A
female
age
51-59,
*rownieisback
writes:I have a dilemma..I am falling for one of my brother's really good friends. We realized that we had a mutual attraction to one another over two years ago but we did not know it then. We both decided not to say anything to one another about it because my brother was one of his good friends..Here we are two years later and just chatting one day and realized that we really liked each other a lot. We decided before we went any further to tell my brother..When I did that he flipped the script and wrote both of us off..I am 41 years old and feel that this guy is a person who I have a strong connection with but my brother is upset and does not want this to happen..Because of his reaction to the news we decided to be friends but the attraction is still there..We have not been intimate but we have bonded through conversation and have so much in common.. I know they hang out and I know what they are capable of but people change when they find that special someone, and did I mention that they are neighbors?I am torn between my brother and a man who I feel can be a potentially good person for me. What do I do? We really, really like each other and I don't feel that I should sacrifice my happiness if I know in my heart that this person is the person for me...HELP!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, brownieisback +, writes (30 December 2009):
brownieisback is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your responses. I think time will tell and if I decide to try this guy out time will also heal the wounds.. I greatly appreciate all of you who responded to my question. If it is meant to be then it will be...Thanks again and have a Happy New Year!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): With all due respect brownie, I think you may be underselling your brother's insight into the men that you choose.
He didn't like your husband for no reason (but the two of you didn't work out.) He didn't like your children's father (and you broke up).
Could it be that he may have your best interests at heart and thinks that you make decisions about a man with your "love goggles on" where he does not.
Sit down and talk to your brother and ask him what SPECIFICLY he doesn't like about this current guy. Then listen and weigh what he has to say.
It seems that what ever he says, you have already made your mind up that you want to try this guy out. So all I can say is I hope this time your brother is wrong for sure.
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A
female
reader, brownieisback +, writes (29 December 2009):
brownieisback is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy brother feels that no one is good enough for me. I was married for seven years and he found fault in my husband in the beginning for no reason. He didn't like my children's father until we broke up. I know he wants the best for me..I basically raised my brother's because my Mom was never around.
Not really looking for my friend to change because he has proven to me to be a stand up guy..He is very ambitious, has his own home, making his own money, and the fact that I have actually known him for years and have seen him in action. His personality is what has drawn me to him and vice versa.
My family knows him and knows him to be a really good guy,,but I am faced with this road block so to say, and we both have tried to talk to my brother but he don't want to speak to neither of us and like I said me and this guy have not been physically intimate, we have only had heart to heart conversation..
It is complicated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): You say you know what they have been up to or are capable of. You say people can change when they find that special someone.
Don't count on it. He has been the way he is now for decades and at your age he may not be able to change, most likely will not change, not even for you.
Your brother knows him better than you do, it is my guess he doesn't think this guy is good enough for you. He wouldn't have any other reason than that not to give you his blessing now would he?
Sometimes family can see things we can't and they know when someone is just not appropriate or sincere and do not want that for their family member.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 December 2009):
 That sounds rough. Do you know why your brother reacted the way he did? What does he have against you and his friend being in relationship?
One thing: what do you mean when you say you know they hang out and what they are capable of?
Can you talk to your brother when he's in a calmer frame of mind and ask what his objections are? Depending on what he tells you, you will have a little more to go on in trying to decide whether to pursue your friendship - and of course, its important that you talk to your friend and discuss with him your mutual wishes and expectations and where you both might want to go with this relationship.
Good luck!
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