| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
|
How to reach a decision with my unplanned pregnancy?
Q. i'm 26 and had planned to go back to study. I discovered I was pregnant a few months after getting laid off my job. Can things get any worse? My boyfriend wants to keep it but I'm not sure. I've been to counselling and it hasn't helped much. I'...
A. 7 June 2013: What made it easy for me is thinking about this beforehand. Think about how you feel about pregnancy and abortion, because when you're having sex those are things you need to know. Because you run a risk of pregnancy. So by thinking about it long ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will be leaving for his year abroad to study and I'm not sure how to cope being alone for a year. Should I break up with him?
Q. Hi there, I have been with my boyfriend for seven months after 'seeing' each other for a while beforehand. I really enjoy being with him and while it is soon, there are definitely feelings of love beginning to blossom. We have a very deep connec...
A. 6 June 2013: Lets put it this way:
"I just feel as though the year apart would do a lot more harm than good for the both of us. "
So, being with him wouldn't make you happy, it would make you miserable? If so, yes, break up with him.
I've been in lo... (read in full...)
My room mate is too noisy having fun! What should I do?
Q. I recently got a new room-mate. He's great so far, cleans up after himself, cleans the floor, easy to talk to. Then his girlfriend.. or as he said it "this friend who he used to date" comes over to stay a few days. And they're going at it like ...
A. 5 June 2013: I took him aside and asked how long she was going to stay, and then said "This is a little embarrassing, but could you perhaps be more quiet? Or wait until I'm not home?"
He got the message and practically ran back to his room. I hope it wasn't t... (read in full...)
How to reach a decision with my unplanned pregnancy?
Q. i'm 26 and had planned to go back to study. I discovered I was pregnant a few months after getting laid off my job. Can things get any worse? My boyfriend wants to keep it but I'm not sure. I've been to counselling and it hasn't helped much. I'...
A. 5 June 2013: Okay. Stop for a minute. You're focusing on the wrong things.
Studies, mother in law, finances, jobs etc.
Take all that out of he equation. Those things are to be considered if you're PLANNING for a child. Should we have a child now? Yes, ... (read in full...)
I found out that the woman I've been dating isn't a virgin as she hinted before!
Q. Background: im an atheist, also a virgin, I dont usually find virginity something necessary in a partner, but I do find it quite beautiful and special. Most of the feelings Ive built up for her in this time stem from the fact I belived (one time I ...
A. 4 June 2013: "The person I fell in love with, I didnt expect this from."
It is evident then, that you don't actually know her enough to love her for her. You love an IDEA of her. You don't actually know her. She IS the person you supposedly are in love wit... (read in full...)
I'm so frustrated and angry with him and myself for letting me waste my time, energy and heart on someone who is not going to reciprocate. How do I let go of these feelings/
Q. I'm broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 6 weeks ago. Last weekend I saw him again and things got emotional and we ended up sleeping together. I told him that I still loved him and would like to go to counseling to work things out, and see if ...
A. 3 June 2013: Let go by realizing that this one wasn't for you. You want different things. He might not even know himself well enough to know what he wants.. not everyone does. Even if at 29 you'd expect him to know.
If it is one thing I've learned, it is th... (read in full...)
Who first? My Depressed Suicidal Girlfriend or My Career that havent even started yet!!!!!!
Q. Firstly, thanks for reading. Secondly, I'm lesbian, just in case....I know for some its an abomination. For those of u who reads this and actually help me out I will be forever in your debt. Okay I'm in a relationship with a beautiful woman....
A. 3 June 2013: "I know its important to be there for your partner and I want to be its just that I don't make enough for my bills and her debt."
NEVER FINANCIALLY! You're supposed to be there emotionally, be supportive, be a friend, perhaps offer her roof ove... (read in full...)
I had sex with one person, but I think I want to wait until I'm married now.
Q. My original plan that I had for myself my whole life was to wait until I was married to have sex (not for religious reasons, I'm just traditional). I'll try to make a long story short: last year I met a guy and fell in love quick. I thought we had ...
A. 3 June 2013: What a future boyfriend thinks is actually irrelevant. The entire point is that YOU want to wait for YOUR reasons. You don't feel comfortable having sex outside of marriage. Just because you aren't a virgin doesn't mean any guy you date from now on ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant by my boss who is still very much married. I'm lost!
Q. Pregnant, depressed, alone, and ruined my own life... guess it will be two lives ruined soon. I was dating a guy going through a divorce, he was funny, charming, passionate, I adored being around him. He was also my boss. That was a weird factor. I ...
A. 3 June 2013: Your life is NOT ruined. It's just taking a difference course. A course you didn't plan for. You planned to stay childless. And you gave up love, or rather, you set your love free, because you loved him and wanted him to have his dreams of a family. ... (read in full...)
Is it rude to ask someone about a scar?
Q. Is it rude to ask about a scar? I've had a tummy tuck and lost 20ilbs. after. I am happy with my physique now and enjoy wearing bikinis. I had a friend ask me the other day about a 1inch scar from the surgery. I just mentioned I had ...
A. 3 June 2013: It's rude if it's someone you don't really know. But if a friend asks I think it's normal. A friend would want to get to know you, find out who you are, what you've experienced. It's about letting people in and get to know you. If you aren't ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to have sex. How do I tell my parents?
Q. I am 17 and I am a virgin. Well my parents have always been very conservative on matters of sex. I used to wear a purity ring (my parents kind of pressured me into vowing abstinence). I was on vacation and lost my ring while swimming in the ocean. I ...
A. 3 June 2013: They are your parents, so you know best what way to tell them. Personally I moved out before I had sex. So I don't feel it is appropriate to have sex in your parents home, or before you move out. Once you're on your own you are free to do whatever ... (read in full...)
Our moral values don't match because my girlfriend has no compassion towards suffering.
Q. I had a conversation with my girlfriend today about how I was upset about other people getting unfairly hurt due to no fault of their own, people being homeless and such and she told me that people who care about others are stupid and that people ...
A. 3 June 2013: I just want to point out one thing though. Original poster, you strike me as a bit of an idealist, rather than a genuinely concerned and aware citizen. You see "horror" as Holocaust. Is that the worst you can think of? Few people died in Holocaust ... (read in full...)
Our moral values don't match because my girlfriend has no compassion towards suffering.
Q. I had a conversation with my girlfriend today about how I was upset about other people getting unfairly hurt due to no fault of their own, people being homeless and such and she told me that people who care about others are stupid and that people ...
A. 3 June 2013: It could very well be that her values are compatible with yours. But if shes already spending all her energy on defending herself, how can she spend more energy on caring for others? She already cares for you, so you know she has compassion. Her ... (read in full...)
The first guy knew the other guy. Did I do the right thing by telling the truth?
Q. So I went out with this guy on a date, and go figure one of co-workers and I slept together, before even started talking with the guy I went on the date on. He asked me if I knew him since he had seen we were friends on facebook and I told him the ...
A. 2 June 2013: It might or might not affect your relationship with him, depending on what kind of guy he is. Just because the other guy would tell, doesn't mean this guy would ask. This guy might actually have some class. If he doesn't have class, then why would ... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting, not getting ANYTHING for mother's day?
Q. I am the mother of two small children, four and two and this year for mother's day I didn't get anything from anyone. No one in my family and my bf of four years, the father of my children, didn't get me anything either. No card, no flowers, ...
A. 2 June 2013: I think it's a made-up day that doesn't necessarily have to be celebrated, as it's all designed to spend money. So on the one side of things, the entire day could be boycotted with good reason.
On the other hand, he never discussed with you that... (read in full...)
Is cybersex cheating and is it forgivable?
Q. My husband of 15 years was caught having an affair online with a colleague. He left "chat" open and I read all the sordid details. He claims everything happened online but I discovered they had plans to meet. I feel beyond betrayed and hurt and...
A. 1 June 2013: Yes, this is cheating. Everything you keep secret from your partner/cant do if your partner is there: it is cheating. Doesnt matter if it was online, it was a betrayal.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend quit his job, I'm the only one working. He's angry because I bought something for myself!
Q. My boyfriend quit his job because he hated it so much. We are in week 7 of him not having a job and I don't feel that he is really making much of an effort to look for one. I am paying his mortgage (my name is not on the house) and the food for the ...
A. 1 June 2013: The OPs boyfriend coming in here and highjacking her post really says something about his level of respect to her. If he wanted attention he should post his own question, rather than start arguing with both his gf and everyone else on here. These ... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin after my friend put her finger inside of me?
Q. i came here once, and i talked about where me and my girlfriend made out, and i regretted my action. So now i told her im not interested in her because i so much love my boyfriend. I forget to mention that im a virgin, and have not have sex before, ...
A. 31 May 2013: You're a virgin.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend quit his job, I'm the only one working. He's angry because I bought something for myself!
Q. My boyfriend quit his job because he hated it so much. We are in week 7 of him not having a job and I don't feel that he is really making much of an effort to look for one. I am paying his mortgage (my name is not on the house) and the food for the ...
A. 31 May 2013: "The reason I am paying his mortgage is because I want us to have a future together, what type of a future can we have if he is blacklisted? "
Obviously, this future is NOT that important to him. Otherwise he wouldn't have quit his job before h... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 31 May 2013: Your ex boyfriend is a cheating, lying, prick. I agree with the others. He cheated. Then he tried to blame YOU for it. Just to top it off. Because.. why, you never cheated on him, and you aren't obligated to tell him about whatever you did before ... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 29 May 2013: Everything you do that you can't tell your partner about, is cheating. Whether it is a secret date with someone who is romantically interested in you (even if there's no physical contact). Or if it's deep, intimate conversations with someone online ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable for your fiance to demand that you never speak to any exes?
Q. My fiance and I recently got engaged, mostly due to the fact that I got pregnant. We were having some problems but when we found out, we decided to work on it. It hasn't been easy but things are slowly improving and we're both excited about the ...
A. 29 May 2013: ... I'm left wondering if you are intentionally trying to create drama. And I wonder why you can't have a little faith, relax, and be happy?
"At the same time, I want to be honest with my fiance about replying to my ex but I feel like he'll pr... (read in full...)
Am I being foolish by holding out for Mr Right?
Q. I grew up in an abusive family and as a consequence I've always been incredibly cautious about romantic relationships. So much so that I've never had a boyfriend or even gone out on a date. Quite a few guys have asked me out, but I've never been ...
A. 28 May 2013: I just look at your age... and I wonder why you are fretting out. You're too young to be worrying about finding love, it'll come to you. Believe it or not, most people do not find the love of their lives that young.
"I don't want to get a boyfri... (read in full...)
Why have I already resigned myself to the fact that I'll never find someone ?
Q. I am 22 and pretty good looking, I get told quite often I could get most girls (by both guys and girls). To begin with it was a nice ego boost to think people believed that about me. But now it just depresses me as in actual fact I never done ...
A. 25 May 2013: Fancying the look of only a few people isn't having high standards.. I guess your inexperience excuse you from making this mistake. You're picky, that's what you are. Having high standards usually tends to address other areas, not the physical ... (read in full...)
Why have I already resigned myself to the fact that I'll never find someone ?
Q. I am 22 and pretty good looking, I get told quite often I could get most girls (by both guys and girls). To begin with it was a nice ego boost to think people believed that about me. But now it just depresses me as in actual fact I never done ...
A. 25 May 2013: The reason you might think this way, according to my friend who studied special pedagogics, is your upbringing. You probably weren't encouraged to do things when you were a child, and didn't receive positive feedback. Perhaps you only received ... (read in full...)
Why a sudden change of mind for us so soon after deciding we didn't want a child?
Q. I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend, we had the "baby talk" and both decided it was right timing right now, but I've been panicking about the unprotected sex we had. I asked him as we cuddled in bed last night what he wants for us in the future ...
A. 25 May 2013: I don't understand. You said you did want a child. And then he wants a child... but at the end you say you didn't want a child? If you don't want a child, why did you have unprotected sex?
Maybe you phrased it wrong, you did decide to have a b... (read in full...)
How can I get this man to commit to me?
Q. Hi all. I'm 21 and my boyfried is 39. Yes, I realize the age difference but that's never mattered to me and my parents don't seem to mind much. We've been together since I was 18 and for being my age, that's a long time. Yes, we've both had a few ...
A. 25 May 2013: Ooh, so this wasn't one of the "missing out" questions?
This is a missing out question. All your friends are getting married, having babies, and you don't want to miss out, as you said yourself. Group pressure.
Pop the question yoursel... (read in full...)
I confronted my friend about never paying when we go out together. Was this the right way to deal with the situation? Please advise?
Q. I have a friend who never pays for her drinks when we go out to bars. She is the one that ussualy drives, so I always buy her first drink, but then she kind of assumes that the whole nite is on me. It happened already so many times, that I fi...
A. 25 May 2013: Look, from now on here is what you do. Stop over thinking things and thinking that one thing means another and so on. If you buy her a drink it does NOT mean she buys you a drink. You know that much by now. So, after each action there is no ... (read in full...)
Whenever things go wrong I want to end the relationship! Why does he put up with me?
Q. I don't know what to do. I need some serious help/advice for my anger. I'm a 23-year old female and my bf is a 29 year old male. Whenever I get upset about something in the relationship, I immediately move to end it. For eg my boyfriend will s...
A. 25 May 2013: " I don't know how to change. Does anyone have any methods that have worked for them?"
Yes. Decide to NOT EVER do it again. Then remind yourself of this promise you've made to yourself the next time you start feeling anger build up in you. And... (read in full...)
Are there some women that just do not like receiving oral sex?
Q. Hi there, I have a question about oral sex on a woman friend (or lack of). Several months ago when we first became intimate, she performed oral on me (with condom)and i politely asked if i could return the favour. The answer to my question was 'No, ...
A. 24 May 2013: After six months together you can't ask her why?
If you're intimate enough to have sex, then you are intimate enough for you to ask her why she doesn't want oral sex. No one here knows why she says no, we're not mind readers.
But to answer... (read in full...)
Do you think rejection hurts worse than being cheated on?
Q. I understand rejection happens to all of us at some point, but damn I've been rejected twice in the past two months for the first time in my life. I'm trying to reevaluate where I might have messed up, or maybe it's not something I did, it's just me ...
A. 24 May 2013: As for the last question:
No, don't stop being nice, but yes, do stop buying expensive gifts.. You're not their wife. So don't try to act like it either.
And, start hitting on guys who are available. Older men: not so much available. Futur... (read in full...)
Do you think rejection hurts worse than being cheated on?
Q. I understand rejection happens to all of us at some point, but damn I've been rejected twice in the past two months for the first time in my life. I'm trying to reevaluate where I might have messed up, or maybe it's not something I did, it's just me ...
A. 24 May 2013: .. When you are cheated on it tells you these things:
You trusted someone who went behind your back.
You trusted someone who lied to you.
You were ridiculed, mocked.
You were not valuable.
You were not respected.
You were worth nothing.
... (read in full...)
How can I tactfully reject him?
Q. Hello, First off thank you in advance for taking the time to read and offer advice :) I have a FRIEND that insists on hanging out with me and stuff. He invited me to a wedding in Washington state, he calls me "sexy", "Pretty lady" and things...
A. 23 May 2013: You need to stop these games. Sorry, but it is childish to send a text to him pretending to be for your friend. Everyone knows you didn't just "accidentally" send it to the wrong person.
This is how we used to do things when we were 14... Yo... (read in full...)
Why do guys pay flirty, promiscuous girls so much attention?
Q. Do guys usually like the flirty and promiscuous type of girls? I need some advice because I hate to say I'm a little jealous of this girl I know who gets so much attention from my guy friends and just a lot of guys in general. She sleeps around wi...
A. 23 May 2013: I think you do get attention. But not in the same way as she does. Her way of being is very obvious. Very out there. In your face sort of. The type of attention she gets back is the same, very out there, in your face. Very obvious. But like her, it ... (read in full...)
He wants to get married and have children and I'm not sure yet. Do I stay and have kids or do I let him go?
Q. I have been together with a guy for two years. We live together and for the most part, things are fine. We come from different cultures and are quite different as people, but we get on well in many respects. I'm happy enough with him but he doesn't ...
A. 23 May 2013: I'm 27 too, and don't have children yet. I probably wont start seriously thinking about it for another 2-3 years even. So freezing eggs? No, not necessary. After 35 years of age, that's when you need to be getting concerned, and the "clock" is ... (read in full...)
He wants to get married and have children and I'm not sure yet. Do I stay and have kids or do I let him go?
Q. I have been together with a guy for two years. We live together and for the most part, things are fine. We come from different cultures and are quite different as people, but we get on well in many respects. I'm happy enough with him but he doesn't ...
A. 22 May 2013: "I'm happy enough with him but he doesn't exactly give me butterflies in the stomach."
It is natural that the excitement decrease after two years together. But when the infatuation disappear, you will find love underneath it. And that love mak... (read in full...)
This girl seems a bit too interested in my fiance so after she hung up on me repeatedly I told my fiance he couldnt drive 5 hours to pick her up from the rodeo. Did I over-react?
Q. I have been living together with my boyfriend for 7 years now, we are engaged, he's very naive and always try to cheer people up if they look upset especially his female friends.. One of them is his step cousin, his step Dad brother's wife niece ...
A. 22 May 2013: Btw, all of my boyfriends have been like this, thinking "me", whereas all my girlfriends are like me and think "us". So I'm convinced this isn't about the guy not loving you or anything, it's just how guys are. It doesn't come natural for them to ... (read in full...)
This girl seems a bit too interested in my fiance so after she hung up on me repeatedly I told my fiance he couldnt drive 5 hours to pick her up from the rodeo. Did I over-react?
Q. I have been living together with my boyfriend for 7 years now, we are engaged, he's very naive and always try to cheer people up if they look upset especially his female friends.. One of them is his step cousin, his step Dad brother's wife niece ...
A. 22 May 2013: This sounds like a mess. And I can understand you completely, because my boyfriend also has a very very hard time saying no to people. He'll get a call in the middle of the night asking him to drive someone somewhere and he'll do it. He says he ... (read in full...)
Am I thinking right for a guy my age? Have I wasted my youth? Am I missing opportunities to meet girls?
Q. This may be daft a question but well I've had like 4 sexual partners from about 16-21 I'm now 25.. So that's 4 sexual partners in 9 years one relationship lasted 4 years and I got hurt in the end (a lot was my fault). I've been single for these...
A. 22 May 2013: I think you overestimate how many sexual partners others have. As for how many cheats ect. no one knows. All that is personal. And cheating isn't something you should want to do, or feel like you're missing out on. Cheating is cowardly and ... (read in full...)
Is there a lie I can make up to get myself out of this awkward situation or do I have to tell the truth?
Q. I recently meet a guy online and we've been on a few dates. I really like him and I see a future there and so does he. But I'm constantly sneaking behind my families back because I'm too ashamed to tell them I met someone online. I've met peo...
A. 22 May 2013: Just tell the truth. I mean how would it make your boyfriend feel if you had to lie about where you met him because it makes you so embarrassed? It would imply that you are also embarrassed about him, because he was also online after all. If you ... (read in full...)
Distressing personal comments from my Gf :( I have told her that these comments, or jokes, are making me insecure. How do I respond when she says it's just a joke?
Q. I have been dating my lovely girlfriend for 2 year now. We recently began having sex, both our first times. I am just above average in penis length according to many quoted sites. However she has made a few comments that have seriously den...
A. 22 May 2013: Lovely girlfriend you call her? She's not only rude, she's also right out mean and cruel.
You'd look "neater" if you got a cut? You know what, why don't you tell her to go out and find herself a "neat" penis then if she doesn't like yours? ... (read in full...)
I really love him but feel like running away. I can't cope with the fact that he had a daughter from a one night stand
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together since June 2012. He had a one night stand with a friend before we ever got together. Turns out she got pregnant. When she found out he he had denied being the father because she had slept with other guys too. ...
A. 22 May 2013: I think it is important that when you talk to your boyfriend about this, you make it clear that this isn't some form of punishment. You wouldn't leave him and the relationship to punish him. Usually, relationships end because the twp partners start ... (read in full...)
I really love him but feel like running away. I can't cope with the fact that he had a daughter from a one night stand
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together since June 2012. He had a one night stand with a friend before we ever got together. Turns out she got pregnant. When she found out he he had denied being the father because she had slept with other guys too. ...
A. 21 May 2013: Thank you for your follow up. I think, in this case, you have to make a very difficult decision, but it is also the adult decision. To end the relationship. Not because he did anything wrong, not because you did anything wrong or somehow failed. But ... (read in full...)
I really love him but feel like running away. I can't cope with the fact that he had a daughter from a one night stand
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together since June 2012. He had a one night stand with a friend before we ever got together. Turns out she got pregnant. When she found out he he had denied being the father because she had slept with other guys too. ...
A. 21 May 2013: What about it is it that bothers you so much? You don't say. You mention that you grew up having daddy issues. Please explain, what do you mean by that? And how is that relevant to this? Do you resent him for not being careful enough to use ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
|
![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
