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... Send *allaZine a private message | | | *allaZine's profile:My main interest is in emotional health and literacy. I have a Psychology Diploma and background in Counselling/Advocacy.
Basically, I like helping people to work through their emotions and thoughts rather than 'telling them what to do'. I will be offering my friendly and helpful advice/guidance here on dearcupid and look forward to meeting new people and also hope that any questions I have will be answered. I believe that websites such as this are very powerful as in a sense it is anonymous and allows people from all over the world to voice their concerns big or small.
I am currently single but I waiting for the right guy to come along :-)
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Body insecurities...
Q. I'm so very insecure when it comes to my body. I don't know, I think this maybe has turned into an anxiety disorder like OCD or something. I can't stop comparing myself to other women who look better, whether on the street, the mall, the beach, ...
A. 3 February 2010: I'm guessing you're a fellow Brit? Im not sure, but I can always tell by the way people post their comments. There's something about our dry sense of humour that is unmistakable. Maybe you weren't joking when you mentioned then Honda Civic ... (read in full...)
Single for 4 years now it's starting to get to me...
Q. ive been single for 4 years now and its really starting to get to me, all my friends are dating and going out on coulpes dates and im getting left behind. im also completly usless when it comes to asking girls out or giving hints that i like them...
A. 3 February 2010: When i saw the question I assumed that you were a lot older, then when I realised how old you are...I was thinking why is this guy so worried? You're still young and you've got your whole life ahead of you, dont worry too much, I know it's easier ... (read in full...)
I think my bf's Aunt wants to have sex with him.
Q. I'm in a real relationship for the first time and have a three month old. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. But whenever he goes near his aunt, I feel like they might start something. It's not like they are blood related or ...
A. 3 February 2010: As you are in a real relationship for the first time, it must be very special and therefore you wouldn't want anyone to come between you and your guy and that's why you want things to go really well. Perfectly normal. It's also normal for you to ... (read in full...)
Why did she message me after everything, I did to her?
Q. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I dated a girl last year from about April to June. It was a very short yet meaningful relationship. I was in love with the girl, and I'm pretty sure she was in love with me too. We never confessed it to ...
A. 27 January 2010: Wow it's all so confusing...maybe the relationship came at the wrong time and left you both feeling confused. But we cant live with regrets so if you two can be friends and put it behind you, that would be a solution. Easier said than done, I ... (read in full...)
I really worry about my inability to provide for majority of her needs.
Q. Hello,am 17 in love with a girl of 20. She really loves me,and i love her. But i am not working and i really worry about my inability to provide for majority of her needs,she tells me not to worry that she loves me whether or not i provide for her ...
A. 27 January 2010: If she really loves you for who you are, not for your money then she won't leave you. It seems that you're putting too much pressure on yourself and even she can see that. She likes you for who you are, stop worrying and start enjoying the ... (read in full...)
How do I find out more about this guy, I have a crush on?
Q. I have a huge crush on a man who walks his dog in the same forest park as me,i see him nearly everyday at the same time, and we smile at each other and sometimes talk a little about our dogs. I'm 22 and i think he looks at least 30, and i'm worr...
A. 27 January 2010: So many 'maybe's' and 'what if's'....you must be going through all of the possibilities in your head about this guy all the time and you probably want to know the truth so that you can get on with your life without having to keep wondering about ... (read in full...)
My dad and brother pop in to my head when I am masterbating! Do I need professional help?
Q. Okay so I'm 16 and I've just recently started masturbating. The problem is though, sometimes while I'm doing it, my brother or my dad will pop into my head. I don't imagine them doing anything or even want to think of them; I know its wrong and ...
A. 27 January 2010: Dont worry about it. You dont need professional help, just look at all the positive feedback you've got from everyone else on here. :-)
It's probably a subconcious thing, you cant help what pops into your head and it certainly doesn't mean any... (read in full...)
He abuses me because I am insecure..how do I stop being this way?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We have an 8 month old daughter. We have always fought verbally but now its getting worse. He hits me and chokes me and throws things at me. And he says the reason he does it is because I am insecure and ...
A. 27 January 2010: No, I'm sorry but he really doesn't deserve you and do you know what? I think he knows it. Maybe he is the insecure one, that would explain alot. Please dont start thinking it is your fault or that you are the one who needs to change. This guy has ... (read in full...)
Should I call him and arrange to meet up?
Q. I met this guy at a training course through my workplace. He walked me to the station everyday over the 2 weeks and I felt so comfortable being around him, he was so easy to talk to and we had a lot in common. Each day, when we were around other ...
A. 6 January 2010: Thanks everyone, I just needed an extra opinion or two and its really helped. I'll text him now, I've also been thinking that he might not think Im interested...and I wouldn't want that!
Good luck to you both in your relationships
x... (read in full...)
How can I improve my social skills?
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with Asperger's Syndrome, and I have difficulty getting a girlfriend. I always end up in the "friend zone", and if a girl says she's single, I always doubt it and think, no, this must be a lie, too good to be true. I do...
A. 15 October 2009: It seems that you are frustrated which is understandable. I wouldn't use MySpace or Facebook for relationships either, so you are quite wise. I think that a girl would be lucky to have you, as you sound intelligent and also that you are looking for ... (read in full...)
He is controlling and jealous, what should I do?
Q. Hi everyone, A bit of background knowledge - I'm 19 a gay guy currently living in the UK. Last year I lived in Australia, and was in a relationship with another guy. I returned to the UK recently, and have been saving money to return to Aus, a...
A. 15 October 2009: Do you know what? I dont want to influence you or tell you what you should do, because that isn't what this website should be about. But...I'm going to be honest, so here goes. I think that you are too good for this guy and you do sound quite d... (read in full...)
Why won't my husband let me go anywhere?
Q. To start off I am 27 years old I just got married 3 months ago to a Cristain man that I have known for about 1 1/2 years. I had a problem the time a met him and he has been a blessing in my life but we do not have anything in common. There are times ...
A. 15 October 2009: I am in the same situation right now so I can kind of relate to what you are saying, especially the bit about him being a blessing because of the time that you met him but that you have nothing in common, plus I am British born and so have a ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex ?
Q. I'm 17 and a virgin and my ex-girlfriend who is 15 had sex already ! I'm very jealous of her even though she told me that I should wait. She didn't so why would I do so? [Edited by moderator to improve readability]...
A. 15 October 2009: Dont worry about her, just do whatever you want to do. If you dont want to have sex, then dont. And if you do, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons - you care about whoever you're with and you actually feel ready.
Dont do it just beca... (read in full...)
Should I stay unsatisfied for my marriage?
Q. every time we have sex I stay unsatisfied. I rather for him to make it quick just to get it over with. There is a time when its good but that's only when I can engage him to make it "rough" but he doesn't like to. What can I do cuz its really ...
A. 15 October 2009: Communicate about it, you will feel less stressed and frustrated. It's worth a try. Get him aroused, wear something that will drive him wild maybe his animal instincts will come out lol. :-)
If things are getting a bit dry and boring make an effo... (read in full...)
I'm worried that he's just not into me anymore
Q. Worried about relationship, stress and lack of intimacy When my bf and I met, he was very accepting and caring, and we spent a lot of time together. We were like a typical new couple. He had some hardships and illness in his family. I s...
A. 15 October 2009: Please try not to worry. Firstly, I have to say that your bf is lucky to have such an understanding girlfriend. Some people react to difficult times very differently and it seems that maybe he is feeling a little withdrawn and has a lack of energy. ... (read in full...)
How do I get it through his head that it's best to wait before we get married? And how long do you normally wait before marriage?
Q. This summer was crazy, and I don't know where to start. Well first, My boyfriend is in army basic training, but because of a medical discharge he's coming back. He's done with the army for two years (his choice if he comes back). But has said he ...
A. 5 August 2009: Perhaps you could get engaged and like someone else here says you could have a long engagement. That way, he would be happy as the promise of marriage would be on the horizon but also, he would have to wait until you are ready to actually get ... (read in full...)
They want photos of me with no clothes on!
Q. 0k.. I am currently single but i talk to a LOT of guys they always send me dirty pictures of themself but they want me so send them a dirty picture of myself and i take some HOT pictures but i have clothes on and they want pictures with my clothes ...
A. 2 August 2009: Don't do it, it becomes depressing and you lose self worth. You might feel sexy and confident at first, but that wears off and you will probably regret it, especially if you are having doubts now. You may find that you are doing it just to please ... (read in full...)
Scared of getting toooooo close...
Q. Well I was like 9 or 10 when I met this boy who was a little younger than me and he moved in to my street. My mum and dad got friendly with his mum and dad so I saw him a lot. One evening I went to his house and was playing a gGame with him b...
A. 2 August 2009: You say it doesn't sound bad, but it is. You are exactly right to feel that way about it now, that's normal. It was wrong and it sounds quite unsettling. As this boy was so young, It makes me wonder where he got the behaviour from, unless he had ... (read in full...)
Sex in less than a week!
Q. Last night I got into a little "activity" with my new boyfriend... He wanted sex. But, we just got officially together less than a week ago. Do you think I should've had sex with him?...
A. 2 August 2009: I agree, it is a personal thing. Everyone's opinion about sex and 'how soon is too soon' is different. Personally, I would have waited much longer, but this isn't about me. Think about how you are feeling now after it has happened. Do you have any ... (read in full...)
Forbidden love - I'm in love with a Muslim but my parents won't accept it! Help!
Q. hi well im a mess at the moment. im in love with a Muslim man and i am christian, we have been with each other for 2 years and still my dad does not know. we come from a very religious family and everything is about respect, my dad asked me ...
A. 30 July 2009: I am a Muslim, I mix with people from all background, religions etc. Here in the UK, in certain parts there is still an ignorance but where I live in London the mixture is so great that people more or less have to integrate in some way at work ... (read in full...)
I think my insecurities will drive him away!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend but I'm insecure anyway. I know he loves me - it's obvious - first time in my life I've felt this loved. He has a great friend who's a woman, and I met her - we all went on a short road trip together. At times she seemed ...
A. 30 July 2009: I think that a lot of women and men of course experience exactly the same thing. When you feel insecure it makes you feel worse. The more your dwell on being insecure or pushing someone away, the worse you make yourself feel.
Stand back and put ... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to her?
Q. A girl that Ive been dating for a little while and i are planning to go to a convention out of state and hang out and see what their is to see. we have considered having sex for the first time, usually im really nervous about the idea but this time ...
A. 30 July 2009: Hey, this aunt from London, England is very impressed with the how aware you are of your girl's feelings. She is lucky to have you and to have found you after having such a tough time before.
If you want to have a sexual relationship with thi... (read in full...)
What should I do on my 18th birthday?
Q. So my 18th birthday is coming up and I'm afraid that I'm a bit socially awkward in regards to parties or anything that involves a big group of people when academics are not involved. So far I've tried to have pool parties or something of the sort, ...
A. 30 July 2009: As long as you are surrounded by people you like that are genuine friends and you do something fun and memorable it will be great. It's your big day, you choose how you're going to spend it. You're only 18 once. Maybe you can make a short list of ... (read in full...)
Do a few beers each night amount to addiction?
Q. Torn between loving my boyfriend of 5 years and worried about his drinking habits becoming more of a problem -he seems to need at least two / three bottles of beer a day after work and if its a night out he has to get full drunk. I just have a few ...
A. 30 July 2009: A few beers every night is not an addiction - for now. But it is quite a bit and I can understand that you are worried becausse too much of anything is not good and you are obviously worried that it can amount to more and more as time goes on.
... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so clingy?
Q. Hello everybody, I have a problem, obviously. Well ever since middle school, I am 22 now, I've had a big issue with being clingy. It has haunted me so much to the point where i get jealous over my girlfriend when i know for sure she is doing not...
A. 30 July 2009: It sounds to me that you need to relax a little. This idea about being 'clingy' seems to be ruling you. It's like you have given yourself the label. You know what? Maybe no one is thinking that, except you. Being overly concious of being clingy ... (read in full...)
We want to try and have sex but I cant bring myself to do it!
Q. Ive been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now. Im still and a virgin and he knows this and he is very uncderstanding saying he will wait till im ready. But the problem is im too scared because I dony know what to do and ive been told ...
A. 30 July 2009: You might also be scared that the longer you put it off, the more likely he will be to leave you - as some guys are like that. But you know it is a good test of how he really feels. The longer he waits, the more respect he has got for you.
Don't... (read in full...)
My parents forced me to to leave my 40 year old married boyfriend!
Q. I'm 16 year old who had a boyfriend before who's older than me his 40, and married already.Were 1 year and 1 month already,he had a wife but they are not staying anymore because of some misunderstanding and he don't have a plan to be together with ...
A. 30 July 2009: Please do not cry or get upset about this. I understand that you must feel heartbroken especially because your parents and family are angry. In an ideal world, you might want everyone to get along and be fine with each other right? But this is a ... (read in full...)
I have the most annoying fiance, hes doing my head in!
Q. I neeed advice omg im soo stressing out and seriously think ive lost about 1 stone in the past week! I have the most annoying fiance,hes doing my head in! His nana was dying the other week and he rang in sick that day and told work he was up...
A. 30 July 2009: Wow, this guy sounds proper confused.
I'm confused just reading about him lol. Well, you know what maybe he's depressed or something but doesn't show it. The repeditive behaviour of being obsessed with playing on his Xbox and shying away from wor... (read in full...)
My mother in law insists we have a baby when we are not ready!
Q. Dear all, Im married for a year and half. We love each other a lot. My father inlaw and mother inlaw have come to visit us and they are here for a month. During this time my mother inlaw is insisting me to give birth to a baby and she give a kind of ...
A. 30 July 2009: I understand how you must feel. It is more of a cultural problem, as I see your Indian flag. I watched a programme on the television about some Asian mother-in-laws and the way that they try to control their daughter-in-laws. If you have a husband ... (read in full...)
I have a small lump "down there" and I'm worried about it!
Q. hi guys, this is a kind of embarrasing, and I'm worried about it but don't want to be worried if it's nothing, I'm 14 years old 15 in a month, and i'm a virgin (never even kissed a guy lol) and I have a small lump, kinda like a big spot, down there. ...
A. 30 July 2009: Yes, it depends whereabouts the lump is. Is it external or internal? If you are too embarrassed to say here, just drop me a message.
As for being a virgin at the age of 14 '15 in a month' lol, don't worry trust me you have loads of time. Dont get... (read in full...)
I really love him but the lack of affection is making me miserable!
Q. Hi, my husband has said that he does not feel like sex because he is tired, sick of work, etc. We have sex about once every 3 weeks, which is sending me crazy. He is late 40's and I am mid 30's. He has been like this since I put on 20kg (after ...
A. 30 July 2009: Please do not blame yourself, it sounds like that is what you are starting to do. Don't believe that just because you have put on weight, your husband is behaving like this as a result. To me it sounds like he has a lack of respect, some men become ... (read in full...)
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