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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I'm not sure if I should meet this guy alone or not.
Q. I'm not sure if i should meet this guy alone or not. My friend must have told him about me, my friend is female, by the way, because she said he kept asking her to ask me to meet up with them both. she also said that he really likes me, and he said ...
A. 21 August 2010: Well, its actually quite complimentary that he seems keen on you and is looking forward to meeting you........but, if you feel too uncomfortable, and don't like that he and your friend are comparing "notes" about you, maybe you should just cancel. ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I should meet this guy alone or not.
Q. I'm not sure if i should meet this guy alone or not. My friend must have told him about me, my friend is female, by the way, because she said he kept asking her to ask me to meet up with them both. she also said that he really likes me, and he said ...
A. 20 August 2010: Get omething to eat within walking distance of the train station would be a good idea......if he insists on driving to a restaurant, keep your celll phone turned on and be prepared to call the police, IF necessary......but first, in his hearing, ... (read in full...)
How do I ask her on a date?
Q. dear cupid i do fancy this woman that lives in the same street as me how do i approach her. it a long time since i went out with a woman. she is single like me but a bit younger than me....
A. 18 August 2010: Good! Enjoy.......... (read in full...)
I'm completely in love with my BF... but I can't stop hooking up with other men!!
Q. Sorry for the long comment- I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and i'm completely inlove with him- i think. when i think about him it's wonderful, and i love kissing him and he has the sweetest eyes. The problem is that i often ...
A. 18 August 2010: I'm with person12345 here. Listen to her.
My only other comment is don't tell us you can't help it - you CAN help it!!! and if you value your bf as much as you say you do, you WILL!... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I should meet this guy alone or not.
Q. I'm not sure if i should meet this guy alone or not. My friend must have told him about me, my friend is female, by the way, because she said he kept asking her to ask me to meet up with them both. she also said that he really likes me, and he said ...
A. 18 August 2010: I'm with Dirtball here. Yes, meet in a public place, and make sure you arrive and leave on your own.
Do not get in his car or go back to his home!
These are simply reasonable precautions to take when meeting a complete stranger for the... (read in full...)
How do I ask her on a date?
Q. dear cupid i do fancy this woman that lives in the same street as me how do i approach her. it a long time since i went out with a woman. she is single like me but a bit younger than me....
A. 18 August 2010: Do you know if she's married or in a long-term relationship?
If she isn't, then next time you see her why not just be friendly and casual and say something like "I was wondering if you'd like to go out for coffee sometime" and see what she says... (read in full...)
Broke up 3 days ago how do I get him back?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 3 days ago. We were going out for 2 years! It was sort of a mutual breakup, we both decided we bickered about small things too much, the only difference was that I wanted to work it out and try to fix it and he was stuck ...
A. 18 August 2010: Okaay. It was a "mutual" breakup just three short days ago and you're already thinking and asking us how to get him back!
He made it clear to you that he thinks it's not going to work; you told him you think the bickering issues can be resolved... (read in full...)
Lost in his words
Q. Ok so I was with with guy called James and we were together ancouple of weeks and I was really starting to think it could work, but in the back of my mind I always thought that his ex girlfriend Jane who is so much better and prettier than me, would ...
A. 18 August 2010: I'm sorry you are hurt and disappointed.
You did only know him just about two weeks, though, and that's no time at all. If you're only 13, 14, even 15, its a bit young to be having one boyfriend. It's the time of your life to be friendly... (read in full...)
Finding a girl I've seen online whom I've never met or spoken to...???
Q. I can see how this might come off as strange or creepy but i'm really looking for advice/opinions on this. I recently joined an online dating site in an attempt to find a girl as similar to me as possible and it looks like I might have suceeded. T...
A. 17 August 2010: If you've never met her and therefore not been in touch with her, how would she think you might be a stalker just because you happen to be at the same event as her?
Yes, wshe might have met someone else, or not attend the event this time - or she... (read in full...)
He broke up with me after only two months
Q. So I just recently got dumped. It was a relationship that was rushed and very full in just a short 2 months. He told me a lot of things and I let him in. After it was over it was hard to handle and very painful. It hit me in my chest. He was my ...
A. 15 August 2010: I can understand your confusion and hurt very well.
You say the relationship was very full and rushed after only "two short months." Unfortunately, you have found out why it is best NOT to rush into something and let infatuation take over and... (read in full...)
He's 17, I'm 13, he wants sex but I think I'm too young!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm gay and in my first relationship he's kind and he's everything I want in a man but since he's 17 and I'm 13 it's quite strange but it's both of our first relationship he wants to have sexual relations but I think I might be too you...
A. 15 August 2010: YES, you are much too young to be getting into sex with this man - or anyone else at this point!
Besides, he could well get into legal trouble for having sex with a minor (underage) child......
Don't give into him, it would damage you emoti... (read in full...)
After rejecting me 2years ago, do you think he's showing signs that he is interested in me now?
Q. I split up from my long-term partner about 2 1/2 years ago at around the same time an old flame from school split from his partner. Coincidentally we met up a couple of months later and began seeing each other. At the time it seemed like the perfect ...
A. 15 August 2010: I think what the anonymous poster told you is very sound advice.
I would just add that if he agreed to meet with you, went home to your place and stayed until 2:00 a.m. and said how much he enjoyed the time together, plus the incident when you... (read in full...)
She wants to do her own thing but still have a relationship with me
Q. So I've dated this girl for seven months and we broke up about two or three months ago. At first things were supposed to be a break, but i found out she's making out with a large number of guys. That caused me to get angry and basically explode on ...
A. 14 August 2010: This woman either literally doesn't know her own mind i.e., what she wants, OR she's messing around with your mind and heart big time!
Maybe she just enjoys having sex with you. Only sex in and of itself, good as it may be, isn't enough to build... (read in full...)
Should I keep sleeping with my ex?
Q. My ex and I have been broken up for 2 years, have 2 kids together. Because we notlive in the same town the kids and I spend about a week there every month. Recently we slept together! When him and I first met it was a matter of us liking each o...
A. 13 August 2010: If I were you I would not sleep with him in the hope that it turns into a relationship.
You say he is sleeping with other women, so what makes you think he wouldn't continue doing that?
Anyway, why did you break up in the first place? UNLESS t... (read in full...)
Ex wife can't stand my girlfriend around our kids! How can I make her come around?
Q. my wife and i are getting a divorice. she left the house and when she did i change the locks on the door we each see our kids for half of the day i will get them in the nights from 6:00 pm untill the next morning 7:00 am the prolbem is she does not ...
A. 12 August 2010: You say you are GETTING a divorce, so it sounds as if the process of divorcing is not yet finished - and you already have a girlfriend.......
Well, I don't know. Maybe your ex-wife-to-be is jealous of the new woman - particularly if the new gal ... (read in full...)
An ex with benefits
Q. Me and my ex- boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago and right afterwards he got a new girlfriend, that only lasted 2 weeks and now he has another girlfriend and this has been about a month now, but the thing is he wants to be "friends" but everytime ...
A. 11 August 2010: I think you already know the answer to your question, but are hoping it's not true.
Jmtmj has spelled it out for you and I have to agree with him.
The ex has told you it doesn't mean anything; it's just sex. What could be plainer? Howeve... (read in full...)
I like an older bad boy
Q. Im 14 years old and i really really like this boy, he's 17. He tells me he likes me to but i dont know weather to believe him or not, im sure he's lied to me before but he says he hasnt. All my friends say to give him a chance but im still at scho...
A. 11 August 2010: You need to really put all your attention on passing your GCSE's. If you think this boy has lied to you before, and he sits around the estate getting into trouble, just avoid him........expect you'll find another boy you like better and who you ... (read in full...)
B/f took money and still hasn't given it back
Q. My boyfriend has taken my money. He knew I saved all of my money as he asked for a loan of it and he promised I would get it back. I'm going to london tomorrow and he hasn't got it. Weve been together 4 months and he owes me £570 should I finish it ...
A. 11 August 2010: Well, it's up to you, but personally, I'd break up with him now and write off the loan as a bad loss. Because it seems very unlikely you'll get it back.
Hopefully, if you save your money, you'll be able to replace the 570 pounds in a few months -... (read in full...)
How do I go about contacting this man I met through work?
Q. hello everyone. I would like some advice please. I recently undertook a temporary job for 8 weeks and met some lovely people, in particular a nice man! I did not see him everyday for the 8 weeks, as he only worked for 3 days and only came back fro...
A. 9 August 2010: Oh, for goodness sake, go ahead and add him on facebook!
The worst that can happen is he might ignore you if he doesn't want to hear from you. The best is that he could be happy to be added and a chance to get better acquainted!... (read in full...)
He doesn't call and we hardly talk
Q. Ive been going out with this boy for 5 months now but during these last 2 months he stopped calling me and he doesnt answer the phone when i call. when he does we talk for 10 Mins only. he wont tell me anything anymore. should I break up with him?...
A. 9 August 2010: I have news for you. Bad news, sorry to say.
You ask if you should break up with him. Well, he has already broken up with you.
You're only 16 or 17. You have many years ahead to date different boys and discover which ones you like and who... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend dump me?
Q. Dear Cupid Me and my bf are dating for the past 6 months and we were close friends before that. Today he asked me to call him at a particular time since he was going out with his friends. We had a fight in the morning and i called him before t...
A. 9 August 2010: My dear, I'm afraid that yes, he has dumped you.
Only thing you can do now is to go on with your life, and your work in a different place. MAYBE he will cool down and get over his annoyance and decide to call you.
I hope he will, but don't ... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from him in a month. Should I call him?
Q. Ok so I got set up with this guy on a blind date by a mutual friend. I have only been out on a date with one other guy, and I'm very careful with who I date because I just find it weird to go out with strangers. So to make it not weird our mutual ...
A. 9 August 2010: I'm with Jilly. Go ahead and call him. He could well be unsure if you're still interested, so say hello, how are you and let him know you'd like to get together again.
One caution: go slow on the making-out. It's worth it to be dating for at l... (read in full...)
His ex-girlfriend is still in the picture
Q. Please forgive me if I seem to be rude I am just going to ask my question and might get a little into it. So please forgive me before hand. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. We had are on and off times. Our off times whe...
A. 9 August 2010: Never anything wrong before?
Seems to me there's PLENTY wrong, and has been for a very long time.
Unfortunately, it is clear that your "boyfriend" prefers his ex - indeed chooses her - over you. I think that if he had let her know, in very st... (read in full...)
Is this relationship too far gone?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 months now, We only see each other in school because he's adopted and lives with his mom and his godmother/babysitter? and 20 other kids. His babysitter doesnt like me so I cant see him outside of school. ...
A. 7 August 2010: Okay, I'm back. I don't really know what else to tell you....are you taking medication to help with your symptoms?
I wonder if there are any support groups you can join or belong to. I guess your therapist would know about any that exist.
... (read in full...)
Is this relationship too far gone?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 months now, We only see each other in school because he's adopted and lives with his mom and his godmother/babysitter? and 20 other kids. His babysitter doesnt like me so I cant see him outside of school. ...
A. 7 August 2010: I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but NO, this relationship is not good at all!
YOU are MUCH too wrapped up in him and his wants, needs, concerns, and HE is far too wrapped up in his problems and activities to really be able to relate to you. ... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my long-distance boyfriend for a week! How long is too long?
Q. How long is a long time to wait for a guy? Dear all - I have been involved with a LDR guy who isn't the most reliable guy in the world but I do care for him and he has been making contact regularly to me. However, recently he hasn't been in t...
A. 6 August 2010: GOOD! : - )... (read in full...)
We fight every single day!
Q. My boyf and i has been together for 1year and 4 months now.. We've been quarrelling everyday since then.. I don't know what had happen to him.. He's staying at my house now bcus he has some family problems.. As he has some bad habits which is ...
A. 6 August 2010: Tell him he has to go live somewhere else! He is not at all respectful of you. No wonder he's having problems with his family.
If he refuses to leave, then wait until the next time he has to go out of your house - he's not there 24/7 surely? ... (read in full...)
I invaded my boyfriend's privacy and now I feel paranoid
Q. This is so confusing. I've been with my boyfriend now for 7 months, and he is wonderful. I'm 23, he's 31 but that bares no relevance to us as a couple, apart from when the past gets brought up. My last boyfriend I was with for 4 years, and it w...
A. 6 August 2010: You're giving yourself a whole lot of grief and trouble, and it's of your own making. You know that, don't you?
First you need to try to forgive yourself for having looked at his facebook. Second, you have to keep telling yourself there is no re... (read in full...)
Cheating with a married man but I feel jealous of his family
Q. i have affair with a married man we love each other alot from 2 yr we are in love. he cant leave his wife wat sud i do, We are in sexual relationship I am 24 and he is 31. he is married for 7 years and have 2 childrens . I love him very much. He ...
A. 6 August 2010: He "loves you a lot, more than his wife, but he can't leave his wife." Yeah, right. He means he WON'T leave his wife.
You belong to different religions - which would be bad even if he were not married - because having different faiths can make... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend is coming, and I don't know how to act.
Q. hi my long distance boyfriend is coming to visit me next week,it would be the 2th time we meet but i feel so nervous and i dont know what to do,where to go,what to say ...maybe because we didnt see eachother for 8 months. any advice? also,i ...
A. 6 August 2010: Yes, do try to relax! It's normal to be somewhat nervous at this point.
As for activities, what sort of things do you both like to do? A jazz concert at a local park, perhaps? go bowling, possibly with one or two of your friends? Go to a con... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my long-distance boyfriend for a week! How long is too long?
Q. How long is a long time to wait for a guy? Dear all - I have been involved with a LDR guy who isn't the most reliable guy in the world but I do care for him and he has been making contact regularly to me. However, recently he hasn't been in t...
A. 6 August 2010: I have an LDR friend in the UK and we talk on Skype usually once a week. We're still at the stage of being good friends who enjoy one another's company and find each other attractive. I was in the UK for five weeks in the spring and that was when ... (read in full...)
How do I behave when I see my ex who hurt me?
Q. "OP Own Title" Hello all, My boyfriend has gone back to his ex, Im devastated, I truly believed him when he told me he loved me. We were together for 5 months. He hasn't even had to balls to tell me. Its been 6 weeks now and I haven't contacted ...
A. 6 August 2010: I know you were badly burned by this man and it sounds as though he led you on while knowing he was going back to his ex.
I think you should just FORGET about "being very much in love with him" you know. Think about it: What has he done to deser... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex to talk to me and not be mad at me?
Q. heres a good one for you guys. to make a long story short, my ex said she loved me when we broke up, now she hates my guts and calls me an ass and all this stuff and shes ignoring me. i tried to friend her new guy on facebook, not knowing he was the ...
A. 6 August 2010: Now look here: this girl behaved very callously toward you and was really quite rude and inconsiderate, so - the heck with her!!
I know it is upsetting to be accused of things you didn't do, but she clearly doesn't give a damn. Why should Y... (read in full...)
I'm always the first one to make contact!
Q. "OP Own Title" Been with my bf for 6 months, its been going good but at a fairly slow pace which is good as I came out of a 4 year relationship before this. One thing I have noticed is that he is a very laid back chilled person and likes to enjoy ...
A. 6 August 2010: It's very simple: don't text him then. Just see how long it takes for him to get in touch. He probably will, eventually, but it will show what his interest level is.........you might try letting him know you would like him to be the first ot ... (read in full...)
I hate it when he hangs out with his friends.
Q. My boyfriend and I are really happy with each other. We love each other and never fight. But there's just this one problem that bothers me every time. I don't know why, but I just hate when he hangs out with his friends. I mean, I feel like ...
A. 31 July 2010: DON'T make an issue out of this!
Jmc's advice on how to handle your feelings is very good.
You want to be with your friends; why begrudge him spending the limited spare time he has to be with his pals?
You're being unreasonable. If ... (read in full...)
Help!!! I don't know where I stand with him. Should I text him back?
Q. I was texting this man for 2 months, he used to text me every day and we had met up a couple of times but not lately, so last week I asked him in text where we stood and he replied "not too sure I find its best not to worry about it and go with the ...
A. 30 July 2010:
Well, if he doesn't seem all that interested, I'd just drop it altogether and focus on meeting a man who wants to SEE you, not just TEXT you.......... (read in full...)
Help!!! I don't know where I stand with him. Should I text him back?
Q. I was texting this man for 2 months, he used to text me every day and we had met up a couple of times but not lately, so last week I asked him in text where we stood and he replied "not too sure I find its best not to worry about it and go with the ...
A. 30 July 2010: Well, I don't know. You say you've been texting for two months, have met twice in that time "but not lately." Presumably it's not a question of him being at some distance from you that would make it difficult to meet more often?
UNLESS that is ... (read in full...)
Discreet guy dating a canary
Q. I started dating a past co-worker of mine this week. I’ve been riding the brakes on any relationship potential for so long because – perhaps unbeknownst to her – she’s a bit of a gossip girl, volunteering the details of other people’s personal ...
A. 30 July 2010: hmmmm. Maybe he Does need to lighten up a bit, Cerberus. Good point, and it IS normal to talk about other people's lives, but there is also such a thing as being discreet when discretion seems to be called for and particularly if "gossip" might be ... (read in full...)
Discreet guy dating a canary
Q. I started dating a past co-worker of mine this week. I’ve been riding the brakes on any relationship potential for so long because – perhaps unbeknownst to her – she’s a bit of a gossip girl, volunteering the details of other people’s personal ...
A. 29 July 2010: Wait a minute! Is your last paragraph something she is saying to you, or what YOU have said (or wish to say) to her?
I think it would be good to sit her down and have a frank talk with her, along the lines of what you have told us.
i.e., tha... (read in full...)
My partner keeps lying to me
Q. My partner and I have been together 12 months. I'm still going through a rather messy divorce and have major trust issues thanks to my ex husband. I've made it perfectly clear that all I ask for is the truth. I don't know how to confront my partner ...
A. 29 July 2010: Oh, for heavens sake! You know if we had a dollar every time someone (USUALLY a woman) sends a message saying how her partner/bf/husband has treated her like dirt, but she still "loves him to bits" we'd be rich as Croeseus! Yep, sitting on piles of ... (read in full...)
Was what he did with me considered cheating? And how can I get over the feeling of being used only for sex?
Q. Hello everyone! Soooo I have a bit of a problem... This summer was a pretty crazy one for me. I lost my virginity to my bestfriend. We didn't start dating or anything, but I didn't expect him to be talking to another girl. Throughout the summer i...
A. 29 July 2010: I agree with Gabrielle. This boy DID cheat on you, AND his gf.
Better that you cut all ties with him now, rather than continue this cat-and-mouse game.
Ny the way, having oral sex is STILL having sex! It's just not intercourse........ (read in full...)
Friends have hurt me badly, I have great trouble forgiving them, how do I change??
Q. I have trouble forgiving people. Old friends have tried to hang out and I don't want anything to do with them because they were so mean to me. I also had an ex-crush who rejected me try to talk to me online, but I just blocked him. I don't want ...
A. 29 July 2010: Without knowing what it is they have done to hurt you, or whether they just tend to be inconsiderate and careless in the way they treat others in general - in which case you're better off staying away from people like that -
I wonder if perhaps ... (read in full...)
The other women, cheater, extra marital affairs
Q. I need to know if I should talk to his wife? I had an affair with a man that I knew was married. He has four beautiful kids. We only saw each other while we were in Germany together over a 5 month period. He told me his wife was divorcing him ...
A. 28 July 2010: This man deceived you in sleeping with you first and then telling you his wife was divorcing him. Sounds (judging from her reaction) that he was lying.
You are just as much involved in the cheating - as you readily admit - by having sex with him... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to demand she only speak with me?
Q. Hello All, I am 26 years , I will marrying soon withing couple of months . I have a porblem i love very much my financy , before marriage we are now speaking all things on phone , she told all things about her and she said that she is having a ...
A. 28 July 2010: PLEASE, pay attention to what the other aunts and uncles have told you!
It's just not right for you to attempt to control her the way you are doing now. You don't speak rudely to someone you claim to love, and tell them who they can and cannot t... (read in full...)
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