A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's the situation. I am recently seperated from my husband, and started talking to this guy at work. He told me he had a girlfriend. So i chalked it up to harmless flirting. After a while the flirting became more serious. I know that him and his girlfriend were having problems so I thought that their relationship was getting ready to end. I figured well, why does it matter if i continue to flirt with him and maybe something will come out of it. So I continued on. He invited me out for coffee the other night and we "hooked" up. Afterwards, I could tell he was feeling guilty, so I asked him and he said that he didn't think this could happen again...??? Confused, I let it go and then texted him later on. I asked him if he was still with his girl, and he said yes and that one day he thought he would ask her to marry him. So I got a little upset, but I'm not looking for a realationship, just some no-strings attatched fun. So I figured it is what it is and just dropped the whole thing. Now a few days later I'm still thinking about it, hoping he will text or call so we can pick up where we left off. He said we could still be friends if i was willing to be. but other than work, i haven't heard from him. I want no-strings attached fun, but for some reason I just want it with him... and as far a the whole girlfriend thing goes... I really don't think it will work out between them and I think he was just feeling guilty for cheating on her and said that he thought he might ask her to marry him, out of confusion and guilt. So i know most people are going to say stay away from this guy, but i don't want to. Tell me how i can win him over. That's what i really want. And yes... I know that most people believe once he's a cheater always a cheater, but I'm really not looking for a serious realtionship with him right now so that isn't really a factor.
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female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (5 January 2010):
 Two things. One is that he wouldn't be playing around on his girlfriend if he genuinely cared about her, the other is that he's using his relationship with her as a way of getting rid of you. Sorry, but that's the crappy truth. Save yourself the embarrassment and forget about him.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 January 2010):
 Yes, you did meet after work and had sex. Apparently he regretted it. Whether his girlfriend and he are having problems is, with all due respect, not any of your business. Anyway, he told you he is still with her and wants to marry her. By the way, you're already speculating as to why he wants her: you want to believe he just felt guilty, and you think it won't work out between them.......You cannot stop obssessing about him, but he obviously doesn't feel the same way. If you persist in chasing him, he'll see you as a real nuisance. Is that what you want?I'm not going to tell you to stay away from him because he has made it very clear where he stands. Which means you have no choice, no matter how much you want sex with him.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 January 2010):
 Wow! you really are all about you. It's all about what you want.
The situation is quite clear for the outside point of view. You want "no strings attached sex". He wants a long term relationship including marriage. Those things are mutually exclusive. If he gives you what you want then he can't have what he wants. Even if he breaks up with his current girl, and you have done plenty to help that along, he will still want a long term relationship and marriage. You are not willing to offer him that. So any time he spends on you is working against his own self. Every time you have no strings attached sex with him you move him further from his goals. Why should what you want be more important to him than what he wants?
The selfless thing for you to do is to find someone else who has the same needs / goals you do.
As a side note, is it his honesty, integrity, faithfulness that is attracting you? This is something you should ponder before you go on with your no strings lifestyle.
FA
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 January 2010):
You say that when he told you he was still with his girl and wanted to marry her, you got upset. Those are strings darling. No strings means meeting literally ONLY for sex. That means no calling, texting "just to say hi", nothing. You only communicate when you are planning to do it. When he leaves you after the rendezvous he doesnt even have to say so much as a "was it good for you darling". That's what no strings means to guys. You seem to basically be looking for a friend with benefits. I don't know why you have decided for him that he only said he is marrying her because of guilt. To the outsider it sounds more like he was telling you "I made a mistake sleeping with you". Try reading that book "he's just not that into you". It will save you a lot of time and energy pursuing someone who is not interested in you and who will start to see you as a pest. I am sorry but better to say the truth than give you false hope. You will get it sooner or later. I've been there.
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