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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and try to make it work?
Q. I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the ...
A. 17 February 2010: Possibly, but I wouldn't count on it. Even if he told you he is wrong for "putting his beliefs on you", there is still his parents to contend with. THEY will be utterly opposed.........do you want him to either deceive them, or to have a rift with ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has caught me flirting online, and now he hasn't spoke to me for over a month!
Q. question to the guys. my boyfriend of four years has caught me flirting online. its not the first time and we always broke up because of it. i never cheated i did it for a laugh when he was at work,i did text them but never met any. i denied it and ...
A. 17 February 2010: So you think we're all petty and as bad as your ex, do you?
The fact is, your boyfriend caught you flirting online, and even though you don't think you were cheating, his feelings were hurt. Even so, you continued - never mind that you didn't m... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and try to make it work?
Q. I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the ...
A. 17 February 2010: Yes, you do have to think about your future. His parents think being with you is a phase he's going through and that he'll eventually settle down and marry a nice Muslim girl. That's why meeting them "wasn't so bad."
Believe you me, if he was t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has caught me flirting online, and now he hasn't spoke to me for over a month!
Q. question to the guys. my boyfriend of four years has caught me flirting online. its not the first time and we always broke up because of it. i never cheated i did it for a laugh when he was at work,i did text them but never met any. i denied it and ...
A. 17 February 2010: What do you do to get around him?
You don't. I think you had best consider him to be your ex-boyfriend at this point.......... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my muslim boyfriend and try to make it work?
Q. I just broke up with my muslim boyfriend we were together over 3 years... we were good for the first year but then I couldn't deal with me being a secret anymore all we would do is get into aruements about it but all he would do is ignore the ...
A. 17 February 2010: No, I don't think you should stay with your Muslim boyfriend and try to make it work.
You were together three years, and much of that time it was very difficult - not least because he wouldn't tell his parents about you, and insisted you not drin... (read in full...)
Do you think I should always wait to hear from him first?
Q. I met this guy at a training course a few months ago. We kept in touch over the past few months, emails, texts etc. He asked me out for a coffee ages ago but we never seemed to get round to meeting up. Partly because of nerves on his part, I think ...
A. 16 February 2010: He may well be interested in you, but the question is, at what level? The thing is, that even if he's very shy, you have kept in touch since you first met at the training school, and met in person once since then. People can be shy, busy, hurt by ... (read in full...)
What did I do wrong?? Have I scared him off already?
Q. i met a guy on plenty of fish dating website.. he was really sweet and would call me every day and would actually ring when he says he would. i met up with him on friday.. we went for a ride.. got something to eat..did a bit of kissing.. he ...
A. 15 February 2010: Seeing other girls? Maybe, but not necessarily. Look: you have been out on one date. Talking on the phone, and by email, plus going out once, doesn't make you a couple.
POSSIBLY he was put off because he wanted to see you yesterday, but you ... (read in full...)
He called me his "casual friend" at the end of our date! How can I talk to him about this without appearing to be clingy?
Q. A couple of weeks ago I met up with a guy I've been online friends with since last summer. I've had feelings for him for some time. We had a great day, typical date- cinema, meal, then to finish we went on a walk and got to know each other some more ...
A. 15 February 2010: I'm in agreement with CaringGuy.
You said you have no intention of being "something casual for him on the side" but I don't see any prospect of it right now.
Remember, this was your first meeting in person. And it does take time to get to k... (read in full...)
He's married, but I love him!!!
Q. He's married, but I love him.... I don't really know what to expect back from everyone but I just need an impersonal sounding board. My frinds all say the same thing, he's married, he cheated on his wife so you can't trust him. But here's the deal...
A. 15 February 2010: You say he has been your best friend for four years, yet he got married. Admittedly, you are much too young to have married him, but facts are facts: best friend or not, he chose someone else.
Which means: he is NOT FREE to have a relation... (read in full...)
I have 126 days to ruin his wedding!!!
Q. okay, ive had the guy as my best friend since we were 10 and 11.. we are now 24.. he is getting married in june to his uncle's step child... and he and i have been through everything together... he has always called me to tell me that he loved me ...
A. 14 February 2010: Miamine,
Yes, rawr1645 is only 14, and telling it as she sees it. You're right about that. I didn't mean to come down hard on her!!... (read in full...)
How can I get to the heart of this young lady? I'm sure she likes me too!
Q. Dear Cupid, There is this lady i'm really in love with and have tried all can to make my feelings known to her but anytime i tried, the more she gets mad at me and warns not to raise that issue of love. Cupid, what amaze me is that...
A. 14 February 2010: Sounds to me as if you're trying too hard! She apparently does like you, but feels pressured with all your talk about your feelings and it makes her uncomfortable. No doubt she is aware already of how you feel, you don't need to keep impressing it ... (read in full...)
I threw the relationship away all for a few weeks of fun, and now he wont take me back!
Q. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years before i moved away to university. He's the most perfect guy imaginable. Good looking, fun to be with, kind, caring everything. He's three years older than me and had his own business where as I'm still young and ...
A. 14 February 2010: Well, you learned a lesson and decided Tom was the one you really want to be in a relationship with, and you told him so, and how sorry you are.
I think your only choice right now is to leave him alone, except maybe send a text or call him in a... (read in full...)
I have 126 days to ruin his wedding!!!
Q. okay, ive had the guy as my best friend since we were 10 and 11.. we are now 24.. he is getting married in june to his uncle's step child... and he and i have been through everything together... he has always called me to tell me that he loved me ...
A. 13 February 2010: He's about to be married. This means he will (or should be) committed to his wife; not sleeping around with anyone else! You know this, so my recommendation is to cut him out of your life COMPLETELY.
Don't go to the wedding (assuming you've b... (read in full...)
We have been together for 9 years but he is taking another woman out for Valentines Day!
Q. Hi AUnts and Uncles. I'm really distraught because my boyfriend told me a few days ago, after an argument, that he is going out with another woman (from work) tomorrow for Valentine Night and that he is going to 'stay over' at her place. We ...
A. 13 February 2010: I'm so sorry to hear about his treating you so badly!
There really is no way you can stop him going out with this woman. None at all. They are BOTH behaving horribly, and have no concern or regard for you.
Don't contact him. Just cut him out... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have friendly phone sex with a classmate when I have a boyfriend?
Q. well...im in a committed relationship...its been 7.5months..me and my bf really love each other..i want to ask that is it ok to have friendly phone sex with my classmate?(we actually don't mean it,its just 4 fun)i mean is it ok or whether i will be ...
A. 12 February 2010: No!
Not okay. Either you're committed to your boyfriend, or you're not, and while you may not actually be in bed with someone else, it's still cheating.... (read in full...)
Will my army love come back for me?
Q. I am not really sure I want to be writing for advice. Reality is, the more people discourage me, the more strongly I feel they are wrong. I am completely aware of how unlogical everything is about to sound. Something I have had a hard time facing...
A. 12 February 2010: I'm sorry, but you seem to have pinned a lot of hopes and basically built a fantasy relationship about a man you have never met in person (excuse me if I'm mistaken in saying you've never met face to face).
Finally, when he hadn't contacte... (read in full...)
If he's dating again does that mean all hope of us getting back together is lost?
Q. Hi, My ex and I split up a few months ago but stayed in touch. We talked about getting back together but then had an argument and haven't seen each other for a few week and he told me he is dating someone else. We still have feelings for each other ...
A. 12 February 2010: Sorry, but the prospects for getting back together don't sound good at all.......... (read in full...)
The Office!
Q. I like this girl at my job. She's 20 and very hot. She's the receptionist and I work upstairs in the office where we rarely see each other. I know there's something between us. Every time I go by her desk we talk for a bit and she tells me about her ...
A. 12 February 2010: She probably does like you. But before you ask her out, think about what it would be like if you do go out and it goes sour after a couple dates or so.
If that were to happen, then you'd not only have to walk by her desk every day (which would be... (read in full...)
He more or less wants to play the field for a while before committing to me...
Q. Ok well i was going out with this guy "Nikko" and we hit it off. It started off slow, with movie dates and hanging out ect. I told him that i was gunna move soon so i didnt want to get to attached, but he was so addicting. We rele liked each other ...
A. 12 February 2010: Your boyfriend recognizes something that you should pay attention to: while he obviously does care about you and values the friendship, he understands that both of you are very young and should be dating others.
You see, part of being a young te... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying to fight for the relationship before he gets too close to this new woman???
Q. Hi, my long term BF and I have been arguing a lot mostly because of his problems and we have been kind of on/off over the last year but I still love him. I saw him a couple of weeks ago then he suddenly told me he had seen a woman at work he liked ...
A. 12 February 2010: Your relationship of many years was certainly real, but as you know, relationships change over time.
You ask whether you should fight for him before he gets too involved with this new woman. Unfortunately, it's already too late. He has chos... (read in full...)
Boil the kettle before you read... I Need a lot of help!
Q. Like the title suggests boil the kettle before you read this as it is going to be a very long story asking for advice. About 3 years ago, I joined the army straight out of school and had met a girl had an ok relationship but to be fair i was quite...
A. 11 February 2010: Shaun, It takes a good deal of courage to tell us all about yourself: the issues you're attempting to deal with and which put you in an unfavorable light! It's good that you have told Leonie about this discussion and invited her to po... (read in full...)
Boil the kettle before you read... I Need a lot of help!
Q. Like the title suggests boil the kettle before you read this as it is going to be a very long story asking for advice. About 3 years ago, I joined the army straight out of school and had met a girl had an ok relationship but to be fair i was quite...
A. 11 February 2010: The fact that you have not physically hit her does not mean that you're not abusing her emotionally, you know. All this controlling and micro-managing her daily life,. looking through her phone records, making her smash her laptop, telling her who ... (read in full...)
What to do next???
Q. I met a guy from online and we went to a bar.. the conversation seemed to go well even though i was nervous.. i found him funny and nice.. he bought me a second drink and later said he isn't much of a drinker and if i would like to go somewhere ...
A. 11 February 2010: Okay. No, you didn't do anything wrong. His behavior on a first date was inappropriate, in my opinion.
If he had given you a hug and a couple kisses goodnight, that would have been one thing. But you said he was a bit "grabby", then told you... (read in full...)
Is his mum trying to turn him against me?
Q. this is kinda a stupid question but its eating me inside, recently my boyfriend was taken into a room with his parents then came out, and talked to me saying he needs 3 days a week minimum to himself, and that i ruined a party because i starte...
A. 11 February 2010: Whether or not your boyfriend's mother is trying to turn him against you: one thing about boys and their mothers is you have to realize that mothers are very protective of their sons. (Like mother tigresses). They want what is best for their boy ... (read in full...)
Boil the kettle before you read... I Need a lot of help!
Q. Like the title suggests boil the kettle before you read this as it is going to be a very long story asking for advice. About 3 years ago, I joined the army straight out of school and had met a girl had an ok relationship but to be fair i was quite...
A. 11 February 2010: What a mess. You had a relationship with one girl and she had a baby. Where are you now in relation to the child you fathered? Do you ever see him/her? Do you take an active part in your child's life, support his mother financially? Even if you ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and we want to have a baby
Q. People are telling me i'm Crazy ! Im 15 and planning to have a baby ? My boyfriend and i been together for about 1 year and Two Months. He tells me he Loves me and he will never Leave me.We been having intercourse since we meet. Now we both want to ...
A. 6 February 2010: You posted this question yesterday, I believe. You told us you have a brother five years older than you who has a baby and is having a hard time supporting his child. What ON EARTH are you thinking?! Can you not see - looking at your brother's e... (read in full...)
The last thing I want is babies but that's all he wants!
Q. Hi, Im 27 and been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. About 2 years ago the topic of children has come up and i am 110% sure i never want to have them-i dont like children and i made it very clear to him. He however wants children and being the on...
A. 6 February 2010: No, you are not being selfish. If you are clear you don't want children, then that is your prerogative. Clearly, not wating children is not some idea you have only just now come up with......
I do not at all agree with Lonely Two's judgment... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a Muslim girl and I'm worried her family wont approve of us having a relationship
Q. Hi, im in love with a muslim girl and she loves me (non muslim) im worried in case her family dont agree with this relationship, even though they appear liberal and welcoming to people... im scared to ask her in case i offend her or cause doubts and ...
A. 5 February 2010: Glad my answer was helpful, and that you were able to talk with another Muslim girl. You do need, as you say, to have a frank talk with your gf. Hope it works out the way you want!... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a Muslim girl and I'm worried her family wont approve of us having a relationship
Q. Hi, im in love with a muslim girl and she loves me (non muslim) im worried in case her family dont agree with this relationship, even though they appear liberal and welcoming to people... im scared to ask her in case i offend her or cause doubts and ...
A. 5 February 2010: While there are exceptions, most Muslim parents disapprove of their daughters dating someone of another religion - if they are allowed to date at all, that is. Some families are more liberal about their children dating, it's true.
Howev... (read in full...)
Too close for comfort?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. I love him to death and I let him know it. We live together with my son from a previous relationship and he is an amazing father figure. But the re-occurring issue in our relationship is his ...
A. 5 February 2010: Yes, you do have cause to be upset with him. He respe
Notwithstanding the fact that he is not sleeping with her, he is clearly involved emotionally and not really over their breakup. This is still cheating; he should be putting that amount o... (read in full...)
My BF thinks my friend's a slut and doesn't want me hanging out with her.
Q. One of my oldest friends asked me to hang out this afternoon. I haven't seen her in a while, so I was excited to see her. However, I know my boyfriend doesn't like me hanging out with her. We're both very insecure people, let me elaborate. The ...
A. 4 February 2010: His attitude makes me want to spit nails!
He IS very controlling. Manipulative. Petty. Spiteful. Nasty. Vengeful.
It is absolutely none of his business if you see your friend or not, if you go out somewhere or not. But HE wants to feel fr... (read in full...)
I don't want any other mans baby, but we are not together anymore
Q. this isn't so much that i don't know the right thing to do, but i'm having a hard time with the problem. My ex and i, before the engagement was broken, were talking seriously about having children. we'd come up with names and everything, already ...
A. 4 February 2010: Well, YOU know you want your now ex-fiance's baby but that is not going to happen. Telling him would not be a good idea - unless the two of you are able to overcome the issues that caused the breakup and thus get re-engaged at some time.
It ma... (read in full...)
7 years, now long distance. He says we should see other people. Help!
Q. Boyfriend and I have been trying to get work in another state. He just informed me he got a high paying job in the state where we both have talked of going. He said he's going to look for a place there this weekend. He also said that we should see ...
A. 4 February 2010: I'm afraid he seems to have made up his mind about the future (non-future that is) of your relationship. It does not sound as though there is any room for negotiation as far as he is concerned.
Not much you can do about it - except to let him ... (read in full...)
I haven't seen my boyfriend for a year, and we have never kissed!
Q. hi im nina, and i was just wondering, I wil be seeing my bf soon. we havent seen each other for a year so it's hard and frustraiting but were still together. . . we chat, and text on the mob. we talk about everything, so one time i had the urge to ...
A. 4 February 2010: Why have you not seen him for a year? and when you do meet with him this time, how long will it be before your next get-together?
You need to try and overcome your shyness and just tell him what is on your mind as honestly as you can. It will ... (read in full...)
He said he was dating to teach his ex girlfriend a lesson. Where does that leave me?
Q. Hi guys. I really like this guy and we've been out a few times but he is still in touch with his GF and I recently found out that he decided to start dating as a 'payback' (according to him) to 'teach her a lesson' for some lie or other she told ...
A. 4 February 2010: Yes, the red flags stand out a mile.
Dating his ex-gf to pay her back? Sounds as if he's telling you a load of rubbish - though I don't doubt his impotence.
As for where it leaves you, seems to me its more a question of where YOU should leave... (read in full...)
Why is he blanking me all the time?
Q. I really like this person , im madly in love with him. We have both admitted how we both like each other but for the past couple weeks everythings been going downhill. We hardly talk to one another and when we get the chance hes always avoiding it. ...
A. 4 February 2010: What should you do? FORGET him, that's what! Sorry to say, but you're wasting time and energy as well as losing sleep on this one. Its not worth it. Hopefully you will meet someone else sooner or later who WILL want to spend time with you an... (read in full...)
Why would he come see me if he said it wasn't real and he didn't have feelings for me?
Q. hi i have a problem that i could really do help with, a few yrs ago i got talkin to my now partener online, we got on really well and we live 6hours away from eachother we started to fall for eachother back then, but i got back with an ex of mine ...
A. 4 February 2010: The whole situation sounds very confusing.
You had an online "partner" who you can't see very often because of the distance - and long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain in any case - then you got back in touch with an ex-boyfr... (read in full...)
I like this guy who keeps using me, and my teacher is furious with me! Help!
Q. One day ago i gave head to this boy i like, thinking he liked me too. Biggest mistake of my life.. im 13, he has a girlfriend, and he doesnt even like me. The worst part is that it was after school, in a hallway... More things occured, such as ...
A. 4 February 2010: In the first place, even though your teacher meant well, she certainly should not have called you a whore. You should report her to the headmaster, or if you're hesitant to do that, talk to your school counselor.
As for this horrible boy, YES... (read in full...)
The Etiquette of Casual Sex!?
Q. I would appreciate only responses from people who are not going to offer their own moral judgements on the following situation... Recently, I experimented with one of the 'casual dating websites' - no really seriously at first, but then I start...
A. 3 February 2010: Well, as you said, you were experimenting with a "casual dating site" and I get the impression it was one for people who are specifically interested in no-strings sex. Is my impression the right one?
At any rate, you met him, went out had fun ... (read in full...)
I asked my ex out and I'm not sure if she's interested. Help!
Q. well it's simple. I asked my ex out and i'm not sure if she's interested. Ok my ex broke up with my 6 months ago as of February 5th. yesterday I asked her to go to the movies with me this weekend. At first she said yes, but at the end of the school ...
A. 2 February 2010: I'll begin my response by asking you a question: you and your ex broke up six months ago. I assume (without knowing who initiated the breakup) there were things in your friendship that just weren't working out, and that's wny it ended? So: In i... (read in full...)
Is he worth waiting for?
Q. My partner rejected my marrage proposal. We share a child. He says he's not ready to commit to me. He is still contacting his ex. I love him. Is he worth waiting for?...
A. 24 January 2010: In short, no. I hope he is helping support the baby you and he have, both emotionally (to the child at least) and financially to you. That is his responsibility......... (read in full...)
Friends, then nothing. Why is he being like this!?
Q. I really fancy this guy have done for a year and he knew so it was embarrassing and i couldn't talk to him anymore so we just ignored each other and then someone i know asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said do you not know about me and him ...
A. 24 January 2010: I'm afraid the answer is all too obvious. You fancied him for a year; he was aware of it but made no move to ask you out on a date. After your friend spoke to him and you made an effort to start chatting with him, he then turned round and said he ... (read in full...)
Do you think he wants me again?
Q. I am wondering if this means anything. I had an fling with this guy-- I say fling because it was sex 3 times then people began suspecting and we couldn't be together anymore ( I am separated- he is single, but some politic are involved here). It ...
A. 24 January 2010: Possibly he does want you. However, I have to ask you: are the politic circumstances that were present to begin with, still there?
Because if so, then he might be hesistant, and it may be poor prospects for being able to enjoy one another'... (read in full...)
We were trying to reconcile and I find out he 's dating another woman!
Q. My boyfriend who claimed to love me broke up with me just less than a year ago due to arguing too much. I didn't really think things were that bad (we were trying long-distance for a period of time he had to be away) but we went our own ways and I ...
A. 24 January 2010: I think you already have a good clue as to what sort of person he is.
Yes, once two people split they are both free to date others, but it was precipitate of him to sleep with a woman a day or so after you and he broke up........then all the wome... (read in full...)
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