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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: For Christmas, my friends and I try to get together to exchange presents. I hadn't heard from one of them, "Jenny," so I sent her an e-mail saying that we should meet up and exchange. In response, all she said was "absolutely" but she did not say when she was available. Jenny then became increasingly busy preparing for the arrival of her boyfriend. She did not return any of my phone calls; she called me once for about 10 minutes and promised to call me back but never did. She basically disappeared off the face of this planet when her bf came into town. My friends and I were frustrated because we couldn't contact her/she never responded, so for New Year's we decided to just do our own thing. Well, a day before New Year's Eve, Jenny finally resurfaced and we just told her we would meet her for lunch New Year's Day. Well, the day we were supposed to meet her I ended up getting sick and just going home, but my other friends met up with her and her bf. She sent me an e-mail how she was mad that I "flaked out" on her and thought that I didn't want to meet her bf. I have always been there for her and the only reason I wasn't was because I was very sick. I sent a response apologizing for not being there and said I was looking forward to meeting him the next time he came into town. Why is she so mad? It just seems a bit much, given the fact that she is allowed to disappear, not return calls, etc. But if I get sick and can't make it, I'm the bad friend. C'mon now! This doesn't make sense!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt still hurts though that she says I'm "flaky" when she is the one who does not return voice mail messages, e-mails, etc. It's like the pot calling the kettle black. I initially was upset because I don't like to lose friends, but since it is usually all about her, I wouldn't be losing much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): It sounds like she's the flake. I think you responded very appropriately and there's not much else you can do. As for why she's acting that way? Sounds immature, self-absorbed, and maybe demonstrating some low self-esteem. I'd let her friendship go for now and not worry about it. If she responds positively to your last message then you can pick it up again.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 No, it doesn't make sense. In fact it sounds very one-sided.
Jenny was too busy and distracted preparing for Christmas and the arrival of her boyfriend to return your calls or make plans to get together with you and other friends. Well, fair enough. Everyone gets busy around the holidays.
However, when you were going to meet her on New Year's Day her behavior was most unreasonable. You couldn't help being ill, and she should have made allowance for that, expressed regret at not seeing you instead of berating you!
Well, all I can say is you've done your part in sending the email, and now its best left alone. See if she gets in touch with you again later, and makes definite plans to see you, including next time her boyfriend visits. Other than that, I'd just give her space. It's not you (that's the bad friend) it's her.......
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