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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Is this a break or a Break Up? Help
Q. I’m still very confused about what happened…. We’ve been together for just about 6.5 years. He’s my first everything. While, I’m like his 8th girlfriend—but longest relationship. We both are crazy in love with each other, but the relationship has ...
A. 28 June 2010: I hope it works out for you. Sounds like you're serious about getting yourself into better shape.
Don't hesitate to write again if you feel the need for more support/feedback.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Even though I've been tormented I want him back
Q. My partner and i have been together a year and a half. things have been far from easy, i've let him control and manipulate me for as long as i can remember but he's got a way of making me think that everything's my fault. i've cut off a lot of ...
A. 28 June 2010: Please, don't be so foolish! I don't mean to be harsh, but there's nothing good in the way this man treats you.
Get help - as the other two responders have said - with your issues, and consider your own dignity. Nobody deserves - or should p... (read in full...)
Is this a break or a Break Up? Help
Q. I’m still very confused about what happened…. We’ve been together for just about 6.5 years. He’s my first everything. While, I’m like his 8th girlfriend—but longest relationship. We both are crazy in love with each other, but the relationship has ...
A. 28 June 2010: I hear that you are very confused and unhappy about this. Understandably so.
However, I must say I think your boyfriend is being very responsible in taking time out to get his issues sorted and start getting his life in order. He is to be appla... (read in full...)
I tried to give him my virginity, but couldn't. Now he won't text me anymore!
Q. hi, i am chelsea... well i went to my friends house and i met her cousin jake. we had been talking for the past month on myspace but we really hadnt met. he seemed very sweet and he used to txt me everyday first. well we talked about the day i was ...
A. 24 June 2010: Sorry, but the reason he has stopped texting you is because he was only in it for sex. He made that very clear when he talked about being friends with benefits - even if you didn't realize at the time what he meant.
Also, you're very young to... (read in full...)
Is it the right time to propose to him? Last time he said it was too early.
Q. I've been with him just over a year and one month. So far the main problem has been that his first ex (whom he loved like mad) wants him back. But he says he never go back to her and loves me alot. I want to propose to him but not sure how? Cause ...
A. 24 June 2010: You've been dating a year and one month. That's really not very long - even though it might seem as if you've been together for ages.
No, as others have said, leave it alone at this point. He does indeed know you want to marry him, but he isn't... (read in full...)
Would it be cruel of me to break up with my boyfriend so soon?
Q. I'm having a hard time choosing what I ought to do. My situation isn't complicated, but it is long-winded, so I'll try and shorten it down. - I saw a guy at prom who I decided that I liked, but I didn't talk to him. - I added him on Facebook an...
A. 23 June 2010: No, it wouldn't be cruel to end it now, so long as you do so with due consideration for his feelings, and understand that no matter how gently you give him the bad news, it's still bound to hurt.......
You may be feeling rather smothered by him. ... (read in full...)
It's all or nothing for this army guy. Is he just being selfish?
Q. A guy I was talking to from the army doesn't want to have anything to do with him because he can't deal with me not being sure if I would be with him and move with him to georgia...we have been talking for a month now I really do like him but he ...
A. 23 June 2010: You are having so many doubts about this man, that the old adage "when in doubt, don't" applies here.
Consider: you have only known him for one month. That's hardly any time at all. I suppose he is talking about the State of Georgia in the U.S.... (read in full...)
How can I begin a friendship with my ex?
Q. I started dating a guy Id literally liked for years but I messed up big time. I was just so nervous and had just come out of a bad relationship so really didnt show him my best side. I was so scared of it going wrong that I couldnt relax and be ...
A. 23 June 2010: Yes, you can try the way Waiting for an angel suggests.
Do you only think he's seeing someone else or do you know for sure that he is?
If he isn't, it might work; but if he is seeing another, unless its very casual, I don't think you should... (read in full...)
Why does he ignore me for porn, when I'm perfectly willing?
Q. Hello, I seem to be having problems with my boyfriend and have no clue what to do. We have been dating for nearly a year now. Deep down, I know he's a good man, but for reasons I cannot understand, he prefers watching porn instead of doing anythin...
A. 23 June 2010: Since there seems to be no way to resolve this problem, I think you have to decide if its worth it to continue when this man's behavior causes you this kind of distress.......what other choice do you have?... (read in full...)
My ex is playing games, I'm so confused!
Q. Here it is..! I broke-up with my x for cheating on me. How I found out isn't important except to say that I noticed a lot of changes and little lies. This happened 1yrs ago.. We wanted to have a break first..then get back together cause t...
A. 22 June 2010: He doesn't know his own mind, sounds like to me.
He cheated on you with her, lied about it, and was very cruel in telling you he loved her more than you. I get the impression - sorry to say - that he wants to keep you waiting in the wings in... (read in full...)
Why did my ex-boyfriend do this to me?
Q. I need to get this off my chest and apologise for the write up. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago and disconnected his number 2 days later. He has never contacted me since. The story is way too long but here is some. He has be...
A. 22 June 2010: If you know what's good for you, you WON'T (don't) want HIM back!!
He dumped you several times - including leaving you on your own in a park late at night - very thoughtful, that - told you you're like a drug to him - very nice - cancels two holi... (read in full...)
Tired of lying -- should I fess up?
Q. I gave my husband (now ex husband) oral sex and he gave me oral sex and then we had a long and wild sex session that evening. After my husband (ex) fell to sleep, I called the police because my husband (ex) had traffic warrants. I wanted my ...
A. 21 June 2010: Oh god. Why did you have a wild sex session with your husband and then call the police on him? No wonder you feel guilty.
You sure didn't waste any time "celebrating" the new man, who you're now married to.
If you do tell him the truth about ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to break up with him over this?
Q. I've been seeing my co-worker for over a month now. We went through nine weeks of training together, and became pretty close within the last few weeks, and started dating - which is completely unlike me for many reasons. He has a 2 year old ...
A. 21 June 2010: Personally, I'd break up with him in a heartbeat! He sounds pretty irresponsible with two children from different women, neither of who he is much involved with, let alone committed to.
Its likely that if you get any deeper into this friendsh... (read in full...)
Why would my new friend lie about being Italian?
Q. Hi, My post will probably seem odd but here goes... I have been at my current job for about 4 months and there's this 1 girl, Claire who befriended me recently. It all started because she found out I was Italian and said she was too, ...
A. 21 June 2010: Yes, if you like her, I wouldn't worry about it. The only red flag would be if it turns out that she is making up stories about more important things......... (read in full...)
How do I continue on after a bad break up?
Q. how do i get over a bad break up? it was a one sided thing, and i wasn't ready to let go, and he did a complete 180 change as a person suddenly, which has hurt me immensely. he went from telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me to ...
A. 21 June 2010: Aw, heck. I'm sorry to see you are suffering like this.
Without knowing what caused him to go from wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, to suddenly ending it so abruptly, its hard to tell. There must have been something in your rel... (read in full...)
Took emergency contraception, but feel like I'm pregnant
Q. I had my period last week for five days,finished on thursday.However,im feeling a lot of nausea everyday,and i puked 3days ago right after having breakfast...Which is a similar thing to morning sickness.I had unprotected sex 2weeks ago and i took ...
A. 20 June 2010: There's no way to know whether you are pregnant or not. If you took the "Morning after" pill within 72 hours of having unprotected sex, you SHOULDN'T be pregnant - but I don't really know what you mean by emergency contraception.......your best bet ... (read in full...)
I am confued if I still love my boyfriend or am I falling for his best friend.
Q. Me and my boyfriend broke up and his bestfriend is always there to comfort me and helping me mending my broken heart secretly. He reveals that he is attracted to me but i am his bestfriend gf that time. Now i get back with my xbf but i am very sad ...
A. 20 June 2010: While you are this confused, I have to say to you DON'T get married yet! I hope you haven't already tied the knot.
You need to take time to really sort out your feelings concerning your no-longer-ex and his best friend.... (read in full...)
I want to rekindle our romance. Should I ask him to marry me?
Q. hey my boyfriend broke up with me because we are going around in circles and he feels the love gone and he says we never get back together so no point talking about it. but hes the one for me he was always the one for me but i guess i never really ...
A. 20 June 2010: Caring Guy is quite right. Your former boyfriend was the one to end it.
Therefore, if you were to now ask him to marry you (yikes!!!) he will be very surprised and you will seem desperate. The time for showing "he was the one for you" and drop... (read in full...)
What should I do for my boyfriend's birthday?
Q. Alright, so I've been dating this man for about five months, and currently it's an online relationship. We are planning to meet as soon as July rolls around, but that's besides the point. His birthday is coming up in about two weeks, he turns ...
A. 19 June 2010: At this point, since you have not yet met in person, what would be appropriate would be to send him a nice birthday card, with a note to say you're looking forward to meeting in July.......... (read in full...)
Is he just using me for a free vacation, or is it really long-distance love?
Q. i am in a long distance relationship with a man in istamnule turkey.he is younger than me but he grew on me .he says he loves me and wants to be with me forever and says i am his woman. but i dont know what to think the language barrier is stoping ...
A. 18 June 2010: Lots of red flags. You must not pay his airfare to come visit. If he wants to see you badly enough, tell him to wait until he has the money to finance his trip himself.
This will show you the reality of his "wanting to be with you forever.... (read in full...)
Am I just her rebound, or could this relationship have a future?
Q. so i've been exclusively involved with this woman for 8 months. we have recently for the past month have been intimately involved. the last time we made love we were at a resort for the weekend,after we have made love we sat had some wine smoked a ...
A. 18 June 2010: Is there any chance for a future with her? Its hard to say.
She said she's looking for closure so she can move on. I wonder how she plans to go about achieving closure.......was it a bad breakup, do you know?
Perhaps if she was the one to e... (read in full...)
I think I'm getting vibes that he likes me, should I just go ahead and ask him out?
Q. I have liked a boy I'll called J for about a year now. He got vibes that I liked him since the beginning so I had to admit it.. But ever since our relationship has been so complicated, and when I asked him how he felt he couldn't reply. He flirts ...
A. 18 June 2010: This sounds more like high school stuff, quite frankly, rather than young adults.
I guess if you want you COULD invite him to go and have coffee with you - better be prepared for a lot of possible
"razzing" from your friends, though!... (read in full...)
How can I help him see me as more than a 'Friend with Benefits'?
Q. Hi, I know that many of you are going to say this is wrong, i am sure it is but what is done is done. We started as a harmless flirting, talking every day and making silly jokes. We do not even live in the same town but he manged to come here ...
A. 17 June 2010: He's cheating on his girlfriend. What a nerve he has to be coming on to you and going on dates with you when he has no business doing so while in a committed, live-in situation with another woman!
He IS using you, and though you say you don't wa... (read in full...)
He's insisting we become friends with benefits, but I'm worried he'll end up wanting more!
Q. I have a friend that insists he wants to be a beneficial friend. He has remained in constant communication with me for over 5 years. When we are on the phone, we talk about everything for hours on end. I am concerned if I cross that boundary and ...
A. 17 June 2010: I'm puzzled by your post. You have known and communicated with this man for five years and now he wants to add sex to the friendship?
At the same time you tell us he insists that he does not want a serious relationship with anybody.
Whateve... (read in full...)
What should I write in my message to her???
Q. Hello Everybody, So about two weeks ago at my brother's prom in Mexico I met a girl and we hit it off really well. She is 22 years old, like me. As it turns out, she actually lives near Los Angeles (where I live), and visits there frequently...
A. 17 June 2010: I think either of those are fine. She might like that you noted she had eye surgery recently and it went well. Shows concern as well as interest, on your part.
As for phone numbers I guess you COULD ask for her number - but better yet: why don'... (read in full...)
Why can't I let this go?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years. He was in a three year long relationship with his ex girlfriend that ended just a couple months before we met. He was still getting over their relationship, and I was aware of this but we decided to ...
A. 16 June 2010: Look: he's been in a committed relationship with you for two years now. Yes, it may have well been a difficult breakup for him, but when she (eventually) contacted him in hopes of rekindling things, he told her clearly that he's with you now, and ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with my ex-boyfriend?
Q. i want to sleep with my ex-boyfriend soooooo badly...its been 9yrs or 10yrs...he wants to also..we have been conversating for about 4 months now....should i go for it.....???? ...we were young and immature when we were together back in the ...
A. 15 June 2010: Yes, go for it, unless either of you is married or otherwise committed to another.......one question: will it be fine with you if its just sex, and nothing more, or do you want to resume the relationship?
Just be clear about what you want - a... (read in full...)
Help! My ex broke my heart and keeps calling me!
Q. I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years and he broke up with me because he said he needed space and time to him self.. I was sooo sad and depress I was really sad.. He said he wanted to live life and enjoy being 21 and we lived togetheir so it hurt ...
A. 15 June 2010: That's the whole trouble right there: he wants what he wants and clearly has neither respect nor consideration for what you might think or want.
He wants to get on with living life without you? So for the love of pete, LET HIM! (Not that I'm... (read in full...)
I feel distressed that I misunderstood her text and now she won't forgive me..
Q. Hi all, I am young man of 24yrs and in a relation with a lady for 3yrs now. I left town for work in another city for six month now. But we do communicate on phone all times. Last night she sent me an SMS which I replied the following day. Some ...
A. 15 June 2010: Yes, can you tell us a little more about the text you sent?
Only thing is, not knowing what upset her so much, we can't really respond to you.
You have made a good effort to apologize and make amends. If she won't accept that, and won't ... (read in full...)
He seems to have just vanished, should I text him again or leave it?
Q. Met this nice guy. Spent a few days together. I could see he liked me, but nothing really happend. We just had a few nice dates. He texted me every day since our last date then suddenly I haven't heard form him in 2 days. i texted him pretty ...
A. 15 June 2010: I agree with the others. Two days is NOTHING. And if all you said in your text was "wozzup?" and nothing else, that's not really giving him anything to respond to.
Leave it alone right now, and see if you hear from him in say, another week or ... (read in full...)
Do you think there will be any chance of us getting back together?
Q. Hi, I had been with a guy for nearly 4 years and a couple of months ago he broke up with me. Two days later he decided to start seeing a 17 year old girl (he is 22) who I had previously asked whether he had feelings for. He assured me that he was ...
A. 15 June 2010: Hoo boy. This one really does want to play both sides of the road, doesn't he?
By keeping in contact with you and telling you he'd "be so hurt" if you met someone else, my sense is (rightly or wrongly) that he's indulging in a bit of "insuran... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend saw me and ignored me, how can I get him to be civil? I'm so upset.
Q. so, saw my ex boyfriend at a bar we frequent, it's been about a month since we last spoke. and he completely ignored me and left within 5 minutes of me being there...it was a bad break up, he dumped me by text. i got mad, said some things, he said ...
A. 15 June 2010: It's only been a month since you broke up. Not much time at all.
Do you absolutely HAVE to see him? Presumably this would be in social situations, not work-related?? If social, you could start by not going to the same bar he frequents. Might be... (read in full...)
Is it in my best interest to continue on with this LDR?
Q. I've been in quite a fix and can't think straight. I'm a male in my early 20's. Indian origin. I moved away for college. First year end, we start seeing each other. We got serious and decided to work out things long distance. We get to spend at ...
A. 9 June 2010: From the way you describe her attitude and behavior, I have to tell it does not sound promising at all. I could see you marrying her and within a few months regretting it bitterly.
One question: would she be willing to get nto therapy to try a... (read in full...)
I have tried to distance myself from my friend but I cant seem to get over her, should I just tell her how I feel despite the fact she has a boyfriend?
Q. hey guys and girls, i really need your help ive been friends with this girl for quite a while now and yet we've only met once, despite the fact that she lives approximately one hour away from me and on a more serious topic, already has a boy...
A. 7 June 2010: How much do you know about her relationship with her boyfriend? Have they been together a long time? Does she talk about him to you?
To put this another way: in your conversations with her do you have any sense as to how that relation... (read in full...)
Why has he changed so much?
Q. Me and my boyfriend were going out for over 4.5 years. Over easter weekend we were going out clubbing together since first time before christmas. We have pretty busy lives he works 5 days a week and works in a bar at the weekends so every friday ...
A. 7 June 2010: You "love" this jerk? Do you "hate" yourself for neglecting your own sense of worth and self-esteem?
I'm sorry, but seriously, five years together or not, why in the world would you put up with him for even five minutes after his first episode ... (read in full...)
This time I ended the relationship and I'm heartbroken :(
Q. I'm so hurt right now. I feel like its a heartbreak all over again. So after 4 months my ex boyfriend comes back. He's in a relationship with someone right now. He told me he missed me and that he took everything for granted. He cherished me and ...
A. 7 June 2010: This Alejandro is simply trying to use you for his own gratification. He's playing "silly buggers" with you with all this blocking and is completely inconsiderate, rude, selfish, manipulative, a liar.......you name it. Not loyal to you OR to his ... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong? I'm finding it hard to get over this break up.
Q. (moderators note: users own title) okay...so i'm still thinking about my breakup, and can't seem to get it out of my head, and i just neeed to know if i did the right thing... my boyfriend (now ex), started to not pay as much attention to me, in...
A. 4 June 2010: So he was your first boyfriend? I'm sorry it was not a good experience - hurtful, in fact.
You were together just three weeks, I believe you said? You were only in the very beginning stages of getting to know one another, and dating is essentia... (read in full...)
It's over... but I have to move on!
Q. I have so much love for my boyfriend, but the past 3-4 years living together, I've been too controlling, and i think he's been keeping it in. The past few days, he asked me to break up with him while I still love him with all my heart and didn't ...
A. 4 June 2010: You sound as if you have your head screwed on right, as "they" say. It hurts that he has ended it with you, true, though he's being considerate to tell you you can stay with him until you have enough money to get your own place and be ... (read in full...)
Was he brushing me off?
Q. Need Advice! Being talking to this co-worker for couple of month's, Were both interested in each other, So I thought, He ask me to the movie several times, but I never confirm a time or date, Since we are co-worker people have notice the time we ...
A. 4 June 2010: Sounds too complicated, what with your co-workers questioning you about him and everything else.
No, he doesn't want to risk losing his job, and I guess you don't want to risk losing yours either.
Let it go.
... (read in full...)
How high of a risk is pulling out?
Q. How high of a risk is it having sex with out a condom but not cuming in her and I wipped it off be for I put it in her ...
A. 4 June 2010: Extemely risky. Don't try it, or else use a condomn or other reliable birth control.... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend still like me?
Q. I need help. Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half are slowly growing apart. I really love him, and i know he cares about me, but Im just not sure he likes me anymore. Lately he's had to work alot in order to pay off some car damage, which i can ...
A. 4 June 2010: Its hard to tell whether the reason you two are growing apart is because he is worried about paying the costs of damage to (presumably his? unless he was in a fender-bender and damaged someone else's car?)his automobile.
How were you getting ... (read in full...)
Help me deal with girlfriends STD's!
Q. I have a very difficult situation that I have not been able to get any solid advice on. First, i will start out with some background on my relationship. I met her last summer, she was a mutual friend of a friend. We hit it off almost immediate...
A. 4 June 2010: In the four months since you and she parted company she went ahead and had unprotected sex with four other men with the result that you now could be infected. Have you got tested? If not, you need to do so right away.
Anyway, sorry this has been... (read in full...)
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