a FRIEND - BUT you want more than simple f... (read in full...)
Can you move from the 'friends ladder' back to the 'good ladder' if its an ex?
Q. Alright, I just saw the question asked by another member, and I want to take it one step further, and then maybe even a step further then that, Someone on here told me about the Ladder Theory, which I think is brilliant, my question, lets say you've ...
A. 28 February 2010: I've never heard about the "ladder" theory. I wonder though, why, if you have recently been divorced or broken up with a woman you'd want to remain friends?
I'm not saying it was a nasty breakup, or that she's horrible, just that you both nee... (read in full...)
It's been two months I called and told him I was breaking up with him. How come he hasn't called me?
Q. What should I do now that my boyfriend of almost 7 years is not picking up my phone calls/returning them after I told him I called to break up 2 months ago. After I mentioned breaking up and hesitated, he took it literally and didn't call me back ...
A. 27 February 2010: Excuse me? You called and told him you were ending your relationship two months ago, and now you wonder why he hasn't called you?
What did you expect?
Did you by any chance want him to plead with you not to break up? Or were you playing game... (read in full...)
My older friends are pregnant and it makes me want to have a baby
Q. Im 15 and i have older friends that is like 17, 18, and 19 and they are all pregnant and that makes me kinda want to have a baby because it seems like there life is good with the baby and the father. is that good for me to feel this way? should i ...
A. 27 February 2010: I agree with skyexxx and strongfp. Definitely not a good idea to get pregnant at your age! If you're having sex, PLEASE, PLEASE make sure you use reliable birth control - don't let yourself have unprotected sex with anyone!
You might want to ... (read in full...)
He wants me to wait for him while he 'finishes things' with another girl
Q. I apologise in advance that this is so long! So me and my ex split up 6 months ago. We had been together a year and a bit, and saw each other loads. Towards the end he became distant and I knew there was something up. He confessed he had feeling ...
A. 27 February 2010: A month ago?! If he really meant what he said about "finishing it" with this other girl, I'd have given him at the very most two or three days, and then, that would be it!
How long does it take to tell someone, "Sorry, but I have decided to get b... (read in full...)
He tried to force himself on me. Am I over-reacting?
Q. I've been going out with this guy for a few weeks. he was really nice, opened doors for me, said sweet things, and seemed real cool. He seemed patient, didn't mind spending time with my family, and was real smart. he was older than me and seemed so ...
A. 27 February 2010: NO, you're most certainly NOT making a big deal out of nothing!
This man wanted sex with you, and while he said he was okay with waiting, he didn't mean it. He lied, and let himself get carried away to the point he would have raped you if you h... (read in full...)
How reliable is a drunken proclamation of love?
Q. Are people more honest when they're drunk, or do they say things they don't mean? Last night around midnight, one of my old mates, who used to fancy me, called me while he was drunk. He told me that he really wanted to talk to me, and that he miss...
A. 27 February 2010: "They" say that when a person is drunk, their inhibtions are loosened. However, they might not be using good judgment. Did he mean it? Who knows? Wait and see if he gets in touch when he's sober, and see if repeats it. Then you'll have a be... (read in full...)
Our non existant sex life post abortion
Q. Hello again. I wrote previously about my abortion (see my other question - to those who responded it was much appreciated). This is a bit of a follow up but I am asking for help and advice again. I went through with the abortion last Saturday. ...
A. 25 February 2010: No, You are not being selfish! You have just been through a traumatic experence, both emotionally and physically, and you need to be patient with yourself and with your boyfriend. I know you are frustrated because you couldn't satisfy him oral... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my husband and another guy. Which should I choose?
Q. I am in love with 2 different guys. One is my husband. We have been married almost 4 years. We have spent more time apart than together. He has a record for cheating on me. He's cheated on me more than count. He says hes changed. He is also the ...
A. 25 February 2010: Whatever you decide to do, someone's going to get hurt. You can't have both men.
You're ultimately going to have to choose whether or not to stay with your husband and try to work on your marriage, or whether to give it up and get divorced... (read in full...)
I don't get on with my mum, how do I tell my parents I am pregnant?
Q. I'm 15 years old. Yesterday i found out im pregnant. The father is not my boyfriend and never was. I have never been more scared in my life. My parents are divorced and I live with my dad because me and my mom don't get along. My mom is re-married ...
A. 23 February 2010: Well, you're going to have to tell them, one way or another and face the music. I know this is devastating for you. You're far too young to be having a baby.......even so
unprotected sex is apt to lead to a baby. I am so sorry you are in such stra... (read in full...)
I am going insane and finding it very difficult to move on after the break up, please help?
Q. I have just recently come out of a 1 and half year relationship.I am having problems dealing with this pain and I have done so much to try and forget this, but its clear that I am affected quiet a bit. My ex was a best friend of 2 years before we ...
A. 23 February 2010: I'm sorry you are going through such pain, and feel so messed up!
BUT: you know, you WILL get over this man, PROVIDED you make up your mind to it! It may not be easy, it may take some time, but if you stay the course, it will evaporat... (read in full...)
I want to go to a convention in America but my friends can't afford it. Should I forget it?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to go to a convention in America in a few months to meet the cast of a film that i am a huge fan of, but the problem is, since i live in England, my friends have been saying that they cant afford to go, and ...
A. 22 February 2010: Hi,
I tried a few days ago to post a message saying that if you send the link I will take a look. The message didn't get posted. If you see this message, let me know.... (read in full...)
I want to go to a convention in America but my friends can't afford it. Should I forget it?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to go to a convention in America in a few months to meet the cast of a film that i am a huge fan of, but the problem is, since i live in England, my friends have been saying that they cant afford to go, and ...
A. 19 February 2010: The fact that you would be visiting the U.S. on your own (never having been here before) and for such a very short time, without a credit card of your own, really gives me pause. I certainly wouldn't agree to someone else letting you charge ... (read in full...)
I broke his heart, he wont answer my texts and I just want to get over it!
Q. I don't know why I keep thinking about this guy. I'm over him but I just feel sorry that I broke his heart. I lied to him and I feel sorry I wanna tell him Look, I'm sorry for hurting you. I wasn't faithfull at all and I regret EVERYTHING. I wanna ...
A. 18 February 2010: The main thing is that you need to forgive - YOURSELF. You realize you were in the wrong in behaving as you did. You have posted here and told us what happened, and we understand. Having unburdened yourself to us, I do hope this will be the first ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and try to make it work?
Q. I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the ...
A. 17 February 2010: Possibly, but I wouldn't count on it. Even if he told you he is wrong for "putting his beliefs on you", there is still his parents to contend with. THEY will be utterly opposed.........do you want him to either deceive them, or to have a rift with ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has caught me flirting online, and now he hasn't spoke to me for over a month!
Q. question to the guys. my boyfriend of four years has caught me flirting online. its not the first time and we always broke up because of it. i never cheated i did it for a laugh when he was at work,i did text them but never met any. i denied it and ...
A. 17 February 2010: So you think we're all petty and as bad as your ex, do you?
The fact is, your boyfriend caught you flirting online, and even though you don't think you were cheating, his feelings were hurt. Even so, you continued - never mind that you didn't m... (read in full...)
How soon is it too soon to have sex??
Q. how soon is it too for non virgin to have sex with a guy you just met?? when you want a relationship+sex and not just sex, so the guy would not think ur easy. oh and if guys like girls who makes them, wait, then why do they always ask for s...
A. 17 February 2010: You would be well advised to date him for at least a month or more before having sex. This will give you time to get to know one another and begin to develop a sense as to how well-suited the two of you are. Jumping into bed too soon tends to mean ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and try to make it work?
Q. I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the ...
A. 17 February 2010: Yes, you do have to think about your future. His parents think being with you is a phase he's going through and that he'll eventually settle down and marry a nice Muslim girl. That's why meeting them "wasn't so bad."
Believe you me, if he was t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has caught me flirting online, and now he hasn't spoke to me for over a month!
Q. question to the guys. my boyfriend of four years has caught me flirting online. its not the first time and we always broke up because of it. i never cheated i did it for a laugh when he was at work,i did text them but never met any. i denied it and ...
A. 17 February 2010: What do you do to get around him?
You don't. I think you had best consider him to be your ex-boyfriend at this point.......... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and try to make it work?
Q. I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the ...
A. 17 February 2010: No, I don't think you should stay with your Muslim boyfriend and try to make it work.
You were together three years, and much of that time it was very difficult - not least because he wouldn't tell his parents about you, and insisted you not drin... (read in full...)
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