A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello advice-givers of DearCupid! First off, I'd like to say, it's so ridiculous how this whole situation plays out and all because of my own stupidity. And trust me, there's a lot of stupidity in this situation.Extremely long story short: Ex and I were together for a year and three and a months before the first break-up. I dated someone else for various reasons and the ex was left feeling completely... not good. I did NOT cheat, though. Four months later, the ex and I get back together but then the tables quickly turn. Ex meets another girl on an plane ride to a university 6.5 hours away and five months after that, we break up again.Now let me tell you something about this girl. She is the definition of a slut. Sleeping with nine guys before she graduated high school and she didn't lose her virginity until her junior year of high school. (That's nine guys she bedded within a year and a half - including my ex.) She's also a flippin' moron; she acts like a blonde but with naturally red hair and it pisses me off.Well, she and my ex go on to "date" for a few months while the ex and I hook-up randomly while I'm also casually dating other people. Basically, this whole thing is an open relationship and I'm left feeling worse and worse each time he and I hook-up. Also, my ex actually told me that she told him that she didn't care if I hated her; she does what she wants and of course, somehow, always gets her damn way. It's disgusting!Well, it's been over a year now since he and I broke up for the second time and the entire past year (2009), we've randomly hooked up. Including last night (New Year's Eve) and we had sex practically the whole night. It is now January 1, 2010 and I feel like I need to detox myself of my ex. Once and for all. My major problem is that I don't have any money saved up so I can't leave the city I'm currently in (my work refuses to give me more hours and it's hard saving $75 checks which I get every two weeks). I would go to a university but I wasn't exactly the best student in high school or my first three semesters of college.Like I said, I'm an idiot.But I was thinking of joining the US Air Force (it's been a Plan B of mine since I was in seventh grade). But I get sick too often, so I don't know if they'd actually take me. I would also change my cell phone number but I'd be so tempted to give my ex the new number and it would defeat the purpose. I'm also in the runnings for braces which my grandma will pay for, so I'm not sure if I should go into the Air Force once that occurs.I sincerely apologize if this sounds like I'm a 13 year old randomly bitching but I'm a 20 year old, very confused, very cautious with her heart, young woman. I just literally have no idea what to do. I need help.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (1 January 2010):
 You're bringing a lot of unnecessary drama into your life; if you want to detox from your ex, STOP HOOKING UP WITH HIM! Take his number out of your cellphone to make it harder for you to act on any temptation to call him. Start dating other people and take yourself out of this triangle.
As far as getting direction to your life, sit down and really give some thought to what you want. Are you really ready to commit to the USAF? What about the Air Force reserve? Have you actually discussed your health with a recruiter or are you just assuming that they won't take you? I think you qualify for deferred entry if you have braces (check with a recruiter). If this is the case, go back to college until you report for duty so you can enter at a higher rank.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 January 2010):
 Well, I have an easy solution for you that will be a lot cheaper than moving away or going into the Air Force.
Say NO!
Every time your ex calls you to hook up, say no to him. Say no to sex that makes you feel bad afterward, say no to being a chick on the side, say no to being so available that a man can call you up and have you come running every time he gets an itch. Make your New Year's resolution right now to get some backbone. You are keeping yourself stuck on him by running back every time he hollers. Instead of using expensive solutions, do yourself a favor and work on your inner strength instead. It will serve you well later in life.
He may try to guilt trip you, or say he only wants to talk. Keep on saying no. You don't have to give in every time someone asks you for something, especially if you know it's not good for you. Don't claim you're weak either - you're not, and you can get stronger with practice.
Learn to hold yourself to higher standards and this kind of stress will melt away. It will be hard at first, but keep saying no and it will become easy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 January 2010):
 You say you have broken up with your ex twice, but continued to sleep together while he was dating someone else - yes, she does sound quite unsavory, I'll acknowledge that.
No wonder you feel sickened by all this. Why not resolve to make a complete and permanent break from him, and don't date any others for a time.
Give yourself space to get your head and your self-respect together, to sort out where you are in life, and what the best way forward might be from here.
I don't know what to say about applying to join the Air Force except to tell you to submit an application, or call up and find out what would be involved in signing up, and the jobs and benefits that might be available to you. Knowledge in this instance, is power. Is there no way of applying for a job in your area that would pay better? If not, can you find something part-time in addition to the one you now have?
I know you have a history with your former bf, and it's bound to be painful, especially given who he's now with. That's why I encourage you to not see him again. Focus on yourself, not just your future, but also on having some fun and enjoyment doing the things you like.
All the best for 2010!
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