A
female
age
30-35,
*eautifulLoser
writes:So I've been talking with this guy on the computer for a few weeks now. But I already feel like I've known him for so long already. I talk to him through IM, texting, and the website that I first met him on. I know that it's not maybe the smartest thing to do, meeting people off the internet, but I already know so much about him. Where he lives, goes to school, his family life, things like that. We have a lot in common, and I'd really like to actually be with him.Trouble is that he lives about 5 and a half hours away from me, so it would be kinda hard to spend a lot, a lot of time together. But he's said before that he'd like to drive up to where I live to visit when there's a long weekend, and stay at my house for the visit. Now, I'd love for him to visit, but I don't know how to tell my parents about the plans we've been thinking about, or first of all to tell them that I met him on the computer.My cousin met his girlfriend, now fiance, on the computer. And in their case, she had lived states away, not just hours. So I don't understand how in his case it wasn't a gigantic deal, but in my case I know they'd freak out.I know my parents would freak out on me, and I don't think they'd let him stay either. This guy isn't just some random bum that lives from house to house, or has no connections with family. He's even said he doesn't know how he's going to tell his parents. I just need some help as to how to break the news to my parents, and to convince them to let him visit for a few days. Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 OK... lying and telling stories, not a good idea. I'm not to keen on the webcam/skype thing either, I don't think that will set their minds at rest, unless he's parents agree to appear on it.
I do like the idea of causually mentioning him more and more often. Maybe start writing letters to each other, something they can see and feel. Give it a while, and maybe they might agree to take you to see him instead of him coming down to see you.
A lot of parents are not computer wise, and they are very scared by the technology. If he only lives 5 hours away and your both the same age, is their any college clubs you can join together online.. something like a homework help site, or a chess club, or athletics.. something like that.. then you can explain that you met him online whilst you both were trying to do something usefull with your time and found out that you shared the same intrests and liked each other a lot... February is much too soon, if they don't know you've been talking to this guy. You need to prepare the ground first by getting them used to you talking about him.
A
female
reader, BeautifulLoser +, writes (7 January 2010):
BeautifulLoser is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm currently 17 and he's currently 19. And I don't want to lie about my parents, but I'm afraid because I know they really would freak out on me.. And the possiblity with my cousin would probably be the reason, except I probably have more common sense then he does. And I'm not just saying this because I'm trying to prove a point, but my cousin will be 21 but he honestly acts like he's around the age of 12 or so.
And I know that just having someone show up out of the blue and staying at my house really is iffy..I was thinking that when I do finally tell my parents, and I don't really know how to do that, I could maybe suggest that he come down for a day? To like meet my parents and for them to get to know him and everything. The actual time I'd have an idea for him to make the trip and spend some time here was April. But instead telling them soon and maybe having him visit in February first..?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 January 2010):
 I think the idea of getting a webcam and talking on it, plus him saying hello to your parents, and maybe your folks and his (if they're all willing to do so) is a very good idea.What is definitely NOT a good idea is to lie to your Mom and Dad about meeting him online!They may have been laid back about your cousin meeting his fiancee online because they might both be older and more experienced in the ways of the world.People do meet online all the time. Most of the men I've dated I met on the computer. The thing is, until you meet someone in person (as opposed to IM-ing, email, or text, you don't know them at all, and they could be anybody. That's why using commensense - no matter how young or old you are - when meeting a man for the first time, you do so in a public place; don't stay at his/her home; arrive and leave from the date on your own.With a webcam that has sound, you can at least see if he/she is who he claims to be. I once chatted with a guy living in Canada by webcam, for a while. We never met because what he was looking for was not what I wanted, and there was no way to compromise. But that's another story).Oh and by the way, your friend needs to tell his parents he's going to visit you, also!Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 January 2010):
I would also recommend that you skype/webcam first so you can speak to each other directly. When you only communicate in writing to someone, they always say the right things because they have time to think before they answer you. Chat with him on webcam to get to know him more. Perhaps for a first visit, he can stay in a cheap motel first before you bring him to your parents. Then during the day, you can hang out in the mall or somewhere public and get to know him. Then when you have spent some time with him, then bring him over to introduce him to your parents. Then NEXT time, you can bring him into your home. I know you think you know him, but you don't until you spend a little time with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): I expect your parents were laid back about your cousin meeting a girl online because he is their nephew not their daughter. I strongly advise you against lying to your parents. If you start down that road how can they ever believe anything you tell them? Im sure they trust you so keep it that way. Just start mentioning the boy in conversation. They must realise its easy to meet people to chat to online so they shouldnt be too shocked that you are chatting to someone. Get a webcam and ask him to say hi to your parents so they can see hes a nice young guy and not some strange middle ages creep, trying to run off with their daughter! If you are honest with your parents and act in a sensible grown up way they will invest trust in your judgements. But take it slowly over a month or so and give them time to get used to the idea. Maybe ask him to get his folks to say hi to your folks via webcam and have a chat about him coming over to see you. The more you do to calm any fears they have the easier it will be to have him come visit. All the best
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 January 2010):
It's your age.. you is young....
Best thing.. don't tell them you met him on the internet.. they will think he's a serial killer or a rapist.. Sit down with him and make up a good story. He's a cousin of a school friend.. you met him at the library when he was on holiday.. Best to make up a story.. meeting people on the internet makes parents worry. Once they meet him and he comes to stay, they will love him and be able to judge him honestly. You can then tell them the truth, once they get to know him, see him with you and enjoy his company.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (7 January 2010):
 well how old are you and how old is this guy and why cant this guy stay at a hotel, you can meet up with him at the mall get to kno him a little before you give him the keys to the front door. ok If i go buy your age your young a kid basically yeah im sure you think your smart and kno everything we all did at 16 but as you get older you realize how dumb you where. you need to tell your parents, the way you tell them is just do it they either say no or yes. Im sure you can meet normal people online but im not sure what normal is, every whack job and killer isnt some lonely internet virgin there usually the postman or some regular guy down the street, Besides its 2010 internet hookups are practically normal now.
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